Strategies for Parents of Children Diagnosed
with Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Parenting is a tough job at the best of times. If you are the parent of a
child diagnosed with ODD, you often feel frustrated with your child’s
inappropriate behaviour. Treatment programs are available, but what can
you do if you cannot access such programs? Here is a list of strategies
that all parents can use to help children with ODD learn acceptable
behaviour.
1. Establish and follow clear family routines.
a. Eat dinner together as a family at a predictable time each
evening.
b. Set a bedtime for your child, and adhere to it.
c. Set a time to wake up and have a morning routine.
d. Give your child a share of the responsibility for household
chores.
Household routines can be listed on a schedule so that your child
knows what to expect. For younger children, pictures can be used
instead of words (for example, if the schedule indicates it’s time to
brush teeth, this could be demonstrated with a picture of a
toothbrush).
2. Reduce/control the amount of distractions available to your
child.
a. Avoid allowing electronic devices (television, computer, cell
phone, etc.) in your child’s bedroom.
b. Keep toys in a room separate from your child’s bedroom.
c. Have an area in your home designated for homework
purposes – ideally, a desk with no other materials on its
surface.
Children with ODD are easily distracted by even the simplest of
items. By controlling the availability of common sources of
distraction, parents can begin to teach their children the concept of
self-control.
3. Build on the positives.
a. Reward/praise your child when he/she shows flexibility.
b. Point systems can be used as a system of rewards. For
example, if your child follows the evening routine, he/she is
rewarded with 1 hour of TV or computer time.
Children with ODD often reject adults’ attempts to praise. If this is
the case with your child, introduce praise gradually. To begin, you
can make comments on their behaviour – for instance, you might say
to your spouse at dinner time (in front of your child), “Sally is eating
her vegetables.” The next time she eats her vegetables, you can try
saying “Thank you for eating your vegetables, Sally.” If your child
accepts the praise, you are well on your way. If not, continue to use
the 3rd person technique to slowly introduce your child to praise.
4. Consider what your own behaviour models to your child.
a. Giving in to the child to stop a tantrum serves to teach
him/her that tantrums are an effective way of getting
something he/she wants.
b. Getting angry with your child shows that it is OK to be
aggressive. Instead, if you feel yourself getting agitated, give
yourself a time-out or break. This helps to model for your
child a way to regulate his/her emotions.
c. Keep interests outside of your child with ODD. You deserve
to have a life too! You are also modeling ways to maintain a
healthy lifestyle. Some activities you might choose are
exercise, going for walks, reading, or other relaxing
activities.
“This all sounds fine, but what do I do if my child
still refuses to listen?”
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Children, especially those with ODD, need to have clear rules and
consequences for poor behaviour. When you decide to create a rule
and a corresponding consequence, you will need to adhere to it.
Otherwise, your child will learn how to manipulate the rules.
Communicate your expectations clearly and simply for your child.
Give only one directive at a time. Avoid using commands that are
unclear or complex, such as “Act your age!” or “Get your shoes, put

on your coat, and get in the car.” Break down your instructions and
give them one at a time.
Time-out can be an effective way for younger children to learn
proper behaviour. If your child does not listen to your instructions,
they receive a final warning that they will either listen or go to
time-out. Time-out lasts three minutes and there is no arguing or
explaining for you to do, even if your child tries to engage you in
such a dialogue. At the end of the time-out, your child must be
sitting quietly before they can come out of the room (or off of the
chair). At this time, you repeat your initial request and if your child
continues to defy you, the time-out process is repeated again.
“What are some resources that I can go to for
more support?”
Child Psychiatrists in Winnipeg:
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Dr. C. Thor: 452-2555
Dr. R.J. Atkinson: 943-5331
Books:
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The Defiant Child: A Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder
(Dr. Douglas A. Riley, 1997)
The Explosive Child (Ross W. Greene, 2010)
The Dance of Defiance: A Mother and Son Journey with Oppositional
Defiant Disorder (Nancy A. Hagener, 2005)
Many employers today also offer EAP services to employees and their
families. Check with your employer as you may be eligible for reduced- or
no-cost psychiatric services.