Example of good introduction
Text 1a is an extract from “Billy”, a biography of Billy Connolly, written by Pamela
Stephenson in 2001. Text 1b is an extract from the play “Comedians”, by Trevor Griffiths in
1976. The speakers in both texts are quite different: in text 1a is narrated in from the
omniscient point of view of a third person, and text 1b has three different speakers who
interact with each other. The audience for both texts is also different, because text 1a is very
specific to the genre of comedians and would attract fans of Billy Connolly (a comedian_ or
people who seek inspiration. Text 1b, however, is more accessible to a larger audience and
would be read by both knowers of the genre and newcomers. The situation in both texts is
quite similar, as in both texts the speakers debate or explain what the advantages of
authentic jokes are. The common theme to both texts is taking risks in the pursuit of
authenticity and perfection, which is demonstrated through the use of comedy as an
example.
To improve:
 Comma errors throughout and a few extra words
 In need of a thesis statement/preview statement
Example of good analysis – Syntax
The opposing stylistic features underline the different emotions during such tough
physical circumstances. First of all regarding the syntax, 3a uses rather short sentences while
in 2b the syntax is complex. The short sentences in 2a “The thirst became unbearable”, “My
mouth was dry and I swallowed”, underline the overflow of emotions that the character is
experiencing first-hand. Affected by the circumstances, he is unable to process them
completely and thus writes in short sentences, similar to a list. 2b, on the other hand, uses
long sentences, as they are filled with detailed descriptions and visuals. Thus while the short
syntax in 2a shows how the individual is overwhelmed by the situation, the complex syntax
in 2b represents the objective approach of the situation by the characters.
To improve:
 Topic sentence to be about “syntax” and not “stylistic features”
 Example for 2b needed
 Finish final sentence with more analysis (… “and their desire to continue/persevere”) –
link 2b back to the theme even more.