Communication and
Relational Dynamics
Chapter Summary
•Why We Form Relationships
•Relational Development and Maintenance
•Communication About Relationships
•Metacommunication
Looking Out, Looking In
12th Edition
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Why We Form Relationships
Relationships
•Appearance
•Especially important in the early stages of the relationship
•The physically attractive are more likely to be seen as desirable.
•Similarity
•We like people who are similar to us.
•Friends with equally low levels of communication skills are just as
satisfied as those with high levels.
•Attraction is greatest when people are similar in a high
percentage of important areas.
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Why We Form Relationships
Relationships
•Complementarity
•Differences strengthen a relationship when they’re complementary.
•Partners decide who will control which area.
•Reciprocal Attraction
•We like people who like us. . .most of the time.
•People who approve of us bolster our self-esteem.
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Why We Form Relationships
Relationships
•Competence
•We like to be around talented people.
•Those who are too competent intimidate us.
•The best way to gain the liking of others is to be good at what you
do and admit your mistakes.
•Disclosure
•Revealing information about yourself can help build liking.
•When people share private information, it’s a sign of respect.
•The key to satisfying self-disclosure is reciprocity.
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Why We Form Relationships
Relationships
•Proximity
•We develop relationships with those with whom we share space.
•In many cases, proximity leads to liking.
•On the other side, familiarity can also breed contempt.
•Rewards
•Social Exchange Theory
•We often seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater
than or equal to the costs we encounter when dealing with them.
•Rewards – Costs = Outcome
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Models of Relational Development
•Developmental Models
•Knapp’s Ten Stages fit into three phases.
Looking Out, Looking In
12th Edition
FIGURE 8.1
Page 272
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Models of Relational Development
•Initiating
•Communication during this stage is usually brief.
•Making polite conversation and sharing innocuous conversations
•Experimenting
•Deciding whether this person is worth pursuing further
•Uncertainty reduction
•Intensifying
•The interpersonal relationship truly begins to develop.
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Models of Relational Development
•Integrating
•Relationship strengthens.
•Couples begin to take on an identity as a social unit.
•They begin spending major holidays together.
•Bonding
•Symbolic public gestures show togetherness.
•Commitment is usually increased in this stage.
•Being together is now relied upon.
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Models of Relational Development
•Differentiating
•Once the bonding phase has ended, differentiation occurs.
•The “we” orientation begins to shift to “I” orientation.
•Differentiation is likely to occur when the relationship experiences
stress for the first time.
•Circumscribing
•Communication between members decreases.
•Both quality and quantity are affected.
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Models of Relational Development
•Stagnating
•If Circumscribing continues, relationship enters stagnating stage.
•The relationship becomes a shell of what it once was.
•Avoiding
•When the relationship becomes unpleasant, avoidance occurs.
•Making the effort to stay away from the other person is evident.
•Terminating
•Summary dialogues and eventually termination
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Models of Relational Development
•Other models offer for a less sequential approach
FIGURE 8.3
Page 278
Looking Out, Looking In
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Dialectical Perspectives
•Connection vs. Autonomy
•No one is an island.
•All of us have different needs.
•Openness vs. Privacy
•We need to disclose.
•We also need a level of privacy.
•Predictability vs. Novelty
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Dialectical Perspectives
•Managing Dialectical Tensions
•Denial
•Disorientation
•Alternation
•Segmentation
•Balance
•Integration
•Recalibration
•Reaffirmation
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Characteristics of Relationships
•Relationships are constantly
changing:
•Even the strongest relationships are
unstable from time to time.
•There is no such thing as “happily
ever after.”
•Relationships are affected by
culture.
Looking Out, Looking In
12th Edition
FIGURE 8.4
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Characteristics of Relationships
•Relationships Require Maintenance
•Communication accounts for as much as 80% of the difference
between satisfying relationships and unsatisfying ones.
•Five Strategies
•Positivity
•Openness
•Assurances
•Social networks
•Sharing tasks
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Repairing Relationships
•Minor vs. Significant
•Recognize when a problem is easy to solve.
•Social vs. Relational
•Some transgressions violate social rules.
•Deliberate vs. Unintentional
•Transgressions are not always intentional.
•One-time vs. Incremental
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Relational Development and
Maintenance
Repairing Relationships
•Strategies for Relational Repair
•Talk about the transgression.
•Apologies offer no guarantee the problem will go away.
•Apologies will be convincing only if succinct with nonverbal
behaviors matching words spoken.
•Forgiving Transgressions
•Forgiving others has personal and relational benefits.
•Remember some transgressions are harder to forgive than others.
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Communicating About
Relationships
Repairing Relationships
•Content and Relational Messages
•Content = the subject being
discussed
•Relational = how the parties feel toward one
another
•Both verbal and nonverbal messages have
relational dimensions.
•Sometimes we are unaware of these
relational messages.
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Communicating About
Relationships
Repairing Relationships
•Affinity
•The degree to which people like or appreciate one another.
•Not all affinity messages are positive.
•Immediacy
•The degree of interest and attention that we feel toward others.
•It is possible to like someone without being immediate with them.
•There are time when a low degree of intensity can be valuable.
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Communicating About
Relationships
Repairing Relationships
•Respect
•Love does not always denote respect.
•Respect is very important within interpersonal relationships.
•Being respected is a vital ingredient of self-esteem.
•Control
•The degree to which parties in the relationship have influence.
•Healthy relationships manage the degree of control.
•Partners should try to share power equally when issues are
important to both.
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Communicating About
Relationships
Metacommunication
•Metacommunication
•The term used to describe messages people exchange about their
relationships – communication about their communication
•Whenever we discuss relationships with others, we are
metacommunicating.
•Not just a tool for handling problems but a way to reinforce
satisfying aspects of the relationship
Looking Out, Looking In
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Communication and
Relational Dynamics
Chapter Summary
•Why We Form Relationships
•Relational Development and Maintenance
•Communication About Relationships
•Metacommunication
Looking Out, Looking In
12th Edition
22