1 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:18,000 <b><font color=#004F8C>Ripped By mstoll</b></font> 1 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,294 (SIRENS WAILING) 2 00:00:23,156 --> 00:00:24,897 (CHEERING) 3 00:00:26,493 --> 00:00:29,133 MIKE: Ah, very inspirational speech, ma'am. 4 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,472 SELINA: Oh, come on, you wrote it, you can't review it. How are you? 5 00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:33,169 MIKE: I meant that you read it very inspirationally. 6 00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:35,372 Yeah, thanks a lot. I love Silicon Valley. 7 00:00:35,469 --> 00:00:37,210 I love Silicon Valley! 8 00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,882 Yeah! Boy, it's a real can-do attitude. 9 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,850 This is what DC must have been like under Jefferson, 10 00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:43,047 except that would have been a horse, right? 11 00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:44,087 (BOTH LAUGH) 12 00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:46,885 Yeah. There's a typo on the home page. 13 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,324 She might have a "great sense of density" for this nation, 14 00:00:49,416 --> 00:00:50,827 but that's not the line we want to push. 15 00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:52,886 - It's up. - What is... Oh, MeetMeyer? 16 00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,090 MeetMeyer.corn. 17 00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:57,396 Everything you wanted to know about Selina Meyer that we want you to. 18 00:00:57,491 --> 00:01:00,165 You should have changed the name to MoneyMoneyMoney.gov. 19 00:01:00,494 --> 00:01:04,067 That's right. It's 5,000 a ticket, and 10,000 to be at the Veep's table. 20 00:01:04,164 --> 00:01:05,768 20,000 and Selina sits on your lap. 21 00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:07,677 - What did you just say? - No, not really. 22 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:09,839 So, what about Clovis? When are we doing that? ls that tomorrow? 23 00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:12,747 Yes. That company is worth 4.3 billion. 24 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,519 - I know. - That's more than I make in a year. 25 00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,179 Yes. Yes, we will need Wi-Fi. 26 00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:19,788 Gary, what are you doing? You look like a newborn giraffe. 27 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,917 I was just fanning myself with my arm. 28 00:01:22,015 --> 00:01:24,086 - Here, can you take this? It's heavy. - Yeah. Yeah. 29 00:01:24,184 --> 00:01:25,720 You take that. Okay, this way? 30 00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:28,232 Wi-Fi. Do you have that in Silicon Valley? 31 00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:31,393 This sun is unbelievable. I've got to move the government here. 32 00:01:31,625 --> 00:01:32,968 Oh, you wanna do a selfie? 33 00:01:33,193 --> 00:01:34,763 I call that an ussy. 34 00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,598 It's an iPhone joke or something. 35 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,472 And who is this gorgeous thing? 36 00:01:38,565 --> 00:01:40,545 - This is Gracie. - Look, here, look! 37 00:01:40,601 --> 00:01:42,478 - She's wearing a campaign button, folks. - (MIKE CHUCKLES) 38 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,207 - Well, I campaigned for you. - You did? 39 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:45,443 Yeah, Cassie Langley. 40 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:47,951 I can't resist a baby. Hello, Gracie. 41 00:01:48,208 --> 00:01:50,654 - Now, how old is she? - I'd say she's eight and a half months. 42 00:01:50,744 --> 00:01:52,314 - She's nine months. - Okay' she's rounding up. 43 00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:54,289 She's crawling. Isn't that about the age... 44 00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:57,225 No, she's been really, really slow to develop, actually. 45 00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,661 They've been fracking in our area. 46 00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:00,663 Hydraulic fracturing to extract oil and gas. 47 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,927 - You don't know what it is? - I absolutely know what fracking is. 48 00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:06,062 We just don't know if there's contamination in our homes. 49 00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,502 And when you ran, you said that you were pro-environment. 50 00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:09,972 - I am pro- environment. Absolutely. - No, you were. 51 00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:12,669 Now I don't know what you are, and I feel very, very let down by you. 52 00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:13,972 You know what your mommy and I are doing? 53 00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:19,141 We're having a very serious conversation about political issues, aren't we? 54 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,018 And the issues are complex. 55 00:02:22,409 --> 00:02:24,514 You said you were against it, now you're saying you're for it. 56 00:02:24,611 --> 00:02:25,851 I'm just confused. Which one is it? 57 00:02:25,946 --> 00:02:27,823 We need to make that woman go away. 58 00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:29,359 - And I don't mean kill her. - MIKE: Kill her. 59 00:02:29,449 --> 00:02:31,326 ...who believe that a certain kind of fracking... 60 00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:32,920 I don't think that you know what you are talking about. 61 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:34,659 I care about my daughter very much... 62 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,257 - KENT: Wrap it up. - I'm trying. 63 00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,030 SELINA: I believe that children are our future, Cassie. 64 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:42,972 And they deserve an energy policy that protects the world, okay? 65 00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:46,705 The world in which there is a country called the United States of America. 66 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,972 (ALL APPLAUDING) 67 00:02:48,035 --> 00:02:49,946 MIKE: Move on. We're moving on. Let's move on. 68 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,141 Excuse me, can I please have my child back? 69 00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:53,013 - SELINA: Oh, my God, I've got the baby! - (ALL LAUGHING) 70 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:54,608 - This hurts, this hurts. - No, no, no. The mom. 71 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,212 This hurts, this hurts... Hi! 72 00:02:58,111 --> 00:03:01,354 She was like a beached whale with one flipper fucking around in the air, 73 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,291 and you were nowhere to push her back in the sea. 74 00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:06,661 I was shutting it down, Amy. Meanwhile, you were watching a baby fill its diaper. 75 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:09,291 That baby had a mean look in its eyes, like its mama. 76 00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,064 - Hey, ma'am? - Uh-huh. 77 00:03:11,158 --> 00:03:13,866 What do you think of a theme, like a West Coast feel for tomorrow? 78 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,667 I'm calling this Pacific Trim. 79 00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,174 - You know what trim is? - Yeah? 80 00:03:17,230 --> 00:03:18,675 - It's twat. - Oh, yeah. 81 00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,234 So, ma'am, right now, you're at your hotel. 82 00:03:20,333 --> 00:03:23,212 - I know that, yes. - What about this one, Alcatraz-matazz? 83 00:03:23,303 --> 00:03:25,146 - What do you think of that? - They look like two couches. 84 00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,707 Couches. Great. No couches. 85 00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:29,981 So, tomorrow morning is Clovis. Then you go to Yahoo. 86 00:03:30,143 --> 00:03:32,885 But remember, while you're there, do not use Google as a verb. 87 00:03:32,979 --> 00:03:35,084 - They Yahoo things there. - Okay, bye. 88 00:03:35,248 --> 00:03:38,024 MeetMeyer.com is burning down the house, ma'am, 89 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:39,189 if that's a good thing. 90 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:42,392 What about this whole fracking mother with this baby situation? 91 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,366 How bad is it? If we were gonna rate it on a scale 92 00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:46,370 of one to, like, fucked, what would you say? 93 00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:47,564 - Well, she's a woman. - Right. 94 00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:48,696 - In her 30s. - Yeah. 95 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,867 You alienate them, and you'll be dead somewhere before New Hampshire. 96 00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,411 Oh, my God, I know. 97 00:03:53,500 --> 00:03:55,241 I mean, I lose women and what am I left with? 98 00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:59,010 I'm left with gay Latinos and Jews at college, I guess. 99 00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:04,113 Does someone please want to tell me why Danny Chung is on this television? 100 00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:07,420 <i>Even Selina Meyers supporters are not supporting her.</i> 101 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,892 <i>Now, speaking as a military man,</i> 102 00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,089 <i>if you lose the trust of the men and women on the ground...</i> 103 00:04:12,185 --> 00:04:13,289 DAN: I've got to take this fucker out. 104 00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,593 I have to succeed where the Republican Guard failed. 105 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,464 All while doing 10 million other little things. 106 00:04:17,557 --> 00:04:19,059 It is called multitasking, Dan. 107 00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:21,570 I do it every... Damn it. 108 00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,366 You just typed the word multitasking, didn't you? 109 00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:24,600 No. 110 00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:25,904 (CELL PHONE RINGS) 111 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,209 Yeah, Amy, Fracking Lady. Want me to get her in here or shut her down? 112 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,873 What do you want me to do? Tame her or shame her? 113 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,712 Either. Both. And quickly. 114 00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:35,151 - Oh, well, this is fuckin' terrible. - I know. 115 00:04:35,242 --> 00:04:36,983 You know, they say all babies are cute, 116 00:04:37,077 --> 00:04:40,081 but whoever "they" are should be stuck in a stroller and pushed into traffic. 117 00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:41,817 No, no, I'm not talking about that. 118 00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:44,923 Jonah's got a new post up. And he's getting hits. 119 00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,225 Not the kind he deserves, either. 120 00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:49,056 <i>So, the Veep's gone to Silicon Valley of the Dolls.</i> 121 00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,760 <i>And instead of California dreaming,</i> 122 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:53,100 <i>she's got 'em Califomia screaming.</i> 123 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:54,161 (WOMEN SCREAMING) 124 00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:57,399 (IMITATING SELINA) <i>And that's why drinking chemical sludge is good for you.</i> 125 00:04:57,964 --> 00:04:59,136 <i>What?</i> 126 00:04:59,399 --> 00:05:00,901 <i>But We been drinking that track water,</i> 127 00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:02,947 <i>and took what it's gone done to my titty milk!</i> 128 00:05:03,136 --> 00:05:05,412 <i>My baby, Oh, my baby!</i> 129 00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,184 (PHONE RINGING) 130 00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,950 Vice President's office, secure line. 131 00:05:12,179 --> 00:05:14,750 Sue. Sue-ster. 132 00:05:15,081 --> 00:05:17,687 Sue of steel. Sue-Sue-Sue-dio. 133 00:05:17,784 --> 00:05:19,923 Jonah, get off the line. And then the planet. 134 00:05:19,986 --> 00:05:21,932 JONAH: <i>Sue, have you seen my viral...</i> 135 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,532 Oh, nice. Yeah. 136 00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,931 Yes, sir. Kent Davison on line three. 137 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:31,142 - Mr. Davison? - Dan-zibar, what's happening? 138 00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:32,436 <i>Hey, have you seen my viral?</i> 139 00:05:32,499 --> 00:05:36,276 Dan, we need to break this Cassie bitch, the British dick who invented the Internet, 140 00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,337 and anybody in between. 141 00:05:37,437 --> 00:05:40,111 - Yeah, yeah. What about Jonah? - Jonah? Here. 142 00:05:40,707 --> 00:05:42,380 Hey, fucking pencil neck. 143 00:05:44,644 --> 00:05:46,521 - He just swallowed his phone in fear. - (CHUCKLES) 144 00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:49,958 - Look, Dan, fix this. - I will get right on it, sir. 145 00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:52,462 Then we'll hit O'Malley's at 8:00 for a beer or 10. 146 00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:55,500 I'd ask Mike, but he's too happy now that he's married. 147 00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:58,569 - Oh, thank you. I look forward to that. - Too happy. 148 00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,637 It's obvious that I would make the best campaign manager. 149 00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:04,468 I'm not asking you to tell her that, 150 00:06:04,531 --> 00:06:06,909 but please, would someone fuckin' tell her that? 151 00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:11,310 Take it from me, Dan, in a couple of months on this job, 152 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:15,251 you'll go from those six-pack abs to this keg. 153 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:19,383 I haven't seen my penis since the first Gulf War, 154 00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:21,720 and I kinda miss the little guy. 155 00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,087 I mean, I know that I can do it. 156 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,023 So how low can you go, Dan Egan? 157 00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,329 How down and dirty are you willing to get? 158 00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:31,401 Pretty grubby. 159 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:33,903 I would definitely need regular showers, for sure. 160 00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:37,771 If someone brought you this Chung Iraq thing, 161 00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:41,175 you'd just tell 'em it's fuckin' bullshit, which it is. 162 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,075 What Chung Iraq thing? 163 00:06:43,169 --> 00:06:47,015 You know how Chung just bores the shit out of you, right? 164 00:06:47,073 --> 00:06:49,849 Well, it seems his unit in Iraq 165 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:52,516 did that to some poor slob with a drill. 166 00:06:53,179 --> 00:06:56,217 But that's, you know, it's just nut fluff. 167 00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:58,852 I mean... 168 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:02,032 That's unusable, don't you think? 169 00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:04,361 Yeah. 170 00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:06,868 Hey, could we get two more? 171 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,735 Yeah, and a couple of whiskey chasers? 172 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:12,400 It's still Tuesday for another six minutes. 173 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,647 AMY: Mike, I am balls deep in this omelet. 174 00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:25,086 Can you please call this Cassie woman and invite her to Washington already? 175 00:07:25,145 --> 00:07:27,751 How come I don't have a "tell what to do guy"? 176 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:29,886 - Amy? Amy? - Hmm? 177 00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,894 - Did you see that hot guy? - No. 178 00:07:32,986 --> 00:07:34,624 He just came out of Gary's room. 179 00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:36,165 - No. - Yeah. 180 00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,133 - What are you... - What is going on with that? 181 00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:39,999 - No, he... Another room or something. - Yeah. 182 00:07:40,093 --> 00:07:41,231 GARY: Hi! 183 00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:44,842 Hey, is that egg whites or is it... 184 00:07:44,965 --> 00:07:47,309 - It's an egg white. - That? Well, it's a few egg whites. 185 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,641 - Right, and some broccoli. - GARY: You good? 186 00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:50,806 You excited about Clovis? 187 00:07:50,904 --> 00:07:52,008 - SELINA: Sure. - (GASPS) 188 00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:55,017 Ma'am, I want you to bring your A-game to the Craig Jergensen meet. 189 00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,520 He's rich, as in wipe-out-the-deficit rich. 190 00:07:57,610 --> 00:07:58,850 - SELINA: How old is he? - 26. 191 00:07:58,945 --> 00:08:01,186 SELINA: Oh, my God. See, that's wrong. That's too young. 192 00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:04,922 No, you shouldn't make your first million until you're in your 30s. 193 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:07,989 That's what Andrew and I did. It kept us completely grounded. 194 00:08:08,088 --> 00:08:09,192 Yeah. 195 00:08:09,789 --> 00:08:11,268 - SELINA: <i>Oh, isn't this nice?</i> - (APPLAUSE) 196 00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,464 MIKE: Oh, poor kids, they don't realize 197 00:08:14,527 --> 00:08:16,837 they're all gonna be executed by the time they turn 30. 198 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,773 Wow, look at... Oh, look here. 199 00:08:18,832 --> 00:08:19,833 (CHUCKLING) 200 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,503 Madam Vice President, welcome to Clovis. 201 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:25,515 Melissa, so good to see you. Melissa Conners, chief financial officer. 202 00:08:25,805 --> 00:08:29,981 I am the oldest person at Clovis by five years. I feel ancient. 203 00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,687 - You must be 12 years old, then. - (LAUGHING) 204 00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:34,822 I'm not, no. (LAUGHS) 205 00:08:35,281 --> 00:08:37,454 No, no, this is Amy Brookheimer, my chief of staff. 206 00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:39,964 - We know all about you, Amy. - Hmm. 207 00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,022 - Let me show you Clovis. - Fantastic. 208 00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,965 AMY: Yeah. SELINA: Thank you. 209 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,732 Well, I'm really looking forward to meeting Craig. 210 00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:48,032 MELISSA: Absolutely, 211 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,734 although it is pronounced Cray-eeg. 212 00:08:51,631 --> 00:08:53,372 - Craig. Yeah. - Cray-eeg. 213 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:55,871 - C-R-A-I-G. - Yeah, that's right. 214 00:08:55,969 --> 00:08:57,846 - Craig? - No, Cray-eeg. 215 00:08:58,004 --> 00:09:00,245 - Cray-eeg. - Very close. 216 00:09:00,340 --> 00:09:01,546 Gray-eeg. 217 00:09:01,641 --> 00:09:03,882 - That's it. Well done, Amy. - Oh, okay. 218 00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,253 SELINA: You got it right, Ah-mee. 219 00:09:06,346 --> 00:09:09,020 MELISSA: We have gyms and restaurants, 220 00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:12,655 entertainment facilities for the creatives. Sleeping pods... 221 00:09:12,752 --> 00:09:14,698 Oh, how wonderful. 222 00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:17,428 Child care is a huge part of my campaign. 223 00:09:17,524 --> 00:09:18,901 Oh, no, these are Legos. 224 00:09:18,992 --> 00:09:22,906 Craig believes that Legos are an important part of creative thought. 225 00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:26,334 Wow, and what are you making, Kent? 226 00:09:26,699 --> 00:09:28,440 Are you making a friend for the robot, huh? 227 00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:30,572 No, I think they're onto something here. 228 00:09:30,670 --> 00:09:31,944 We should have this stuff up on the Hill. 229 00:09:32,038 --> 00:09:33,881 - We could build a consensus. - All right. 230 00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:37,347 <i>So, the Veep's gone to Silicon Valley of the Dolls...</i> 231 00:09:37,710 --> 00:09:40,350 Will someone please either kill the sound or kill that idiot? 232 00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:43,360 Whoa, whoa. What are you doing? Back on. Now. Idiot. 233 00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:47,190 Oh, God. My brain feels like it's being fucking circumcised. 234 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,098 You know what? You, every day, 235 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,261 I want you to remind me never to go drinking with Ben, all right? 236 00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:54,429 And you, get me a cheeseburger made of aspirin. 237 00:09:54,527 --> 00:09:55,562 Where are you going, Dan? 238 00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:57,972 I am going to get some air and then throw up in it. 239 00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,200 - All right, the game is Texas Hold 'Em. - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 240 00:10:00,266 --> 00:10:02,075 There are no comfort breaks in this game. 241 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,148 You're gonna sit there and piss your pants like a man 242 00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:05,272 while I take your money. 243 00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:07,817 You're little. You're big. Put them in. One-two. 244 00:10:07,907 --> 00:10:10,979 Hey, the Egan has landed. You look terrible, man. 245 00:10:11,077 --> 00:10:12,920 Yeah. Tone down the exuberance. 246 00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:15,892 I got a hangover worse than the film they made after The Hangover. 247 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,896 - Fuckin' no! - Hey, Dan. You actually do look like shit. 248 00:10:18,985 --> 00:10:22,330 Who let him in here? Our weekly poker game was supposed to be sacrosanct. 249 00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:24,129 Sorry, man. His site has traction. 250 00:10:24,224 --> 00:10:26,761 - My site has traction. - It was linked on Playbook this morning. 251 00:10:26,826 --> 00:10:30,103 Oh, my God, yeah, did I tell you? My site was linked on Playbook this morning. 252 00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:33,138 - All right. Just deal 'em up. - I'm gonna crush you bastards. 253 00:10:33,233 --> 00:10:35,235 Anybody want some fruit salad? I got plenty. 254 00:10:35,568 --> 00:10:37,479 How long is Craig gonna be held up? 255 00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:39,675 Craig will be with us momentarily, 256 00:10:39,772 --> 00:10:41,945 but at present he's in his coding hour. 257 00:10:42,008 --> 00:10:43,612 I imagine that's when he's creating code. 258 00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:45,314 That's what she said, She called it that. 259 00:10:45,411 --> 00:10:47,015 Craig's coding hour is sacred. 260 00:10:47,113 --> 00:10:49,525 It happens every day, but you don't know when. 261 00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:52,319 SELINA: Perhaps if Craig... MELISSA: It's Cray-eeg. 262 00:10:52,418 --> 00:10:55,490 ...kept some sort of calendar, then he could write down his schedule. 263 00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:57,431 Then he would know where he was meant to be. 264 00:10:57,490 --> 00:10:58,798 MELISSA: Noted. SELINA: Yes. 265 00:10:59,425 --> 00:11:02,668 What is all this writing on that wall? 266 00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,503 MELISSA: Oh, this is our graffiti wall. 267 00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,838 Perhaps as one of our honored guests, you'd like to sign it. 268 00:11:06,933 --> 00:11:08,776 SELINA: Oh. MIKE: Mmm-mmm-mmm. 269 00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,709 No, ma'am, that's Ron Jeremy. 270 00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:12,616 I know, he's a great actor. 271 00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:14,547 He was Scar in <i>The Lion King.</i> 272 00:11:14,641 --> 00:11:18,111 That was Jeremy Irons. Ron Jeremy is a porn legend. 273 00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:21,186 - Oh, here. - No... Uh, Lance Armstrong. 274 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:23,227 We're having that one chemically expunged. 275 00:11:23,449 --> 00:11:25,690 AMY: Good idea. SELINA: So... 276 00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:30,023 - AMY: What are you doing? - It's like a rollaway. 277 00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:32,330 But there's no wheels. 278 00:11:32,392 --> 00:11:34,633 Okay, yeah. Yeah. 279 00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:40,573 - Gonna raise 100. - (CHUCKLES) 280 00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:44,139 You got nothing. I know you, you got a tell. 281 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,743 That's your tell, Dan. That's a William fucking Tell. 282 00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,877 It's like an apple sitting right on your head, Dan. 283 00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,389 I can see it. It's plain as day. I call. 284 00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:56,085 See, I got one pretty lady, and, oh, look, 285 00:11:56,649 --> 00:12:00,495 she brought her sister, and hello, honey. 286 00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:04,160 Three pretty ladies, like Saturday night at Chez Jonah. 287 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,704 And here endeth the lesson, children. 288 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:08,767 You look like you're gonna heave, man. 289 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:11,739 I just had a bellyful of Chung this morning. 290 00:12:12,699 --> 00:12:15,179 I don't get it' either. I don't know why no one's going after that guy. 291 00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:18,682 Because unlike your boss, his day-to-fuck-up ratio isn't one to one. 292 00:12:19,205 --> 00:12:21,617 At least Selina didn't torture any Iraqis. 293 00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,380 Unless she had an Iraqi maid or something. 294 00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:28,290 - That's bullshit. - No, I heard his unit tenured a guy. 295 00:12:28,381 --> 00:12:30,691 - Seriously? - I don't know for sure. 296 00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,627 - You think that's true? - I'm not saying anything, okay? 297 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:35,222 I know nothing. 298 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,031 Wow, it's like the rain forest, isn't it? 299 00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,235 - Nature is very important to Clovis. - Uh-huh. 300 00:12:45,865 --> 00:12:48,937 - Here is some. - How do you take care of all the roots? 301 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,639 Oh, these are synthetic. 302 00:12:50,737 --> 00:12:53,741 - This is our Black Sky ideas room. - Uh-huh. 303 00:12:53,806 --> 00:12:57,583 Google has Blue Skies, but Craig doesn't stop at the atmosphere. 304 00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:58,714 Ah! 305 00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,285 - But he stops at meeting me, doesn't he? - Yes. 306 00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:02,917 In his own motherfucking building. 307 00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:04,962 She said we'd see Craig momentarily. 308 00:13:05,051 --> 00:13:07,725 Our withdrawal from Afghanistan has been more momentarily than this. 309 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:10,267 Sorry, guys, my size-of-a-planet bad. 310 00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:13,769 Craig Jergensen, as I live and breathe in the genius. Kent Davison. 311 00:13:13,826 --> 00:13:15,601 - Selina. - No, it's "Madam Vice President." 312 00:13:15,662 --> 00:13:18,302 - It's Madam Vice President. - I'm sorry. Madam Vice President. 313 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:19,468 - Oh, right. - Right. 314 00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:21,135 I shouldn't say this because I majored in math, 315 00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:23,475 but you have my 1,000% attention. 316 00:13:23,569 --> 00:13:26,106 Wow, that's a lot. I'm thrilled to hear that... 317 00:13:26,172 --> 00:13:28,015 Excuse me one moment. Have you heard from Indonesia? 318 00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:29,313 - They've made a counter. - Okay. 319 00:13:29,409 --> 00:13:30,820 Hope Melissa's taken care of you. 320 00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:33,584 She's our "financy Nancy," but she's cool, sometimes. 321 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,148 I can be cool sometimes. 322 00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,285 So what we need to do... 323 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,193 - Oh, um, talk to me. - AMY: What about? 324 00:13:39,285 --> 00:13:41,265 Anything. Doesn't quite matter. 325 00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,668 "Congress," "legislature," words like that. 326 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,599 Yes. Exactly. What about France? 327 00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:48,002 So pretty. The museums are too big. 328 00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,835 - They could be smaller. - That's a great point. 329 00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:52,637 - Did Melissa show you our new baby? - We won. 330 00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:55,010 - I'm so sorry. What? - Did she show you the Smartch? 331 00:13:55,101 --> 00:13:56,205 This march? 332 00:13:56,302 --> 00:13:58,213 - Do you have a special little march? - (PING PONG BALL BOUNCING) 333 00:13:58,304 --> 00:13:59,476 - No. - No? 334 00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:02,347 - You are going to love this. - It's a little on the loud side, guys. 335 00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,148 How about putting a sock around the ball? 336 00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,490 - Oh. - We're going to put this on you. 337 00:14:10,717 --> 00:14:13,163 You are wearing a smart watch. 338 00:14:13,219 --> 00:14:14,857 Hence, Smartch. 339 00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:17,228 It swaps Clovis profiles when you shake hands. 340 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,633 If it's a phone and watch, just call it a Fotch. 341 00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,194 - Or a Wone. - (SELINA CHUCKLES) 342 00:14:21,294 --> 00:14:23,365 If you wanted it to bomb. 343 00:14:24,330 --> 00:14:26,071 - Let's shake. - All right. 344 00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,475 - And now it is on. - Oh. 345 00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,204 Oh. 346 00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,978 - It worked this morning. - Okay, one more time. 347 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,984 This way. Uh-oh. 348 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:38,545 I feel like we're sawing a tree or something. 349 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:42,392 Now we're milking a cow. (LAUGHS) Maybe there's an on button. 350 00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:44,052 You know what? We'll come back to shaking, okay? 351 00:14:44,150 --> 00:14:45,220 - Great. - Um... 352 00:14:45,318 --> 00:14:47,821 - Why don't you ask it a question? - Um... 353 00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:50,163 - Can Craig see... - Selina, you need to say "Smanch." 354 00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,702 - It's Madam Vice President. - I know. 355 00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:52,825 Um... 356 00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:57,841 Okay. Smartch, can you see for Craig... 357 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,205 - It's Cray-eeg. - It's Cray-eeg. 358 00:14:59,265 --> 00:15:02,439 Cray-eeg... The MeetMeyer website. 359 00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:05,843 FEMALE VOICE: These are the opening <i>times</i> for Sea World. 360 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,413 You know, this is good. If things work all the time, 361 00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:09,782 it means we can't make them better. 362 00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:12,948 - We have a saying here at Clovis. Dare to fail. - (PING PONG BALL BOUNCING) 363 00:15:13,179 --> 00:15:14,590 Then that's a job well done. (CHUCKLES) 364 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,557 Stop playing ping-pong... 365 00:15:17,517 --> 00:15:21,226 ...here and go have a great time somewhere else. 366 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:26,265 JONAH: Look, if we don't go with this Chung torture story, someone else will. 367 00:15:26,392 --> 00:15:28,235 We just don't know the facts. 368 00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:30,205 Okay. We put it out there, 369 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:33,207 and then something will arrive that backs it up. 370 00:15:33,299 --> 00:15:35,108 That's Journalism 101. 371 00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:36,874 Hey, Dan. It's Jonah. 372 00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,779 Hey, do you think I should go with this? 373 00:15:39,372 --> 00:15:41,113 (STAMMERS) I'm probably going to, 374 00:15:41,207 --> 00:15:43,448 but if you think I shouldn't go with it, just call me back. 375 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,420 Okay? Call me back if I shouldn't go with it. 376 00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,149 Okay. Thank you. This is Jonah. Bye. 377 00:15:48,981 --> 00:15:50,961 (SIRENS BLARING IN THE DISTANCE) 378 00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:54,788 He's not calling back. Go with it. 379 00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:56,934 - (KEYS CLACKING) - Stop. 380 00:15:59,325 --> 00:16:00,804 Yeah. 381 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:04,741 - Done? - Done. 382 00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:06,299 (EXHALES) 383 00:16:06,732 --> 00:16:09,235 Ma'am, could I address the Smartch one more time? 384 00:16:09,435 --> 00:16:11,938 - Oh, yeah. - At work they call me the tech whisperer. 385 00:16:12,238 --> 00:16:16,118 - No, we don't. - Smartch, can we see MeetMeyer? 386 00:16:16,175 --> 00:16:17,950 The Smartch learns quickly. 387 00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:20,318 - It's like it has an Asian mother. - Hmm. 388 00:16:20,413 --> 00:16:22,825 - What... - What is this? 389 00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,121 MIKE: Some college kids made it, ma'am. 390 00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:25,787 It's a comedy thing where they 391 00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:27,991 represent you as meat and act out news stories. 392 00:16:28,087 --> 00:16:31,500 AMY: It's making fun of our website, which is MeetMeyer, M-E-E-T. 393 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:32,996 GARY: Oh, that's me. 394 00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:34,969 What was the site, Meeting Meyer? 395 00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:37,371 Yeah. Uh, Smartch, show us Meeting Meyer. 396 00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:39,670 - No, no! No, Smartch, no! - What? 397 00:16:39,765 --> 00:16:41,176 - No. - (GASPS) Oh, my God! 398 00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:42,268 Oh, my God, it's a porn site. 399 00:16:42,435 --> 00:16:43,379 AMY: Okay, okay. SELINA: Gary, oh, my God. 400 00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:46,006 Now I'm getting fucked harder that way, Gary. Don't”. 401 00:16:46,105 --> 00:16:48,483 - Engage family filters. - You have to say Smartch. 402 00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:51,317 Smartch, engage family filters. 403 00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:54,482 All right, it's off. Come down from that. 404 00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:57,960 I am so sorry, Madam Vice President. 405 00:16:58,184 --> 00:17:02,792 If it's any consolation, a porn parody is a sure sign that you've officially made it. 406 00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:07,028 Um, technically, becoming vice president could count as making it. 407 00:17:07,126 --> 00:17:09,572 So who was that fucking me? Was that Jeremy Irons? 408 00:17:09,662 --> 00:17:12,302 - I think you mean Ron Jeremy. - Whatever. 409 00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:14,208 - It wasn't. - Okay, this raises another point. 410 00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:17,414 We cannot have this Jonah Ryan or this fracking story 411 00:17:17,503 --> 00:17:19,540 behind the Veep when she's talking. 412 00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,084 Yeah, I can't take it from them, too. 413 00:17:21,173 --> 00:17:23,016 You know? A girl gets tired. 414 00:17:23,142 --> 00:17:25,850 Guys, you're not asking me to pull content. 415 00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:27,721 That's very much against our ethics. 416 00:17:27,813 --> 00:17:31,420 - The political reality is... - I don't follow politics. 417 00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:34,190 But I do like your Tablets in the School initiative. 418 00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:38,668 How about I give you a few to get you started? Say, 50,000? 419 00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:41,065 That's a very generous offer. We appreciate that. 420 00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,571 Bang. That's how fast we move here. 421 00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,370 Well, that could be the start of a nice friendship. 422 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,605 Now that we're on the topic of friendship, 423 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:51,739 that repatriation tax stops so much innovation. 424 00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:54,408 We would love to have a dialogue about that. 425 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,350 You don't follow politics, I thought. 426 00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:58,080 Or you do now follow politics? 427 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,422 We see ourselves as very much post-tax. 428 00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:03,586 I do have one fiscal question. 429 00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:07,756 Right now, you are showcasing other people's content for free. 430 00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:10,766 Once the content providers start charging you, 431 00:18:10,856 --> 00:18:12,631 do you have a plan for that? 432 00:18:12,725 --> 00:18:14,033 I think there's a misunderstanding. 433 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:16,733 People want to work with us more than they want to be paid. 434 00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,104 That's a given. 435 00:18:18,197 --> 00:18:20,643 Well, if that plan works, you've changed humanity. 436 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:21,768 (SELINA LAUGHING) 437 00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:23,540 - Bravo. - Yeah, indeed. 438 00:18:23,869 --> 00:18:27,817 - Melissa... - Craig is bookmarking this chat. 439 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:31,150 - KENT: He's what? - You mean metaphorically? 440 00:18:31,243 --> 00:18:34,383 Look at that pile of elbows. Look at this. Number one. 441 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:37,053 CRAIG: His site's been blowing up all day. Who is that guy? 442 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,117 (CHUCKLES) 443 00:18:38,217 --> 00:18:40,754 That's Jonah Ryan. Everybody knows Jonah. 444 00:18:41,087 --> 00:18:42,725 He's well-known in DC circles. 445 00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:44,597 Okay, how much do we have in the New Venture fund? 446 00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:45,727 50. 447 00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:47,998 Okay, let's take three or four and buy that site. 448 00:18:48,094 --> 00:18:49,971 - KENT: Oh, no way! - (STAMMERING) You mean millions? 449 00:18:50,997 --> 00:18:52,567 Fair enough. Four to six. 450 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,407 He said he's a popular guy, so... 451 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,741 I didn't say that. 452 00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,815 CRAIG: Yes, he definitely said that. GARY: I didn't say that. 453 00:18:58,404 --> 00:19:00,145 I've got to go talk to Indonesia. 454 00:19:00,239 --> 00:19:02,515 Recap. Tablets, cool. 455 00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:04,610 No tax, awesome. 456 00:19:04,677 --> 00:19:07,487 See you at the Town Hall. Gonna be fun. So glad you support us. 457 00:19:08,848 --> 00:19:10,794 Okay, thanks. Okay, bye. 458 00:19:12,785 --> 00:19:14,765 - Who was that? - It was nobody. 459 00:19:15,121 --> 00:19:17,965 Just a nice little pretty lady I like to call Destiny. 460 00:19:18,024 --> 00:19:21,028 Clovis wants to buy Ryantology. 461 00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,935 - That's right! That's right! - What? 462 00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:25,969 Oh, my God. You see these brains? 463 00:19:26,032 --> 00:19:30,037 See why I'm pattin' 'em? Because they are made of solid platinum. 464 00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:33,310 - This is really good for all of us, right? - I am going to be so rich. 465 00:19:33,372 --> 00:19:35,147 Oh, my God. You know what? 466 00:19:35,207 --> 00:19:37,710 Everybody who said that I would never make it, 467 00:19:37,810 --> 00:19:39,949 where the fuck are you now, huh? 468 00:19:40,012 --> 00:19:42,117 Some of them are still in senior positions. 469 00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:43,854 Fuck you, Kent Davison. 470 00:19:43,949 --> 00:19:46,862 Fuck you, Mrs. Gravestock from the third grade. 471 00:19:46,952 --> 00:19:50,126 Fuck you, stepdad one and stepdad three. 472 00:19:50,322 --> 00:19:51,824 (EXCLAIMS) 473 00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:53,527 I gotta sit down. 474 00:19:53,626 --> 00:19:54,730 (SIGHS) 475 00:19:57,063 --> 00:19:59,134 I think I just had a money-gasm. 476 00:19:59,965 --> 00:20:01,000 (COINS JINGLING) 477 00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:03,204 - Jonah with money. God Almighty. - (PING PONG BALL BOUNCING) 478 00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:04,576 It's like if Hitler could fly. 479 00:20:04,670 --> 00:20:07,879 - I vote we tape Gary's mouth closed. - I did not say anything. 480 00:20:07,973 --> 00:20:09,816 He asked me to come in with him, Jonah did. 481 00:20:10,176 --> 00:20:11,314 I'd be rich right now. 482 00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,550 - I'd be handcuffed to a prick, but I'd be rich. - No, you wouldn't. 483 00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,523 You would not. Absolutely not. 484 00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:19,222 What? So they buy it for four, so that gives you, what, one? 485 00:20:19,318 --> 00:20:21,423 After taxes, it's like 500,000. 486 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,693 It's nothing. What are you gonna do with that? 487 00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,702 - Ow. - Oh, my God. 488 00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,568 Do you think this is appropriate? 489 00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:32,502 'Cause when you do that to the vice president, this is what happens! 490 00:20:33,532 --> 00:20:35,512 God. Oh, my God. 491 00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,013 - Gary, are you okay? - I'm fine, I'm fine. 492 00:20:37,069 --> 00:20:40,050 - God! - You know what? You kids have no... 493 00:20:40,106 --> 00:20:41,517 - Ma'am? Ma'am? - What? 494 00:20:41,574 --> 00:20:43,611 These idiots are the Internet. 495 00:20:43,709 --> 00:20:46,781 - Excuse me, Madam Vice President. - GARY: Madam Vice President. 496 00:20:47,513 --> 00:20:50,357 - Amy, can we huddle for a second? - Yeah. 497 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,521 It's okay, we have a huddle area. 498 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,092 I'm taking these people back to dial-up. 499 00:20:56,188 --> 00:20:58,065 You know what I mean? They think they're kings of America. 500 00:20:58,124 --> 00:20:59,865 - Well, in a way they are. - No, they're not. 501 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,029 Okay. I take your point. 502 00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:02,265 I know you're walking around here 503 00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:05,774 like you're C-3PO with a big, brass, shiny erection, 504 00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:08,937 but I got news for you, this is kindergarten for cyberbrats. 505 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:12,480 And I'll tell you something else. If you're over 30... Check it out. 506 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,778 That's where you're headed, my friend, if you work here. 507 00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:16,114 I got to go to the bathroom. 508 00:21:16,208 --> 00:21:18,745 They have a bathroom here, or do they put their turds up in the cloud? 509 00:21:18,878 --> 00:21:20,050 Down the hall to the right. 510 00:21:20,112 --> 00:21:21,557 I hate this fucking place. 511 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,218 Way to go, Gary. 512 00:21:27,453 --> 00:21:28,454 (SIGHS) 513 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:33,393 Oh, it's a space toilet. 514 00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:38,575 Okay. 515 00:21:38,964 --> 00:21:40,568 - (WHIRRING) - Oh. 516 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,781 I've been watching you and I like what I see. 517 00:21:44,570 --> 00:21:45,514 Right. 518 00:21:45,604 --> 00:21:48,608 Would you work here and share an open plan environment with me? 519 00:21:49,074 --> 00:21:50,144 I'm flattered, 520 00:21:50,242 --> 00:21:53,815 but the sheer positivity of this place would break me. 521 00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:56,917 - Hey, Doug, they got different trail mix today. - Somewhere else. 522 00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,493 This is what we'd pay you. 523 00:21:59,985 --> 00:22:01,623 (LAUGHING LOUDLY) 524 00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:03,496 - Go fuck yourself. - (LAUGHS) 525 00:22:03,589 --> 00:22:05,626 Sorry, that's the opposite of what I meant to say. 526 00:22:05,925 --> 00:22:06,926 Oh. 527 00:22:08,360 --> 00:22:13,810 JONAH: <i>Iraq, land of history, but also land of unspeakable torture!</i> 528 00:22:14,166 --> 00:22:15,167 (BEATBOXING) 529 00:22:15,267 --> 00:22:16,940 <i>Chung's proud of his beatboxing,</i> 530 00:22:17,036 --> 00:22:20,108 <i>but what about the beating and boxing he did in Iraq?</i> 531 00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:22,345 <i>Proud of that, Guv'nor?</i> 532 00:22:23,275 --> 00:22:24,845 - SELINA: I don't understand what this is. - I know. 533 00:22:24,944 --> 00:22:27,288 I don't want any of this. Figure out a way to get rid of it. 534 00:22:27,346 --> 00:22:30,122 - I don't know what that is. - (STRAINING) 535 00:22:30,549 --> 00:22:32,460 - What's wrong? What's wrong? - I'm sorry. 536 00:22:32,518 --> 00:22:35,055 I've got to confess, ma'am, I've been in a lot of pain lately. 537 00:22:35,154 --> 00:22:36,155 It's my shoulder. 538 00:22:36,222 --> 00:22:38,361 The masseuse at the hotel this morning told me to take it easy, 539 00:22:38,457 --> 00:22:39,868 - but it's just been hurting. - BOTH: Oh! 540 00:22:39,959 --> 00:22:42,701 - It was a masseuse. - That makes total sense now. 541 00:22:42,828 --> 00:22:44,398 Wait. Who did you think it was? 542 00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:46,874 Kent, it was a masseuse. 543 00:22:47,633 --> 00:22:48,634 Ah. 544 00:22:48,734 --> 00:22:50,008 Masseuse. I buy that. 545 00:22:50,069 --> 00:22:52,913 Why else would I invite a man into my hotel room? (LAUGHS) 546 00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:55,543 - SELINA: Well... - Nothing. 547 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:56,743 Why are you looking at me like that? 548 00:22:56,842 --> 00:22:59,015 Like what? Nobody's looking at you in any way. 549 00:22:59,078 --> 00:23:00,216 It's a free country. 550 00:23:00,312 --> 00:23:02,349 - I know it's a free country. - MIKE: I had a cousin like that. 551 00:23:02,481 --> 00:23:04,358 Not to split hairs or anything, but it was a man. 552 00:23:04,416 --> 00:23:06,487 So, technically, it's a masseur, not a masseuse. 553 00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:09,690 - Whatever makes you happy. It doesn't matter. - I don't understand what's... 554 00:23:09,755 --> 00:23:11,496 (BREATHING SHAKILY) God! 555 00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:13,226 Whatever makes me happy? 556 00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:15,696 MELISSA: It's complicated, isn't it? KENT: It is, it is. 557 00:23:15,828 --> 00:23:19,742 But my job is to discover how America thinks. 558 00:23:19,832 --> 00:23:24,611 And right now, the public is interested in tax relief for tech firms. 559 00:23:24,703 --> 00:23:25,738 Interesting. 560 00:23:25,838 --> 00:23:28,444 Yeah, but they're still deciding. 561 00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:33,618 There is a lot of interest in the Chung torture story. 562 00:23:33,879 --> 00:23:38,123 The public may decide to put it on the Clovis front page after all. 563 00:23:38,951 --> 00:23:41,295 Instead of those Selina stories. 564 00:23:42,021 --> 00:23:43,523 Also interesting. 565 00:23:44,390 --> 00:23:46,392 Well, I do admire the power of the public. 566 00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:48,300 - Aren't they magnificent? - Mmm. 567 00:23:49,228 --> 00:23:51,230 (APPLAUDING) 568 00:23:51,864 --> 00:23:54,208 Welcome to the Clovis Town Hall, guys! 569 00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:57,040 Next week we have Rupert Grint from the Harry Potter movies. 570 00:23:57,102 --> 00:23:58,604 (CHEERING LOUDLY) 571 00:24:03,208 --> 00:24:05,415 But today I am honored to welcome 572 00:24:05,477 --> 00:24:08,617 the Vice President of the United States, Selina Meyer. 573 00:24:08,714 --> 00:24:09,715 (APPLAUDING) 574 00:24:16,655 --> 00:24:17,793 Oh, God. 575 00:24:18,457 --> 00:24:20,835 - Hi. - Now, Selina... 576 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:23,941 Oh... (CHUCKLES) Some people call me, "Madam Vice President.“ 577 00:24:23,996 --> 00:24:26,306 But you can call me whatever you want, Craig. 578 00:24:26,665 --> 00:24:28,235 - MAN: Cray-eeg. - Yeah. 579 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,473 Okay. Well, Madam Vice President, 580 00:24:30,569 --> 00:24:32,412 um, why don't you name a website, 581 00:24:32,471 --> 00:24:33,745 suitable for work, please. 582 00:24:33,839 --> 00:24:35,580 (LAUGHING) 583 00:24:35,774 --> 00:24:41,156 Okay, Smartch, show me the Clovis home page. 584 00:24:41,580 --> 00:24:42,752 (ALL CHEERING) 585 00:24:45,951 --> 00:24:48,295 You know what? Guys, I have to address this. 586 00:24:48,821 --> 00:24:51,665 This Danny Chung torture story. 587 00:24:51,757 --> 00:24:55,762 Uh, I know Governor Chung very well 588 00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:59,332 and I can tell you that these allegations are utterly unfounded. 589 00:24:59,431 --> 00:25:00,501 Utterly unfounded. 590 00:25:00,599 --> 00:25:05,014 If you are telling me that Danny Chung condones torture, 591 00:25:05,104 --> 00:25:09,610 I am telling you that those allegations are false. 592 00:25:09,708 --> 00:25:15,124 False. I mean, the words Danny Chung and torture, 593 00:25:15,180 --> 00:25:18,184 they don't belong in the same sentence. They don't. 594 00:25:18,283 --> 00:25:21,890 Danny Chung? Torture? Come on. 595 00:25:23,055 --> 00:25:26,468 Well, ma'am, by denying that Chung and torture are connected, 596 00:25:26,558 --> 00:25:27,696 everyone now seems to think 597 00:25:27,793 --> 00:25:30,740 that, well, Chung and torture are connected. 598 00:25:30,829 --> 00:25:33,708 And I wonder what magician got that little story out there? 599 00:25:33,832 --> 00:25:35,072 SELINA: <i>Well, you're a very smart boy.</i> 600 00:25:35,167 --> 00:25:36,669 Listen, we're gonna end this conversation. 601 00:25:36,735 --> 00:25:38,578 - We're never gonna refer to it again, okay? - (BEEPS) 602 00:25:39,371 --> 00:25:42,978 Melissa, I've had time to think about it now, 603 00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:44,817 and I'm a grown-up. 604 00:25:45,477 --> 00:25:47,479 I don't think I'm the right fit here. 605 00:25:47,546 --> 00:25:50,686 I wasn't even that into toys when I was a kid. 606 00:25:51,050 --> 00:25:52,393 The Veep doesn't value you. 607 00:25:52,484 --> 00:25:54,430 She's about to promote me to campaign manager. 608 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:55,931 She values me. 609 00:25:56,021 --> 00:25:58,001 That's off the record, by the way. 610 00:25:58,390 --> 00:26:00,097 I don't need you. 611 00:26:00,426 --> 00:26:02,167 I can buy 1,000 Amys. 612 00:26:02,661 --> 00:26:05,403 That's fine by me if your idea of special is Jonah Ryan. 613 00:26:05,497 --> 00:26:06,737 Jonah Ryan? (CHUCKLES) 614 00:26:07,499 --> 00:26:09,570 We sunset-ted that idea minutes ago. 615 00:26:09,668 --> 00:26:11,511 We've withdrawn our offer. 616 00:26:12,037 --> 00:26:14,881 Well, "like." Sorry, wrong company. 617 00:26:16,108 --> 00:26:18,748 <i>These Pentagon files prove beyond doubt</i> 618 00:26:18,844 --> 00:26:22,223 <i>I had no involvement in torture.</i> 619 00:26:22,915 --> 00:26:25,555 <i>I've never made political capital</i> 620 00:26:25,617 --> 00:26:27,028 <i>from my military record.</i> 621 00:26:27,786 --> 00:26:28,924 <i>A service to this great country...</i> 622 00:26:29,021 --> 00:26:31,467 Okay, yes. I understand. 623 00:26:31,557 --> 00:26:34,436 ...but the now utterly discredited website... 624 00:26:34,526 --> 00:26:36,938 Jonah, we didn't get into this for the money. 625 00:26:41,233 --> 00:26:45,113 You take that chicken soup and you shove it up your soul. 626 00:26:46,438 --> 00:26:50,944 <i>...destroy the allegations against me and the brave men and women...</i> 627 00:26:53,545 --> 00:26:55,388 Hey! Dan! 628 00:26:55,881 --> 00:26:57,883 Hey, pizza delivery, buddy. 629 00:26:58,550 --> 00:27:00,655 I got some meat you can put in your mouth. 630 00:27:00,953 --> 00:27:02,398 You fuckin' asshole! 631 00:27:03,655 --> 00:27:06,067 Hey, you want a complimentary soda? 632 00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:09,505 What the hell are you doing' Jonah? 633 00:27:09,795 --> 00:27:12,742 - Screw you, Dan. - Oh, yeah, that's right. 634 00:27:12,898 --> 00:27:14,900 Speaking of screwed, I heard you lost $4 million. 635 00:27:14,967 --> 00:27:16,310 - Yeah. - I feel your pain, buddy. 636 00:27:16,401 --> 00:27:18,472 I had to dump that 150 on purpose in the game today. 637 00:27:18,570 --> 00:27:21,141 You fucked me, Dan. You fucked me with your face. 638 00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:22,446 Oh, would that be this face? 639 00:27:23,609 --> 00:27:25,646 SELINA: Melissa, what an enjoyable day. 640 00:27:25,744 --> 00:27:26,916 - Thank you very much. - Our pleasure. 641 00:27:26,979 --> 00:27:29,152 Yes. Absolutely. Amy, can I talk to you just briefly? 642 00:27:29,248 --> 00:27:32,752 In the ladies' restroom, they have some sort of an Internet toilet. 643 00:27:32,818 --> 00:27:34,422 I couldn't figure out how to flush it. 644 00:27:34,486 --> 00:27:36,329 It's got all these buttons that freak me out, 645 00:27:36,421 --> 00:27:37,923 so can you go handle that? Okay. 646 00:27:37,990 --> 00:27:40,027 It's the third stall. Thank you. 647 00:27:42,094 --> 00:27:43,129 Oh. 648 00:27:43,195 --> 00:27:45,436 Wonderful day, wonderful device. 649 00:27:45,597 --> 00:27:47,099 - Wanna take one away? - No. 650 00:27:51,770 --> 00:27:53,181 Here you go. 651 00:27:53,438 --> 00:27:55,008 All the best. 652 00:28:02,648 --> 00:28:05,629 (FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING RAPIDLY) 653 00:28:09,300 --> 00:28:19,300 <b><font color=#004F8C>Ripped By mstoll</font></b>