Chris rock video Relational Context: Social Location https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Kxp9CEJeAg&feature=youtu.be Final Exam Study Guide - May 7th 2018 Study Things that 1. Overlap in Notes/Book 2. Things from Class 3. Just Book ● Other Oriented ○ To be aware of the thoughts, needs, experience, personality, emotions, motives, desires, culture, and goals of your communication partners while still maintaining your own integrity. ○ Consider the interests of others ■ Egocentric Communicator: person who creates messages without giving much thought to the person who is listening; a communicator who is selffocused and self-absorbed ○ Empathize ○ Adapt ○ Be Ethical ■ Ethics: the beliefs, values, and moral principles by which a person determines what is right or wrong ● Interpersonal Communication: a distinctive transactional form of human communication involving mutual influence, usually for the purpose of managing relationships ○ Two people are interacting ○ Treating the other as a unique human being ● Impersonal Communication: Process that occurs when we treat others as objects or respond to their role rather than who they are as a unique person ○ Ex. when you as a server at a restaurant for something ● Intrapersonal Communication: communicator's internal use of language or thought. ● Relationship ○ connection established when one person communicates with another ● Effective Listening: ○ The best thing you can say is “I want to understand” ○ Do not take psychological exits which is to be in the room but not psychologically there ● Command Statement: ○ When having a conversation you tell the person what you want them to do with the info they are given ● Yawn: ○ Yawning means you are stressed not tired ● Noise: ○ anything literal or psychological that interferes with accurate reception of a message ● 4 Facets of Self ○ Affective - feelings ○ Cognitive - thoughts (self talk) ○ Behavioral - Actions ○ Physiological - body (hunger, pain) ● Listening Barriers: ○ Conversational Narcissism- A focus on personal agendas and self-absorbed rather than on the needs and ideas of others ○ Unchecked Emotions ■ Emotional Noise- Form of communication interference caused by emotional arousal ○ Criticizing the Speaker ■ Ambush Listener- person who is overly critical and judgemental when listening to others ○ Differing Speech Rate and Thought Rate ○ Information Overload ○ External Noise ○ Listener Apprehension- the fear of misunderstanding, misinterpreting, or being unable to adjust to the spoken message of others ● Metacommunication: ○ Verbal or nonverbal communication about communication ● Hyperpersonal Communication: ○ a relationship formed primarily through electronically mediated communication that becomes more personal than an equivalent face-to-face relationship because of the absence of distracting external cues, smaller amounts of personal information, and idealization of the communication partner ● Roles: ○ Electronically Mediated Communication (EMC): messages sent via some electronic channel such as the phone, email, text or the internet ○ Androgynous Role: gender role that includes both masculine and feminine qualities ● Self Awareness: ○ Mindfulness: the ability to consciously think about what you are doing and experiencing ○ Subjective self-awareness: ability to differentiate the self from the social and physical environment ○ Objective self-awareness: ability to be the object of one’s own thoughts and attentionto be aware of one’s state of mind and what one is thinking ○ Symbolic self-awareness: uniquely human ability to think about oneself and use language (symbols) to represent oneself to others ■ Step 1- Unconscious Incompetence ■ Step 2- Conscious Incompetence ■ Step 3- Conscious Competence ■ Step 4- Unconscious competence ● Self Reflectiveness: ○ ability to think about what you are doing while you’re doing it ● Self Fulfilling Prophecy: ○ prediction about future actions that is likely to come true because the person believes that it will come true ● Self Worth (Self Esteem): ○ your evaluation of your worth or value based on your perception of such things as your skills, abilities, talents and appearances ● Empathy: ○ Trying to understand how someone else is feeling and putting yourself in their shoes ○ emotional reaction that is similar to the reaction being experienced by another person; empathizing is feeling what another person is feeling ○ Inaccurate Empathy: you are incorrect of people's emotions and they will be disappointed you got it wrong. ○ Accurate Empathy: people will be happy you got it right ○ Feeling of empathy and skill are different ○ Empathy ○ Feeling what someone else is feeling. emotional reaction that is similar to the reaction being experience by another person; empathizing is feeling what another person is feeling. ○ ● Sympathy: ○ Acknowledgement of someone else’s feelings ○ “I’m sad because you’re sad” ● Empathetic Listening Skills: ○ Social Decentering- cognitive process in which we take into account another person's thoughts, feelings, values, background and perspective ■ Think about how you would react ■ Reflect on what you know about the other person ■ Consider how most people would react ■ Listen Compassionately ○ Compassionate Listening: non judgemental, non defensive, empathetic listening to confirm the worth of another person ○ Listen Actively ■ Active Listening: the process of being physically and mentally engaged in the listening process and letting the listener know that you are engaged ■ Sympathy: Acknowledgement of someone else’s feelings ■ Emotional Intelligence: the ability to be aware of, understand and manage one’s own emotions and those of other people ○ Steps For Empathetic Listening: ■ Put yourself in the other person's shoes ● Identify feeling ■ If I hear you correctly ■ Your feeling (name feeling) ■ Clarifier ● Did I get that right? ● Rules: ○ Complementarity: if you violate the rules the system tries to get you back in order Neat ← → Sloppy ○ Two Types: ■ Overt: spoken, posted everyone knows it exists ■ Covert: unspoken they just happen, trial and error ○ Congruent: Covert and Overt match ○ Non Congruent: covert and overt do not match ○ Double Bind: When two spoken rules contradict each other ■ Ex. you have to be in bed by 9 BUT your homework has to be done before you go to bed no matter what ● Late night activity….child may not be able to be in bed by 9 ● Systems Theory: ○ Pg 9 in textbook ○ Theory that describes interconnected elements of a system in which a change in one element affects all the other elements ○ Transaction approach to communication is based on this ● Selective Listening: ○ Letting pre formed biases, prejudices, expectations and stereotypes cause is to hear what we want to hear, instead of listening to what the speaker actually said ○ Listener is actively involved on doing several other things rather than listening ● Affect Displays: ○ Nonverbal behaviors that communicate emotions ■ Facial expressions, vocal cues, posture, gestures, ● Perception Formation: ○ Interpersonal Perception: process of selecting, organizing, and interpreting your observations of other people ■ Making judgements about others personalities ■ Drawing inferences from what you observe ○ Passive Perception: perception that occurs without conscious effort, simply in response to one’s surroundings ■ We see, hear, taste, and smell things around us without any effort or attempt to do so ■ No one teaches you to be passively perceptive ○ Active Perception: perception that occurs because you seek out specific information through intentional observation and questioning ■ Does not just happen it is the process of purposefully seeking out information ■ Staring at strangers and guessing what they do for a living while waiting for friends ○ Selective Perception: process of seeing, hearing, or making sense of the world around us based on such factors as our personality, beliefs, attitudes, hopes, fears and culture as well as what we like and don’t like ■ We literally see or do not see things because of our tendency to perceive selectively ● Cognitive Distortions: ○ Horn Effect ■ Attributing a variety of negative qualities to those you dislike ○ Halo Effect ■ Attributing a variety of positive qualities to those you like ○ Primacy ■ Tendency to attend to the first pieces of information observed about another person in order to form an impression ■ 1st impression ○ Recency ■ Tendency to attend to the most recent information observed about another person in order to form or modify an impression ■ Last impression ○ Overgeneralization ■ Take the first experience of someone from one culture and apply it to everyone in that group or culture ○ Selective Observation ■ Selectively observe for what your theory is ● Internal Dialogue: ○ Self Talk ○ Our self talk leads us to how we feel ○ Negative self talk is linked to anxiety, depression and low self esteem (worried something bad will happen) ○ Realistic self talk is positive (feel lighter/ happier) ● Schemas: ○ Tied to emotions ○ Child sees a dog and says dog… then sees a horse and says dog because there is no schema for horse so he accommodates ● Anxious Attachment Style: ○ The style of relating to others that is characteristic of those who experience anxiety in some intimate relationship and feel uncomfortable giving and receiving affection ● Jealousy Group: ○ Reactive Jealousy: ■ The degree of upset that individuals experience when their mate is actually being emotionally or sexually unfaithful ○ Anxious Jealousy: ■ the individual thinks deeply about their partner’s possible infidelity and experiences feelings of anxiety, suspicion, worry, distrust and being upset. ○ Preventative Jealousy: ■ Can also be known as possessive jealousy ■ An individual preventing contact of their partner with a third person ○ Jealousy as Bad ■ Jealousy is often looked at as an unhealthy emotion with negative effects and terms (Attridge, 2013) ■ Jealousy has been linked to low self-esteem, low self-confidence, trust issues, little empathy for others, loneliness, constant need for approval, depression, and hostility ■ In a relationship one becomes jealous when they feel uncertain about their partner’s love ■ This is often followed with obsessive ideas and feelings ■ Jealousy occurs more in relationships with low commitment and sexual non exclusivity ■ Jealousy also causes bad behavior which is is associated with violence and aggression ■ Jealousy can get so extreme it can cause people to commit homicide called “crimes of passion” (Attridge, 2013). ○ Jealousy as Good ■ There are some positive effects of jealousy for individuals and their relationships (Attridge, 2013). ■ Jealousy alerts one to relationship threats and motivate behaviors that protect the relationship ■ Jealousy is also associated with greater love for the relationship, because partners feel a sense of being more “in-love” ■ Partners also feel greater relationship stability ● Women and Men and Infidelity: ○ Women experience more jealousy when they believe their partner has been emotionally unfaithful ○ Men experience more jealousy when they believe their partner has been sexually unfaithful ● Social and Cultural Capital: ○ How much privilege you have ○ White male teaching African American studies has low cultural capital ○ Non financial social asset that promotes social mobility (education, intellect) ● Social Constructivism: ○ Constructed in the social groups that exist ○ Society constructs what is normal ● Normalcy: ○ Society constructs it that way (most influential) ○ Empirical (research ) ■ most/ avg. for most people ● Power in Relationships: ○ Text book pg 245 ○ The way partners share power or decision making ○ Complementary Relationship: relationship in which power is divided unevenly, with one partner dominating and the other submitting ○ Symmetrical Relationship: Relationship in which both partners behave toward power in the same way, either both wanting power or both avoiding it ○ Competitive Symmetrical Relationship: relationship in which both people view for power and control of decision making ○ Submissive Symmetrical Relationship: relationship in which neither partner wants to take control or make decisions ○ Parallel Relationship: relationship in which power shifts back and forth between the partners, depending on the situation ● Privilege: ○ Earned: people work for it ○ Unearned: affiliated to groups, most power is unearned ● Roles/ Labeling: ● Paraphrasing:- Verbal summary of the key ideas of your partner’s message that helps you check the accuracy of your understanding ● Restatement: ● Listening Style: Preferred way of making sense out of spoken messages ● Appreciative listening Appreciative listening is exactly what the name implies — listening to enjoy the story, music or information you hear. ● Critical listening Critical listening involves hearing what someone says, identifying key points and/or arguments and solidifying your opinion. Think of a debate, or how you feel when you listen to a politician speak. When you engage in critical listening, your goal is to analyze what the speaker is saying and determine his agenda. Relationship listening Relationship listening is one of the most important skills to have when dealing with people. Relationship listening is also known as therapeutic or empathetic listening. You would use relationship listening to help a friend through a problem, solve a conflict between co-workers or prompt people to open up through support and honesty. prefer listening to people's expressions of their emotions or feelings. More sympathetic more females. Collectivistic values, group oriented, raised in a collaborative culture tradition. Analytical Listening Focus on facts, tend to withhold judgment before reaching a specific conclusion. Look at all sides of the issues, are good judges. Listen to entire message ● Self absorbed listeners-Focused on their needs rather than yours. Much more likely to interupt ● Assimilation Accommodation ● Evolutionary Principles ● Adaptation (emotional/ sexual) ● Survival of the fittest ● Preserve Genetic Line - Why men are more emotional when woman cheat ● Facilitators: ○ Verbal ○ Nonverbal: ● Regulators ● Emblem ● Affective Vocab ● Gender Communication ● Sex/Gender ● Powerful Person: ● John Gottman ○ Turning toward and turning away (sailboat) Group presentation: Cohabitation Takeaways 1. Cohabiters who marry have higher levels of quality of a relationship. As long as there is a promise of a future engagement or marriage, cohabitation will not lead directly to divorce. 2. Cohabitation before marriage has become the model path for marriage. It has risen a significant amount since the 1980s and is still rising. 1. Sibling Aggression can be broken up into four different categories. Types of sibling Rivalry/ Conflict Violence Abuse Brief Definition Nonviolent Disagreements When siblings Psychological, struggles siblings another sexual abuse of aggression Competition comparison and among siblings between harm one (physically) physical or one sibling from another 2. Age has a lot to do with sibling aggression. Sibling aggression occurs mostly with siblings who are 2-3 years apart and is most prevalent in school aged years. Once siblings enter highschool, aggression will most likely decrease, but if sibling aggression does not decrease, it may get more violent with the use of weapons such as knives and guns. Gender Differences in Communication Takeaways 1. Women and men both talk in the way that society expects them to talk... Masculine Communication ● ● ● ● ● Aggressive Dominant Ambitious Physical presence Too confident in their own opinion Feminine Communication ● ● ● ● ● Affectionate Helpful Interpersonally sensitive Good listening skills Meandering - avoiding the point 2. Sex is biological in nature and determines one's biological destiny, such as the ability to bear or sire children. Gender, on the other hand, helps define one's role within society. Communication is widely based on how one is viewed in society(Wienclaw, R.A. (2013) Conflict in Romantic Relationships Important information: - Conflict in Marriage: - Studies have shown that marital conflict has a direct impact on a child’s development and adjustment. When a child is constantly witnessing their parents fighting and arguing they encounter something called the “spillover” effect. Which is the aftermath of the negative effects that marital conflict has on children. The spillover effect causes parent child aggression which leads to inadequate from the parent to the child. - Conflict in Long Distance Relationships: Long distance relationship can play both good and bad in a relationship. Knowing people stress about seeing each other which can cause them to break down physically is really sad. It can cause them to become stressed out, eating less, and always to think about their parent and which they would not want to do anything else. One thing that I saw that was good was just communication because you always need to communicate in a long distance relationship in which that might keep them together even longer. - Conflict in Infertile Couples: Infertility is a very difficult situation that couples have to face. This can cause them to be avoidant, build up anger, tension and reseement and it puts a sexual strain on men. Some couples are able to work together through this tough time, but couples that can not conceive are three times more likely to get a divorce or separate. The three main factors that adds to the stress are financial difficulties, medication side effects and uncertainty about the treatment. - Conflict in Homosexual Relationships: Being in a same sex relationship can be very problematic and sometimes overwhelming, when dealing with society perspective, the sexual satisfaction of the couple and the “norm” of what a relationship supposed to be. There are many stereotypes that are created amongst the same sex couples. This degrades them making them feel unaccepted and unloved as a person. Same sex couples have less relational conflict and gained more positive feelings towards their partners. It also reports that same sex are more happier with their relationship than married couples. This take-away basically implies that couples of same or opposite sex can both experience happy, lively and satisfying love relationships. We hope our classmates remember: - That difficulty in relationships do not only affect the couples, but close loved ones surrounding them. - Relationships are formed in all different aspects; marital, same-sex, infertile and long-distance each representing different conditions of “love.” - Being avoidant is one of the worst ways to deal with conflict in relationships.
