Imposters Known as “Unit
Staff”
Intel Brief by 1/C MIDN
Overview
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We are unaware of this groups intentions
We first became aware of this group when our MOI was replaced by an
imposter who didn’t even look like Captain Rod
This imposter claimed to have gone to a “good university” but we couldn’t find
find this “Auburn University” on any top 500 ranking
The one that calls himself XO seems to be the leader of this cell, and believes
himself, possibly due to a split personality disorder, to be a stand up
comedian and airline pilot
More detail on each of these individuals will be given in this presentation
Person of Interest: Daniel Tabor, codename “Gunny”
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This individual operates at approximately a 1st to 3rd
grade spelling level
Autocorrect is perpetually confused by his codes
He is not considered a threat
Most likely to make you shine a door handle
Thinks bleaching floor weekly builds warfighting
machines by keeping safe from covid
Person of Interest: Andrew Dyer, codename “Enigma”
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Seems to be the group’s
cryptologist
His extensive social media
presence in the early 2010s is
littered with codes and
undecipherable phrases
Down bad?
Person of Interest: Victor Nguyen, codename “federal prison”
Sent here after failed infiltration by LT Larson
Ended up in Ann Arbor due to a clerical error
Really misses going to bars in downtown Annapolis
Won’t stop talking to MIDN Luke about bars in downtown Annapolis
He seems to have inherited LT Larson’s penchant for speaking softly, big
stick remains to be seen
Hasn’t aged since plebe year?
Successfully brought himself into Ops inner circle
May have simply looked up McGarvy’s on Yelp
Person of Interest: Alexis Kantaris, codename “lexkk218”
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Likes to have last word at all battalion events
Higher count of soap box speeches than CO
and XO combined
More voice cracks than a prepubescent boy
Infiltrated MOI in the day; Yoga guru at night
Graduate from ‘bama’s little brother
Fake degree from a place called “Auburn
University”
Did
Person of Interest: Steven Vitug, codename “Ranch Guzzler”
Person of Interest: Bryant Nunn, codename “dad”
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Split personality disorder, believes himself to be
both a standup comedian and an airline pilot
APPROACH WITH CAUTION
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Coffee powered Popeye
Can lift you
Real Estate License a cover for underground
base of operations
Person of Interest: Scott Bunnay, codename “Sadboi”
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Went on a student exchange to europe once and wont
stop talking about it
Unconvincing replacement for Capt Getz cuz he actually
knows my name
Unable to keep track of time while speaking
Biiiig tailgate guy
“There’s the awareness piece” with the hand motion
Person of Interest: Cynthia Mannery, codename “Ms. 4”
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Seems to be group’s undercover artist, as seen by multiple aliases
19:06 on a Sunday?
Directions unclear
Person of Interest: Cynthia Mannery, codename “Ms. 4”
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Has ultimate control over our tuition, but some of us would not know that
because we cannot read.
19:06 on a Sunday?
Victor Nguyen
Columbus, OH
Movements and Habits
0100 EST
SCOTT BUNNAY
IN THE OFFICE TILL 6PM
DOING WHO KNOWS WHAT
Ms. 4 cannot be found due to a four hour
smoke break
BRYANT NUNN
ASHLEYS BAR STAND UP
COMEDY NIGHT
STEVEN VITUG
BUYING RANCH
DANIEL TABOR
ENGLISH AS A
SECOND
LANGUAGE
(ESL) CENTER
AND CATCHING
PIDGEYS
ALEXIS KANTARIS
?????????
Sources
Colin Powell at the UN in 2003
The Onion
Bill Clinton in 1998
I made it up
The homeless dudes in liberty plaza
The ghost of Mao Zedong
And other reliable sources of information