Running head: MFT627/SIGNATURE ASSIGNMENT
Signature Assignment
Rafael Sauer
Edith Neumann School of School of Health and Human Services
MFT 627: Studies in Human Communication
Dr. Jennifer Hayes
Summer Semester I 2021
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Thesis Statement
This paper will discuss the case of David, Kathleen, and Michelle and their
communication. First this writer will explain the process of communication which is being used
and how it creates miscommunication between family members. This writer will focus on the
development of the family communication style and their present emotional communication
style. Reflective listening and how it can improve communication and relationships will be
explored. This writer will then discuss how to build trust within the family system. The
nonverbal communication of this family will be examined and how it may have affected the
communication. This writer will conclude with ways to enhance the communication of the
family and improve their relationships.
Introduction
Kathleen, who is married to David, made an appointment with Dr. McGoldrick to discuss
Michelle’s (David’s daughter) behavior. Michelle had been acting out in school and is constantly
upset (McGoldrick, 1996). During the first session, David tells Dr. McGoldrick that he feels
Michelle is angry and hostile. Kathleen agrees, as she feels there is a lot of tension in the house.
Michelle does not think that she is causing trouble in school but does express that she is angry
about the lack of attention she is getting from her family (McGoldrick, 1996).
Process of Communication
Petrie (2011) writes “as human beings we are sophisticated in our communications, using
our faces, bodies and voices for sending messages to other people” (p. 18). Individuals are
constantly trying to send messages, letting others know their needs and wants. When a message
is sent and received, communication has occurred (Petrie, 2011). Pavord and Donnelly (2015)
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explain that communication does not just take place when we are face to face with other people,
rather “they take place on many different levels, and we use a variety of different methods and
many modes of delivery in getting our message across” (p. 4). Pavord and Donnelly (2015) quote
from Wood (2004) that communication is “a process in which individuals interact with and
through symbols to create and interpret meaning” (p. 4).
Fujishin (2016) explains that the process of communication has many components. There
is the source of the message and the actual message that is being sent. The transmitter encodes
the message into verbal and nonverbal cues that will enhance the meaning of the message. For
communication to occur, there must be a receiver who decodes the message to give it meaning.
The receiver now becomes the source and encodes a return message (Fujishin, 2016). Pavord and
Donnelly (2015) write that noise that occurs during the communication process will thwart the
correct meaning of the sent message.
Pavord and Donnelly (2015) explain that communication takes place as a two-way
process, as messages are being sent back and forth. This transactional model of communication
theorizes that when individuals communicate, they are continuously sending and receiving
messages (Fujishin, 2016). The communication is happening systemically and the meaning to the
shared messages is influenced by the context, setting, and participants (Fujishin, 2016) In the
transactional model, multiple channels are being used when communicating.
David, Kathleen, and Michelle are using multiple channels to communicate with each
other. From verbal to nonverbal cues, the messages that are being sent back and forth are
attempting to communicate that the family members are in pain. Although David is not yet aware
of his feelings of loss and grief, the message he is sending to the other family members is that he
fears emotions and is attempting to run away from them. Kathleen is communicating
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exasperation and frustration with Michelle through facial expressions and tone of voice. She is
encoding her message through multiple channels to send this message to Michelle.
Crandall et al. (2020) write that “Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs uses an ecological
approach to examining the needs of individuals” (p. 274). The basic needs of an individual must
be met before the individual is able to attain self-actualization and transcendence. When
individuals are not able to communicate their needs and have their needs met, it can be a
predictor of depression (Crandall et al., 2020). Michelle is communicating sadness and grief
through acting remote and upset. This is the message that she is attempting to send to her family.
She encoded the message in acting upset. Her need of love/belonging are not being met since the
death of her mother. David and Kathleen are decoding Michelle’s message as an attempt to
disrupt the current family system, as the noise of Michelle’s behavior is not allowing the correct
meaning of the message to get through.
Miscommunication
David, Kathleen, and Michelle are not connecting with each other when communicating.
They are communicating in a monological dialogue. Seikkula et al. (2012) explains that
communicating through monologue will not help the individual understand the other person’s
point of view. Olson et al. (2012) write that when individuals engage in monological dialogue
the communication is usually “static, hierarchical, and closed” (p. 423) creating a lack of new
meaning and connection. Seikkula and Trimble (2005) posit that when monologue is used, one
individual dominates the conversation and does not allow the viewpoint of another to be heard.
David and Kathleen are effectively shutting down Michelle’s voice, as they are not engaging in
dialogue. When individuals engage in monological dialogue it can lead to feelings of loneliness
and isolation in relationships (Kleiner-Paz, 2015).
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Dialogue is when every individual is engaged with the other and responds based on the
previous utterances and allows others to build upon what was said (Seikkula et al., 2012).
Dialogue helps every individual understand each other and will facilitate support and
understanding (Kleiner-Paz, 2015). Olson et al. (2012) explain that when one embraces dialogue
there is a polyphony as it gives room for many voices to be heard. Michelle is attempting to be
heard and understood, while David and Kathleen are not allowing the polyphony of voices to be
heard. Seikkula and Trimble (2005) write that when one engages in dialogue, new and shared
meaning is created. Feelings of connection and understanding are created. David, Kathleen, and
Michelle’s inability to use dialogue is a primary reason for the miscommunication that is
happening between them.
Development of Communication Style
The development of communication begins in infancy, as the infant attempts to
communicate through reflexive responses (Buckler & Buckler, 2003). Almost from birth, the
infant engages in dyadic exchanges, as the mother and child will “exchange facial, postural, and
vocal expressions in the face-to-face context” (Aureli et al., 2017, p. 2). Responding to the infant
reinforces in the infant that communication is an effective way of getting their needs met. This
helps the development of communication in the child, as the child is motivated to communicate
(Buckler & Buckler, 2003). Barish (2018) explains that when parents communicate to their
children that their emotions are recognized and validated, the child begins to “feel known and
understood” (p. 236). This helps the child value communication and strive to become an
effective communicator. Aydin (2016) in her study showed that children with normal
development have enhanced communication skills. When parents recognize deficiencies in the
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child’s communication development at a young age, intervene, and teach the child better
communication skills, it can facilitate normal development.
Petrie (2011) writes that from childhood, parents can show their children that
communication is a two-way process, as each individual in the communication process is a
sender and receiver of the messages. When parents do not listen to their children, it inhibits the
development of dialogical and healthy communication in the child. Michelle does not feel heard,
and the family is communicating in a monological way. It is possible that David did not build a
rapport that enables Michelle to effectively communicate with him. Kathleen is uncomfortable
discussing her family of origin. Kathleen is not in contact with her half-brother Matthew
(McGoldrick, 1996). It is possible to speculate that Kathleen did not learn effective and healthy
communication skills within her family system. When families do not employ healthy
communication, it may hinder the child’s development and ability to successfully communicate.
Emotional Communication Style
“Emotions are signals that are meant to be perceived” (Barish, 2009, p. 12) and
communicate “to others and to ourselves that something is right or that something is wrong”
(Barish, 2009, p. 12). Through emotions, an individual can communicate their inner feelings.
Michelle is communicating sadness. Barish (2009) explains that sadness is an emotion that is
activated when the individual goes through the loss of somebody or something. The adaptive
function of sadness helps the individual maintain the values of those close to them. Michelle is
attempting to communicate through sadness the immense loss that she suffered and the desire to
keep the memories of her mother alive.
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David is communicating in an incongruent way. Satir explains that individuals will often
communicate like computers as they are attempting to mask their inner feelings and hiding their
vulnerabilities (Bloch, 2006). David is attempting to hide his emotions when communicating
with the therapist as his affect is flat, and the message he is sending does not represent what he is
feeling. Lee (2002) posits that one that communicates congruently enables the receiver of the
message to accept the message without contradictions. When incongruent communication is sent,
the receiver generally accepts the nonverbal communication as the bona fide message (Pipas &
Jaradat, 2010).
Bartsch and Hubner (2005) explain that “emotional communication is conceptualized as a
process of mutual influence between the emotions of communication partners” (p. 2). Kathleen,
David, and Michelle are embracing emotional communication as a way of influencing each
other. Goldberg (2000) writes that “Basic Emotional Communication” (BEC) is a dialogue that is
created within relationships that enable the many individuals to connect to each other and
enhance their relational communication. BEC helps “create a climate in which the needs and
desires of each partner are both heard and responded to” (Goldberg, 2000, p. 63). David and
Kathleen are communicating to each other support and compassion, but towards Michelle the
emotional communication is of not fitting into the system. Kathleen was communicating
irritation and frustration with Michelle, but when talking about her new baby, she and David
express feelings of warmth and contentment.
Listening
When an individual embraces active listening they can connect and fully comprehend the
message that is being sent from the transmitter (Motschnig & Nykl, 2014). Active listening
enables the transmitter to be open, honest, and communicate congruently (Motschnig & Nykl,
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2014). David and Kathleen are not listening to Michelle. David is constantly attempting to direct
the conversation towards the assumed presenting issue, even though Michelle is attempting to
communicate that she does not feel the assumed presenting issue is a problem. Motschnig and
Nykl (2014) posit that only when an individual is accessing their inner self will it be possible to
become immersed in the world of the transmitter. The listener will be able to fully comprehend
the message and not listen through their own filter and lens.
Jones (2011) explains that when one is attempting to show support through listening, the
listener must validate and acknowledge the speaker. The listener must focus on the feelings and
emotions of the speaker and encourage the speaker to expound on their distressing feelings.
Nonverbal cues can also relay to the speaker support and express care (Jones, 2011). McGuire
(2001) writes that making eye contact, smiling, and nodding, communicates to the speaker that
the listener is engaged and interested. David, Kathleen, and Michelle are having a hard time
listening and supporting each other as they are not connecting to each other’s emotions.
When individuals are not trusting of others and the relationship is undefined, it is a
barrier to active listening (Motschnig & Nykl, 2014). During confrontation, the ability to be an
active and supportive listener is greatly diminished (Motschnig & Nykl, 2014). The family in the
video does not trust each other and the family system is still vague. Michelle did not yet mourn
the loss of her mother and is not willing to accept Kathleen as a stepmother. David did not yet
mourn the loss of his wife and jumped into a new marriage, attempting to put the loss in the past.
These current dynamics are barriers to active listening and validating the speaker. When
individuals become preoccupied with their own worries and thoughts, it creates an impediment to
active listening (McGuire, 2001). Kathleen has many worries about joining the family and fitting
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in. Her own preoccupation with her individual worries is creating barriers for her to be an active
listener.
McNaughton and Vostal (2010) write that employing “the LAFF don’t CRY” (p. 252)
strategy helps individuals successfully use their active listening skills. The individual must Listen
and empathize, Ask questions, Focus on the key issues, and “Find a first step” (p. 252). The
listener should not Criticize, React without thinking, and “Yakety-yak-yak” (p. 252). If David
and Kathleen would employ effective listening skills, Michelle would have felt understood and
heard.
Trust
Michelle does not trust that David and Kathleen are looking out for her, and David and
Kathleen have no trust in Michelle’s decisions and group of friends. Presently, their trust level
with each other is extremely low. On a scale of 1-10, their level of trust is around 3. Before
beginning to create a greater sense of trust within the family system, the therapist must establish
a strong therapeutic alliance with the family. Only when the family trusts and feels connected to
the therapist will they be open to suggestions of change and growth (Glick et al., 2015). Norcross
(2011) explains that when the therapist repairs ruptures with the client it can facilitate trust
between the therapist and client. David interrupted Dr. McGoldrick asking if it is necessary to
find out so much information about the family history. He felt that time was being wasted. Dr.
McGoldrick very calmy explained why she felt it was necessary to get so specific about the
history of the family. This was a conflict resolution that began to build trust between the family
and the therapist. Norcross (2011) discusses the importance of instilling hope as this will lead to
the building of the therapeutic alliance. Once the alliance is strong, the therapist will be able to
promote trust within the family relationship.
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Glisson (2019) posits that trust-building within a system can be accomplished through
dialogue and listening to each other. This will help the many individuals understand each other
and recognize the struggles that every individual in the system is experiencing. Nicholson et al.
(2001) explain that trust is built upon the “expression of confidence” (p. 4) that every individual
in the system has for one another. Also needed for the construction of trust is the belief that each
member will not “exploit the other’s vulnerability” (p. 4) and the willingness to rely on one
another. When the various members of the system have a liking for one another, it is a major
component that helps create trust (Nicholson et al., 2001). Helping Michelle feel connected to
the family system will facilitate the building of trust between Michelle and David and Kathleen.
Communication and honest dialogue will assist with trust building between the family members.
Nonverbal Communication
Hall and Knapp (2013) posit that nonverbal communication includes all “informative
behaviors that are not purely linguistic in content” (p. 6). Nonverbal communication can include
visible cues such as “facial expressions, head movements, posture, body and hand movements,
self and other-touching, leg positions and movements, interpersonal gaze, directness of
interpersonal orientation, interpersonal distance, and synchrony or mimicry between people”
(Hall & Knapp, 2013, p. 6). Nonverbal communication communicates the inner feelings and the
attitude of the individual (Grzybowski et al., 1992). At the start of the session, Michelle is
twiddling her fingers, communicating that she does not want to be there. When David begins
talking, Michelle smirks and keeps on shaking her head. She has her eyes closed, and her posture
is slouched. She is attempting to convey to the others in the room that she is not agreeing with
what her father is saying.
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When Michelle talks, she constantly looks down and shrugs her shoulders. Guerrero and
Floyd (2006) write that some nonverbal cues attempt to communicate withdrawal/lack of
involvement. Nonverbal cues can reveal the individual’s relational and emotional involvement
(Jones, 2011). When the individual attempts to communicate involvement, it can be expressed
through “expressivity, altercentrism, conversation management, composure, and positive affect”
(Jones, 2011, p. 88). Michelle was using nonverbal cues to communicate withdrawal/lack of
involvement.
Nonverbal communication may also include auditory cues such as sighs and pitch of
voice (Hall & Knapp, 2013). When David was describing the presenting issue, he spoke without
any emotions. When describing his family of origin, David talked about his family rather flatly.
McGoldrick (1996) in her commentary felt the family’s presentation was flat. This was
nonverbally communicated as the family was speaking without emotion. Kathleen, when asked
why she thinks Michelle is angry, answers “well, I don’t know” with a tone of voice that is
expressing exasperation. She is attempting to nonverbally communicate her frustration with
Michelle.
David and Kathleen are nonverbally communicating support for each other. David holds
Kathleen’s hand when they are talking about their baby. They are constantly looking at each
other as a way of offering support. Patterson (2013) writes that Argyle and Dean (1965)
“proposed that the overall level of intimacy or involvement between partners was reflected in a
small set of behaviors, including distance, gaze, smiling, and verbal intimacy (self-disclosure)”
(p. 516). This is called the equilibrium theory. Docan-Morgan et al. (2013) write that nonverbal
cues strengthen relationships and help couples feel connected. These nonverbal cues that David
and Kathleen are communicating to each other are creating feelings of closeness and support.
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When David finished talking, Dr. McGoldrick affirmatively shook her head. She was
using her skills of receptive nonverbal accuracy throughout the session to communicate with the
family in a nonverbal way. Nowicki and Duke (2013) explain that an individual must possess
discriminative, semantic, utilitarian, and relational accuracy to accurately use nonverbal
communication. Dr. McGoldrick constantly displayed her ability to accurately employ receptive
nonverbal communication and understand the cues that are being communicated.
Father-Child Communication
Levin and Currie (2010) write that open communication between children and their
parents lead to enhanced parent-child relationship. In their study, Levin and Currie (2010) found
that “boys and girls who reported easy communication with their father had highest life
satisfaction (8.0), significantly higher than all other young people” (p. 158). Campbell and Winn
(2018) write that when daughters feel connected to their father and have an affirming
relationship, it positively impacts their future. Higher self-esteem, life satisfaction, and fewer
mental health issues are a few benefits of a strong father-daughter relationship. When
communication is limited, it negatively affects the relationship. When father-daughter are able to
communicate effectively there is increased satisfaction with the relationship (Campbell & Winn,
2018). Michelle does not feel that she is able to effectively communicate with David. Michelle
feels that if she discusses her peers with her father, she will only be put down and criticized. This
blockage to effectively communicate with her father can affect their relationship and decrease
their life satisfaction.
Therapeutic Process
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Coughlin (2003) posits that family communication standards are integral for strong
family systems. When these standards are met, studies have shown that the family experiences
greater satisfaction. The therapist must help the family members understand how to effectively
communicate, listen, and attempt to understand the message that is being communicated. When
the family reaches communication standards, such as openness and showing affection for one
another, it will allow the family to feel connected and supported.
Grief affects the entire family system. When a loss happens in the family, every aspect of
the system is affected even many years later (McGoldrick, 1996). Every family member may
experience grief in a different way. This may lead to conflict within the family system.
“Communication among grieving family members becomes a key to maintaining functional
relationships and enhancing growth” (Liew & Servaty-Seib, 2018, p. 228). Helping the family
communicate will help them grieve the loss of Diane and enable them to move forward in life.
Creating a supportive grieving environment will help the family grieve the loss and emerge
stronger (Liew & Servaty-Seib, 2018).
Conclusion
Virginia Satir said from the time of birth “communication is the single most important
factor determining what kinds of relationships he makes and what happens to him in the world.”
(Fujishin, 2016, p. 4). Helping families communicate effectively through dialogue, listening,
trust, and openness will enable families to support one another and strengthen the whole family
system. David, Kathleen, and Michelle will be able to create positive changes in their
relationship when successful communication skills are employed.
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