Suggestions for
Teaching
Elaboration
(Session 2)
#Asking Questions
#Recognizing Elaboration
#Show, Don’t Tell
Adapted by Kristine Gooding from:
OSPI Instructional Support Materials for Writing
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ASKING QUESTIONS THAT LEAD
TO ELABORATION
Hillocks has written extensively on the importance of demanding critical thinking of
students, of putting them into situations where they have to learn to ask questions
about their subject matter, look at multiple points of view, think of what is missing
and not just what is evident. In this set of lessons the teachers are asked to
develop elaboration that makes sense and builds on the ideas—rather than starting
with organization (e.g., five paragraph essay) and adding ideas afterward.
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Elaboration answers questions for
the reader.
Kids like to play.
I wonder what
kind of games they
like to play?
The yellow boxes demonstrate a “Think-Aloud” that your teachers will recognize
from reading instruction. They illustrate how a proficient reader approaches the text
and interacts with it.
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Elaboration answers questions for the
reader.
Kids like to play. For example, kids really like to
play games.
I wonder what
kind of games they
like to play?
Discuss the think aloud.
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Elaboration answers questions for the
reader.
Now I understand, kids like to
play a lot of different games.
Kids like to play.
For example, kids
really like to play
games on the
computer, games
with their friends,
as well as different
sports.
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Elaboration answers questions
for the reader- your turn.
• Turn to a partner and add even more elaboration
to the previous slide. Discuss what kinds of games
and sports kids like to play.
• Think about who will read what you write. What
information will help them understand you idea
more clearly?
Focus the discussion on attention to the audience when elaborating.
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Practice with a Partner
Read the prompt and the paragraphs on the next
slides. Write questions you would need answered
to better understand what the writer is telling
you.
•What do you want to know more about?
•What do you wish the writer would have told
you?
•Discuss your questions with your partner.
Possible questions are demonstrated as you click the mouse on the slide with the
paragraph.
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Practice with a Partner
Writing Prompt:
Think about special people in your life. Write
multiple paragraphs to your teacher telling about
the special people in your life.
See the next slide. Possible questions are demonstrated as you click the mouse.
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I wonder if
the writer
lives in
Oregon?
I need to know more….
The Special People in Oregon
I have three special people in Oregon. One of them is my cousin. He
What games does his
plays huge water baloon fights with me. His name is
Aaron. Aaron and
grandmother play on a
I play terrific games together like tag, hide and go seek,
andNintendo?
basketball.
Super
I wonder
He lives in Oregon.
what
Enchanted
My Grandma also lives in
Oregon.
Is his aunt his
Village
is? She has a Super Nintendo that we
play
together
and
she
has
movies
to watch too.
cousin Aaron’s
mom?
My aunt lives in Oregon and she takes me places like Enchanted
Village. Her name is Cindy. I love the people in Oregon.
First, do not click the mouse until all teachers have read and discussed this slide.
Put the teachers’ questions on a chart so they can compare them to the ones that
will appear as you click the mouse for four possible question examples. Hopefully
the teachers will have found more and different questions as well.
This activity demonstrates what students need to consider when thinking of their
audience. When elaboration is complete, the audience’s needs are met.
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Answer Questions - your turn
• Think about the questions you discussed on the
previous slide.
• Rewrite the paragraphs using elaboration
strategies. Include information the reader wants
to know.
– Make up any information you need in order
to elaborate effectively.
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RECOGNIZING
ELABORATION
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Where is the elaboration?
The main reason I love Halloween is the candy. Oh my gosh, it’s
like heaven—even for big kids. What I’m trying to say is that my mom
lets me collect and eat all the mini candy bars, fruity treats, and sour
chewies that I can. When I get to heaven, it will have all those kinds of
candy. Last year, I was running out the door at 5:30, pillowcase in hand,
hitting the houses in my neighborhood with my friend Steven. You
might not believe it, but I got 237 individual servings of candy, and it
was my highest record yet. I figure at 20 pieces a day it will take me 12
days to polish it all off. There’s nothing better than candy if you’re a
kid.
Read this paragraph orally to teachers.
It might be advantageous for teachers to have copies of this paragraph so they can
see the entire piece at the same time and mark different kinds of elaboration on the
papers. See “Halloween” in the module folder.
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Where is the elaboration?
•What I’m trying to say is that my mom lets me collect and
eat all the mini candy bars, fruity treats, and sour chewies
that I can.
–DEFINE
The writer is attempting to define how getting candy on
Halloween is like heaven.
Click to have the selection appear. Ask the teachers to identify the elaboration
strategy used. Click again and “define” and the explanation will appear. Discuss
how the strategy worked.
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Where is the elaboration?
• Last year, I was running out the door at 5:30,
pillowcase in hand, hitting the houses in my
neighborhood with my friend Steven.
- ANECDOTE
The writer is including a bit of a narrative story with
personal experience to make his point about how
he was going to get candy.
Click to have the selection appear. Ask the teachers to identify the elaboration
strategy used. Click again and “anecdote” will appear followed by the explanation.
Discuss how the strategy worked.
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Where is the elaboration?
•You might not believe it but I got 237 individual
servings of candy, and it was my highest record
yet. I figure at 20 pieces a day it will take me 12
days to polish it all off.
– STATISTICS
The writer is making up or remembering statistics
that make his point about getting a large amount
of candy.
Click to have the selection appear. Ask the teachers to identify the elaboration
strategy used. Click again and “statistics” will appear followed by the explanation.
Discuss how the strategy worked.
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Recognizing Elaboration your turn
• Read the following paragraph and mark the
types of elaboration you find.
• Discuss what kinds of elaboration are effective.
Easy to recognize.
This is a good opportunity to remind teachers that when they read text, “read like
writers.” Have them intentionally look for, and point out to students, elaboration
strategies in all types of texts.
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SHOW,
DON’T TELL
Daily showing, not telling practice is an effective way to impact students’ writing.
Put a “general sentence” on the overhead or board. See examples below. Have
students create showing sentences. In addition to impacting writing, this is a great
entry task, sponge, or transitional activity.
An example A general sentence - My dog was playing.
A showing sentence - Growling and slobbering, my 3-year-old black lab Grover
tugged at the rubber bone I held in my hand.
This information, as well as other examples, are provided in a handout.
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Show, don’t tell
What is the difference between these two samples?
Which one is better and why?
My room was a mess.
I open the door a crack and I smell crackers and toast.
I see my toys and trucks and transformers. I step on
rocks and dirt and squished bananas.
Teachers will be able to recognize and tell why the second example is more explicit
and creates a mental picture.
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Definition of Telling and Showing
9 Telling is the use of broad generalizations.
9 Showing is the use of details, facts, statistics,
examples, anecdotes, quotations, dialogue –
elaboration– to develop, persuade, explain, or
enliven a story.
Read the definition to the teachers.
Generate examples.
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Telling vs. Showing Sample
My room was a mess. There were clothes that
my brother left on his bed and there were papers all
around the room. Toys, crayons, robots, and my big
robot were taken apart and bargain hunter cards
scattered everywhere. I didn’t make up my bed. You
think that was all? There was some food around the
room.
This slide shows different types of elaboration. The red sentence is the topic (telling)
sentence. In each case teachers should discuss and identify words that
SHOW rather than tell.
Vivid description is the main elaboration strategy used here to show the many
fascinating things to see in the messy room. Find the words that show that the
room is messy.
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Show, Don’t Tell - your turn
• With a partner, discuss how to make these
sentences show, rather than tell.
The child in the hall was sad.
I am tired.
Lunch was delicious.
The car was filthy.
I knew I needed to see
the situation in my
head first and then try
to describe it for the
reader.
Pick two of the sentences and rewrite them to
share with the group.
Have teachers pick two of the sentences and rewrite them so they show, rather than
tell. The goal is to make the reader see, hear, feel, touch, or taste the experience.
It’s ok to write multiple sentences or multiple paragraphs.
Have teachers get together in groups of four to share sentences.
Each teacher will read both revisions out loud. The others listen quietly and then
give feedback one at a time. They should tell the writer what they liked and make
suggestions to add showing details.
Example Telling sentence - The car was filthy.
Showing sentences - When I opened the door of my son’s car, I was first assaulted
by the overwhelming odor of mildew. This was combined with the lingering aroma of
greasy cheeseburger wrappers and sweaty gym socks. My eyes wandered to the
passenger’s seat littered with empty water bottles, gum wrappers, and foamy,
scummy latte cups. The worst, however, was sitting down on the driver’s seat,
hearing the crackle of potato chips, and feeling the stickiness of cotton candy on the
steering wheel.
OPTIONAL ACTIVITY
An optional follow-up activity. Have teachers list as many pizza ingredients as they
can on the overhead. Then, in their groups of four, they write a well-elaborated
description of the most disgusting pizza ever.
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Before the next meeting, I agree to try
the following with my students…
• I will teach my students to ask questions,
recognize elaboration, and show not tell.
• Students will practice elaborating using the
techniques.
• I will bring three student samples to share at our
next meeting.
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