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A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please

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Sept 8, 2006, 7:09pm
dontgetmarried.com :: General :: Main Don't Get Married Board :: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
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riskbreaker
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Topic: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please (Read 850 times)
A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Thread Started on Jun 7, 2006, 12:09pm »
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Greetings.
Just wanted to know if someon here had a copy of the 'Typical Shame Tactics' women
use when they can't attack your arguement.
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some examplesYou're gay
can't get laid
can't handle a real woman
small penis
child molester
serial killer
etc.
I remember the collection, just wanted to see if anyone had the original. It was some
good stuff.
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chrisw79
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #1 on Jun 7, 2006, 12:37pm »
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I'm sure someone's got the list, or at least part of it. Meanwhile, we can recreate it
here, along with new ones we encounter.
(For reference, I get #1 the most often.)
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Here are the others I can think of:
You'll die alone.
You're going to be lonely your whole life.
No woman will put up with you.
Your dad abused you.
I want to have fun.
No woman will settle for you.
Oww. Oww. Trying to think like a woman hurts.
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chewbacca
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #2 on Jun 7, 2006, 7:23pm »
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You forgot:
"You can't handle an independant woman."
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I reject your reality and substitute my own.
riskbreaker
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #3 on Jun 7, 2006, 8:41pm »
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Oww. Oww. Trying to think like a woman hurts.
<hands chris a virtual beer and a Dagwood sandwich>
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My apologies. You did good soldier. Go take some time for R&R.
Curse you foul harpies!!! You'll not take this one. He gave his MIND for his fellow
man.
<salutes your brave effort>
Marriage strike Semper fi, soldier.
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bartsimpson
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #4 on Jun 7, 2006, 8:43pm »
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"I love you, I'm just not 'in love' with you anymore . . ."
"I've always had a problem with your (formerly accepted behavior)"
Remember the purpose of shaming tactics - you have the problem, not her. It is a
clear red flag that she thinks she has a potential BBD.
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sayonara
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #5 on Jun 29, 2006, 7:31pm »
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From the old dontmarry board:
Shaming Language: How to beat it. (PDF)
Women have always
been batshit insane.™
- antiriad
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disconnect
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #6 on Jun 29, 2006, 11:01pm »
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Good link, but adding to it is a good idea nonetheless. The independent woman line
has been done to death, though . Suddenly everybody is one.
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"Remember the purpose of shaming tactics - you have the problem, not her."
Why? She may be trying to tell you what everyone but you sees in you. If someone
(anyone) is brave enough to stand up and be frank about your problem, they're doing
you a favor.
Purpose of shaming language is to make a man feel inadequate (makes you feel like
she's your mother, and thus has control over you. Bleurgh...)
Tenjune: whose site is that?
toadman
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khankrumthebulgar
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #7 on Jun 29, 2006, 11:51pm »
Worthy of a perma-sticky for referral, Lee.
Arlington National Cemetery is the ultimate Men's Club.
Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #8 on Jun 30, 2006, 7:42am »
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"A Real Man would..."
"If you were a Man you would..."
"Men generally do this for a Lady..."
"I thought you were a Man..."
Counters
"Yes I am a Real Man and I don't put up with Bravo Sierra. Try again."
"Women do not define Manhood. Men do."
"If you were a Lady I would..."
"I could care less what you think. Women are a mass of contradictions. They say one
thing and do another. Get your thinking straight. Then wel'l talk."
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bartsimpson
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #9 on Jun 30, 2006, 10:52am »
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Jun 29, 2006, 11:01pm, disconnect wrote:
Quote:
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Remember the purpose of shaming tactics - you have the problem, not her
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Why? She may be trying to tell you what everyone but you sees in you. If someone (anyone) is brave enough to stand up
and be frank about your problem, they're doing you a favor.
Are you for real? Do you think men are so stupid that they don't know they have a
problem and need to rely on some brave woman to tell them. In the interest of
civility - please explain this further before I swing the cluebat, because this sounds
like you are a mangina apologist for women's bad behavior.
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dataguy
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #10 on Jun 30, 2006, 3:40pm »
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I'm sorry guys, but as much as I enjoy reading stories about cluebatting dimwitted
women (which is rapidly becoming my favorite spectator sport), I just can't bring
myself to support the idea that there's some kind of strategy against shaming tactics
that would actually be worth the trouble. Women are innately convinced that they are
morally superior to men. It's their basic point of reference for all their relations to us.
It's the defining characteristic of AW and the princple reason that they're not good
relationship material.
No matter how well you've done for yourself, and no matter how much of a train
wreck she may have made of her life, pretty much any AW you meet these days is
probably going to consider herself to be morally superior to you. That's where the
shaming tactics really come from. And what the hell kind of basis is that for a
relationship?
And what really sucks is that there are still so many completely spineless guys out
there who are willing to just accept that state of affairs. As far as I'm concerned,
those guys are the real chumps.
« Last Edit: Jun 30, 2006, 3:41pm by dataguy »
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"If a man's alone in the woods,
and he says something,
and there's no woman around to criticize him,
is he still wrong?"
Earl Pickles, 1997
toadman
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #11 on Jun 30, 2006, 7:43pm »
Post Of The Day by Dataguy.
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« Last Edit: Jun 30, 2006, 7:44pm by toadman »
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Arlington National Cemetery is the ultimate Men's Club.
disconnect
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #12 on Jul 1, 2006, 1:01am »
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"
Quote:
Remember the purpose of shaming tactics - you have the problem, not her
Joined: Feb 2006
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Why? She may be trying to tell you what everyone but you sees in you. If someone
(anyone) is brave enough to stand up and be frank about your problem, they're doing
you a favor.
Are you for real? Do you think men are so stupid that they don't know they have a
problem and need to rely on some brave woman to tell them. In the interest of
civility - please explain this further before I swing the cluebat, because this sounds
like you are a mangina apologist for women's bad behavior."
I have nothing to prove to you. Sometimes I feel like I'm one of the most bitter sons
of bitches on the board. But I just re-read my post, and realized I replied way the
fuck out of context (3 in the morning, tired as hell) so i'll try to explain.
Let's say you are an arrogant asshole. Everyone and their mother knows it, but not
you. People react accordingly, but you just brush it off on them being losers since
you're perfection itself. Then someone comes along, and instead of avoiding you,
actually takes time and patience to explain to you that no one likes you because
you're a stuck up arrogant prick, and not because they're not 'cool enough'. And if
that person is a woman, so what? Listen to people and learn from them. You'll get
way further than if you simply believe you're always right.
Now, Bart, you may be old and wise and have this part of life figured out, but not me.
I'm still young, and while what I described above was not what happened to me, it
had resemblance. Someone actually had the will to point out my own huge character
flaw to me. She had nothing to gain from it. It would have been easier to not say
anything and avoid conflict. But by doing it she did me a favor. Self improvement is
not masturbation.
In closing, what I said had nothing to do with the 'shaming tactics' in the op. It's just
that when someone seriously tells you that you're an asshole or a vain bastard,
listen, because they may be right. EDIT: of course this also depends on the
circumstances, and how they say it and whatnot. I think you know what I mean.
--------------To me, the ultimate defense to any shaming tactics is not a script, but a manly
mindset. Agree with dataguy as well.
« Last Edit: Jul 1, 2006, 1:07am by disconnect »
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specialopsdude
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #13 on Jul 3, 2006, 11:49am »
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Shaming language is designed to get you into an argument with an inferior mind.
Women (and many effeminate men) use it because they have already lost the
argument and want to just press your buttons by attacking your manhood.
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Once you realize it is a simple trap, you can avoid it by simply ignoring it. Shaming
attacks from grown women are like insults from immature children. Sad that adult
women are often the same caliber in a debate.
« Last Edit: Jul 3, 2006, 11:53am by specialopsdude »
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She is not the one - she is just another one.
follol
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics',
please
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« Reply #14 on Jul 7, 2006, 1:25pm »
The Catalog of Anti-Male Shaming Tactics:
http://faithandsociety.typepad.com/faith_and_society/2006/05/the_catalog_of_.html
Joined: May 2006
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Edit: added red t's in http. Sorry about that!
« Last Edit: Jul 10, 2006, 11:33am by follol »
toadman
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dataguy
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #15 on Jul 7, 2006, 1:30pm »
Excellent link follol! Welcome to the forum!
Arlington National Cemetery is the ultimate Men's Club.
General Theory On AW (was:Repost...)
« Reply #16 on Aug 27, 2006, 12:26pm »
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Jun 30, 2006, 7:43pm, toadman wrote:
Post Of The Day by Dataguy.
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Well, since the toad was good enough to respond with such kudos, I've been meaning
for some time to post the full rant from which that post originated. So here, for your
consideration, is my
GENERAL THEORY ON AMERICAN WOMEN
The key to understanding modern American women is to realize that, starting from a
very early age, basically from about the time they start learning to talk, every event
and experience in their lives takes on a very powerful emotional subtext. This is not
to imply, of course, that men’s lives do not have emotional subtexts. It is merely to
state that, for women, the emotional subtext of everyday events and experiences is
often much more powerful than it is for men. For a woman, nearly everything that
happens in her life, including things that most men would consider to be trivial or
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mundane, is heavily freighted with significant emotional meaning.
There are many important consequences to this, but for men, there are certain key
implications that are very important to understand. One of these is that women are
always "right". By the time they reach early adulthood, at about the age of 25 or so,
women develop a very strong sense of moral rectitude. They are certain they know
what is good and bad, and what is true and false, because the feelings they have in
their hearts and guts tell them so, and their feelings are always genuine, always
valid, and always accurate, even if those feelings change 180 degrees from one
moment to the next. When a woman "changes her mind", she’s not really changing
her mind. What really happened is that her feelings changed. And no matter how
many times her feelings change, whatever she’s feeling right now, at this moment, is
always "right", because her feelings are always valid.
Now, part of this is our fault as men, because, when we're young, we're so
overpowered by how beautiful so many of them are, and even when they're not
particularly beautiful, we're still so eager for their approval and for their affection and
for sex, that we're generally willing to agree with just about anything they say and go
along with just about anything they want, no matter how silly or trivial or just plain
idiotic it might be. So of course it should come as no surprise that most women begin
to develop a very strong sense of moral rectitude. But, of course, it's not really our
behavior towards them that's the main culprit here...women are this way intrinsically.
Another key consequence is that, by the time they’ve reached early adulthood, most
women have developed a very elaborate system of rules for how people are supposed
to behave. And a woman considers these rules to be "obvious", because they are
based on her own personal emotional subtext, which she considers to be the ultimate
validator of all that is right and wrong: "of course" you’re supposed to do "this", "of
course" you’re not supposed to do "that". And because these rules of conduct are so
self-evident, anyone, as far as she’s concerned, (and especially anyone who claims to
know her or care about her at all), should just intrinsically understand what these
rules are...no explanation should be necessary. Anyone who doesn’t just implicitly
understand these rules is either a fool or a jerk.
A woman will always listen to her feelings, before and after she will listen to anything
else (and also usually while she is listening to anything else). This means that, in
order to get along well with a woman, a man must also constantly be listening to her
feelings, and anticipating his behavior accordingly. In effect, women become
emotional tyrants in relationships: everything in her life, and, by extension, in the life
of anyone involved with her, ultimately ends up being ruled by whatever she happens
to be feeling, whatever she thinks is right, and whatever she happens to want, from
one moment to the next.
My favorite story about this relates to a radio program with a segment in which the
host likes to go out into the audience to meet people, and find out simple things
about them, like where they are from and how long they’ve been married, just to try
to get to know them a little bit. On meeting a couple who’d been married for 50
years, the host stated that, whenever he met such a couple, he always liked to ask
them what they considered to be the secret of a good marriage. When asking one
particular couple this question, the woman (of course) was the first to speak up,
insisting that it was a matter of "having similar interests and tastes, always
discussing everything, everything always being shared and everything always being
equal, etc. etc. Finally, after a couple of minutes, the woman piped down just long
enough for the host to turn to the husband and say, "And what about you, Herb,
what do you consider to be the secret of a good marriage?", to which the husband
instantly replied, "Oh, that's simple, just do whatever she wants."
It’s also important to remember that, no matter how far you may have risen from
wherever you started out in life, no matter hard you may have had to work your ass
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off to get where you are, no matter how much discouragement you faced, no matter
how many obstacles you had to overcome along the way, and no matter how
successful you may be, no matter how much you may have accomplished, and no
matter how self-sufficient you are, chances are that just about any American woman
you meet these days will still consider herself to be a more thoughtful, more
considerate, more conscientious, just plain better person than you are. And this will
probably still be true, even if major portions of her life have just been a total train
wreck.
And she will demonstrate this to you on a daily basis, by providing you with a
constant stream of unsolicited questions and commentary about everything you do
and how you do it, all based on her very powerful sense of moral rectitude.
What all of this adds up to is that, if you’re an average looking guy, and you’re willing
to:
1. Live your life based pretty much entirely on whatever some woman happens to be
feeling, right now at this moment, and,
2. You’re not too particular about what those women look like, and,
3. You’re the kind of person who would rather live that way than be single,
Then you'll probably have no trouble at all finding a wife (and in fact you’ll probably
end up being happier than you would be if you were single).
But if you’re not willing to make all three of those compromises, you’ll probably have
a pretty hard time finding a date, let alone a steady companion. And if you’re like me,
and you’d actually rather be single than make any of those compromises, but, unlike
me, you go ahead and make those compromises anyway, you’ll probably end up
being miserable. And you’ll deserve it. And there are millions of men who live their
lives just like that every day.
Of course, if you’re really handsome, and especially if you’re handsome and have
plenty of disposable income, then all of that just goes right out the window. You can
behave pretty much any way you want, and women will basically just keep coming
after you no matter what. And if you don’t believe that, just look at how many
women write letters to Scott Peterson in jail begging to fuck him.
And of course, you can never really have an honest discussion about these things
with a woman, because if you attempt to raise this particular topic with her, her
preferred mode of discussion will be to wait for you to assert something, and then
proceed to tell you, at exceedingly great length, all about why you are wrong. This is
why women insist that men will never understand them. They prefer having us
believe that we can never figure them out, because it allows them to constantly rule
our lives without ever being accountable for anything. The only way to get along with
them is to just go along with whatever they want.
So my advice to men in their twenties is, date as many women as you can, fuck as
many women as you can, but don't ever let one of them insult you or walk all over
you, even one time. And for God's sake, don't marry one, at least until you're into
your thirties and women have started to lose some of that charm and sexual power
that they have over us when we're younger. Hopefully by the time you're around 33
or so, you'll start to realize that you're actually better off staying single.
« Last Edit: Aug 28, 2006, 8:56am by dataguy »
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and he says something,
and there's no woman around to criticize him,
is he still wrong?"
Earl Pickles, 1997
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Lee Raconteur
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Re: A repost of the 'Shame tactics', please
« Reply #17 on Sept 3, 2006, 12:15pm »
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hxxp://faithandsociety.typepad.com/faith_and_society/2006/05/the_catalog_of_.html
The Catalog of Anti-Male Shaming Tactics
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"Shaming tactics." This phrase is familiar to many Men's Rights Activists. It conjures
up the histrionic behavior of female detractors who refuse to argue their points with
logic. Yet women are not the only ones guilty of using shaming tactics against men.
Male gynocentrists use them, too.
Shaming tactics are emotional devices meant to play on a man's insecurities and shut
down debate. They are meant to elicit sympathy for women and to demonize men
who ask hard questions. Most, if not all, shaming tactics are basically ad homimem
attacks.
Anyway, it might be helpful to categorize the major shaming tactics that are used
against men whenever a discussion arises about feminism, men's issues, romance,
etc. The following list contains descriptions of shaming tactics, some examples of
quotes employing the tactics, and even color-coded aliases for mnemonic purposes.
Enjoy.
Charge of Irascibility (Code Red)
Discussion: The target is accused of having anger management issues. Whatever
negative emotions he has are assumed to be unjustifiable. Examples:
"You're bitter!"
"You need to get over your anger at women."
"You are so negative!"
Response: Anger is a legitimate emotion in the face of injustice. It is important to
remember that passive acceptance of evil is not a virtue.
Charge of Cowardice (Code Yellow)
Discussion: The target is accused of having an unjustifiable fear of interaction with
women. Examples:
"You need to get over your fear."
"Step up and take a chance like a man!"
"You're afraid of a strong woman!"
Response: It is important to remember that there is a difference between bravery
and stupidity. The only risks that reasonable people dare to take are calculated risks.
One weighs the likely costs and benefits of said risks. As it is, some men are finding
out that many women fail a cost-benefit analysis.
Charge of Hypersensitivity (Code Blue) - The Crybaby Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of being hysterical or exaggerating the problems of
men (i.e., he is accused of playing "Chicken Little"). Examples:
"Stop whining!"
"Get over it!"
"Suck it up like a man!"
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"You guys don't have it as nearly as bad as us women!"
"You're just afraid of losing your male privileges."
"Your fragile male ego ..."
"Wow! You guys need to get a grip!"
Response: One who uses the Code Blue shaming tactic reveals a callous indifference
to the humanity of men. It may be constructive to confront such an accuser and ask
if a certain problem men face needs to be addressed or not ("yes" or "no"), however
small it may be seem to be. If the accuser answers in the negative, it may
constructive to ask why any man should care about the accuser's welfare since the
favor will obviously not be returned. If the accuser claims to be unable to do anything
about the said problem, one can ask the accuser why an attack is necessary against
those who are doing something about it.
Charge of Puerility (Code Green) - The Peter Pan Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of being immature and/or irresponsible in some
manner that reflects badly on his status as an adult male. Examples:
"Grow up!"
"You are so immature!"
"Do you live with your mother?"
"I'm not interested in boys. I'm interested in real men."
"Men are shirking their God-given responsibility to marry and bear children."
Response: It should be remembered that one's sexual history, marital status,
parental status, etc. are not reliable indicators of maturity and accountability. If they
were, then we would not hear of white collar crime, divorce, teen sex, unplanned
pregnancies, extramarital affairs, etc.
Charge of Endangerment (Code Orange) - The Elevated Threat Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of being a menace in some undefined manner. This
charge may be coupled with some attempt to censor the target. Examples:
"You guys are scary."
"You make me feel afraid."
Response: It may be constructive to point out that only bigots and tyrants are afraid
of having the truth expressed to them. One may also ask why some women think
they can handle leadership roles if they are so threatened by a man's legitimate
freedom of expression.
Charge of Rationalization (Code Purple) - The Sour Grapes Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of explaining away his own failures and/or
dissatisfaction by blaming women for his problems. Example:
"You are just bitter because you can't get laid."
Response: In this case, it must be asked if it really matters how one arrives at the
truth. In other words, one may submit to the accuser, "What if the grapes really are
sour?" At any rate, the Code Purple shaming tactic is an example of what is called
"circumstantial ad hominem."
Charge of Fanaticism (Code Brown) - The Brown Shirts Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of subscribing to an intolerant, extremist ideology
or of being devoted to an ignorant viewpoint. Examples:
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"You're one of those right-wing wackos."
"You're an extremist"
"You sound like the KKK."
"... more anti-feminist zaniness"
Response: One should remember that the truth is not decided by the number of
people subscribing to it. Whether or not certain ideas are "out of the mainstream" is
besides the point. A correct conclusion is also not necessarily reached by embracing
some middle ground between two opposing viewpoints (i.e., the logical fallacy of
"False Compromise").
Charge of Invirility (Code Lavender)
Discussion: The target's sexual orientation or masculinity is called into question.
Examples:
"Are you gay?"
"I need a real man, not a sissy."
"You're such a wimp."
Response: Unless one is working for religious conservatives, it is usually of little
consequence if a straight man leaves his accusers guessing about his sexual
orientation.
Charge of Overgeneralization (Code Gray)
Discussion: The target is accused of making generalizations or supporting
unwarranted stereotypes about women. Examples:
"I'm not like that!"
"Stop generalizing!"
"That's a sexist stereotype!"
Response: One may point out that feminists and many other women make
generalizations about men. Quotations from feminists, for example, can be easily
obtained to prove this point. Also, one should note that pointing to a trend is not the
same as overgeneralizing. Although not all women may have a certain characteristic,
a significant amount of them might.
Charge of Misogyny (Code Black)
Discussion: The target is accused of displaying some form of unwarranted malice to a
particular woman or to women in general. Examples:
"You misogynist creep!"
"Why do you hate women?"
"Do you love your mother?"
"You are insensitive to the plight of women."
"You are mean-spirited."
"You view women as doormats."
"You want to roll back the rights of women!!"
"You are going to make me cry."
Response: One may ask the accuser how does a pro-male agenda become inherently
anti-female (especially since feminists often claim that gains for men and women are
"not a zero-sum game"). One may also ask the accuser how do they account for
women who agree with the target's viewpoints. The Code Black shaming tactic often
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integrates the logical fallacies of "argumentum ad misericordiam" (viz.,
argumentation based on pity for women) and/or "argumentum in terrorem" (viz.,
arousing fear about what the target wants to do to women).
Charge of Instability (Code White) - The White Padded Room Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of being emotionally or mentally unstable.
Examples:
"You're unstable."
"You have issues."
"You need therapy."
"Weirdo!"
Response: In response to this attack, one may point to peer-reviewed literature and
then ask the accuser if the target's mental and/or emotional condition can explain the
existence of valid research on the matter.
Charge of Selfishness (Code Silver)
Discussion: This attack is self-explanatory. It is a common charge hurled at men who
do not want to be bothered with romantic pursuits. Examples:
"You are so materialistic."
"You are so greedy."
Response: It may be beneficial to turn the accusation back on the one pressing the
charge. For instance, one may retort, "So you are saying I shouldn't spend my
money on myself, but should instead spend it on a woman like you ---and you accuse
me of being selfish?? Just what were you planning to do for me anyway?"
Charge of Superficiality (Code Gold) - The All-That-Glitters Charge
Discussion: The charge of superficiality is usually hurled at men with regard to their
mating preferences. Examples:
"If you didn't go after bimbos, then ..."
"How can you be so shallow and turn down a single mother?"
Response: Average-looking women can be just as problematic in their behavior as
beautiful, "high-maintanence" women. Regarding the shallowness of women, popular
media furnishes plenty of examples where petty demands are made of men by
females (viz., those notorious laundry lists of things a man should/should not do for
his girlfriend or wife).
Charge of Unattractiveness (Code Tan) - The Ugly Tan Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of having no romantic potential as far as women
are concerned. Examples:
"I bet you are fat and ugly."
"You can't get laid!"
"Creep!"
"Loser!"
"Have you thought about the problem being you?"
Response: This is another example of "circumstantial ad hominem." The target's
romantic potential ultimately does not reflect on the merit of his arguments.
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Charge of Defeatism (Code Maroon)
Discussion: This shaming tactic is akin to the Charge of Irascibility and the Charge of
Cowardice in that the accuser attacks the target's negative or guarded attitude about
a situation. However, the focus is not so much on the target's anger or fear, but on
the target's supposed attitude of resignation. Examples:
"Stop being so negative."
"You are so cynical."
"If you refuse to have relationships with women, then you are admitting defeat."
"C'mon! Men are doers, not quitters."
Response: The charge of defeatism can be diffused by explaining that one is merely
being realistic about a situation. Also, one can point out that asking men to just
accept their mistreatment at the hands of women and society is the real attitude that
is defeatist. Many men have not lost their resolve; many have lost their patience.
Threat of Withheld Affection (Code Pink) - The Pink Whip
Discussion: The target is admonished that his viewpoints or behavior will cause
women to reject him as a mate. Examples:
"No woman will marry you with that attitude."
"Creeps like you will never get laid!"
Response: This is an example of the logical fallacy "argumentum ad baculum" (the
"appeal to force"). The accuser attempts to negate the validity of a position by
pointing to some undesirable circumstance that will befall anyone who takes said
position. Really, the only way to deal with the "Pink Whip" is to realize that a man's
happiness and worth is not based on his romantic conquests (including marriage).
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