Raaf: The definitive post on INNER GAME
A couple people wanted me to write this up, so here it is.
Table of Contents
-My story
-Figure out who you are
-Figure out what kind of value you need to provide
-There are no problems, only opportunities
-No more negativity
-Avoid negative language
-Have FUN
-Have a large support group
-Stop caring what people think of you
-Never react emotionally to anything
-Eliminate all sense of entitlement that you have
-Lower your standards
-Stop coming to bullshit conclusions
-Your homework
My Story
If you don’t care about my story, then skip this section.
I discovered mASF when I was 19. I’m 22 now. So it’s been a little over three years for me. At the time, I
was a virgin and had never even kissed a girl. I didn’t makeout with my first girl until I was a sophomore in
college.
Make a long story short, I lost my virginity at age 20 and it was a HUGE weight that was lifted off of my
shoulder.
When I first discovered ASF, I really had no concept of how clueless I actually was when it comes to
women. I always considered myself to have a good personality and that I was fun to be around. I’m sure
lots of people see themselves this way.
The reality though is that my personality was not very good. Take a look around your reality right now. Got
a lot of friends? Got any women in your life? If not, then either your personality isn’t where it should be or
you don’t actively try and network well enough.
I was always a negative person, a pessimist. Some of these people consider themselves “realists” but it
doesn’t really matter what you call it, because the reality is that if you want to be successful in life and with
women, you need to surpress all the urges that you have to be negative or complain about anything. It’s
just a fucking downer. Nobody likes being around people like that. If you are one of these people, keep
reading.
Ever since I was young, I always thought that I should have been better with women. My personality was a
bit above average and my looks are average, yet for some reason I saw guys getting women that I
considered less deserving than I was.
What I never realized about myself was that I was a geek. I was just a much cooler geek than most geeks.
I used to love to play video games and play with THINGS. I still do these things occassionally, but to be
totally honest, they now bore me. The reason is that they are nowhere near as fun as interacting with new
people. If you are one of these people, you need to shift your interest from THINGS to PEOPLE.
When you get good with women and people in general, conversations become lots of fun. It can be a real
adrenaline rush that cannot be rivaled by any video game.
After I lost my virginity, I went through periods of loving ASF and then convincing myself that ASF was all
bullshit. If you are a beginner, resist this temptation. The theories on this website are VERY real. What is
making it not work is your EXECUTION of them, NOT the ideas.
The rest of my story is largely unwritten. After losing my virginity, I continued to have sporadic successes
with women, but I never wanted to lower my standards because I thought that I deserved better women. If I
had lowered my standards years ago, I would have gotten much better much quicker, and I’ll explain why
later in this post.
I was hooking up with a few girls a year when I was twenty and twenty one. Certainly nothing to brag about.
When I hit 22, I successfully hooked up with more girls in a year (and still going by the way) then I had for
the rest of my entire life. In the last month and a half, I have been with 9 new girls or so. All of a sudden
everything has gotten ridiculously easy for me.
Let me explain how I got there and how you can get there as quickly as possible while avoiding all the
mistakes that costed me lots of time and frustration.
WARNING!
This process will NOT be easy for most of you! It took me a few years to transform myself from a very large
loser into a massive stud. Where it all begins is inner game. Without it, you are GARBAGE at PU, I don’t
care what anybody says.
STEP #1
Figure out who you are. And no, I don’t mean thinking abstractly about who you are. Take a look at your life
and ask yourself if you are where you want to be, but more importantly if you are GETTING where you
want to be (i.e. are you having a string of successes that are slowly leading you to where you ideally want
to be?).
Figure out what kind of person you are. Are you a geek? Be honest with yourself. Get feedback from the
people in your life. Find out WHY people are friends with you. If they are friends with you, there must be
some value that you provide to them.
Be willing to accept the fact that you might only be their friend because they are DESPERATE for friends.
It’s a reality that you need to be aware of.
Once you have roughly figured out who you are and what value you provide to people, you are ready for
step #2.
STEP #2
Figure out what kind of value you WANT to provide to people (and also what kind of value you NEED to
provide to some people). This isn’t as difficult as it sounds. All you need to PU some girls is to have a high
SEXUAL value to her. You need to be a man that turns her on and leads her to a place where the two of
you can have sex.
Of course not all girls are like this. Some require more than just a high sexual value.
Think about what kind of value you would need to provide to guys to make them want to be your friend.
Some examples:
If you want to be friends with a depressed person (you shouldn’t want this btw), then the value you need to
provide to them is to be non-judgemental and understanding. You need to listen to their problems. Being
able to cheer them up would help too.
If you want to be friends with AFC’s, then you could provide social value and opportunities for them to get
laid. You could invite them to parties that you host and invite them to your female friends.
If you want to be friends with HIGH VALUE people like PUA’s and quality women, then you typically need
to be high value enough yourself that they can respect you. If you find a nice PUA who likes your attitude
and doesn’t mind having an apprentice, then you might get lucky and get to hang out with him.
The bottom line is that you need to figure out what type of value that you need to provide for people, and
then actively work on developing that part of your personality until you are a person that naturally radiates
those qualities.
Read that last sentence again.
How to accomplish this is what the rest of this post is all about.
THE GOLDEN RULE: THERE ARE NO PROBLEMS, ONLY OPPORTUNITIES! (explanation below)
RULE #1
NO NEGATIVITY, EVER AGAIN FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.
Negativity has a way of poisoning the way you THINK. It’s roots travel directly into your brain. If you think
ANYTHING negative throughout the course of the day, then you are not yet where you need to be to be a
successful PUA.
Most people do not think that they are negative people. It has become such a large part of who they are
that they literally don’t even NOTICE that they are being negative.
Here is how I want you to eliminate negativity in your life:
Carry a small notepad around with you everywhere you go. Anytime you have ANY type of negative
thought, write it down.
THEN, think of a way that you can mentally re-frame this thought into a positive or atleast a neutral
thought.
Some examples of little annoyances that can piss people off and fuck your state up:
Problem: You drive up to the gas station, get out of the car, try and pump your gas and realize that the
pump isn’t working.
Solution: Resist all temptation to get aggravated and drive up to the next pump.
Problem: The cashier at the supermarket is slow as hell and is taking forever.
Solution: Go in someone else’s line or just suck it up. DON’T start thinking negatively. Think about
something else, start chatting to the person next to you, or do something to take your mind off of it.
And there are tons of other examples. But my point is that you don’t need to be unrealistic on HOW you
reframe problems. You don’t even HAVE to reframe them into something positive. Notice in the above
examples, I didn’t reframe anything, I just simply avoided the problem, because it is something that is
MENIAL….and therefore, NOT WORTH MY EFFORT to get pissed off about.
RULE #2
AVOID NEGATIVE LANGUAGE
Language is a very powerful thing. Notice how I talked about “problems” in the last section. That is an
example of negative language. The very existence of the word suggests that something is wrong with the
situation.
Avoid using language like this. Every problem in life is actually an OPPORTUNITY in disguise.
There are many subsets of this, but consider it from the mind of an entrepreneur. He goes to a bathroom
and is disgusted at all the piss all over the seat. Now most people would just get pissed off about it and
then that would be the last that they think about it.
But he views problems as opportunities, so he decides that he will invent a toilet seat that cleans itself off
every time after the toilet seat flushes.
See the difference in thinking?
One guy gets pissed off about a situation, and the other guy views it as an opportunity to challenge himself
and to make money.
There are countless examples like this. I try to explain this to so many people, and there is always some
bullshit example of why they don’t want to buy into it. Don’t be one of these people. Winners don’t get
pissed off about menial shit.
Winners capitalize on EVERYTHING that happens in life. EVERYTHING is an opportunity.
Thinking in this manner automatically reframes any potential problems into opportunities.
Another example related to PU:
A woman shit-tests you by saying something like “You’re too short for me” or some stupid bullshit. I swear I
am invisible to these types of statements nowadays. Shit tests are literally not a problem for me anymore.
Some guys are puzzled by how to respond to this. A LOSER would say that this is a problem – he is too
short for her, it is over…NEXT. Wrong way to think about it buddy.
A WINNER would think “this is an opportunity to knock her socks off” and would say “How tall are you?
You’re 5’7? Yeah, your WAYYYYY too tall for me, things would clearly never work out between us.” And
then he would create some purely fabricated bullshit right on the spot about why it would never work out,
and GO IN DETAIL ABOUT IT….something like “I don’t date women that are over 5’6, because the only
way we can dance eye to eye is on stairs. And I am sick of dancing on stairs because my legs really hurt a
lot.”
That isn’t even that funny, and I just came up with it now. But a woman would find it hilarious. Why?
Because she is impressed that you are not FUMBLED by her testing you. You act like you could care less
what she thinks about you, and then you even go so far as saying that she doesn’t fit YOUR qualifications!
How many guys do you think regularly do this to her? Not many.
Learning how to properly deal with shit-tests is remarkably easy once you get it.
One more example from last night:
I was hanging out with some friends and my female friend said to this guy that I barely knew
“Where have you been? We’ve been looking all over for you?”
The guy got all defensive and looked like an idiot in front of like 10 people. He even blamed her for them
not being able to find him. This is BAD BAD BAD…don’t do it.
If she said that to me I would have said to her
“You know what dear? To be totally honest, I was just sick and tired of you chasing me around like a puppy
dog and spanking my ass in front of all these people. I mean we hardly even KNOW these people and
you’re parading my ass around like it is some kind of trophy”
I just came up with that now as I typed it. But that is super $. It is also completely fabricated. NONE of
those things happened, and she KNOWS this, but look between the lines, do you see how I turned a
problem into an opportunity to enhance her attraction level for me?
Remember guys, there are NO problems…only opportunities!
RULE #3
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN….LIKE, A REAL LOT OF FUN!
Juggler once said something great. He said, assume that sex is a given with a woman. Now how would you
want your interaction with her to be? He said that he would want it to be fun, exciting, etc.
If you asked that question to other people, do you think ANYBODY would say to you:
“I would want to debate about conspiracy theories, religion, or politics” (read: NEVER talk about any of
these things)
“I would want to listen to someone complain about their job, friends, or relationship”
“I would want to talk about boring, uninteresting things like the weather.”
Nope.
So make a promise to yourself that you will stop taking things so seriously with women. This should be fun
guys, not nerve wracking. Women are ENTERTAINMENT. Some might consider that harsh, but it is a great
re-frame that will have you less concerned with the results.
If you discovered ASF and have no friends and are looking for women to fill that void in your life, you will be
VERY sorry, my friend! I made this mistake and as a result I cared way too much about things like stupid
girls flaking on me.
Now, if they flake on me, I have many other activities that I can do. Which takes me to the next rule….
Rule #4
HAVE A LARGE SUPPORT GROUP
And by this, I don’t mean have a lot of people that listen to your problems or tell you that you’re doing well
or whatever. I simply mean, have a lot of friends that you can hang out with to get your mind off women.
This solves so many problems at one time, yet it eludes some guys way of thinking. But the more friends
you have, the more opportunities you have to go out and have a good time. And the more opportunities
you have to go out, the more chances you have to meet women.
You should have many different people that you can go out with and just have a good time. This makes
you care A LOT LESS about what women think of you, which ones don’t return your phone calls, etc.
The worst thing anybody can do is sit in the house alone. To get good at the game, you have to talk to
people everywhere, and you have to enjoy doing it. If you are an introverted person, you need to literally
reprogram yourself. Do that by putting yourself in an environment where you are continually challenging
yourself to be an interesting conversationalist.
Start making more of an effort to hang out with new people. If you meet someone, exchange contact info
with them and say that you should hang out. Make it nonchalant and not a big deal.
Rule #5
YOU CANNOT CARE WHAT WOMEN THINK OF YOU
This is a very important rule, because the only way you will get anywhere with women is if you don’t care
about the results. Become outcome independent. If things don’t happen with a particular women, it’s OK,
cause atleast you got some of your buddies to hang out with at the bar, and surely there will be more
women there that you can impress with your incredible personality.
If you need to be reminded, the easiest way to accomplish this feeling of outcome-independence is twofold.
The ideal situation is to be able to pick up women anywhere, and to have other women that you are already
hooking up with.
If you aren’t there yet, then have many different friends that you can hang out with and meet new people
through. These two things take your mind off of “that one girl” an incredible amount.
Rule #6
NEVER REACT EMOTIONALLY TO ANYTHING THAT ANYONE TOSSES AT YOU
I can pick an insecure person out of a line of people, out of a bar, or any social situation. It’s really not that
hard. Wanna know my secret?
The first dead giveaway is if they look uncomfortable where they are. But secondly, and more importantly, if
they are PISSED OFF at anyone or anything, then they are IMMEDIATELY low status in my book.
High status people don’t react emotionally to problems, cause problems are actually opportunities,
remember?
High status people don’t get irritated when clueless, idiotic, insecure morons take shots at their character
by saying things like “You’re an asshole.”
You know why? Because anybody that would say this to anybody else is automatically LOW STATUS
themselves, and therefore SOCIALLY INEPT!
Why do you care what opinion a low status person has of you? By definition, their opinion DOESN’T
MATTER. It’s USELESS!
Taking a comment like “you’re an asshole” to heart from a low status person is giving them WAY too much
credit for actually being able to correctly assess your behavior. And in reality, these people are scared and
clueless themselves. They might have thought you were insulting them, so they felt that they needed to
“get back at you” (ANOTHER low status behavior btw) by insulting you.
You know what I do to retarded things like this? Shrug and maybe laugh condescendingly. Cause they
don’t deserve me to *actually* re-consider how I present myself to people. That would be giving them WAY
too much credit.
Guys, this comes down to credibility. Would you take a homeless man’s opinion on how to become rich?
Even if he has a way with words? I mean c’mon, the guy is fucking HOMELESS.
So WHY IN GOD’S NAME are you gonna get all worked up about what some IDIOT thinks about you?
WHY IN GOD’S NAME ARE YOU GONNA GET PISSED OFF AND BITCHY if a girl snubs your approach?
If she snubs you, you could either laugh condescendingly at her, or just politely say “nice meeting you” (I
usually do this).
It is literally HER LOSS GUYS. I can’t emphasize this enough. Re-read that again. It is HER LOSS.
If you don’t believe that yet, then you have a lot of work to do. Even if you don’t believe it, that is the
attitude you need to go into an approach with. You are a cool guy, and you want to fuck that girl, but you
could literally take it or leave it, cause you KNOW you’re the bomb and tons of other quality women will
want you anyways.
You cannot react emotionally AT ALL, to ANYTHING a woman says or does! Doing so demonstrates that
you actually CARE what she thinks of you….or in other words, your reality is NOT strong.
Your reality is in fact so weak that it can be shaken by what some random women thinks upon meeting you
in the first 3 seconds.
Think about that. Is your reality that weak that it can be shattered by someone you DON’T EVEN KNOW? If
this is the case, stop it now!
Don’t fucking do it guys. I fucked my progress up HARDCORE for a LONG time because I cared about
opinions from idiots.
Opinions from people can be helpful, but ONLY from high status people. It takes a while to be able to figure
out who these people are and if you should consider their advice or not.
Rule #7
ELIMINATE ALL SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT THAT YOU HAVE
You don’t DESERVE the hottest chicks, you gotta EARN them.
Stop getting pissed off at the huge dumb buff guys that have the hotties. Turn it into an opportunity or a
learning experience. Ask yourself “what does this guy provide to her that she finds attractive?”
Maybe his muscles make her feel secure. Maybe she likes being dominated in bed. How can you use this
knowledge to modify your approach to specifically target HER NEEDS?
I used to feel like I was entitled to getting the hottest girls in the world, but in reality, I wasn’t. Sadly, even if
I could have gotten them (like if I had 3 wishes from a genie or something), then I still wouldn’t have been
able to keep them because my reality was so weak.
Eventually they would have discovered this and left me.
All you are doing when you feel like you deserve something is mindfucking yourself into a situation where
what you can ACTUALLY attain and what you THINK you should attain don’t match up.
Maybe you can regularly get 5’s but you think you deserve 10’s. As a result, you will NEVER be satisfied
with your results.
Avoid this trap. Have very little expectation of yourself. Your only expectation is that you should be
gradually IMPROVING over time. That is the only finite goal that you should have.
Rule #8
LOWER YOUR STANDARDS
If you are reading this post, then it’s probably because you AREN’T fucking a lot of women, you DON’T
have a strong reality, and you are NOT satisfied with where you are in life.
Don’t fret, and surely don’t get pissed off about it. This is an opportunity for you, remember?
Lowering your standards is a very important rule. Why?
Because our own level of confidence, no matter how much we like to convince ourselves otherwise, IS
BASED ON OUR SUCCESS LEVEL.
Do you think I would have ever written this post if I hadn’t hooked up with 9 girls in the past month and a
half? Probably not. Why? Cause my reality probably wouldn’t have been strong enough to convince myself
that I am knowledgeable enough to actually HELP other people by giving my advice to them.
Success with women is no different than anything else. When you first enter the batting cages, you start at
the slow pitch machine until you can consistently hit the ball and until you are no longer worried about
getting hit by the ball.
Then you slowly work your way up in the levels.
Likewise, if you are not hooking up with chicks consistently because you are holding off for more “quality”
girls, then you are actually fucking over your confidence level.
Confidence is built by repeated success and belief that what you are doing is working. But in PU, the only
way that you know what you are doing is working is if you HAVE SUCCESS! I’m talking atleast a makeout.
You can’t walk away from a girl that you didn’t atleast kiss and say something stupid like “she was
attracted.” Cause you don’t actually KNOW that for a fact. So stop coming to bullshit conclusions.
The purpose of lowering your standards is that it is the greatest confidence booster that I know of. It is what
turned me into the sex machine that I am in the past few months.
Rule #9
STOP COMING TO BULLSHIT CONCLUSIONS
Avoid the temptation to conclude things when you don’t have enough evidence to do so. Avoid re-tooling
your game when you get ONE bad reaction from a girl. Don’t convince yourself that cocky & funny doesn’t
work cause 7 girls at a bar didn’t like you because of it.
These things WORK people. I know, I’ve done all of it. Your APPLICATION of it is what is not working.
Don’t waste your time coming to bullshit conclusions about anything.
Find a guy that you like and model your style after his. Either in real life or off this website. For beginner’s,
maniac’s no nonsense guide is GREAT for fundamentals.
Point is, find a style that is congruent with your personality and go with it. And FORGET about results for a
LONG time.
Before you can really conclude anything about your abilities, you need a large sample size. Think about it.
Does a scientist do ONE experiment and then write a theory? Nope. So why do the KJ’s do this?
Cause they are hopelessly lost. Get out in the field and forget about the results. And when the results don’t
come, DON’T change your game unless you have compelling evidence to do so. Follow a method until it
works for you.
I’m gonna say it again cause it’s important. Stop reading about all different types of styles until you are
regularly getting consistently laid by women.
One more piece of advice, consider CREDIBILITY when you are clueless on a topic. If you are reading all
different posts on mASF, then you will surely get lost. What I do instead is only read posts by posters that I
KNOW know what they are talking about.
Recognize that it is impossible to figure out who is credible and who isn’t unless you know something about
the topic. Take a piece of advice from me, here are some of the best posters on this website off the top of
my head:
Razorjack, Zarathustra_fi, TylerDurden, Dimitri, Woodhaven, PlayerSupreme, Sandworm, Ijjji, Jlaix,
Juggler, TokyoPUA, Neo-Rio.
There are many more as well. But why would you read anything that is from someone whose credibility is
questionable? If you’re doing it, cut it out. Read the archives first.
YOUR HOMEWORK
Re-read this guide as many times as you need to and implement all of these things into your life until they
are a part of who you are.
Hopefully this was atleast a little bit motivational. It won’t be an easy journey, but your life is going to be
incredible when it happens.
I’m 22 years old, and woman are literally NO obstacle to me whatsoever anymore. I’ve never taken a
workshop and never met anybody from this website.
It can happen for you. Just think about practical ways that you can develop the above rules into becoming
a part of your personality.
This is the "method" or "how-to" that I think many people are looking for. While this guide doesn't
necessarily provide this for you, it does point out what you need to do and what you need to avoid, and
until you can do that, you have no business even reading a "how-to" guide.
Also, the "how-to" is pretty arbitrary. There are many different ways to work on these things that I am
talking about. If you really have no idea, then ask and maybe I can come up with something.