We’ve all heard it before.
“Just be yourself!”
Whether it’s your parents telling you that
you’re fine just the way you are, or a girl
telling you to just “be yourself,” every
single one of us has been told this before.
And the truth is, a lot of people struggle
with being themselves.
But, it isn’t that simple — sometimes
you want to be yourself, and sometimes you
don’t.
Sometimes it’s a good thing, and sometimes
it’s not.
Depending on who I’m talking to, “just
be yourself,” could actually be the worst
advice in existence.
But, if I’m talking to someone else, it
could actually be the best advice in existence.
Here’s why.
“Just be myself?
Okay!”
Say that we have an 18 year old man (or rather,
boy).
He probably isn’t very healthy, muscular,
happy, wealthy, or emotionally grounded, because
most men in our society aren’t really taught
how to be functional men.
So do you know what telling him to “just
be yourself” would do?
Would it help him improve, and unlock higher
states of consciousness?
Or maybe it would help him develop his body
through exercise, his mind through reading,
and his emotions through self-exploration!
No.
Telling him to “just be yourself!” would
cripple his growth and give him a justification
to just remain a lazy slug.
When you tell somebody who is, generally speaking,
not very successful at life to “just be
yourself,” they typically view it as an
excuse not to change.
Why bother putting in hours at the gym when
you should just be yourself?
Why bother meditating to become more focused
when you should just be yourself?
Why bother working out and putting effort
into your appearance when you should just
be yourself?
Do you see why this advice is so fucking terrible?
By telling someone to “just be yourself,”
you remove any and all reason to change.
People need to realize that “just being
yourself” isn’t good enough—you should
always be striving to evolve and grow as a
human being.
You must seek to improve your body, your mind,
your emotions, and your lifestyle.
there are plenty of paradoxes in self-development.
You must be goal-oriented, but enjoy the process.
You must be humble, yet proud.
You must focus on your body, but focus on
your mind.
One of the most important paradoxes in self-development,
is learning to be yourself while simultaneously
striving to be the best version of yourself.
This is very difficult to do, however.
Most people take it way too far—they just
stay on one end of the spectrum and don’t
ever achieve balance in this realm.
The vast majority of people stay on the “I
don’t need to change,” end of the spectrum,
and don’t ever really accomplish anything
worthwhile.
They just wander through life, never really
changing the world (or themselves).
On the other end of the spectrum you have
people who become obsessed with changing,
and it becomes a dysfunctional addiction.
They feel like they always have to be better,
stronger, wealthier, and more sociable.
The key is to find a balance.
Understand that changing yourself for the
better is a great thing to do.
Always be improving yourself—to stagnate
is to die.
But at the same time, accept yourself, flaws
and all.
Don’t get angry because you aren’t where
you want to be.
Don’t judge yourself for not being good
enough.
Once you achieve this harmonious balance,
ironically enough, you will start to improve
exponentially, because you aren’t dragged
down by negative emotions or apathy.
We SHOULD say: “Be The Best Version of Yourself”
This is a better way of putting it.
Don’t just “be yourself”—strive to
be the very best version of yourself.
Are you naturally athletic, but lack intelligence?
Then maybe you should work on your intellect
by reading some of the best books out there
for men.
Or maybe you’re naturally smart, but aren’t
very strong?
Then maybe you should work on your body by
lifting weights and doing cardio a few days
a week.
Accept yourself for who you are, and strive
to improve your weaknesses.
We’re all imperfect, and that’s just fine.
Being perfect is overrated.
So rather than trying to be perfect, just
try to be the best version of yourself.