Running head: LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE Life Story of Erick Aguirre Erick Aguirre California State University, Northridge Professor Heather R. McCollum, Ph.D. June 25, 2020 1 LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 2 Abstract This paper focuses on my life story thus far, I am a twenty-two-year old nursing student as of the completion of this assignment. My parents are both immigrants from El Salvador and arrived in the United States during the 1980’s. I have two brothers and I live in a house in Panorama City, California. The focus of this paper is to analyze my upbringing, reflect on myself, and identify any methods that I can change using the applicable coursework from Family & Consumer Science 340 (FCS 340). Topics covered include Erik Erikson’s psychosocial theory of Human Development, parenting styles, discipline, parenting and social class, divorce, depression, and suicide. I was born on September 13, 1997. I am the second son of Carlos Aguirre and Mirna Aguirre. was born at St. Joseph’s Hospital in Burbank, California. The City of Burbank played a big role in my perception of the world as I grew up. I have never lived in Burbank, but my father has worked at the Costco there since 1991, back when it was known as Price Club. For this reason, he sent us to school in Burbank. This affected my friend groups, my self-esteem, and my goals as I developed. My relationship with my father is a good one that has always had consistent tension regarding my academic performance, behavior, and goals. Despite the tension, I love my father very much and know him to be a great role model. My mother arrived in the United States when she was 12 years old, she lived in a crowded household and has always been very family oriented. All the uncles, aunts, and cousins that I grew up around are related to me from my mother’s side of the family. My mother worked as a receptionist for a dentist’s office from 1999 to 2017, she currently works at a Costco in Van Nuys, California. My mother has always been the person that I look to for comfort the most. My father worked late when my brother’s and I were young so she would often be the only parent LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 3 that we saw for days at a time. My mother has always been less concerned about my achievements than my father, which I admit may have caused me to be lazy when growing up. I love my mother and we are very close to each other. I have two brothers whom have been greatly supportive of me throughout my life. My older brother is named Carlos, he was named after my father and was born on August 11, 1993. He is currently 26 years old and lives with his girlfriend of 5 years in Fremont, California. My older brother has always been a great inspiration to me. We were always close growing up and are still close to this day. My little brother is named Anthony. Anthony was born on January 1, 2001 and is currently 19-years old. He is an aerospace engineering student at University California, Irvine (UCI) and lives with my father and me. Anthony and I are very close. Infancy I have been told that I was a very active baby as I was very energetic and fond of being outdoors. My parents were both in their mid-twenties and qualified for free groceries through a Mother’s Nutritional Center. My mother stayed at home and raised me and Carlos while my father worked long hours at Costco partly due to his status of being an illegal immigrant at the time. My father reports having worked close to twelve hours at a time without extra pay due to fear of retaliation in the workplace. We lived in an apartment in North Hollywood, California. Basic Trust vs. Mistrust Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Stage Theory identifies intrapersonal conflicts that each person resolves successfully or unsuccessfully throughout periods of their life. The resolution of the conflicts has an effect development and social relationships according to Erikson’s theory (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 340). The first of these conflicts is the basic trust vs. mistrust phase. An infant during this period must develop trust in others and themselves. I developed this trust in LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 4 others because my parents met my needs such as providing shelter and food. My parents both loved me and showed me affection as evidenced by the ensemble of photographs and home videos we have of me smiling and playing. Childhood My childhood was pleasant, by the age of three my mother was pregnant with Anthony. My father had saved enough money and credit to take out a home loan and moved us into our home in Panorama City. Parenting Style My mom and dad’s style of parenting was on a wide spectrum that was a mix of authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. Authoritarian style of parenting is defined as expecting absolute obedience from a child often with attempts to control their behavior through forceful measures (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 339). Authoritative style of parenting is like the latter but differs in that parents using authoritative style are much more responsive and supporting (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 340). My father’s style of parenting involved a combination of authoritarian and authoritative. I was a very active kid and would often do things I was not supposed to like drawing on the walls and using my mother’s lipstick, my dad would not tolerate this type of behavior when he was home. He could be very cold at times and would put me in my rooms closet as a form of time-out for me and my brothers. He would expect us to behave perfectly at times and enforce good behavior with somewhat extreme forms of discipline, however, at times he was easy-going and could compromise. For this reason, I can declare that my father also used an authoritative style of parenting. On the other hand, my mother’s combination of parenting is authoritative and permissive. Permissive parenting involves placing few requirements as to what behavior is expected of their LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 5 children and may be overly responsive to a child’s needs causing an overreliance on others (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 340). Unlike my father who has always been consistent in his style, my mother was authoritative when I was younger and became permissive as I reached my adolescence. My mother would always listen to my concerns as a young boy but expected me to behave when necessary. She was always warm and comforting when punishing me for bad behavior. Something she did much differently than my father was that she would apologize to me when she felt that she punished me too harshly. As I got older, my mother began to focus on raising my little brother and became much more permissive towards me. I did not fear making my mother angry the way that I feared my father. This isn’t to say that I was disrespectful towards her, but she did not set any boundaries or discipline me as I got older. Punishment My Father would discipline me a lot more than my mother would. Many times, the punishments were a result of fighting with my brothers or doing something that I wasn’t supposed to. He did not rely on corporal punishment, that is, he did not ever hit us. He frequently used verbal punishment that would psychologically change our behavior. He would also put me into “time-out” by making me sit in my rooms closet as previously mentioned, my father knew that I feared the dark and would use the closet as a way of imposing fear in me. I feared the closet so much that he could correct my behavior by just threatening me with a timeout in the closet, this type of discipline ended by the time that I reached adolescence. He relied more on verbal punishment and removing privileges such as gaming systems and computer time. My father’s parenting style is in line with many other Hispanic parents as, “Parenting styles also reflect cultural values. Among many recent Latino and Asian immigrants, for example, authoritarian parenting produces positive outcomes, such as better grades. This parenting style is LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 6 also more effective in safeguarding children who are growing up in communities with high levels of crime and drug peddling” (Benokraitis 340). Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt / Initiative vs. Guilt Autonomy vs. shame and doubt, where a child may gain self-control and a sense of independence; and initiative vs. guilt involves a child’s attempts at learning new skills and setting new goals (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 337). Both stages occur between ages two and five, from my memory, I believe that I gained autonomy and initiative during this period of my life as I was an eager toddler that enjoyed an abundance of different play styles and activities. I was properly potty trained prior to entering school, could feed myself, and had learned how to perform basic math prior beginning schooling. According to Benokraitis I was in the minority of Hispanic children that could do so “In 2007, only 26 percent of Latino children ages 3 to 5—compared with at least 44 percent of white, black, and Asian American children—had skills such as recognizing the alphabet, counting to 20 or higher, and reading storybooks” (Benokraitis 344). Parenting and Social Class Social economic statues (SES) is determined by a person’s income, education, and occupation (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 345). My parents would have been considered low-SES when I was a young boy as my parents did not have a lot of money, did not go to college, and worked low-income jobs. We have always lived in neighborhoods that would be perceived as “ghetto” to some. My father’s seemingly harsh punishments may have correlation with being low-SES. Interestingly, my father’s fear of having us attend overcrowded and underfunded schools in the area is what led to the desire of having us attend school in Burbank. Separation and Divorce LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 7 My parents separated and divorced by the time that I was in fifth grade. My parents both feared potential negative consequences of developing without having both parents in the household and decided to cohabitate without having a sexual relationship with each other. This was among one of the most confusing points of my childhood. I remember telling myself along the lines of, “a lot of couples get divorced so I should not be sad that my parents did too”, I see now that this may have been one way of me trying to cope with the situation. From age 10 to 19, my parents lived together but were not romantically involved. Adolescence Adolescence was dull for the most part. I lived in Panorama City but went to high school in Burbank. I did not drive myself until the second half of senior year, so I relied on my parents for most of the high school. This awkward distance kept me from being unable to join a sport, hangout with friends, or join clubs as it would have been a strain on my parents. My father did not like me hanging around the neighborhood we lived in because he was scared that I would get involved with gangs and other bad influences. Changes in Parent-Child Relationship “A good parent–child relationship may shift suddenly during adolescence” (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 351), I believe that this quote summarizes the change in relationships that I had with my parents as I became a teenager. I seemed to have been maturing quickly from 8th grade and onward, puberty had given me a deeper voice and physical ability. For the first time ever, girls my age had told me that I was attractive, I really believed that I was mature. Despite my physical changes, I was still horrid when it came to academic achievements and was progressively becoming depressed. I failed classes on a consistent basis. My father always made it clear to me that I was a was lazy, stubborn son. My mother reports me having mood-swings during this time LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 8 where I would get very angry over small issues and cry soon after. I was no longer the happyenergetic child that I once was. I became more distant and secretive. Depression I felt depressed throughout most of high school, I felt left out and did not have any true friends. Interestingly, depression is the leading mental illness that adolescents fourteen and up experience (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 423). I graduated high school in May of 2015. I began attending Los Angeles Pierce College (LAPC) and began going to therapy for my consistent sadness, I was diagnosed with depression in 2016. It was difficult to cope with my depression, but for the first time ever I found happiness in doing college schoolwork. I chose to pursue a career in nursing because I want to help people in need. I had found a motivation. Identity vs. Identity Confusion Identity vs. Identity Confusion occurs between the ages of thirteen and nineteen. I was very confused about my identity for every year of my life during this period. I did not believe that I was good at anything, I had no friends, and my father thought I was useless. According to Benokraitis, “Making important decisions may lead to confusion over who and what one wants to become.” (Benokraitis, 2015, pg. 366), I did not know who I wanted to become even once I chose to pursue nursing at the age of 17, I consistently wondered if I was good enough to be a nurse. Young Adulthood (The Present) Suicidal Ideation I began to attend the Associates Degree in Nursing (ADN) program at Glendale Community College (GCC) in Winter of 2019. My hard work for the previous four years had LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 9 begun to pay off as I was one of forty students from three-hundred applicants to be accepted to the program. Despite this achievement, my first ever academic achievement, I was still lonely. I am one of the youngest and one of the few ethnic minority students in my cohort. I still feel left out at times. The coursework is much more difficult than I had anticipated. I began to think of committing suicide in Fall of 2019. I had very abstract dreams during this time, I dreamt a lot of being alone, suffocating, drowning, and dying. I sought help again, I began to go to therapy and was prescribed an antidepressant that I take daily. Intimacy vs Isolation I am currently single but have dated casually since I was nine-teen, I had never had a girlfriend anytime during my adolescence. Erikson’s Intimacy vs. Isolation stage has to do with finding and achieving close relationships with others; this occurs between age twenty and thirty (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 366). I personally believe that I am making improvements in myself to achieve intimacy as evidenced by some close friends that I have made in the Spring of 2020 and my current good status with my family members. Discussion Analysis First, I believe that I was raised well despite the awkward hiccups that had occurred. I base this off the fact that I consider myself to be a good person and am making leaps in achieving my goals while also maintaining good relationships with my family members. I remain content that the style of parenting used to raise me was a mix of permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative. Despite this, I do hold ill-feelings toward the memories of when my parents would us a more authoritarian approach on me. The discipline that my father used was affective in keeping my brothers and I in line, I am very grateful that my father never used corporal LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 10 punishment on any of us. I think that choosing to lock us in a dark closet is somewhat unique to what most parents do to discipline children; I sometimes wonder if it is cruel to have done so. Social Class played a significant role in my development as my father had to work long hours and was oftentimes not at home because of this. Most childhood memories I have of my father are of how tired he was and disciplining us for being rowdy. I often feel like he would have been much more pleasant if we could have afforded for him to work less. My parent’s marriage was never a great one, my parents argued with each other constantly throughout my childhood; I never even witnessed my parents show affection for each other. It was awkward to continue to live with both under the same roof despite them being divorced as my parents argued more than ever before. I have no doubt that it would have been healthier for all of us if one would have moved out. Erickson’s Psychosocial Theory of Human Development is very relevant to me. I believe that all the major goals in Erikson’s stages have been relevant to me throughout my lifetime. Changes in parent-child relationship as I reached adolescence did occur very suddenly, my parents had originally wanted me to attend therapy around 2013 as my un-diagnosed depression had worried them. Reflection Reflecting on the life I have lived thus far makes me realize that there is still much more to experience and to look forward to. It has changed my outlook for the better as I have never thought of putting my major experiences down on paper before. I feel that mistakes are natural, that life has overall treated me well. I initially did not think that I would have to write so negatively of my father and my mother. My parent’s opinion of me has always been important and continues to be a big reason that I push myself to be better. I forgive my parents for the mistakes that they had made but I would never confront them about how they made me feel LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 11 growing up. I rather learn not to make the same mistakes with my own children in the future. Finally, I realized that I am very much a loner as I never had any meaningful relationships outside of my immediate family. I will continue to treat people kindly as we never know what experiences have molded a person. Changes in Behavior and Interaction I feel like this class would be more relevant to me if I had was a father myself. I do not necessarily think that I know what concepts would make me a good parent, but I do know which concepts I will avoid in the future when I raise a child. I will try to be an authoritative parent as this style promotes the healthiest development (Benokraitis, 2015, p 340). I would not use corporal punishment as there is a correlation to higher aggression in children (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 342). I am aware that my mother bed-shared with all of us as newborns but would personally never do so with my own children as there is a correlation with bed-sharing and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (Benokraitis, 2015, p. 350). The biggest change I would make when raising my children would occur when they are adolescents. My parents were not very responsive to my depression and mood-swings when I was a teenager and I understand that many young people have feelings of sadness during this time period. I would advocate for my children to seek professional help and promote more socialization among their peer groups in a safe manner as I feel that I never experienced what it was like to socialize normally at that age. Conclusion In conclusion, my life can accurately be analyzed using Erikson’s theory and other micro and macro concepts. After reflecting on my life, I am still left unsure of what it takes to raise a good family, but I believe that I know what to avoid. I was once an energetic baby but I am now an adult with much room for improvement. LIFE STORY OF ERICK AGUIRRE 12 Reference Page Benokraitis, N. V. (2015). Marriages & families: Changes, choices, and constraints. Boston: Pearson.
