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Alefiyah Nalwala
2103035175
21st November
ENG 101 - Section D
Tones of Grief and Hope
The essay titled, ‘The Fourth State Of Matter’ written by Jo Ann Beard narrates a
traumatizing event that changed her life in unexpected ways. Beard opens the essay by
describing the stress she faces in her life with her dog - collie - dying and her ex-husband;
by shedding light on the life she encounters at the office and her dear friendship with her
colleague ‘Chris’; by illustrating the scene of the shooting that occurred after she left the
office at the day of the event; and by emphasizing the whirlwind of emotions and shock
she feels on the night after as she sits sleeplessly staring at the stars wishing for hope. She
builds a contrast between her ‘old’ and ‘new’ life in order to showcase that the idea of
‘hope’ may not be beautiful and happy always but what helps move on from traumatising
events and the loss of a loved one. Beard creates a sympathetic and open relationship
with readers through her style of writing as she expresses her emotions, thoughts and
surroundings of the horrid event while still shedding light on hope for tomorrow.
Beard brings life to her thinking and writing with a variation of tones throughout
the essay keeping the reader on their toes whilst indulging their minds completely.
Beginning with strong and hopeful tones as she believes “can take almost anything at this
point” to showcasing the vulnerability and insecurity she feels as “leaping heart settles
back into its hole in my chest”. However, the problems surrounding her do not dim the
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spark she carries and is felt through her sarcastic tone in multiple areas, from her teasing
her relationship with the collie,“she is Pavlov and I am her dog” to disparaging her
husband,“you know he’s turning over a new leaf when he leaves the Rolling Stones
behind”. The strangest fighter is nuzzled between the lines in the form of words.
Additionally, she paints her thoughts of longing and annoyance of the circumstance when
she justifies her shock with “(you) hear it all the time but that doesn’t mean it makes
sense” and “never come back once they’re gone.”
When reading about events such as mass shootings, the piece is meant to make
the reader feel an array of emotions from sadness to subtle anger with sympathy for the
victim as well as their mourners. Beard imposes a unique writing style with use of short
sentences to express the spiral of emotions as she tries to sort her thoughts. The urgency
she portrays in her physical response as she “(I) can’t sit down, (I) can’t stand up, (I)can
only smoke” replicating the abundance of messy thoughts as they repeat “over and over.”
leaving her “(I’m) rattled; (I can’t) unable to calm down and figure this out” when she
“sacrifice(s) all of them except Chris and Bob”. The instinctual denial to accept and
process the situation is conveyed magnificently through the portrayal of her thoughts in
the piece when she seems to be muddled and shocked as she “(I) can’t remember what
anything means” or as she is “(I’m) still operating on yesterday’s facts; today (to her)
hasn’t jelled yet”. The dilemma of her situation after the chaos settles resonates to the
reader by the emphasis of words and phrases when she shows “how awful this (she) must
be. Awful. (He knows) how I felt about Chris. Past tense.”
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What makes this particular piece special with the ethos is the use of evidence from
the police investigation in the form of the letter written by the shooter, ‘Gang Lu’ in
“delicate Chinese characters all over a page” that was for his “beloved second elder
sister, I take my eternal leave of you”; and the description of the weapons used for the
harsh act, “a .38-calibre handgun and a .22-calibre revolver”. Moreover, throughout the
essay she uses scientific terminology as she describes her drawing “radiating chalk waves
of green” and the work of her colleagues as “scribbles and arrows and equations”. This
shows the impact of her work-life on her writing and the transparency of the effects.
Interestingly, Beard uses multiple perspectives to engrave the highlight of the
essay in the readers’ mind, the shooting itself. While talking about the event, she speaks
through ‘Gang Lu’s’ perspective as well as in the role of a third person. When speaking
in the shooter's perspective, she speaks in a commanding tone and style. Short sentences,
complete phrases and direct instructions as he “reload(s). Two more for Chris, one for
Linhua Shan. Exit the building, cross two streets and the green, into the second building
and up the stairs”, portraying the thinking of an utterly stubborn and trained mind.
Compared to the style used otherwise in the essay, Beard uses a detached tone of writing
to showcase the nature of emptiness in emotions that ‘Gang Lu’ seem to possess when he
commits to the act. The bloodshed has no effect as he reacts to “hit in the chest, hit in the
hand, still alive. Back up the stairs”; instead of viewing them as people, he sees them as
“elbows and legs, (people) trying to get out of the way and then out of the room”. Even
when he commits suicide at the end as he “checks his watch: twelve minutes since it
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began. Place(s) the barrel against his right temple. Fires”, commuting in a robotic manner
and instructing the control he desired.
The author adds an element of life and imagery to drive a picture through the
readers’ mind. She uses figurative language to communicate the surrounding similar to
how she speaks in tones and breaks to show navigation of her thoughts. The simple use of
personification when she describes the “milky way (is) a long smear on the sky” while
the “trees shiver” and becoming of “a moon with sulfur-spewing volcanoes” sketches a
rather vibrant image of the sky and draws the audience in her “boat through a dim,
complicated dream”. Likewise, she uses diction to describe not only the people around
her, but the relationship she holds with them for example when describing ‘Chris’ she
uses words like ‘hip’ and ‘lanky’ while ‘Bob’ is depicted as ‘stocky’ and ‘smelly’, her
words show the world through her eyes rather than painting an image which helps create
a honest and raw connection with the reader.
When reading the essay, the character of the ‘Gang Lu’ poses an excellent
example of the ‘lyncher inside us’ described by Stephen King in his essay, ‘why we crave
horror movies’. He emphasizes that we all have ‘levels of insanity’ created by our
emotions that drive on anger and animalistic drive, however, these “emotions don’t go
away, and they demand periodic exercise” so “as long as you keep the gators fed” every
now and then, we keep ourselves in-check. However, the shooter of Beard’s essay does
not portray the person looking for sanity but someone who has left “morbidity
unchained”, because he has not ‘fed the gators’ but aroused instead. ‘Gang Lu’ trains
himself to “hold(ing) the gun with both hands, arms straight out and steady; Clint
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Eastwood, only smarter” priding himself on his arrogance when calculating respect for
each workmate “and (the) verdict is clear: not enough.”
Overall, the essay brings a sense of hope, grief and fight into the readers through
the variety of tones, diction and symbolism. It provides a base to the sense of ‘plasma
pause’ felt by the author and anybody going through a similar situation “where (it feels as
if) the particles of dust stop spinning and hang motionless in deep space”. The journey of
the writer from before the event as a long “complicated dream” to the twist of fate as she
walked through the “double doors leading to the rest of my(her) life” to the “pocket of
silence” she finds herself in after, presents a turmoil of event and feelings to an ordinary
person from a fresh point of view while resembling the roller coaster we know all too
well. There is flesh and rawness in the piece that creates a sympathetic appeal in the
audience’s mind with honoring the victims whilst providing a power hand to the people
who have lost loved ones in mass shootings.