Life Changing Bars by Chyanne Kitson Submission date: 13-Sep-2019 03:20PM (UTC-0500) Submission ID: 1172291315 File name: Autobiography_Essay.docx (868.86K) Word count: 2238 Character count: 9240 C/S Good Intro Proofread Frag. Verb tense consistency Proofread Good details Good Transition Good points Good points Good Transition Good points Cap. Error Good details Good description Proofread Plural Frag. Missing "," Good points Good description Run-on That must have been really difficult since you were just hitting your stride. Good details Commonly Confused Good details Run-on Good points Good Transition Nice Conclusion Life Changing Bars ORIGINALITY REPORT 1 % SIMILARITY INDEX 0% 1% 0% INTERNET SOURCES PUBLICATIONS STUDENT PAPERS PRIMARY SOURCES 1 "The Norton Anthology of American Literature (Ninth International Student Edition)", W. W. Norton & Company Publication Exclude quotes Off Exclude bibliography Off Exclude matches Off 1% Life Changing Bars GRADEMARK REPORT FINAL GRADE GENERAL COMMENTS 12 Instructor Chyanne, /15 Thank you for sharing this story; I really appreciate the images, too. You sure have come a long way and your story could have ended so differently. You should be really proud of yourself. You do a nice job of focusing on your rehabilitation and the goals you set for yourself. You also focus on who you are today because of the experience and what you hope to get out of the future. The essay came together nicely, but you will want to make sure that you spend sufficient time proofreading your work, too. You have really good details and ideas here, but there are also a number of mistakes that distract the reader and cost you points. Please carefully review my comments and Grademarks throughout. PAGE 1 QM C/S Comma splice: A sentence must have both a subject and a main verb in order to be complete, but it cannot have more than one subject or main verb. A comma splice is a variety of run-on sentence that occurs when two complete sentences, each with its own subject and verb, are joined mistakenly by a comma. There are generally three methods of correcting this problem: 1) Replace the comma with a stronger mark of punctuation such as a period or semicolon, 2) use a coordinating conjunction ("and," "but," "or," "nor") to join the two constructions, or 3) make one of the two sentences a dependent construction by linking it to the other with a subordinating conjunction ("if," "when," "so that," "although," "because") or relative pronoun ("that," "which," "who," "whom," "whose"). QM Good Intro Solid introduction with engaging opener and strong thesis statement. QM Proofread QM Frag. Fragment: A sentence fragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such fragments become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. The most common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) for a main verb, as in the following sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare from dusk to dawn." Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks. Frag. This sentence may be a fragment or may have incorrect punctuation. Proofread the sentence to be sure that it has correct punctuation and that it has an independent clause with a complete subject and predicate. Missing "," QM Review the rules for using punctuation marks. Verb tense consistency Remember to keep your verb tenses consistent. If you choose to tell the story in the present tense, then you need to stay in the present tense. Be careful not to put the reader in a time machine. QM Proofread QM Good details Confused You have used either an imprecise word or an incorrect word. Verb This verb may be incorrect. Proofread the sentence to make sure you have used the correct form of the verb. PAGE 2 Coord. Conjunction Frag. Review the rules for combining sentences. This sentence may be a fragment or may have incorrect punctuation. Proofread the sentence to be sure that it has correct punctuation and that it has an independent clause with a complete subject and predicate. QM Good Transition Good transition Run-on This sentence may be a run-on sentence. S/V This subject and verb may not agree. Proofread the sentence to make sure the subject agrees with the verb. Coord. Conjunction QM Review the rules for combining sentences. Good points Good points Run-on This sentence may be a run-on sentence. Coord. Conjunction QM Review the rules for combining sentences. Good points Good points Coord. Conjunction QM Review the rules for combining sentences. Good Transition Good transition PAGE 3 QM Good points Good points QM Cap. Error Capitalization Confused You have used either an imprecise word or an incorrect word. Proofread This part of the sentence contains an error or misspelling that makes your meaning unclear. Possessive Review the rules for possessive nouns. Possessive Review the rules for possessive nouns. QM Good details Missing "," Run-on Review the rules for using punctuation marks. This sentence may be a run-on sentence. Confused You have used either an imprecise word or an incorrect word. Verb This verb may be incorrect. Proofread the sentence to make sure you have used the correct form of the verb. QM Good description Article Error Missing "," Prep. You have used either an imprecise word or an incorrect word. Proofread Missing "," QM Review the rules for using punctuation marks. You may be using the wrong preposition. Confused QM You may need to use an article before this word. Review the rules for using punctuation marks. Plural Either this noun needs to be plural or you have pluralized it unnecessarily. PAGE 4 QM Frag. Fragment: A sentence fragment is a phrase or clause that is in some way incomplete. Such fragments become problematic when they attempt to stand alone as a complete sentence. The most common version of this mistake occurs when a writer mistakes a gerund (a verb that acts like a noun) for a main verb, as in the following sentence: "In bed reading Shakespeare from dusk to dawn." QM Missing "," Missing comma: Though it may not always be grammatically necessary, a comma can often help to prevent a misreading. When a sentence opens with an introductory element (a phrase, clause or word that is logically related to another phrase or clause in the same sentence), it is a great help to your reader to place a comma after that introductory element. Such phrases will often begin with words like "because," "while" or "although," as in the following example: "While everyone was fighting, the bear wandered away." As you can see, without the comma, the sentence would be confusing. Confused QM You have used either an imprecise word or an incorrect word. Good points Good points QM Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks. Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks. Good description Pronoun Sp. QM This pronoun may be incorrect. This word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proofread your work. Run-on Run-on sentence: The sentence contains two or more independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a period or semicolon. Confused Negation You have used either an imprecise word or an incorrect word. Your sentence contains an incorrect use of a double negative. Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks. PAGE 5 Text Comment. Confused That must have been really difficult since you were just hitting your stride. You have used either an imprecise word or an incorrect word. Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks. QM Missing "," Review the rules for using punctuation marks. Possessive Review the rules for possessive nouns. Good details Missing "," Sp. Review the rules for using punctuation marks. This word is misspelled. Use a dictionary or spellchecker when you proofread your work. Verb This verb may be incorrect. Proofread the sentence to make sure you have used the correct form of the verb. QM Commonly Confused Commonly Confused Words: Words that have similar sounds but different meanings often cause trouble for student writers. Please watch for such confusions in your writing. Some of the more common of these common confusions include: Accept (to receive) and except (to leave out) Affect (toinfluence) and effect (result or to accomplish) Allusion (an indirect reference) and illusion (a false perception) Its (possessive form of "it") and it's (contraction of "it is") Their (possessive form of "they"), there (indication of location, and they're (contraction of "they are") Then (next or at that time) and than (used in comparisons) To (toward), too (also or excessively) , and two (number) Your (possessive form of "you") and you're (contraction of "you are") Missing "," QM Review the rules for using punctuation marks. Good details Run-on This sentence may be a run-on sentence. S/V This subject and verb may not agree. Proofread the sentence to make sure the subject agrees with the verb. PAGE 6 QM Run-on Run-on sentence: The sentence contains two or more independent clauses. Separate the clauses with a period or semicolon. Verb This verb may be incorrect. Proofread the sentence to make sure you have used the correct form of the verb. Negation QM Your sentence contains an incorrect use of a double negative. Good points Good points Possessive Run-on This sentence may be a run-on sentence. PAGE 7 QM Good Transition Good transition Coord. Conjunction Missing "," QM Review the rules for combining sentences. Review the rules for using punctuation marks. Nice Conclusion Nice conclusion. You do a good job of motivating the reader and addressing the "So What?" question. RUBRIC: WARFIELD RUBRIC IDEAS/CONTENT Scale 1 SCALE 1 Purpose and main ideas: clear, focused and interesting Supporting details: • Relevant, carefully selected details • Makes connections and shares insights SCALE 2 Purpose and main ideas: clear and focused Supporting details: • General or limited in places • Some connections and insights are present SCALE 3 Purpose and main ideas: overly broad or simplistic Supporting details: • Limited, off-topic, predictable or too general • Connections and insights are missing SCALE 4 Purpose and main ideas: unclear and require inferences by reader Supporting details: • Minimal development; insufficient details • Irrelevant details • Extensive repetition ORGANIZATION Scale 1 SCALE 1 Order and structure are strong and move the reader through the text. • Effective sequencing and paragraph breaks • Introduction: inviting beginning that draws the reader in • Conclusion: Satisfying sense of resolution or closure • Smooth, effective transitions among all elements (sentences, paragraphs, ideas). SCALE 2 Organization is clear; order and structure are present. • Clear sequencing and paragraph breaks; organization is predictable. • Introduction: recognizable, developed • Conclusion: developed • A variety of transitions used. • Details that fit where placed. SCALE 3 Overall structure is inconsistent or skeletal. • Some sequencing and paragraphs breaks; order of ideas may be unclear. • Introduction: too short, obvious or ineffective (e.g., “My topic is…”). • Conclusion: too short, obvious or ineffective. • Transitions are infrequent, ineffective or repetitive. • Placement of details is not always effective. SCALE 4 Organizational structure is unclear and difficult to follow, or too short to demonstrate organization. • Paragraph breaks are missing. • Introduction: missing or underdeveloped • Conclusion: missing or underdeveloped • Transitions are missing • Details are randomly placed, leaving the reader confused. WORD CHOICE Scale 2 SCALE 1 Employs a broad range of words, which have been carefully chosen and thoughtfully placed for impact. • Accurate, specific words; word choices energize the writing. • Fresh, vivid expression; slang, if used, seems purposeful and is effective. • Words and phrases are striking and varied, but are natural and not overdone. • Words that evoke clear images; figurative language, if used, enhances the message. SCALE 2 Employs a variety of words that are functional and appropriate to audience and purpose. • Expression that is accurate and effective. • Words and phrases are natural. • Descriptive, figurative, or technical language, if used, is appropriate and effective. SCALE 3 Does not employ a variety of words, producing a “generic” paper filled with familiar words and phrases. Language lacks precision and variety, or is inappropriate to audience and purpose. • Expression is ordinary or general; slang, if used, is not purposeful or effective. • Words and phrases are often forced or misused. • Reliance on clichés. SCALE 4 SENTENCE/FLOW Language is repetitive and/or misused, taking away from the meaning and impact. • General, vague words. • Extremely limited range of words. • Words do not fit the text: imprecise, inadequate, or wrong. • Text is too short to show variety. Scale 2 SCALE 1 Writing has an easy flow and rhythm. Sentences are carefully crafted, with strong and varied structure. • Sentence beginnings: sentences begin in different ways, adding interest. • Sentence lengths: a variety of lengths that add interest. • Sentence patterns: a variety of complex patterns that add interest. • Stylistic control: dialogue, if used, sounds natural. SCALE 2 Writing is easy to read aloud; sounds natural; variety of sentence beginnings, lengths and patterns. • Sentence beginnings: most sentences begin in different ways. Some repetition detracts from overall impact. • Sentence lengths: some sentences are shorter; some are longer. Some repetition detracts from overall impact. • Sentence patterns: somewhat varied. Some control over more complex sentences. • Dialogue: if used, most sounds natural. SCALE 3 Some parts are easy to read aloud; occasional awkward constructions force the reader to slow down. • Sentence beginnings: many sentences begin the same way. • Sentence lengths: many sentences are the same length. • Sentence patterns: many are the same. Little control over more complex sentences. • Dialogue: does not sound natural. SCALE 4 Writing tends to either be choppy, rambling or incomplete. Awkward constructions force the reader to slow down or reread. • Sentence beginnings: begin the same way. • Sentence lengths: same lengths-either short and choppy or long and rambling. • Sentence patterns: repeated over and over. (e.g., subject-verb or subject-verb-object). • Sentence structure that obscures meaning. • Confusing word order. • Text is too short to demonstrate variety and control. CONVENTIONS Scale 2 SCALE 1 Strong control of conventions; uses conventions effectively to enhance readability. Errors are few and minor. • Correct grammar and usage that contribute to clarity and style. • Skill in using a wide range of conventions. • Little need for editing. SCALE 2 Control of conventions. Minor errors do not impede readability. • Control over conventions used, although a wide range is not demonstrated. • Correct end-of-sentence punctuation; internal punctuation is sometimes incorrect. • Moderate need for editing. SCALE 3 Limited control of conventions. Errors begin to impede readability. • Some control over basic conventions; text is too simple or too short to reveal proficiency. • End-of-sentence punctuation is usually correct; however, internal punctuation contains frequent errors. • Spelling errors that distract the reader. • Capitalization errors. • Significant need for editing. SCALE 4 Little control of conventions. Frequent errors impede readability. • Many end-of-sentence punctuation errors; internal punctuation contains frequent errors. • Spelling errors frequently distract the reader; misspelling of common words often occurs. • Capitalization that is inconsistent or often incorrect. • Extensive need for editing.
