How to Talk to Kids about Sex By MyQTBB Table of Contents 1. Introduction 2. When is the Best Time to Talk about Sex to Your Kids? 3. What are the Values that Need to be Instilled to Kids about Sex? 4. Appropriate Topics about Sex According to Their Ages 5. Conclusion Introduction Discussing sex with your children is a subject that many people feel uncomfortable with. The single most important thing when talking to your kids about sex is to make it a positive and joyful subject and at the same time link it to loyalty, family, love and commitment. Sometimes parents hesitate to talk to their kids about sex, believing that it will encourage them to have sex at an earlier age. This is actually not true. Kids will hear about sex from the media, in the playground, on the bus, and from their peers. It is all around us, so it is better for them to know the facts from you along with your family values to guide them in the right direction. When is the Best Time to Talk about Sex to Your Kids? Begin early. Sometimes, talking about sex is awkward because it has never been discussed to them before. When you start early to discuss this topic with your young children, you can impart your family values and create benchmarks before other people have the chance to influence them. You can start teaching them as early as toddler stage. For that age, teach them the proper names of their body parts. Yes, that means calling a penis "a penis" and a vagina "a vagina". In this way, we are not giving them the notion that their body parts are something to be shameful or to be embarrassed about. For age 4 and up. Get it here. For age 7 and up. Get it here. For age 10 and up. Get it here. When a young child asks, "Where do babies come from?" Depending on their age, you could just simply say that a baby grows from a tiny little egg inside mummy's tummy and comes out of her vagina. If they want to know more, it might not yet be advisable to go down the love making path yet as it is too early. Explain that when a man and woman love each other, they like to be close. The man's sperm joins the woman's egg and a baby starts to grow. Most kids under the age of about six will accept this information as enough to absorb for now. If they still persist, you may get some age-appropriate books that can demonstrate with simple illustrations to satisfy their curiosity. The left banner shows the top 3 Amazon Best Sellers in the category of Children’s Sexuality Books, for your reference. What are the Values that Need to be Instilled to Kids about Sex? Talk about the emotional aspect and responsibilities of sex. The facts about sex are important, and also the reasons why people have sex. Be sure to include in your discussions that sexual relationships involve a deep level of maturity, care, concern and responsibility. Your own religious beliefs and moral values will also have a great impact on how you talk about sex with your child. Signify this positive approach with words like "beautiful" and "special". Kids who visualize sex with these emotions, linked to such values, may appreciate the true meaning behind sex. After all, we do want our kids to one day have a happy family of their own. Appropriate Topics about Sex According to Their Ages As a parent, you need to judge how much information you wish to disclose to your kids, depending on their ages. Keep in mind, if they do ask you a question out of the blue, it is highly likely they have seen or heard some kind of information at school or somewhere else and have come to you for clarification. Embrace this and tell them what they are requesting. Use accurate language like vagina, penis, testicles and breasts. Don't circle around a point as they will become confused, lose interest and seek information elsewhere. So get to the point and use your wise judgement as to the degree of details you need to give. Tips For Talking With 2 - 6 Year Olds At the age of 2-3, kids have already developed an understanding of the proper names of their private parts. You might as well make sure that they learn the different private parts that each gender has, such as a boy has a penis and a girl has a vagina. Encourage your kids to feel good about themselves and their bodies. A healthy attitude about sex develops with how they feel about their body. Need book with more illustrations (like above) to explain about sex to your little one? Get it here. If a 4 or 5-year-old child asks you where do babies come from, tell them "When two people love each other very much, they become a mommy and a daddy and want to make their family bigger so they make a baby. A baby signifies their special love to each other". See if that satisfies their curiosity. Tips For Talking With 2 - 6 Year Olds You may need to give a few more details if requested. A slightly scientific explanation can also be “a tiny cell from daddy swims to mommy to form an egg, and mommy has to carry and take care of the egg until it grows and becomes a baby.” Need book with more illustrations (like above) to explain about sex to your little one? Get it here. Tips For Talking With 7 - 9 Year Olds Around the age of seven years old is a great time to start a more detailed conversation about sex. Most kids at this age are innocent, curious and more open about their world. They haven't yet really learnt to be embarrassed about this topic, but their curiosity grows about such topics. As such, you can now give them a simple picture of sex by saying that the male body fits in the female body like puzzle pieces, and God made it this way so two people can create an amazing result of their love for each other, which is a baby. Need book with more illustrations (like above) to explain about sex to your child? Get it here. Whenever your child asks you something, or you decide to initiate a discussion, try to have it when you're both in a comfortable and familiar place, which is free from interruptions or distractions. Tips For Talking With 7 - 9 Year Olds Ensure that both of you are fine with the ambiance and not feeling anything off. It is fantastic if both parents can be involved in the discussion, as you don't want sex to be a taboo subject. It also gives the child the impression that both parents are approachable to talk about sex at any time. Need book with more illustrations (like above) to explain about sex to your child? Get it here. Once you have had a good talk with your kids, you can expect them to come back to you numerous times with more questions. In your discussions, teach them that there is a time and place for talking about sex. It is not a secret or anything to be ashamed of, however it is a private and special connection between people. Tips For Talking With 10 - 13 Year Olds At this age, kids are usually very interested and intrigued to have a conversation about sex and physical development. As they are maturing during these years, they will feel grown up to be having these chats with you. They may have been talking with their friends about such topics. Need book with more illustrations to explain about sex to your elder child? Get Amazon’s best-selling book here. At this stage, you need to observe them carefully and establish a more open communication. One of the most important lessons that you need to teach them at these ages is the fact that sex needs consent from both individuals. Teaching your kids what to do at these ages allows you to save time discussing the topic when they're older and possibly more inclined to avoid the conversation, which they may already find awkward. Tips For Talking With 10 - 13 Year Olds Initiate follow-up discussions by making conversation about what they have seen or heard. For an instance, you may ask if they enjoyed the movie, if they think that the two characters did the right thing regarding making love, etc. You must also try your best to catch up with what new things they may have learned about such sensitive issues. However, do this in a natural way and not in a snoopy or detective-kind of way. Need book with more illustrations to explain about sex to your elder child? Get Amazon’s best-selling book here. This is a crucial age to talk about puberty and physical development before they actually experience them. This will ease their confusion, anxiety and fear when such changes occur. Use the opportunity to also talk about sex. Conclusion Talking to your kids about sex, development and relationships can be really enjoyable and the rewards are endless. There may be a little discomfort at first, but the lessons about sex are really necessary for them to grow into knowledgeable and responsible adults. Once you get started, the results are definitely worth it and your kids will eventually feel grateful for giving them the opportunity to learn these things at their young age. No more yelling, no more nagging, or losing control. Join Positive Parenting Solutions to become the parent you’ve always wanted to be HERE. HAPPY PARENTING!