Two spades. Three hearts. It's all yours. I fold. And that's five. - And
that's six. - Yay! Not bad. On a slam contract, you normally want to play
your winners early. Sorry, Dad. Nah. You're learning. You're doing fine.
Woman: Connie Gilman's a good player. And a widow. I should, uh, take her
out because she can play bridge. You're a true romantic. Woman 2: You
should ask somebody out. You think Cecile's not dating yet? - Cecile was
dating before she left. - Oh, shut up, Marv. No. I have a partner. And
she's doing great. Amy should be out having fun. I'm having fun. Yeah.
Look like you're having the time of your life. - One no trump. - (Woman,
laughing) Ooh! I'm just a little nauseous. I, uh, I think I ate too much.
- Can we take a break? - Of course.
Excuse us. What did you eat? Nothing weird. - Have you been drinking? No, Dad. You know I don't-- Because I don't mind if you-- Dad? [Echoing]
Dad? Dad, what are you doing? You're scaring me. It hurts. Let go! What
are you doing? Man: Henry? Henry. Let go of her. The occasional drink
doesn't bother me. But. What? Are you okay? What's the matter? 2X14 - Sex
Kills Original Airdate (FOX): 7 March-2006 You had what's called an
"absence seizure." Anything like that happen to you before? No, Nothing.
He's been really healthy. He jogs, he eats right. He-- I--well, I did
have a headache last Sunday. And for the past two years, I've been
getting acid reflux a lot. And I thought that, uh, antacids were all I
needed. Should I have come in sooner? For acid reflux and a headache?
Well, I--you know, I hear the coffee downstairs is really good.
Could you get me a cup, Honey? Would you mind closing the blinds?
Foreman: His right testicle is almost twice as big as his left. Cool.
It's probably testicular cancer. Mmm, no. That's impossible. - The
symptoms all indicate-- - The shoes aren't right. Here's how testicular
cancer would manifest itself. First, the patient would get the exact
symptoms that he's got. Then Foreman would examine him. Then he'd suspect
testicular cancer on account of the symptoms being so perfect. Then he'd
stick a needle in it. Then he'd call a surgeon. And while that guy
operates, the rest of us would be out bowling. And since we're not
wearing bowling shoes, the disease obviously did not progress in that
fashion. LP showed some white cells.
But his MRI is clean.Sure. If you call a microabscess in his brain
"clean." What, you don't trust me? Are you talking about the left
temporal lobe? Neat. You can see through my hand. - It's just a shadow. Or it's an infection. When guys have brain/crotch problems, it's usually
the result of using one too much and the other too little. Blood and
urine were negative for syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia. So treat him
for all three. Stat. Um negative means he doesn't have it. No. Negative
means he probably doesn't have it. Which means he probably has cancer. I
thought we were wearing the wrong shoes for cancer. We're wearing the
wrong shoes for testicular cancer. They're perfect for lymphoma. Except
Chase's. They're just goofy. Lymphoma could cause infiltrants in his
reproductive organs and his brain.
If it's this advanced, he's dead no matter what we do. So give him the
STD meds and hope the tests were wrong. Svinnuk. Who's the lucky woman?
My wife. No, I don't want to know who gets the chocolates. I want to know
who you're having the affair with. Fell on his head as a child. Tragic.
Norwegian chocolate. Frankly, you buy that stuff, the terrorists win.
Some people bottle up their feelings, have them come out as physical
pain. Healthy human beings express feelings, such as affection, by giving
gifts. Gifts express guilt. The more expensive the expression, the deeper
the guilt. That's a $12 box. So either you haven't slept with her yet, or
she wasn't that good. It's not all about sex, House. Really? When did
that change? I want to get Depo-Provera.
Actually, at your age, as long as you're careful, the risk of you getting
pregnant is pretty limited. Yeah, but it would calm me down. Right? If I
get a high enough dose. You mean "calm" as in a peaceful lake, on cool
summer evening? Or in the lesser used meaning of, nothing can ever bother
you again because life has absolutely no meaning? High dose of DepoProvera will chemically castrate you. Yeah. Okay. I'm gonna get up to
leave now. And I'm gonna walk to that door, turn the handle. And then
you're suddenly gonna decide that you have to tell me the truth. I'm
gonna have to turn around and come all the way back. See, the thing is,
my leg hurts. Can we cut the walking out of the equation? I love cows.
Any particular.
variety?Guernseys? Holsteins? Which are the black and white ones? Oh,
God. I pass a farm on my way to school. And they're so beautiful. They're
so majestic. I dream about them. Leather shoes, hamburgers. How can
anybody do that to a cow? Make love, not belts. It's beautiful. - I
haven't actually-- - Well, relax. Something we doctors deal with all the
time. I'm gonna write you the name of a drug. You don't need a
prescription. And it looks just like Depo-Provera. - But does it do the
same thing? - Oh, God, no. That stuff has all sorts of nasty side
effects. It's real medicine. No, this is all you need. Your frat buddies
will be completely fooled. Tell them how appalled the doctor was. Lots of
laughs. We think you may have a sexually transmitted disease.
No. It's not possible. Sir, maybe we should speak in private? Have you
tested him for this? The tests were negative. Well, then it's not that.
So what else could it be? Nothing good. If you've been having sex, you
have to tell me. I have not had sex since my divorce. I didn't ask him to
take the medicine. I asked you to give him the medicine. He hasn't had
sex in over a year. - He's lying. - He knows what's at stake. We should
start treating him for lymphoma right away. - Maybe if we hit him hard
and fast-- - Wilson! How long can you go without sex? How long can you go
without annoying people? No, seriously. Week? Month? I'm not having an
affair. I didn't say you were. Not in this conversation. We're talking
about a patient. People have impulse control.
We don't need sex.Well, not like air. But as a biological imperative,
sure we do. There's two things we get stupid for. Money and sex. And
since money rarely enters the bloodstream. Was his daughter in the room
when you asked if he'd had sex? I told him we could talk privately. He
didn't care if she was there. It's almost noon. Little girl would go to
lunch. Soon as she's out the door, you're gonna get paged. Then you page
me. [Foreman's pager beeps] Lunch is early, huh? Hi. I'm Dr. House. I
hear you'd rather die than admit you had sex. I'm sorry. I. couldn't tell
my daughter. Right. 'Cause she's what, 22? I slept with her mom. She
probably knows that's happened already. Roll over. My wife had an affair.
I forgave her. She had another affair.
And I forgave her again. And Amy thinks I was an idiot. So smart. You
must be very proud. Roll over. I assume you've been in love. Is that the
one that makes your pants feel funny? I'm starting you on a cocktail of
STD meds. Amy is just getting over it. She barely spoke to her mom for
months actually. If she thought that it was happening again, that that's
why I got sick-- We just happened to be at the same Italian cheesetasting thing. Cheese is the devil's play thing. It was just the one
night. Oh, you're obviously completely over her. Amy thinks love leads
you to make stupid choices. You're certainly setting a good example for
her. Yeah. She just doesn't get it. If you're not prepared to look
stupid, then nothing great is ever gonna happen, right? On the other
hand, I guess your testicles aren't going to explode either.
Dad. Is everything okay? I have a sexually transmitted disease. How's
that possible? He met a woman in church. Does she play bridge? [Laughing]
Does she-- Ha-ha. [Monitors start beeping] - Crash cart! - Oh, God. - Is
this another seizure? - Shut up. Comin' in! Amy: Oh, God. - Here you go.
- 40 milligrams furosemide. Knock him out. How would an STD do this? It
wouldn't. Chase: It was flash pulmonary edema. We took a liter of fluid
off, but the problem wasn't with his lungs. It's his heart. There are
vegetations obstructing his mitral valve. It's not an STD. Lymphoma
wouldn't erupt that suddenly. So what is it, then? A disease that attacks
his brain, heart, and testicles. I think Byron wrote about that. Could be
psittacosis. Chlamydia cultures would've come back positive.
Strep viridans can hit the heart. Wouldn't mess with the reproductive
system. Maybe things aren't. so nicely connected. He's 65. We could be
looking at multiple systems just starting to break down independently.
Way to a man's heart is through his stomach. He's had acid reflux for
years. It--it can't be relevant. It seems there are other ways to kill
people besides having sex with them. You don't need this so much. Problem
is not your lungs. It's your heart. That Italian cheese thing at the
church. What sort of cheese? Why do you need to know? I'm having a fondue
party. - Was it sheep cheese? - Might have been. Why? - Was it soft? Yeah. - Taste like crap? - Yeah. Bitter. Taste like this? - Yeah.
But how did you-- - That was regularlow-fat American.I added some
bacteria. For flavor. You fed him bacteria? It's pretty much on
everything. Especially the unpasteurized sheep cheese they make in the
Alps. That stuff will give you brucellosis. Key to a long life. Exotic
women, boring cheese. Gonna start you on rifampin and doxycycline.
Doesn't make any sense. I mean, nobody else at the church got sick. 99.9
% of Christians have so much acid in their stomach, they become churning
cauldrons of death for all those nasty little brucellosis bugs. But you
were taking antacids for your acid reflux. So that turns your digestive
tract into a pleasant scenic river for all those bacterial tourists. You
sure you're right? Absolutely. Your socks don't match. Which means you
got up and got dressed in the dark, which means you don't want to wake
your wife.
Which means you don't want to talk to her. - Which means-- - I was
referring to your patient. Oh, that. No. Come on, I'm basing it on
cheese. How long before you get the tests back? We'll know before that.
If I'm wrong, he'll just keep getting worse and slowly die. But if I'm
right, either we caught it in time and he gets better. Or we didn't and
he goes into cardiac arrest at any moment. [Monitors beeping and
flatlining] Paddles. Charging. 250. Clear. Charging. 300. Clear.
Charging. 360. Clear. Epinephrine. [Repeats defibrillation shocks] Are
you gonna tell her? That you suspect an affair? Sure. Well, she already
hates you, why not? Because you think that getting it off your chest will
let you sleep better. It won't. You'll end up sleeping on my lumpy couch.
There's nothing to tell. Then why are you playing foosball here at 8:00
at night? You always want to simplify everything. [House's beeper goes
off] Boil it down to nice, easy equations. Nice, easy answers. Go home
and have sex with your wife. His heart is back in sinus rhythm. There's a
lot of damage, though. It was brucellosis, but we got to it too late. The
vegetation broke off in his main coronary artery and caused an
infarction. His heart muscle's half-dead. He'll be lucky to last a week.
Other than that, how's he doing? Seriously. His brain, testicle, lungs,
tonsils. How's all that other stuff doing? Uh his brain is clear now. And
so is the genito-urinary tract. And his kidney function is good. So, all
he needs is a heart, and he's outta here.
He's a prime candidate for transplant. He doesn't smoke, drinks
moderately. His tox screen was negative for illegal drugs. And legal
ones. Surveillance blood cultures show absolutely no sign of any
lingering brucella bacteria. He's 66 years old. He told me he was 65.
Liar. I'm outta here. There is an inverse correlation between patient age
and success rates. He's in excellent health. This was his first
hospitalization since breaking his leg at 23. Or 22. I'm not sure
anymore. If this patient were to survivethe operation, he'd get another
what? 5, 10, maybe 20 years if he's very lucky. So you're saying that old
people aren't as worth saving as young people. He's saying that hearts
are a scarce resource. We obviously have to choose criteria-- No, I get
it.
Women live longer, so they should get preference, right?And AfricanAmericans, they die a lot younger. So to hell with them. What, you think
you're gonna win me over by calling me a racist? If the test is who gets
to use it the longest, you can either be a racistor a hypocrite. Your
patient had a life. A family. We've got 18-year-old kids who will neve-How old are you, Doctor? When do we get to toss you on an ice flow?
Cuddy: And thank you, Dr. House. Unless anybody else has any further
questions, we will now go into private session. Oh, I'm on pins and
needles. I wonder how you'll decide. The Nets just won their third game
in a row. Beat the Lakers. I'm sorry. They voted no. So. w hen. will I
die? Might have a week. [Amy sobs quietly] God. I wrote a letter to the
board of directors, appealing the transplant committee's decision.
I'm alleging bias against you clouded their medical judgment. I need you
to sign. They made the right call. You don't believe that. You told the
committee-- I was advocating for my patient. - Then why are you-- Advocating for my patient. I've got clinic duty. I need you to get me the
files on everybody who dies here today. You really think this thing'll
change their decision? Nope. Mooooo! I think I broke my ankle. I was
kicked. By a hoof. I'm so in love. She was so beautiful. - Which one? One of the black and white ones. - I'm not sure what type. - Which
"type"? Which one? I want a name. - Why would it have a name? - Well, not
"it." She. Or he. I want to know her dreams, her hopes. It's a cow. Hey,
I'm not the one who said he was in love.
People who actually have this condition rationalize it. They dismiss it.
They don't elevate it to the level of poetry. Plus there's a wooden
splinter in there. So either you hit yourself with a two-by-four or Elsie
has a peg leg. I'm off duty at 6:00. Give yourself another whack, come
back and scam somebody else. I'm sick. And you're a doctor. You have a
duty to help me. Technically I don't have to treat anybody. Before
running a series of painful and often humiliating tests. Whatever you
need. 90-year-old woman died of pneumonia. Unless she has a bionic heart,
what's next? - Um baby died in the ICU. - Babies are useless. They've got
hearts the size of ping-pong balls. Next? Um 40-year-old male. Yes? Heart
attack. If you really cared about me, you'd find me a better corpse.
There's no other deaths. There's one woman who was in a car accident. Bad
one, I hope. The organ procurement people have been notified. Give me her
file. It's in the ER. They're still working on her. - Age? - About 40. Young. Damn. - Young is good. - Smoker? - Don't know. Find out. She's
still alive. Even if we get on the list, we can't go near her until-Overweight? She's on the hefty side. Excellent. Our odds just went up.
What odds? What is this? 60 % of potential donor hearts get tossed in the
trash because there's something wrong with them. With fat people, it's
closer to 80. But if her heart's no good, then-- Big, fat, sloppy heart.
Beats no heart at all. - Are you Mr. Neuberger? - Yes. I'm Dr. House.
Need to ask you a few questions about your wife.
Is she gonna be okay? I'm afraid I don't know that. Could you tell me
about her accident? They, uh, think she fell asleep, went off the road.
That's all they told me. Any problems with her health up until now? Why?
Please, it's important. Um. she had a fever today, but otherwise she was- How high? About 101. She hasn't missed a day of teaching in years. And
I should've made her stay home. Any other symptoms? A stomachache. Who
cares? She was in a car crash. - Mr. Neuberger. - Yeah. My name's Ellen
Stambler. I'm the organ procurement coordinator for Southern New Jersey.
I just want to assure you that we'll treat her organs with care and
dignity. Her organs? Laura died? I--I'm sorry. I thought, um-- She was
just pronounced dead.
I thought he was telling you.I didn't know. You should never make
assumptions. What did you want from me? I'm sorry for your loss. But I
need your wife's heart. The organ procurement coordinator just left the
hospital. Means we got lucky. Either that or she's getting lunch. Dead
woman's last name have a "U" or "W"? You're hacking into a confidential
patient file? Is that a problem for you? It's a "U". N-E-U. Berger. Three
minutes ago, her organs were officially declared not viable. Time to go
dumpster diving. Hey. She's got hepatitis C. Her ALTs are three times
normal. With Henry's immune system down, an infected heart will kill him.
Fortunately, she didn't have hep C. - She tested positive. - Her history
says otherwise. Her husband told me she was running a fever with stomach
pains.
Not symptomatic of hep C. Hey, what are you doing? What are you doing?
Hey. What are you doing? Again, sorry. But we need to talk. Mr. Neuberger
has every right to take his wife off the ventilator. His wife signed an
organ donor card. Which became invalid when her organs were turned down.
I can use them! I just need some time. Committee says they won't take her
heart. Another committee says the guy can't have a heart. It's a marriage
made in heaven. I can find a surgical team that can do this. Classified
as experimental, it's not gonna screw with their numbers. - This is what
she wanted. - No. She wanted her organs to help-- She never wanted to be
kept alive on a ventilator. She's not. She's dead! She's not in pain.
She's not suffering. It's just her meat we're dealing with here. - This
is my wife. - Not anymore. She deserves some respect. Some dignity. - I
respect the living. - Right. That is why you made me think that you were
her doctor. Made me believe that maybe there was some hope. I never said
that I was her doctor. Fine, you didn't lie. But you sure as hell didn't
give me any respect. I am taking her off the machines. Now. Nicely
played. It's not over. Excuse me. Are you Mr. Neuberger? Yeah. Why? I'm
Amy Arrington. I wanted to thank you. This girl's father will die by next
weekend unless he gets your wife's heart. House. Don't you think that's a
little manipulative? No. It's hugely manipulative. You're an ass. Hey.
Listen! You take your wife off life support, and I'll have forgotten
about this in two weeks.
- Gail here, on the other hand-- - Amy. Whatever. You're mad at me. Fine,
I get that. Take it out on me. Not on her. Oof! Fine. Your dad can, uh.
have her heart. Fever. Stomach pain. Raised liver enzymes. She's sick.
Worse than that. She's dead. My point is, even if it's not hep C, it's
something. They turned her down as a donor because if we put that heart
into someone, they won't survive. Whatever made her sick will kill him.
Yeah. So what is it? Enzymes indicate-- You want us to do a differential
diagnosis on a dead person? We're going to cure her. We're going to cure
death? [Laughs theatrically like a demon] Doubt it. Just want to get the
infection out of her heart before we get the heart out of her. The fever
indicates an infection.
She probably has hep C and a bad case of the flu. Let's assume, just for
fun, that the answer is something that might be helpful. Fever and belly
pain could be a gall bladder infection. Like that. Do an MRI. Stat. You
really don't need to be here. I assume, uh, House is a great doctor. Why
would you assume that? Because, uh, when you're that big a jerk, you're
either great or unemployed. No sign of gall bladder infection. But there
was a cyst. Perfectly round. Now, hep C wouldn't cause-- The question was
never, is it hep C? The question was given that it's not hep C, what is
it? - Adenoma? - Not solid enough. Cavernous hemangioma? Not vascular
enough. What if she was sloppy about washing her hands after pooping? Uh.
amoeba infection?If the amebiasis started in her liver, then spread to
her blood, that would explain all her symptoms. Except for the crushed
skull, but I'm assuming that's from the car crash. I'll start her on
paromomycin and chloroquine. Ten grams each. That's 20 times the normal
dose. Right. So we'll destroy her retinas and damage her hearing. Whoever
wants those parts is having a very bad day. Couple hours on the meds,
she'll be feeling great. Got your labs. - Do you eat guinea pigs? - No.
How about hamsters or mice? Humans? What are you talking about? Is
something wrong with me? Absolutely nothing. Your blood work is perfect.
You've got lots of vitamins, minerals. All kinds of proteins. Including a
little something I like to call bovine serum albumin.
Which you get from eating the animals mentioned. Or cow. You don't really
worship cows. So I have to wonder, what could be more humiliating than
someone calling your girlfriend a cow and not being metaphorical? - Nice.
- It's my mom. Well, either that's a very old photograph, or it's your
stepmom. She goes around the house in a bikini. Or less. I-I can't stop
thinking about her. My dad's in Europe. I'll be watching TV, she'll give
me a massage. I can't walk for an hour. - Still. Cows? - She's my mother!
Step. Please. I just need the medicine for three months until I graduate
and I move out of the house. Please. You're not gonna have any fun at
graduation. Keep up the good work. Your shirt is ironed. That means you
haven't told your wife anything.
Let's say you're right. You're saying I'm right? No. Let is saying. Does
it occur to you that maybe there's some deeper guidance than "keep your
mouth shut"? That maybe a friend might value concern over glibness? That
maybe. Maybe I'm going through something that I need to have an actual
conversation about? [Hosue's beeper goes off] Does it occur to you that
if you need that kind of a friend, you may have made some deeper errors.
Chase: Her heartbeat's irregular. Looks like global hypokinesis. Stop the
meds. You're giving up? Either we're wrong and her heart is unusable. or
right, but the treatment we had to give her will make her heart unusable.
I'm sorry. You can pull the plug now. Find me another body. That fat guy
on Ortho service didn't look so hot.
No! She's not ready. You were ready this morning. She's not done. She's
gotta save that guy. House: Alternate theories? Amebiasis was our best
hope. The fact that her heart rate went back to normal when we stopped
the meds pretty much-- What's our second best hope? House, put down the
wand. There's no obstruction. Maybe we should just biopsy it. She's a
fridge with the power out. We start poking around inside, the vegetable
goes bad. No offense. I don't see that we have a lot of choice. The only
way we're gonna find that infection-- Cameron: What if it's not an
infection? Toxins can cause similar symptoms. Especially if whatever it
is did liver damage. Her, uh, toxin screen was clean. Those things never
cover for any of the really cool toxins.
Run the screen again for whatever you can think of. You, keep the other
patient alive. You, check out the school. And I seem to need o hire
another doctor to go search her home. Come on. If she was taking any
medications, I'd know about it. Did your wife dye her hair? No. Her mom
never went gray. She didn't either. Guess this must be yours, then. Can
you think of anything else she might've lied to you about? Any drugs she
"gave up" when she married you? How are you feeling, sir? Mr. Arrington?
Mr. Arrington? [Monitor starts beeping] What's going on? His heart's not
pumping enough blood to his brain. We're gonna have to give it some help.
Get the balloon ready. You use this drawer? Neuberger: No, that's for her
vitamins. And sleeping pills.
She never took sleeping pills. Okay. You on a diet? No. I guess you never
really know someone, do you? Quite the insight. She lied to you about her
hair color. And didn't want you to know she thought she was fat. Unless
you never lied to her about anything that huge. And then you can probably
let those slide. Diet pills could've messed her up. Raised the live
enzymes and caused the bellyache. But not the fever. Maybe something else
set off the fever. Like what? Before I show you these, they were in a
locked drawer in her desk. The vice principal said that Laura must've
confiscated them. They've had some problems with-- Neither interesting
nor helpful. This at least is interesting. [Scoffs] No, it's not. Sex
with teenagers isn't interesting? Where did you grow up? It isn't
helpful.
Teenage boys aren't toxins.What if the cyst isn't a cyst? Then we have
nothing to go on. I said it's not a cyst. I didn't say it was nothing.
What if it's a scar? Foreman: Fitzhugh-Curtis syndrome? You're pushing
gonorrhea again? You got anything better? Test her. And start her on
ceftriaxone. What are you testing for now? Just some more infections.
She's positive for gonorrhea. I think that's the first time those words
have been uttered in joy. Meds are started. Her heart should be clear
enough to use in about four or five hours. I'll go tell the families.
He's in a coma. Start him on dobutamine. Already did. We either do the
surgery now or we find him a new brain too. House, she's still got a
significant amount of gonorrhea in her system. Hopefully tomorrow, it'll
be in his system.
I need two O.R.s and the transplant team. What is it? Amy: What's going
on? - Is he getting a heart? - Yeah. Excuse me. I assume this means you,
uh, you found out what was wrong with Laura? She had a amebiasis. We just
found a different way to get rid of it. Thank you. That was kind of you.
I didn't want him going postal on us. Soon as his wife's heart's in our
hands, you can tell him about the gonorrhea. He's gotta be tested.
Preferably before he gets any sympathy sex. Paddles. 50 joules. Charging.
Charging. [Heart begins to beat] Let's take him off bypass. Mr.
Neuberger. There's something I need to tell you. The last, uh. year or
so, uh. Laura was kind of distant with me. I don't know why. I thought
maybe she was having an affair.
But not Laura. And I'm not excusing myself, but when I was traveling
during Christmas, I had a. I had a one-night stand. I got gonorrhea. Are you sure-- - Yeah. I should've said something to you. But I didn't
want to believe that I gave it to her. That's what made her sick,and.
that was why she got into the accident. Cecile? Am I dead? Hopefully not
for a long time. Why are you here? Amy called me. If you do Mom again,
you gotta wear a condom. You're gonna have gonorrhea in your system for a
while. "Honky Tonk Women" by Taj Mahal I met a gin-soaked barroom queen
in Memphis [Knock on the door] She tried to take me upstairs for a ride
She had to heave me right across her shoulder
'Cause I just can't.
Could I stay with you for a few days? You idiot. You told her. She told
me. Things have been crappy at home lately. I figured I wasn't spending
enough time there. I figured. It turns out, you're right. It's always
about sex. She's been having an affair. It's the honky-tonk women Want
a beer? That gimme, gimme, gimme the honky-tonk blues