Study Guide for 7th Grade Cooperative Games
Statements to consider:
1. When you are problem solving as a class, one of the best ways you can create
an effective plan to solve a problem is before you even start trying things, you
should listen to everyone’s ideas to see which idea may work best.
2. If at that point, your plan does not work you should look at the plan from a
different angle and try a new plan.
3. If someone is being difficult to work with, you may try listening to their ideas
and see if part of it can be incorporated into what you are doing already. Ignoring
them or telling them they are wrong is not a correct way to cooperate with each
other.
Passive communication: This is a form of communication in which the person
does not share his or her wants, needs, desires, or opinions. Here are a few
examples of passive communication. A man orders a steak medium well and it
arrives at the table medium rare. He cuts into the steak and as it bleeds on the
plate and the waitress asks him if everything is to his liking he says, “Yes, things
are fine.” Another example is when a girl is going out with a guy for the first time
and he asks, “Where would you like to eat?” She knows she doesn’t want to eat
Italian (spaghetti is too messy for a first date), but when he suggests Olive
Garden, she says, “Sure! That’s fine.” Each example shows a person who has an
opinion who doesn’t share it, for whatever reason. This is passive
communication. We also see it every day when we’re walking by someone we
know and we say, “How are you?” and they answer, “Fine.” Are they really fine?
Many times there are things going on we don’t even know about and yet the
person tells us things are fine. While we can’t usually spill the beans about our
recent cancer diagnosis or depression on the sidewalk between appointments,
our common answer of, “Fine” is a form of passive communication masking the
truth. The problem with passive communication is it leaves you feeling as if your
opinion doesn’t matter and you do not have a voice. It can lead to the build-up of
resentment and trains other people to treat you like a doormat.
Aggressive communication: This is a form of communication opposite on the
spectrum in which a person shares his/her wants, needs, desires, or opinions at
the expense of someone else’s wants, needs, desires, or opinions or right to be
treated humanely. Let’s examine the first example above. The man gets an
undercooked steak and the waitress asks him how he likes his meal. He
explodes, yelling at the waitress about her inadequacies regarding remembering
his order and demanding that he get a free meal because of the horrible service
and incompetent wait staff. That’s aggressive. Let’s think of another example.
Your roommate is a slob and you’ve asked him five times to wash his dirty dishes
in the sink and take out the trash in his bedroom. The apartment is beginning to
smell like a landfill. He comes home from work and flops down on the couch,
excited to have “an evening with nothing to do.” You erupt, going into a tirade
about how lazy he is and how he must be a pig to be comfortable to sleep in a
room with that stench coming from under his bed. The problem with aggressive
communication is it very rarely solves problems. Usually, after verbal explosions,
there are hurt feelings, walls are built in relationships, and the problem
resurfaces later. People learn to avoid others who are aggressive because they
don’t want to get caught in the line of fire. Those who are aggressive may feel
better in the moment (they have a voice and have let their needs, wants, and
desires be known), but they often lose relationships and may have difficulty
making new ones.
The best way to communicate with others is by using Assertive
Communication. This form of communication is characterized by honesty and a
direct approach. Let’s take the example of the man with the undercooked steak.
An assertive response to the waitress’ query would be to say, “I’m afraid my
steak is undercooked. I asked for it medium well and there is too much pink for
me. Would you please take it back and have the chef cook it a bit longer?” The
needs and desires are stated, but not at the expense of the feelings or self-worth
of the waitress. Let’s consider the example with the messy roommate. Rather
than coming unglued, an assertive response could be, “The dirty dishes in the
sink and the trash in your bedroom are causing the entire apartment to start to
stink. Tonight, would you please take care of those things?” The problem is
stated and a solution is requested.