Communication and Relational Dynamics Chapter Summary •Why We Form Relationships •Relational Development and Maintenance •Communication About Relationships •Metacommunication Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 1 Why We Form Relationships Relationships •Appearance •Especially important in the early stages of the relationship •The physically attractive are more likely to be seen as desirable. •Similarity •We like people who are similar to us. •Friends with equally low levels of communication skills are just as satisfied as those with high levels. •Attraction is greatest when people are similar in a high percentage of important areas. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 2 Why We Form Relationships Relationships •Complementarity •Differences strengthen a relationship when they’re complementary. •Partners decide who will control which area. •Reciprocal Attraction •We like people who like us. . .most of the time. •People who approve of us bolster our self-esteem. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 3 Why We Form Relationships Relationships •Competence •We like to be around talented people. •Those who are too competent intimidate us. •The best way to gain the liking of others is to be good at what you do and admit your mistakes. •Disclosure •Revealing information about yourself can help build liking. •When people share private information, it’s a sign of respect. •The key to satisfying self-disclosure is reciprocity. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 4 Why We Form Relationships Relationships •Proximity •We develop relationships with those with whom we share space. •In many cases, proximity leads to liking. •On the other side, familiarity can also breed contempt. •Rewards •Social Exchange Theory •We often seek out people who can give us rewards that are greater than or equal to the costs we encounter when dealing with them. •Rewards – Costs = Outcome Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 5 Relational Development and Maintenance Models of Relational Development •Developmental Models •Knapp’s Ten Stages fit into three phases. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition FIGURE 8.1 Page 272 6 Relational Development and Maintenance Models of Relational Development •Initiating •Communication during this stage is usually brief. •Making polite conversation and sharing innocuous conversations •Experimenting •Deciding whether this person is worth pursuing further •Uncertainty reduction •Intensifying •The interpersonal relationship truly begins to develop. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 7 Relational Development and Maintenance Models of Relational Development •Integrating •Relationship strengthens. •Couples begin to take on an identity as a social unit. •They begin spending major holidays together. •Bonding •Symbolic public gestures show togetherness. •Commitment is usually increased in this stage. •Being together is now relied upon. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 8 Relational Development and Maintenance Models of Relational Development •Differentiating •Once the bonding phase has ended, differentiation occurs. •The “we” orientation begins to shift to “I” orientation. •Differentiation is likely to occur when the relationship experiences stress for the first time. •Circumscribing •Communication between members decreases. •Both quality and quantity are affected. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 9 Relational Development and Maintenance Models of Relational Development •Stagnating •If Circumscribing continues, relationship enters stagnating stage. •The relationship becomes a shell of what it once was. •Avoiding •When the relationship becomes unpleasant, avoidance occurs. •Making the effort to stay away from the other person is evident. •Terminating •Summary dialogues and eventually termination Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 10 Relational Development and Maintenance Models of Relational Development •Other models offer for a less sequential approach FIGURE 8.3 Page 278 Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 11 Relational Development and Maintenance Dialectical Perspectives •Connection vs. Autonomy •No one is an island. •All of us have different needs. •Openness vs. Privacy •We need to disclose. •We also need a level of privacy. •Predictability vs. Novelty Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 12 Relational Development and Maintenance Dialectical Perspectives •Managing Dialectical Tensions •Denial •Disorientation •Alternation •Segmentation •Balance •Integration •Recalibration •Reaffirmation Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 13 Relational Development and Maintenance Characteristics of Relationships •Relationships are constantly changing: •Even the strongest relationships are unstable from time to time. •There is no such thing as “happily ever after.” •Relationships are affected by culture. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition FIGURE 8.4 Page 283 14 Relational Development and Maintenance Characteristics of Relationships •Relationships Require Maintenance •Communication accounts for as much as 80% of the difference between satisfying relationships and unsatisfying ones. •Five Strategies •Positivity •Openness •Assurances •Social networks •Sharing tasks Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 15 Relational Development and Maintenance Repairing Relationships •Minor vs. Significant •Recognize when a problem is easy to solve. •Social vs. Relational •Some transgressions violate social rules. •Deliberate vs. Unintentional •Transgressions are not always intentional. •One-time vs. Incremental Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 16 Relational Development and Maintenance Repairing Relationships •Strategies for Relational Repair •Talk about the transgression. •Apologies offer no guarantee the problem will go away. •Apologies will be convincing only if succinct with nonverbal behaviors matching words spoken. •Forgiving Transgressions •Forgiving others has personal and relational benefits. •Remember some transgressions are harder to forgive than others. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 17 Communicating About Relationships Repairing Relationships •Content and Relational Messages •Content = the subject being discussed •Relational = how the parties feel toward one another •Both verbal and nonverbal messages have relational dimensions. •Sometimes we are unaware of these relational messages. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 18 Communicating About Relationships Repairing Relationships •Affinity •The degree to which people like or appreciate one another. •Not all affinity messages are positive. •Immediacy •The degree of interest and attention that we feel toward others. •It is possible to like someone without being immediate with them. •There are time when a low degree of intensity can be valuable. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 19 Communicating About Relationships Repairing Relationships •Respect •Love does not always denote respect. •Respect is very important within interpersonal relationships. •Being respected is a vital ingredient of self-esteem. •Control •The degree to which parties in the relationship have influence. •Healthy relationships manage the degree of control. •Partners should try to share power equally when issues are important to both. Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 20 Communicating About Relationships Metacommunication •Metacommunication •The term used to describe messages people exchange about their relationships – communication about their communication •Whenever we discuss relationships with others, we are metacommunicating. •Not just a tool for handling problems but a way to reinforce satisfying aspects of the relationship Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 21 Communication and Relational Dynamics Chapter Summary •Why We Form Relationships •Relational Development and Maintenance •Communication About Relationships •Metacommunication Looking Out, Looking In 12th Edition 22