Emilia Smolyak
Student number: 7810953
Introduction:
This paper will discuss the effects of divorce on children and their development.
Divorce is the process of legal dissolution of marriage. While the past carried a heavy
stigmatization of divorce, modern life has made it easier than ever to go through with it.
Even though in certain cases it ends up as a relief for the parents, especially those of
toxic relationships, what toll does it take on the children of these families.
According to the latest Statistics Canada data, approximately 38 per cent of all
marriages end in divorce with the divorce rate peaking around 41 per cent in the 1980s.
As children commonly fall into the victims of divorce category, it is important to consider
their perspective, with the numbers of divorce being ever so high, and whether or how it
affects their mental health and development.
Research and Analysis:
With the looming possibility of divorce, some parents may find themselves wondering
whether they should remain together for the sake of their children. In some cases, that
could be the worst option, as tensions continue to rise, and the home can become a
toxic environment. Therefore, divorce is a stressful situation for both the children and
the parents. Majority of children are able to cope with these stressors and adapt, but
development of more emotional and behavioural problems do arise. Yet, compared to
high-conflict non-divorced families, children of divorced parents readjust and bounce
back from the changes in their lives. Current trends seem to show that divorce causes a
short-term increase of negative impacts on children’s development, but does not
necessarily imply that long-term psychological issues arise. According to a study, the
fact that children of divorce are so quick to adjust, only 25% of these children do
develop long-term problems into adulthood, yet it is not fully agreed upon that divorce
remains the sole fault, with various other factors that must be considered.
While it is noted that children of divorce do not differ significantly in development as
compared to their intact-family peers, it does not mean they are not impacted by the
divorce, and many lingering feelings could persist with the child as they age.
According to ​Deconstructing the Impact of Divorce on Children​ there are a few main
factors contributing to children experiencing difficulty after a divorce, the first being
parental conflict; when children witness parental conflict, they are more likely to develop
issues, and depending on the intensity of the conflict, children can internalize (such as
depression) or externalize (such as acting out behaviour) problems. Especially a
concern is that the child is not simply witnessing a conflict occurring, but also being
thrown into it. These lead to not only internalized and externalized behaviours, but also
shame, reservations in social skills, and distress.
The second factor was the state of the parent’s mental health and their parenting style;
because divorce is a stress for the parents, and they tend to lose support immediately
after the divorce, they must too adjust to certain changes. Parents who are angry and
overwhelmed over the divorce are more likely to have a more difficult time parenting
and monitoring their children. During the readjusting period within the first two years
post-divorce, parenting style may deteriorate while causing a negative impact on the
child. It was found that parents who encouraged their children’s academics, helped
mediate the negative impact of the family transition, as well as the child’s emotional
adjustment. Parenting style should aim to be authoritative, but at the same time should
include warmth, support, and limits and controls, for the best impact on the child’s
development. Good parenting practices can be a major impact of solving divorce related
issues.
Another factor is the issue of father involvement in the child’s life. Fathers who are
actively involved post-divorce improve the child’s outlook on life. Both father and child
benefit in this relationship, and children tend to develop better emotionally and
behaviourally.
The financial impact of divorce can affect children in a different way. Two households
are created, increasing financial pressures. Often parents are forced to take on more
hours at work to keep up with the demands, taking away from spending time with their
children.
Recommendations for dealing with the various factors associated with stressors and
negativity is making sure parents are educated on the impacts of household conflict. In
cases where conflict is at an increased level, parents can work with a coordinator or
therapist. In the case of therapy, the parents would benefit through learning to manage
stress. A happy parent will lead to a happy home, and a happy child.
The Psychological Effects of Divorce on Children: Take steps to help kids bounce back
faster​ delves deeper into the emotional turmoil a child may face during a divorce.
specifically, children may experience confusion and frustration, especially when having
to move between two homes. A thought a lot of children worry about is that if their
parents could stop loving each other, then there is a potential that they could stop loving
them! Children not old enough to understand the intricacies of divorce may worry that
they are the cause of it in the first place. Older children, such as teenagers, can become
angry and negative towards one or both parents, driving a gap in the parent-child
relationship.
Again, special mentions towards decreased father contact is drawn in this article. As
well, the custodial parent -- most often mothers -- find themselves with elevated stress
levels. Discipline is found to become less consistent, losing its effectiveness.
Some recommendations given by this article to reduce psychological impacts on
children as follows;
● Peaceful co-parenting: reducing the amount of conflict in the house that a child
may witness, and overall the tension that comes with conflict. Seeing these
scenarios play out can lead to behavioural problems in children. Seeking
professional help to manage interpersonal relations between spouses.
● Avoid putting children in the middle: children caught in the middle of parental
disputes tend to develop depression and anxiety. Having to choose between
parents, or passing on messages from one parent to the other can be a major
cause of stress.
● Maintenance of a healthy parent-child relationship: a warm, peaceful, supportive
and positive parent-child relationship has shown increased levels of self esteem
in children of divorced parents. These provide a loving and nurturing environment
a child can easily adapt to, leading to not only a happy home life, but also
branching out into other parts of the child’s micro-environments, such as school.
● Use of consistent discipline: it is important to stay consistent, especially during
times of change when a child’s life is thrown in all different directions, what with
separating, moving houses, changing schools, etc. being able to follow through
with consequences, while also setting age-appropriate limits and rules is a great
way to keep a child away from delinquency, and has also been shown to improve
academic performance.
Final Analysis:
There is a tradition of conducting research on this topic strictly on single parent families.
This old style of research originating in the 50’s and 60’s was primarily focused on the
relationship between the child and the parent they are living with (most commonly
mothers are the primary caretakers) and the child exhibiting behavioural issues,
delinquency, emotional trauma, as well as negative impacts on academics. ​Early
exposure to parents' relationship instability: implications for sexual behavior and depression in
adolescence​ also implies that divorce may lead children to potentially develop
inappropriate sex role attitudes and behaviours.
Single parent families are often seen as a deviation from the family unit and inevitably
cause dysfunction in children by research conducted on such issues. These ideologies
are problematic as they are biased, and therefore the resulting research methods
become inaccurate (i.e, the choice of samples, designs, procedures and instruments).
Inadequate control groups or controls for various factors may be difficult to supply;
these include social class and education of the parents, distinguishing between the
different types of “absent father” families (i.e. instances of death, divorce, never
married), or number and age of children. There must be very careful consideration of
individuals for studies in order for the results to not be skewed.
From what had been presented in the various articles, divorce is a major stressor in
children’s lives. Although most cases do not lead to extreme pathologies, these studies
may be lacking the full picture. A possible addition to the studies could be the inclusion
of extensive follow ups over the course of the child’s life post-divorce and into
adulthood. As adults, we can clearly see how their way of thinking and life perceptions
have been shaped by this event. Divorces that end in a very negative way can have
future complications to the child. The child who grows up with divorced parents might
develop mistrust in future relationships. If the divroce occurs in stage of adolescence
the child will take this as a social norm. They might think that it is the only way to have a
relationship. Perhaps they will believe that polygamy is the only way to have a
relationship. They might be trying to have a polyamrous relationship to overcompensate
for their parents divorce.
Another interesting point that perhaps was not specified in these articles, was the
aspect of boundary ambiguity -- being unsure of who is or is not a part of the child’s
family, which could cause confusion, stress, and in some cases, the child may feel
disloyal towards either parent (in cases of remarriage, and a step family). Role
ambiguity -- the uncertainty of specific individuals within the family -- could be yet
another aspect of confusion.
Conclusion and Discussion:
Based on research, only about 20-25% of children exhibit major problems post-divorce
and into adulthood, leading to the conclusion that divorce does not impact as many
people as dramatically as is presumed by media and the general community. While
extreme psychological problems do not arise and most children tend to do well with
some time given after the divorce to readjust, they do still miss the ideal family unit and
may feel negativity towards one or both parents, at least during the first stages. Children
may feel as if they do not belong, or that they differ from their peers whose families are
still intact. Absent father families are affected the most by it, where children are actively
missing a parental role.
While factors of the divorce contribute towards certain temporary difficulties a child may
face, it does not necessarily mean that the actual divorce is the sole source of impact.
Managing the negative impacts of said factors can lead to children coping better post
divorce.
So should parents stay married for the sake of their children? Even though divorce is a
rough ride for both children and parents, sometimes staying together may not be the
best option. High tensions and hostility create a problematic environment that can lead
to children to develop mental health problems, such as depression, anxiety, and low
self-esteem. The more common effects of divorce tend to be limited to a temporary
period of behaviour problems, anger and frustration, levels of delinquency, and a
decline in school. Even through all these setbacks, the majority of divorce children
adapt quickly and bounce back, accepting their parents decision and new life. At the
end of the day and overall, divorce is not the end of the world, and people can come out
of it leading an even better life than they had pre-divorce.
References:
1. Sol R. Rappaport, Family Law Quarterly. ​Deconstructing the Impact of Divorce on
Children. ​Vol. 47, No. 3 (Fall 2013), pp. 353-377.
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help kids bounce back faster.​ ​Updated September 14, 2019 ​Medically reviewed by ​Joel
Forman, MD​ on May 30, 2017.
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