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Running Head: Effects of Divorce on Children
Don’t Split Up: The Effects of Divorce on Children
Vernon K. Harris
May 4, 2020
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Effects of Divorce on Children
Abstract
Unquestionably, divorce in America has an impact child as well as the parents involved.
According to a statistical study (Cherlin et al. 1994) 40% of children who live in the United States
will experience parental divorce before they reach the age of 18. In the United States, over 20
million people have been diagnosed with a mood disorder. The research is thorough, and studies
examine the impact divorce has on children as they try to live a normal life. Furthermore, children
of divorced parents have the tendency to show other mental disorders along the way as they begin
to find ways to cope with the separation and ultimate divorce of their parents. Over time, with
expert help and other alternative measures that must be taken, divorce can be dealt with and treated
in a way that minimizes its impact on children. Therefore, the purpose of this paper to identify
the problems that children face, deal with, while given preventive measures that can help and treat
those children that struggle with the divorce of their parents.
Keywords:
worldview
Historical aspect, psychological aspect, treatment/intervention, biblical
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Effects of Divorce on Children
According to the CDC, the divorce rate in the U.S. is 3.2 per 1,000 population and as of
2016, both marriage rates and divorce rates are decreasing (Wilkinson & Finkbeiner Family Law
Attorneys, 2018, para 3). Apparently young people are waiting longer to get marries and staying
married longer. However researchers estimate that 41% of all first marriages end in divorce, 60%
of second marriages end in divorce, and 73 percent of all third marriages in divorce with the
United States having the 6th highest divorce rate in the world (Wilkinson & Finkbeiner Family
Law Attorneys, 2018, para 5). The reasons for divorce are varying. The top eleven reasons are:

Money

Lack of intimacy

Infidelity

Abuse

Lack of compatibility

Physical appearance

Addictions

Getting married at an early age

Getting married for the wrong reasons

Lack of communication

Lack of equality and loss of identity (Crowley, 2020, para 2).
With all these reasons, the impact of divorce on adults is tremendous. However, the impact of
divorce on children is just as staggering. In order to really understand the impact of divorce
on children you have to look at how important familial relationships are to their
development. It is only then you can understand the disruption that divorce can cause in a
child’s life with impact lasting into adulthood in many cases.
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Effects of Divorce on Children
Children go through a series of developmental stages that are important to their physical,
intellectual, emotional, and social development. Parents provide encouragement, support, and
access to activities that enable the child to master key developmental tasks (Child Development
Institute, n.d., para 1). Healthy attachment provides a child with a sense of safety and security
which assists through all their developmental stages.
Jean Piaget was a Swiss psychologist who developed a theory of cognitive development.
He thought of cognitive development as a process and that children processed the world
drastically different from adults. His theory gave four stages of cognitive development:
1. Sensorimotor stage (birth to age 2): Learning that an object still exists, even if
hidden.
2. Preoperational stage (age 2 to age 7): Learn to think about things symbolically.
Thinking is egocentric and there is difficulty taking the point of view of others.
3. Concrete operational stage (age 7 to age 11): Marks the beginning of logical or
operational thought. This means the child can work things out internally in their
head.
4. Formal operational stage (age 11+ to adolescence and adulthood): People develop
the ability to think about abstract concepts and logically test hypotheses (McLeod,
2018, para 25-28).
While children didn’t all strictly stick to those age ranges in their movement through the
stages these were what Piaget believed a person needed to reach cognitive maturity. While
examining the Piaget theory, it’s easy to fit parenting into the phases of development. It is
important for a parent not to rush the various stages of development as children master skills
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Effects of Divorce on Children
gradually. Piaget’s theory basically says that children learn through experience and parents are
the ones who provide such experience. For a child to have higher self-esteem and better
performance in school it is necessary for parents to provide warm and open communication,
physical touch, and provide rules in infancy and childhood. In adolescence parents must prepare
children for biological and emotional changes that come with puberty and providing
opportunities for independence and autonomy.
A safe and loving home is important to child development. Parents help children to be
healthy, safe, and successful. More importantly they help emotional, behavioral, cognitive, and
social development. Parents give children the skills and resources to succeed as adults and give
them culture.
Divorce for children can be scary, confusing, and frustrating. While the first year after
divorce is considered the toughest as children adjust to new schedules, living arrangements, and
relationships (with parents, step-parents, etc.) many go on to adjust, but some do not. During the
time of divorce, they face an incredible amount of stress and often this can lead to a crisis in the
child’s life depending on the level of conflict (Brooks, 2018). Parental divorce is a major risk
factor for internalizing and externalizing problems in children and adolescents. Cross-sectional
and longitudinal studies show that children of divorced parents report more psychological
maladjustment than children of married parents. A large body of research has revealed that
children of divorced parents exhibited a heightened prevalence of conduct problems, anxiety and
depression symptoms, and academic difficulties. According to a statistical study (Cherlin et al.
1994) 40% of children who live in the United States will experience parental divorce before they
reach the age of 18. In the United States, over 20 million people have been diagnosed with a
mood disorder. Those who experience the hardship of divorce have a higher degree of depression
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Effects of Divorce on Children
and bipolar disorder than those who do not (Kessler, Chiu, Demler and Walters 2005). A human
brain is not fully developed until mid-twenties and research has shown that trauma, prolonged
conflict situations have a devastating impact on the developing brain of a child. According to Dr.
Brooks and supporting research, the limbic system (fight or flight) is over-developed while the
higher cortex (emotional regulation) is underdeveloped leaving the child in a depressive, anxious
state – crashing back and forth onto the bank of chaos or rigidity on the river of well-being
(Siegel & Bryson, 2012). In very rare cases, a child may feel relieved by the separation if the
environment was too toxic.
Most research has focused on children’s physical health or externalizing behaviors such
as ADHD. Parents are more likely to report externalizing behaviors because they are disruptive
and problematic causing the child issues at school and at home. But there are also internalizing
behaviors that can happen. The prevalence of major depressive disorder (MDD) and anxiety
disorders (i.e. obsessive compulsive disorder and post-traumatic stress syndrome) among
children and adolescents ranges from 0.6 to 3.0% and from 2.2 to 9.5% respectively
(Wallenborn, Chambers, Lowery, & Masho, 2019). Parental marital status has been shown to
align with internalizing behaviors in many cases. A study of children between the ages of 3 and 6
years found that children with separated/divorced/single parents were more likely to meet the
preschool diagnostic criteria for MDD (Wallenborn, Chambers, Lowery, & Masho, 2019).
Divorce usually means that children lose contact (daily) with one parent which is usually
the father. Children may have to change schools, move to a new home, experience financial
hardship, and become used to living with one parent. These things all cause stress which may
take a toll on a child’s emotional development. According to the Pew Research Center, about
40% of new marriages in the U.S. include one spouse who had ben married before and in 20% of
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Effects of Divorce on Children
new marriages both spouses had been married before (Geiger & Livingston, 2019). This means
many children are faced with ongoing changes to family dynamics. In a brief interview an adult
who faced multiple changes to family dynamics was questioned about how those changes
affected them in adulthood. Some questions and answers are provided below.
Q: How many times have your parents been married or divorced?
A: My father has been married three times and my mother has been married five times.
Q: Do you think all those marriages affected you?
A: Yes. I have never seen marriage as permanent so in my relationships now, I don’t
think about the long haul or the end goal, I just date for the time being and when I’m
unhappy, I leave.
Q: Did you have relationships with all of those step-parents?
A: More so my step-fathers than my step-mothers.
Q: Do you think that your parents staying together would have been more beneficial?
A: Absolutely not. It was a toxic relationship, there was no way I could have come out of
that without being emotionally damaged (Powell, 2020).
From the interview, it was gathered that some children face many challenges from
divorce. This particular interviewee was faced with a pretty nasty divorce that ended up in the
local newspaper. It caused stress and a complete shut-down as they were bullied and unsure of
which parent to side with. Parents can ensure their children have support through a divorce and
don’t end up with psychological issues, behavior issues, poor academic performance, and risktaking behaviors.
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Effects of Divorce on Children
Psychological or mental health issues are increased when parents divorce. It can cause
depression and anxiety as kids struggle to adjust to a divorce. A study published in 2019
suggested kids from divorced families tended to have trouble with school if the divorce was
unexpected, whereas children from families where divorce was likely didn’t have the same
outcome (Morin & Forman, 2019). Children with divorced parents tend to drink alcohol earlier
and use tobacco and marijuana at a higher usage than their peers. These are just some of the
issues that take place as an effect of divorce.
It should be noted again that for most children, the effects of divorce are short-term. In a
2002 study, it was found that many children experience short-term negative effects from divorce,
especially anxiety, anger, shock and disbelief, but by the second year those reactions typically
diminish (Arkowitz & Lilienfeld, 2013).Children that were in households that showed signs of
conflict prior to divorce also had an easier time adjusting than those who were caught off guard
by the divorce. The children may have taken the divorce as a welcome relief from fighting and
other aspects of a toxic environment. Children living in families with a high conflict rate have a
lower mental well-being than children reared by parents with fewer conflicts. Chronic conflicts
between parents not only insecure the parent-child relationship but also diminish children’s trust
in parental ability to solve conflictual situations (Hannighofer, Foran, Hahlweg, & Zimmermann,
2017). These things all have an impact on a child’s mental health as it affects their sense of
security. Having parents that fight and have constant conflict yet stay together is just as
negatively influential on a child as parents that seemingly have no conflict and suddenly divorce.
One area that does persist into adulthood for children of divorced parents is how the
children go on to perform in their own relationships. There have been studies that concluded that
the relationships of adults whose parents’ marriages failed do tend to be somewhat more
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Effects of Divorce on Children
problematic than those of children from stable homes (Arkowitz & Lilienfeld, 2013). Adults who
come from a divorced family background may have trouble forming and maintaining intimacy in
their relationships and find greater dissatisfaction in their marriage. If a child’s living
arrangement becomes unstable after divorce it can be highly traumatic. Several studies focus on
relationships between mother and child as in the U.S> children are usually left in their mother’s
custody after divorce. Married mothers are found to have less mental health problems than
unmarried or single mothers and it was found that approximately 45% of single mothers
experienced depression or anxiety in the previous 12 months after separation compared to 23.6
of partnered mothers (Hannighofer, Foran, Hahlweg, & Zimmermann, 2017). In studies that
examined the influence of relationship status of the mother on mental health, those numbers took
their toll. Children of mothers in unstable relationships and children of single mothers showed a
higher number of mental health problems compared to children of stable two-parent families
(Bergstrom, Fransson, Wells, Kohler, & Hjern, 2018). Less is known about the father and child
relationship.
There are things that parents can do to reduce the effect of divorce on children. The main
thing is limitation of a child’s involvement in the divorce process and exposure to it. Having to
deal with testifying in court or things of that nature (this is sometimes avoidable in cases of
alleged abuse), can cause tension between a parent and a child and leave the child feeling
stressed and guilty that they are at fault for the divorce. Children should also be placed in the
custody of the more stable parent after the divorce, regardless of if it’s the mother or the father.
Parents should provide emotional support and offer therapy if they think the child needs it.
Parents should also seek therapy if they are unable to co-parent peacefully. Overt hostility can
lead to behavior problems in children or a degenerated relationship with one or both parents.
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Effects of Divorce on Children
Discipline should be consistent and age-appropriate with rules that are not too lenient or too
strict. It is also important for rules to be aligned between households. Parents can battle a child’s
bouts with anxiety by assuring them they are loved and not at fault for the divorce. They can also
help them to easily understand new schedules and not just throw things at them unannounced.
Parents shouldn’t be afraid to seek out assistance in helping their child cope with divorce or to
ask a professional for resources that can assist them with helping children to process a divorce.
Individual and family therapy can help address changes in family dynamics and help a child to
sort out their emotions (Morin & Forman, 2019). There are also support groups for kids in
certain age groups because interacting with peers who are also dealing with divorce can also be
helpful.
Although the association between parental divorce and children’s psychological problems
is well-established, theoretical formulations suggest that it is not divorce per se (i.e., the
dissolution of marital subsystem) that triggers children’s mental health problems but rather pre
and post-divorce family processes are considered as the major risk mechanisms (Lamela,
Figueiredo, Bastos, & Feinberg, 2015). It is important that parents prepare their kids for
inevitable divorce and limit their children’s exposure to any negative behaviors that stem from
divorce. Counseling should be used as necessary. After the divorce, parents should work to coparent effectively, brining in a mediator if peaceful interaction is difficult. Close attention should
be paid to the child especially during the first years after divorce. This careful monitoring will
show if the child needs additional counseling or therapy as a result of the divorce. It is possible
for a child to come through divorce relatively unscathed and go on to lead a productive and
mentally healthy life but it takes parental involvement to make this happen.
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Effects of Divorce on Children
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