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DR. Maureen E. Doyle
Ying Chow
My helping experience
In the middle of the night, my friend “Rachel” sends me a message saying she
needs somebody to talk to and on one is available for her and asks me do I have time
to be her listener. I call her and here is what happened to her. She met a friend in her
internship work place called “Vivian”. Vivian was a good girl such an angel to her but
things turns ugly after they get comfortable with each others. Vivian starts to pick on a
foreign girl Rachel who came here for study and does not speak fluent English and
make opinions and look down about she does not have any benefits or Social security
number. Rachel is frustrated about the big changed within Vivian and how she
discourage and look down on Rachel in every way and feel pity of her situation about
not speaking fluent English and can not do anything she wants since she is not a
resident.
Understanding-----When we being to talk, I let her say anything she wants to say,
I think that’s part of what she wants, a relief. And I want to know fully about what
happened to her. And when she is talking, I try to put myself in her situation. How
would I feel if a person picked on me and how bad and embarrassing it would feels?
And I ask question to her about how she feels and what makes she thinks or feels the
certain way that she feels. And during the conversation I bring up some example
about how people mistreated me and look down, discourage me. She starts to realize it
has people out there like to look down and discourage people then make themselves
look superior. “Because you understand that’s why I wants to talk to you and it makes
me feel more open up to someone who understands me”. She is happy about my
understanding and I am by her side supporting her.
Power-----during the conversation, I try to give her some comment, opinion and
listen to her and agree with what she said about her feeling toward the situation and
try to encourage her in many ways and hope she can find bright side about this event
such as Rachel can use Vivian as a motivation to learn and speak better English, she is
totally agree with me and say it is such a good idea to push her go forward. ….I also
tell her what I think would be helpful and what should be avoid in the relationship and
certain situation. She been agree with me but when I ask her to go to Vivian’s birthday
party, she said “NO” right away and was very unwilling, so I stop and say “this is just
what I think, of course if you don’t feel comfortable to go, it is not necessary to go.”
And I try to convince her to have some space between she and Vivian and she
disagree desperately and say “It’s difficult, we get used to having lunch and text
message to each other and at work she is the one who look after and take charge of me,
she is like my boss” She shows strong resistance when I ask her to go to the party and
her resistance is not so strong when I ask her to have space between each other.
Maybe she knows this is no other choice to escape at work, so she has to accept.
Difference----there is no gap between Rachel’s idea and my experience, and
she thinks my case are much worse than hers. She is amaze by how I forgive and
thanks to those people who have been looking down on me and how I use them as my
motive to push me forward to achieve certain thing and become a better person. She
appreciates about the sharing of experience and the past experience she knows she is
not alone. She is happy about someone who been through the same happen and
understand fully about the situation. She also wants to use her friend Vivian as a
motive to push her forward to speak better, and she promises me she will work hard at
to prove that she can do better and more than what Vivian thought.
After the conversation, Rachel is not the only one become stronger and happier,
also me. Sometimes, thing that make us unhappy will leads us to think it’s ugly. She
learns to see things differently. She learns to forgive and better understanding of
certain people, knowing that bad happen may turn to good happen as well. And I am
so happy that I can make negative things become positive, and help other always
makes me feels good.