A DETAILED SYNOPSIS
OF
THE DEAR DEPARTED
Houghton has given detailed stage directions for this one-act play. As stated in the description
of the setting, the action takes place in a provincial town on a Saturday afternoon. The scene is
the sitting room of a small house in a lower middle-class district of a provincial town. The
simple furniture that includes a cheap, shabby chest of drawers, the cheap American clock on
the mantle piece, the pair of gaudy new carpet slippers, and the popular magazines Tit-Bits and
Pearson’s Weekly are indications of the lower-middle-class lifestyle of the inhabitants of this
house.
Mrs. Amelia Slater is laying the table. In Houghton's words, "She is a vigorous, plump, redfaced, vulgar woman, prepared to do any amount of straight talking to get her own way." The
Slaters are under the impression that Mrs. Amelia Slater's father, Abel Merryweather, who has
been seventy-two a fortnight the previous Sunday, is lying dead in his room. They are now
awaiting the arrival of Mrs. Elizabeth Jordan, the other daughter of the old man, and her
husband, Ben, who they had sent a telegram about the old man's death. The daughter of the
Slaters, Victoria, a precocious girl of 10 years, is still playing outside in the street. Mrs. Slater
listens a moment and then goes to the window, opens it and calls her daughter. The little girl is
in colours but her mother is in black although not in her complete mourning. The mother shouts
at the girl because of her coloured clothes and hurries her up to wear some suitable dress. Her
idea is that the little girl in colours will give her sister and her brother-in-law an opportunity to
criticise the Slaters for not being properly dressed on such a solemn occasion. In fact, here an
element of competition is seen in her relationship with her sister.
By this time Henry Slater, a stooping, heavy man with a drooping moustache, enters. He is
wearing a black tailcoat, grey trousers, a black tie and a bowler hat. Mrs. Slater is preparing to
outshine the Jordans by dressing properly for the occasion. Henry is not sure about the Jordans'
coming, as the families have not been on good terms with each other for a long time. Mrs. Slater
dispels his doubts about Mrs. Jordan's coming by telling him about her great craving and her
likeliness to start a quarrel over the inheritance. Henry narrowly escapes from Mrs. Slater's
attack for making a remark about the greed of the whole family of the latter.
She unwraps the parcel that Henry has brought. It contains sliced tongue, which she puts on a
dish on the table to be used as supper. She presses Henry to wear the old man's new pair of
slippers, although they are too small, expressing her reluctance to see his things lying there
unused. In spite of her husband's suggestion that she can negotiate with Mrs. Jordan about the
division of the properties belonging to her father, Mrs. Slater takes the initiative in collecting
what she wants before the other arrives. In fact, she is afraid of Mrs. Jordan's uncompromising
nature. In spite of her husband's warnings, she exchanges the old man's bureau for the shabby,
old chest of drawers, which belongs to them. Poor Victoria suspects that they are stealing the
bureau, but she is forced by her father to believe that her Grandpa had given it to her mother
before he died. In the meantime, Mrs. Slater fetches down the old man's clock. Victoria is
surprised by the clock, too, but she is warned not to talk again about the clock and the bureau.
While Henry and Mrs. Slater, very hot and flushed, stagger in with a pretty old fashioned
bureau containing a locked desk and put it where the chest of drawers was, and straightened
the ornaments, etc., Victoria notices the Jordans' arrival. They knock at the door repeatedly. Yet
Victoria is not supposed to open it. Mrs. Slater manages the situation quite resourcefully. She
gets Henry to put his coat on and sit down with a copy of Tit-Bits, arranges her dishevelled hair
at the glass and orders Victoria to open the door. Mrs. Slater does not expect the Jordans to find
clothes suitable for the occasion. Betraying her knack in competing with her sister, she asks
Henry to watch her sister's facial expressions when she meets them in half mourning. She wants
her family to pretend that they have been waiting for the Jordans.
Henry sits in the armchair and Mrs. Slater sits on the left of the table. They read ostentatiously.
Victoria ushers in Ben and Mrs. Jordan. The latter is a stout, complacent woman with an
impassive face and an irritating air of being always right. She is wearing a complete and deadly
outfit of new mourning crowned by a great black hat with plumes. Ben is also in complete new
mourning, with black gloves and a band round his hat. He is rather a jolly little man, usually
humorous, but at present trying to adapt himself to the regrettable occasion. He has a bright
chirpy little voice. Mrs. Jordan sails into the room and solemnly goes straight to Mrs. Slater and
kisses her. The men shake hands. Mrs. Jordan kisses Henry and Ben kisses Mrs. Slater. Not a
word is spoken. Mrs. Slater furtively inspects the new mourning. She feels beaten in the
competition over dress, and keeps quiet.
Once again the funeral party take their places. Mrs. Jordan sits on the left of the table, Mrs.
Slater on the right. Henry is in the armchair. Ben is on the sofa with Victoria near him. Ben
speaks about death as an unavoidable destiny, in order to comfort the company. Mrs. Jordan's
excuse for her delay is the necessity to organise her mourning. It balances Mrs. Slater's mood to
compete with her sister. Mrs. Slater lies that her mourning is on the way, in order to cover up
her failure to have a proper dress for the occasion. She also pretends to dislike ready-made
clothes by way of showing her rich taste. But Mrs. Jordan does not believe her.
Slowly they come to talk about the post-mortem. Ben and Mrs. Jordan are disappointed that an
official post-mortem has not been held yet. Mrs. Slater points out that it is not the professional
etiquette to by-pass the regular doctor and call in another one for the post-mortem. Their
discussion takes a humorous turn when Mrs. Jordan remarks about cases of persons being
restored to life hours after they were thought to be dead, because Henry points out that their
father was not drowned to be rescued so. Ben uses the topic of drowning to comment on their
father's uncleanness. This hurts the two sisters.
Once again the group is cheered up because they come to believe that the old man has paid his
insurance that morning. They heave a sigh of gratitude for their father for paying his last
premium and talk about his death with conveniently fabricated sentiments. They even call him
"honourable" for his punctuality in settling such financial transactions which will stand in their
favour.
They wipe their eyes and sniff back tears and start talking about other things. They decide to
drink tea before seeing the old man. Mrs. Slater puts the kettle on the fire and gets the tea ready.
While the water is boiling, they discuss how to design a newspaper announcement of their
father's death. Mrs. Slater thinks about gathering prominence by mentioning the address of her
place where he died. They even go on to add a piece of poetry to the obituary notice. The
hollowness of their relationship with their father comes to light in the ludicrous suggestions
each of them makes. Their lower-middle-class values and their tendency to imitate the elite
emerge in their perception of poetic license. Finally, the length of the obituary notice is left to be
decided according to the value of the things that they are going to inherit from the old man.
While talking about the properties, Mrs. Jordan straight away declares that the old man
promised his gold watch to her son, Jimmy. This creates surprise among the others. But she was
rescued from embarrassment by her husband who draws their attention to the subject of his
insurance money. Now they are worried about the receipt of the last payment. Victoria, who
has been quiet so far, tells that the old man did not go to town to pay the insurance, but met old
Mr. Tattersall down the street, and they went off past St. Philip's Church. They all suspect that it
was to the Ring-o'-Bells that he went.
Suddenly their attitude to the old man changes. They accuse him of hanging about there at the
Ring-o'-Bells to speak with John Shorrocks's widow who keeps that public house. Their
sympathy changes into a violent anger. Now they believe that the old man has not paid the
premium. By her intuition Mrs. Jordan confirms that he has not paid it. Ben calls him "The
drunken old beggar". Now they conclude that the old man deliberately avoided paying it just to
annoy them. They even regret the time they kept him in their houses and interpret his failure to
pay the premium as an act of swindling. Now they want to examine the papers in the bureau.
Poor Victoria has to go to the room of the old man and bring the bunch of keys to help her
elders to satisfy their curiosity.
Meanwhile the bureau attracts the interest of Mrs. Jordan. She admiringly enquires about this
beautiful new addition to the household furniture. Mrs. Slater lies that her husband bought it at
an auction. Poor Henry has to confirm his wife's lie as true. Ben's disparaging remark about its
being second-hand is forcefully contradicted by his wife. While pointing out his ignorance, she
betrays her own ignorance about art. She emphasises that all artistic works are second-hand
items. However, she does not want to consider the bureau of low value, because she is fond of
it. To everybody's surprise, Victoria returns, very scared, and closes the door after her, shouting
that "Grandpa's getting up". They are transfixed with amazement. Ben and Mrs. Jordan are on
the left of the table; Victoria clings to Mrs. Slater on the right of the table; and Henry is near the
fire place. When Mrs. Slater wants Henry to join her to check whether the old man is really
alive, he draws back terrified.
They look at the door. A slight chuckling is heard outside. The door opens, revealing an old
man clad in a faded but grey dressing gown. He is in his stockinged feet. Although over
seventy, he is vigorous and well coloured his bright, malicious eyes twinkle under his heavy
reddish-grey eyebrows. He is obviously either grandfather Abel Merryweather or else his ghost.
He notices the scared look of his grand daughter and asks her, "What's the matter with little
Vicky?" Then he sees Ben and Mrs. Jordan. While trying to shake hands with Ben, Abel thrusts
his hand at the latter. But Ben skips back smartly and retreats with Mrs. Jordan to a safe
distance below the sofa. Meanwhile Mrs. Slater approaches Abel gingerly and asks him,
"Grandfather, is that you?" Further, she pokes him with her hand to see if he is solid. Abel
notices their suspicion that he is already dead, but pretends not to know it. He shouts at her and
gestures to everybody that he is not dead. Although he does not like the whispering among the
crowd, he starts talking to them.
The stage is full of dramatic irony. Abel remarks at Mrs. Jordan's long absence as well as her
displeasure at seeing him again. This gives an idea about the situation in which he left the
Jordans and came to live with the Slaters. While answering their questions about his health, he
ironically hints that he may not be the first in that house to be carried to the cemetery. Abel
crosses to the armchair, and Henry gets out of his way to the front of the table.
He angrily asks for his new slippers and confuses Mrs. Slater. Then he observes Henry trying to
remove the slippers and casts a sarcastic remark at him. Mrs. Slater tries to save her face by
lying that she asked her husband to put them on to stretch them, as they are new and hard. She
snatches the slippers from Henry and gives them to Abel, who puts them on and sits in the
armchair. This gives an opportunity to Mrs. Jordan to level an attack on the Slaters. But there is
no room for an exchange of criticisms as the Slaters are clearly the guilty party.
Henry goes up to the window, and pulls up the blind. Victoria runs across to Abel, sits on the
floor at his feet and says, "Oh, grandpa, I'm so glad you're not dead," in spite of Mrs. Slater's
vindictive warnings. Abel who was waiting to react to the mentality of the Slaters' and the
Jordans' asks everybody, "Who's gone dead?" Mrs. Slater cunningly plays a trick upon the
phonological properties of the two rhyming words "dead" and "head" to calm him down. She
even uses the old man's response to the little girl to point out to the Jordans that he is fond of
Victoria by way of contesting Mrs. Jordan's claim that he was fond of Jimmy. Mrs. Jordan does
not yet abandon her position about that matter. Although Mrs. Slater disbelieved Mrs. Jordan's
claim that Abel promised Jimmy his gold watch, she sarcastically suggests that she ask him
about it. She likes to rouse her. At this point both women manage to save their faces by pointing
out each other's dishonesty and falsehood.
A hilarious situation arises, when Abel asks, "Why, Ben, you're in mourning! And Lizzie too.
And 'Melia, and Henry and little Vicky! Who's gone dead?" He knows that they have been
under the impression that he was dead, but he pretends not to know it. His constant chuckling,
which has been heard even before he appears on the stage, signifies that he is enjoying their
misunderstanding. He rattles them all when they tell him a lie about the death of Ben's brother
who had never existed before. They tell one lie after another to cover up the truth, and the old
man derives great satisfaction from his sarcastic interrogation.
Abel presides over at this surprised gathering by comically remarking that they seem to have
only been waiting for him to begin tea. Mrs. Slater acts with an unusual type of generosity as
she is recovering from a difficult situation after facing several attacks from her sister. Abel sits at
the head of the table, facing the audience. Ben and Mrs. Jordan are on the left. Victoria brings a
chair and sits with Abel. Mrs. Slater and Henry sit on the right. Both the women are next to
Abel. Abel helps himself to bread and butter and starts eating with a good appetite. Henry
serves the tongue, and Mrs. Slater pours the tea. Only Abel eats with any heartiness.
Ben comments on the old man's appetite still thinking that he has been seriously sick. Further,
the Jordans try to elicit from the old man what he saw during the time that he was lying in his
bed, just in order to find out whether the Slaters have removed any objects from his room. The
Slaters keep on warning them not press him. However, when he asks Henry and Mrs. Slater
about shifting his bureau out of his bedroom, they remain speechless. Abel repeats that
question without sympathy. Mrs. Jordan becomes curious about the bureau, and points at the
one they have already seen. Abel confirms that it is his bureau and reacts to the clock on the
mantle piece as it strikes six, questioning the Slaters about what they have been doing in their
living room.
The Jordans treat the Slaters unsympathetically, rejoicing in the shame fallen upon them. The
Slaters first use diplomatic tactics to save their self-respect and later threaten to turn the Jordans
out of their house for talking like that. Abel, fascinated but confused, enjoys probing into the
reasons for the Slaters to steal things from his room. Mrs. Jordan angrily and vehemently points
out that the Slaters have robbed the old man after he has been found dead. The old man is
satisfied to hear the truth coming out from the very ones who were hiding it from him. He does
not simply spare the Jordans for telling the truth, but catches the whole crowd together for lying
and cheating. Mrs. Slater, embarrassed, insulted and humiliated, begs the old man's forgiveness
and is relieved when he starts talking lightly, asking for more tea and sugar.
When the situation calms down, he clarifies his position to the group. His declaration, "I shall
make a new will, leaving all my bits of things to whoever I'm living with when I die," suddenly
makes him a very attractive person. This leads both women to compete with each other to win
their father's confidence in selecting a place to live the rest of his life. They try to fill the old
man's ears not only with promises but also with slanderous allegations against each other. They
openly attack each other, referring to their early attitudes to the responsibility of looking after
the old man. Finally, both the daughters beg his forgiveness for behaving like that. The two sonin-laws also join the competition. Although Henry keeps quiet, Ben tries to convince him that he
has got to live with one of his daughters.
Abel notices the reason for the sudden change of their attitude. He removes his mask and tells
his plans for the future, surprising everybody. He has already planned to do three things, the
following Monday: to alter his will at the lawyer's, to pay his premium at the insurance office,
and to get married to Mrs. John Shorrocks who keeps the Ring–o'–Bells at St. Philip's Church.
The Slaters and the Jordans, surprised and angry, try to call him "mad". But Abel is very happy
to relate what has already been going on in his mind. Although Mr. Abel Merryweather and
Mrs. John Shorrock have had the wedding fixed for sometime, they have been keeping it for a
pleasant surprise. He ironically remarks about it as a step taken against those who considered
him a burden, and invites the Slaters and the Jordans to his wedding ceremony. He takes leave
of them until the following Monday. He even comes back and teases Mrs. Slater for bringing
down the bureau, "It's a good thing you brought that bureau downstairs, 'Melia. It'll be handier
to carry across to the Ring-o-Bells' on Monday." The curtain falls with his going out.