Farewell…
The tightening feeling inside my chest… the quickening of my
heartbeat, this agonizing pain so suffocating making it hard to breath…
all because I thought of giving up on you. I feel anxious and saddened,
though this is something I have to do what I’m letting go of is, all that
matters to me, it’s what I have been holding on to as if my life
depended on it. It’s the reason I was able to face everything…it’s my
strength; it’s what made me endure all the hardships. Of course, it
would hurt…why wouldn’t my heart cry? Why wouldn’t I feel pain…these
hot tears that are falling from my eyes, why should I hold them back?
I want to shout…cry all I want… I feel like tearing my chest and taking
my heart out. I don’t want to endure this pain anymore… Do I really
have no choice but to let go…this is what I’ve been thinking, but… if
letting go is the only choice I’ve left, no matter how much it hurts I
would do it coz honestly, I’m tired now. I’m so tired…of loving you…I’m
so sick of crying and begging you all the time… you have deeply wounded
me, so deep that I can’t see any end to it. You want to me to leave…I’ll
leave coz when you talked as if all the times we spent together, all
those touches and kisses we shared meant nothing, more than how
much it hurt me, it made me feel sick. You, it was that easy for you to
say goodbye? Was what we shared nothing at all? Is my love for you so
not of value that it was that much easy for you to seek someone else?
You say you realize your cruelness but what difference does it
make…huh!
I’ll leave…just as you wish and this time, I’ll leave for good. My
friends, they say…there’ll come a day when I’ll get over you, according
to them I’ll be able to fall in love once again…someone will come into my
life who’ll heal my wound, the same wound that you made. Someone also
said not to try to fall out of love or to try to forget you coz it will be
impossible. She said, “There will come a time when you’ll on your own
forget it…not completely but it’ll fade slowly, because once you fall in
love you can’t fall out of it, only…the feelings will change, into what,
that you’ll know when the time comes. The pain will fade and you’ll be
able to fall in love once again”. I don’t know if it’s true but I feel like I
want to believe in it. I have been miserable for a long time…been in the
darkness, depressed for so long I don’t even know how it feels like to
be happy anymore. I want to see the light…be happy and instead of
forcing I want to be able to truly smile.