I knew it was her from half a block away. When my old friend moved through the crowd, I saw that
she had her phone pressed to her ear, and I felt a familiar tug of loss. She and I used to talk to each
other all the time — from our apartments and our tiny desks at our starter jobs, on noisy streets at
moments just like this. More than a decade had passed since those days, and I had no idea who had
taken my place on the other end of the telephone line. “Hello!” we cried out, and exchanged bighearted waves. Neither of us stopped walking.
We had met in high school in New York City and remained close during college, sending letters to
each other’s dorms and, over breaks, reuniting over dim sum on Pell Street or trawling the racks of
Canal Jeans. When we returned home after graduation, we made a two-headed unit, speaking in a
language of arcane in-jokes and serving as each other’s de facto plus-ones. We took our mothers on
double dates, trotted out our romantic interests for each other’s scrutiny, went on vacation together.
It was on one of our phone calls that our friendship came to its end — though it took me a few weeks
to understand that she was gone. We were chatting on our way to work when she told me she had to
take another call and she would ring me right back. And then she vanished. I left voice mail
messages and texts. I lamented to our mutual friends. I felt abandoned and bewildered.
Perhaps she offered no explanation because she had none. That she was no longer in the mood
should have been reason enough.
Friendships are fragile, and most are not built to last forever. Circumstances change, bonds diminish.
That she and I made it through the better part of a decade was a feat. In 1999 and 2000, the Dutch
sociologist Gerald Mollenhorst and his colleagues interviewed 1,007 people between the ages of 18
and 65 about the people they regularly talked to and spent time with. When they followed up seven
years later with many of the participants, only about half of the friendships were still going.
The rules governing romantic love are clearer. Except for the adventurous (or adulterous) few, we
carry out relationships in distinct succession, like beads on a string. We find a new partner and get
closer until one or both parties terminate the relationship to get on with finding “the one.”
The 16th-century French philosopher Michel de Montaigne believed friendship should operate
similarly, one companion at a time. For the “perfect friendship,” he wrote, “each one gives himself so
wholly to his friend that he has nothing left to distribute elsewhere.”
Friendship these days is more like polyamory. We start aligning with people in early childhood, and
our collections only grow. As we move through life we make friends for every occasion — college
friends, work friends, mom friends, climbing-gym friends, divorce friends. We are told to nurture old
relationships even — maybe especially — when new ones are formed, to “be there,” no matter how
busy, or uninterested, we find ourselves.
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But our social lives are never stagnant, and even bonds founded on that rare, deeply felt psychic
connection between two people, such as the one that sustained me in early adulthood, are bound to
fray. New romantic partners enter the picture, as do children, geographic relocations, unforeseeable
victories and catastrophes. Priorities tilt in new directions.
And new friends come along. We are wired to pursue friendship: In the company of our favorite
companions, studies have found, our brains release dopamine and oxytocin. The early stages of
friendship are their own romance; when my husband finds me bent over my phone, absorbed in a
finger-flurrying text exchange, the person on the other end is invariably a fascinating woman I am still
getting to know.
There are scandalous transgressions or betrayals that can kill a friendship. But more often, there’s no
accounting for a friendship’s demise. The atmosphere changes; a sense of duty creeps in.
Conversations that were once freewheeling shift into that less than enjoyable territory of “catching
up.” Soon you realize social media is the only thing keeping a no-longer-friendship on life support.
Thanks to the miracle of Instagram, I am aware that my old friend has a gorgeous family and remains
a passionate cook and taker of selfies. What doesn’t come through on my feed is the vulnerable look
that would spring to her eyes when we would link arms and walk through the city late at night, or the
sound of her laughter when we spent Sunday afternoons eating malodorous cheeses and watching
“Seinfeld” reruns. Those are things I’ll never get back.
My old friend eventually reached out to me, several months after she had disappeared. She said she
did not know why she needed space, but she did, and she was sorry. I told her that it had been
painful but I understood. We saw each other a few times after that, but it was different; we had come
apart.
Out of respect for friendship’s sanctity, when the magic dims, the best thing to do is let go. When I
last saw my old friend, on that crowded street, I did not want a two-minute update or exchange of
empty promises about “getting together soon.” Our glorious history, and the young women we used
to be, deserved more than that. Breezing past each other had been more of an instinct than a
decision, but it was the only way to honor our friendship, may it rest in peace.
(Lauren Mechling is the author of the forthcoming novel “How Could She.”)
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COMPREHENSION
ANSWER:
1- What do you think the illustration suggests about ending a friendship?
2- Which expression does the writer use to say she experienced an awkward feeling when she
spotted her former friend in the street? What did she mean by this?
3- What details does the writer provide to characterize their friendship as solid?
4- How did that relationship come to an end?
5- Which justifications does the writer find at first?
6- Which simile (comparison) does the writer use to refer to our constant pursuit of friendship?
7- In what ways does the writer claim friendship is like polyamory nowadays?
8- Which impediments does the author present as reasons for ending a relationship?
9- According to the writer, what is the social media responsible for?
10- What conclusion is reached in the end?
VOCABULARY
CHOOSE THE BEST OPTION:
1- “Hello!” we cried out, and exchanged big-hearted waves. Neither of us stopped walking.
A- very distant and faked
B- very kind and generous
C- very cold and formal
2- When we returned home after graduation, we made a two-headed unit, speaking in a language of
arcane in-jokes and serving as each other’s de facto plus-ones.
A- secret
B- popular
C- vulgar
3- I felt abandoned and bewildered.
A- completely alone
B- totally sympathetic
C- totally confused
4- But our social lives are never stagnant, and even bonds…
A- not changing, developing, or making progress B- changing, developing, and making progress
5- …and even bonds founded on that rare, deeply felt psychic connection between two people, such
as the one that sustained me in early adulthood, are bound to fray.
A- impossible to
B- very unlikely to
C- are very likely to
A- wear away
B- reunite
C- reverse
6- Priorities tilt in new directions.
A- be static
B- change
C- refuse to go
7- But more often, there’s no accounting for a friendship’s demise.
A- explanation
A- end
B- history
B- tragic death
C- chronicle
C- beginning
8- Breezing past each other had been more of an instinct than a decision, but it was the only way to
honor our friendship, may it rest in peace.
A- walking casually past each other
B- walking quickly past each other
C- both A & B
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LANGUAGE AND GRAMMAR 1
1- Look at the following excerpts attentively
a- ““Hello!” we cried out, and exchanged big-hearted waves. Neither of us stopped walking.”
- How many people does “neither” refer to?
b- “Few paramilitaries have any intention of surrendering all their assets to the state, and none want
to spend up to eight years in a high security prison.”
- How many people does “none” refer to?
2- Read and remember!
3- Read and choose the correct option
abcd-
None of these instruments has/have yet been allowed to show its full potential.
Neither of the trade marks has/have any immediate meaning for consumers.
Neither is/are very secure, but shared key authentication is the least secure of the two.
Neither of these two rights is/are exercised by the disabled unless they are given the right
language.
e- However, none of those officers has/have been charged with crimes.
f- It goes without saying that none of the three is/are fully realized.
4- Read and remember!
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LANGUAGE AND GRAMMAR 2
1- Look at the following excerpts from the text.
abcd-
“It was on one of our phone calls that our friendship came to its end.”
“… though it took me a few weeks to understand that she was gone.”
“We saw each other a few times after that, but it was different…”
“Breezing past each other had been more of an instinct than a decision, but it was the only way to
honor our friendship, may it rest in peace.”
-
In which case/s is the pronoun IT used for anaphoric references? Which are the referents?
In which case/s is the pronoun IT used to refer to how long an activity elapses?
In which case/s is the pronoun IT used to highlight some specific information in the sentence?
2- Explore the following excerpts.
abcde-
It is raining.
It is snowing on the mountains.
It is Sunday today.
‘What is the time now?’ ‘It is 5 o’clock.’
It is always cloudy on the hills.
- Does the pronoun IT refer to any subject in particular?
3- Read and remember
THE IMPERSONAL IT
4- Read the examples below and underline the parts of the sentences that have been fronted.
a- It’s good that she’s doing more exercise.
(or more formally: That she’s doing more exercise is good.)
b- It was nice to talk with them again.
(or more formally: To talk with them again was nice.)
c- It’s quite likely that we shall be late, so please do start without us.
d- I find it amazing that they’ve never stopped arguing about football.
e- I find it surprising to see so many people here.
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