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Harmeet Mander
Ms. Sarsangi
ENG 3U0 - F
June 1, 2020
Parenthood in ​A Thousand Splendid Suns
When it comes to raising healthy children, the general assumption is that a stable
environment and good parenting are essential to create well adjusted children. The truth,
however, is that even if children are raised in unstable parental environments they can overcome
their bad upbringing and still become good parents. In Khalid Hossein’s novel, ​A Thousand
Splendid Suns, ​the author demonstrates how Mariam and Laila’s characters transition out of bad
situations and circumstances to become good parents.​ ​Through the psychoanalytic lens, that
author’s purpose is to show that children who are raised in unsupportive parental environments
can still turn out to be good parents. This is shown through the relationships between Mariam
and her mother, Laila and her mother, and Aziza’s with Mariam and Laila.
First of all, despite the fact that Mariam is not related to Laila, she takes on the role of a
protective mother in two very extreme situations. In one situation, when Laila was in the
hospital about to deliver Zalmai, Mariam is overcome with love and compassion when she sees
Laila is in pain and needs to see a doctor right away. Mariam sees the chaos at the hospital and
immediately takes charge: “Mariam clawed at necks, at arms and elbows, at hair, and, women
nearby hissed, Mariam hissed back. Mariam saw now the sacrifices a mother made. Decency was
but one” (Hosseini 287). Mariam never experiences this kind of love and support as a child
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because she came from a dysfunctional family environment where Nana would constantly
complain that Jalil was not a good father. Instead of standing up to Jalil, and fighting for
Mariam’s rights, Nana turns her frustrations onto Mariam and criticizes her for being a harami.
In one instance, Mariam remembers how hurt she felt about being called a harami: “It was the
way Nana utters the word- not so much saying it as spitting it at her--that made Mariam feel the
full sting of it” (Hosseini 4). Mariam’s father did not live with her so he was not around to
witness and stop the emotional abuse that Nana inflicts on Mariam. Over the years the abuse
affects Mariam’s self-esteem and makes her feel like she is shameful of herself. Even after her
marriage to Rasheed when she was sitting in a restaurant wearing a burqa she thought to herself
that the burqa was a great way to hide from strangers: “It was like a one-way window. Inside it,
she was an observer, buffered from the scrutinizing eyes of strangers. She no longer worried that
people knew, with a single glance, all the shameful secrets of her past” (Hosseini 73).
In the
second situation, Mariam kills Rasheed to protect Laila, who has become like a daughter to her.
When Rasheed is strangling Laila to death, for meeting with Tariq, Mariam sees “Laila's face is
turning blue now, and her eyes have rolled back. Mariam saw that she was no longer struggling.
In conclusion, children can become good parents even if they grow up in unsupportive parental
environments. The negative relationship between Mariam and her mother, Laila and her mother,
and the positive relationship between Aziza and Mariam and Laila displays that children can
overcome bad childhoods and in turn become good parents themselves. Mariam had a tough
childhood because both her parents never love her properly. Jalil never gave Mariam the status
of legitimate daughter and Nana cheats Mariam by committing suicide. ​ ​Similarly, Mammy
neglects Laila but in the end Laila became a successful and healthy mother to Aziza. Laila
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demonstrates her love for Aziza by taking many risks, verbal abuses and beatings in order to see
Aziza in the orphanage. Laila and Mariam protect Aziza and shower her with love and
eventually Aziza grows up to be a healthy and happy child.
He was going to kill her... And Mariam could not, would not let that happen. He’d taken
so much of her in twenty years of marriage. She would not watch him take Laila too” (Hosseini
348). In this instance, Mariam realizes she has to sacrifice everything to protect her new family.
It is very uncharacteristic of Mariam to kill Rasheed in this manner because she was always
taught by Nana to tolerate the injustices done to her. As a youngster, Mariam once asked Mullah
Faizullah to ask Nana if she could go to school. Nana’s response was that school was worthless
and would not help her in life. In this situation, Nana told her “It’s our lot in life, Mariam.
Women like us. We endure. It’s all we have” (Hosseini 19). Mariam was basically told that it is
impossible for her to better herself and pull herself out of her bad circumstance, so it is not even
worth trying. This type of unsupportive environment held Mariam back for almost twenty years
with Rasheed but at the end Mariam comes to the realization that she no longer needs to endure
bad behaviour instead she has to do whatever it takes to become a good parent and protect her
new family. In the end, Mariam takes the blame for killing Rasheed. When Laila asks Mariam to
reconsider, Mariam explains, “For me, it ends here. There’s nothing more I want. Everything
I’d wished for as a little girl you’ve already given me. You and your children made me so happy.
It's all right Laila Jo. Don’t be sad” (Hosseini 358). This is an important growth moment for
Mariam because she realizes that her sacrifice would provide a better life for Laila and her
children. That is the best sacrifice a parent can make for their child.
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Equally important, Laila displays her good parenting skills when she took risks to see
Aziza in the orphanage because she did not want her daughter to feel abandoned the same way
that she felt with Mammy. After Laila’s two older brothers Ahmed and Noor had been killed in
the war, her mother Mammy went into a depression and this causes her to neglect Laila for most
of her childhood. Laila tries to show her mother that she is still alive and needs her but she
realizes that Mammy is lost in her son’s memories and this has a negative impact on her: “They
overshadowed her in life. They would oberilate her to death. Mammy was now the curator of
their lives’ museum and she, Laila, was a mere visitor. A receptacle for their myths” (Hosseini
142). This expresses how Laila felt emotional neglect and unimportant to Mammy, however,
she still turns out to be a better mother to her daughter Aziza. When Rasheed had made the
suggestion that Aziza go live in the orphanage, Laila told him “I won’t let you turn my daughter
into a street beggar!” (Hosseini 299). Rasheed slaps Laila, due to this outburst, and “then Laila
punched him” (Hosseini 299). Laila is really against sending Aziza to the orphanage because
she genuinely cares for Aziza. Furthermore, Laila sacrifices her life to marry Rasheed so that
Aziza would not end up a harami. Laila is given the option to marry Rasheed but she always
questions deep down if she is doing the right thing: “She knew that what she was doing was
dishonorable. Dishonorable, disingenuous and shameful. And spectacularly unfair to Mariam.
But even though the baby inside her was no bigger than a mulberry, Laila already saw the
sacrifices a mother had to make. Virtue was only the first” (Hosseini 219). Laila’s parents made
a bad decision to delay their leave from Afghanistan due to the fact that Mammy wants to see the
return of the Taliban to justify her son’s deaths. Laila’s father knew that the environment was not
safe for his family but he was afraid to challenge his wife’s decision. Laila’s parents were only
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thinking of their selfish needs and not Laila’s safety and this leads to them being killed in the
bombing. The consequences of her parent’s irrational decision creates many future problems for
Laila, including marrying Rasheed, but this did not affect Laila’s good parental decisions that
always benefits Aziza.
Lastly, the relationship that Aziza has with Laila and Mariam portrays how her two
mothers try to make Aziza’s life amazing as possible. Mariam, loves Aziza like a mother and
ultimately wants the best for her so she asks Laila if she could teach her Islamic prayer and
important verses from the Koran: “ It’s all I have to give her, Mariam had said to Laila, this
knowledge, these prayers. They’re the only true possession I’ve ever had “(Hosseini 298). This
portrays how Mariam only had one comforting memory from her sad childhood and it has
nothing to do with Nana. Mariam displays her true love for Aziza by making sure that she
teaches her positive things like the Koran verses, that she could keep with her forever. Nana,
however, only taught Mariam to hate herself for being a harami and hate Jalil for being a bad
father. Mariam did not learn anything positive from her mother and that is mainly because Nana
had epilepsy and psychological issues. Nana was always afraid of losing Mariam so she kept her
down by constantly reminding her that she was a harami and that nobody could love her like she
did. Nana always criticizes Jalil because she did not want to encourage Mariam’s relationship
with her father because then Mariam might leave her for a better life. In fact, when Mariam
wants to visit her father’s house, the last thing that Nana said to Mariam was, “I’ll die if you go.
The Jinn will come, and I’ll have one of my fits. You’ll see, I’ll swallow my tongue and die.
Don’t leave me, Mariam jo. Please stay. I’ll die if you go” (Hosseini 26). This gut wrenching
emotion shows that Mariam does love her mother but her mother never truly loves her because
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she committes suicide and ultimately abandons her. Similarly, Laila is a good parent to Aziza as
she cares for her as a good parent should. After Laila’s plan to escape to Pakistan fails, Rasheed
locks Laila and Aziza in the bedroom in the hot weather without any water. Aziza was lying on
the floor as if she was dead and Laila “put her ear over Aziza's mouth, dreading each time that
she would not hear the shallow whooshing of breath” (Hosseini 271). Laila did this to see if her
daughter was still alive. Laila is a good mother that cares for her daughter and pays close
attention to her and does to shut her out like how her own mother did.
Works Cited
Hosseini, Khaled. ​A Thousand Splendid Suns​. ATSS Publications Ltd, 2007.