THE FIRST ENCOUNTER
The first stage in a friendship is initial contact. However, many people
have trouble meeting people and making new friends, so here are a
few suggestions for how to act during the first encounter. Although
they are divided into the "nonverbal encounter" and the "verbal
s encounter:' recognize that these must be integrated for any effective
encounter to occur.
The nonverbal encounter
Nonverbal communication concerns every aspect of you that sends
messages to another person. On the basis of these messages, the
other person forms an impression of you - an impression that will be
quickly and firmly established.
1. Establish eye contact. Eye contact is the first nonverbal signal to
send. The eyes communicate an awareness of, and interest in, the
other person.
2. While maintaining eye contact, smile and further signal your
1s interest in this other person.
3. Concentrate your focus. The rest of the room should be nonverbally
shut off from your awareness. Be careful, however, that you do not
focus so directly as to make the person uncomfortable.
4. Establish physical closeness, or at least lessen the physical distance
between the two of you. Approach, but not to the point of
discomfort; your interest in making contact is obvious.
5. Throughout this nonverbal encounter, maintain a posture that
communicates an openness, a willingness to enter into interaction
with the other person. Hands crossed over the chest or clutched
around your stomach are exactly the kind of postures that you want
to avoid. These are often interpreted as signalling an unwillingness
to let others enter your space.
6. Respond visibly. Assuming that your nonverbal communication is
returned, respond to it visibly with another smile or a head nod.
7. Reinforce positive behaviors. Reinforce those behaviors of the
other person that signal interest and a willingness to make contact.
Reinforce these by responding positively to them; again, nod or
smile, or somehow indicate your favorable reaction.
8. Avoid overexposure. Nonverbal communication works to make
contact or to signal interest, but it can cause problems if it is
excessive or if it is not followed by more direct communication.
Consequently, if you intend to make verbal contact, do so after a
relatively short time.