GETTING INTO THE ZONE
Daryl Anne Markwick
B.A., California State University Chico, 1997
PROJECT
Submitted in partial satisfaction of
the requirements for the degree of
MASTER OF ARTS
in
EDUCATION
(Curriculum and Instruction)
at
CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, SACRAMENTO
SPRING
2010
GETTING INTO THE ZONE
A Project
by
Daryl Anne Markwick
Approved by:
__________________________________, Committee Chair
Lorie Hammond, Ph.D.
____________________________
Date
ii
Student: Daryl Anne Markwick
I certify that this student has met the requirements for format contained in the
University format manual, and that this project is suitable for shelving in the Library
and credit is to be awarded for the Project.
, Associate Chair
Rita Johnson, Ed.D.
Date
Department of Teacher Education
iii
Abstract
of
GETTING INTO THE ZONE
by
Daryl Anne Markwick
This Project is an Alternative Culminating Experience for a Master of Arts in
Education: Curriculum and Instruction with an Elective Emphasis on Arts in
Education. It follows Pathway I: Artist as Educator.
This project examines the questions, "What causes artist’s block?”, “How do
artist’s break through blocks?”, and “What are the necessary conditions for facilitation
of free-flowing creativity?” The artist studied and scrutinized her personal life looking
for the answers to these questions. She documented her journey by means of narrative
research methods, journal writings, and photography. In addition, she carefully
observed her behaviors while in the process of creating paintings, reading appropriate
literature, attending a painting workshop, discussing blocks with other artists, and
practicing self-help regimens designed to break through obstructions.
It was the aim of the researcher to discover methods that could be used to
lessen the frustration of blockages and promote fearless creativity. Students need to
iv
experience multiple successes and, with the acquisition of effective tools, they will be
better equipped to repeat their achievements both personally and professionally.
Finding deep satisfaction promotes self-esteem, involvement, and community.
Art making can cause students to challenge their thinking abilities to achieve positive
outcomes that help them feel good about themselves. Many students depend upon their
teachers to open their minds with meaningful and positive experiences and give them
opportunities to take risks and learn about themselves.
, Committee Chair
Lorie Hammond, Ph.D.
Date
v
DEDICATION
For my husband, Elson Markwick, my Aunt Phyllis, my fourth grade teacher,
Mrs. Bronson.
You have all played a crucial role in helping me to find my artistic voice.
vi
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
My heartfelt gratitude goes to Karen Benson, Lorie Hammond, Crystal Olson,
Jinne Horger, Linda Johnson, Jennifer Ray, and Jennifer Wolfe. Without your love,
support, patience, and generosity, my goals would not have come to fruition.
You have made my life richer in knowing you.
I must also acknowledge my furry kids: Darth, Yoda, Indiana Jones, Laura
Croft, and a very special thanks goes to Mr. Bond, James Bond, shaken, not stirred.
My kitties give me unconditional love, sit on my lap and try to type, scratch at the
door and meow incessantly, but they bring me joy and happiness every day.
Thank you, I love you all.
vii
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Page
Dedication.................................................................................................................... vi
Acknowledgments ...................................................................................................... vii
List of Figures.............................................................................................................. ix
Chapter
1. INTRODUCTION .................................................................................................. 1
Limitations ........................................................................................................ 6
Definition of Terms .......................................................................................... 7
2. LITERATURE REVIEW ....................................................................................... 9
The Theory and Practice of the Arts in Education ........................................... 9
Overcoming Artist’s Block............................................................................. 18
The Versatility of the Acrylic Painting System .............................................. 24
Summary......................................................................................................... 31
3. NARRATIVE INQUIRY INTO AUTHOR’S JOURNEY .................................. 32
My Story ......................................................................................................... 34
Why This Project ............................................................................................ 52
4. REFLECTIONS ................................................................................................... 93
References ................................................................................................................ 100
viii
LIST OF FIGURES
Page
1.
“Catfood SandWiChes” in Progress, Acrylic on Wood, 18”x14”x3/4” ........... 3
2.
“At the Core” in Progress, Acrylic on wood, 24”x22”x3/4” ............................ 4
3.
“Catfood SandWiChes” Daryl Markwick, 2009, 18”x14”x34”Acrylic
on Wood. ................................................................................................... 56
4.
Daryl’s Art Studio Built in 2006 .................................................................... 57
5.
Art Studio Interior .......................................................................................... 58
6.
Art Studio Interior .......................................................................................... 59
7.
Art Studio Interior .......................................................................................... 60
8.
Art Studio Interior .......................................................................................... 61
9.
Preliminary Paintings for “At the Core” Series, Daryl Markwick,
Group Photo............................................................................................... 62
10.
“Blue Bird Yellow.” 2008. Acrylic on Canvas Panel. 8”x6” ......................... 63
11.
“Red Heat.” 2008. Acrylic on Canvas Panel. 7”x5”. Acrylic on
Canvas Panel ............................................................................................. 64
12.
“Agitation Turquoise.” 2008. 7”x5”. Acrylic on Canvas Panel ..................... 65
13.
”Green Is My Favorite Color.” 2008. 7”x5”. Acrylic on Canvas Panel ......... 66
14.
“No Rules Painting” Workshop...................................................................... 67
15.
Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 1 ....................................... 68
16.
Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 2 ....................................... 69
17.
Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 3 ....................................... 70
18.
Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 4 ....................................... 71
ix
19.
Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 5 ....................................... 71
20.
Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 6 ....................................... 72
21.
Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 7 ....................................... 73
22.
Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 8 ....................................... 74
23.
Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 9 ....................................... 75
24.
Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 10 ..................................... 76
25.
View from the Workshop Classroom ............................................................. 77
26.
“ZYXW.” In Progress. 2009. 24”x13½”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel ....... 78
27.
“ZYXW.” In Progress. 2009. 24”x13½”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel ....... 79
28.
“ZYXW.” In Progress. 2009. 24”x13½”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel ....... 80
29.
“ZYXW.” 2009. 24”x13½”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel ........................... 81
30.
“Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel .................. 82
31.
“Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel .................. 83
32.
“Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel .................. 84
33.
“Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel .................. 84
34.
“Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel .................. 85
35.
“Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel .................. 85
36.
“Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel .................. 86
37.
“Pink.” 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel ..................................... 86
38.
“At the Core” in Progress. 2010. 24”x23 ¾”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood
Panel .......................................................................................................... 87
x
39.
“At the Core” in Progress. 2010. 24”x23 ¾”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood
Panel .......................................................................................................... 87
40.
“At the Core” in Progress. 2010. 24”x23 ¾”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood
Panel .......................................................................................................... 88
41.
“At the Core” 2010. 24”x23 ¾”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel ..................... 88
42.
“At the Core II” in Progress. 2010. 24”x22”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood
Panel………………………………………………………………………89
43.
“At the Core II” in Progress. 2010. 24”x22”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood
Panel ........................................................................................................... 90
44.
“At the Core II” in Progress. 2010. 24”x22”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood
Panel ………………………………………………………………………90
45.
“At the Core II” in Progress. 2010. 24”x22”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood
Panel .......................................................................................................... 91
46.
“At the Core II”. 2010. 24”x22”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood
Panel .......................................................................................................... 92
xi
1
Chapter 1
INTRODUCTION
This Project is an Alternative Culminating Experience for a Master of Arts in
Education: Curriculum and Instruction with an Elective Emphasis on Arts in
Education. It follows Pathway I: Artist as Educator. The author employed a narrative
research method in her research.
This project examines the questions, "What causes artist’s block?”, “How do
artist’s break through blocks?”, and “What are the necessary conditions for facilitating
free-flowing creativity?” Through investigating and closely scrutinizing her personal
life, the author established the origins of her obstructions. With further research, she
learned effective methods, broke through her blocks, and discovered the conditions
necessary to her artistic productivity.
This investigation of artist’s block and the creative process is beneficial to the
author, her students, other artists, educators and any individual seeking to improve
their creative productivity. Her inquiry and willingness to ask the hard questions, and
answer honestly, has helped her to understand the depth of her creative blocks and
through that knowledge, devise and effect a creative practice that is both productive
and satisfying.
Discovery and comprehension is central to overcoming obstacles in art
production and life in general as well. Therefore attempting change without
knowledge of the issue is ineffectual. Uncovering the underlying problem and armed
with a collection of self-help methods, the author was able to develop a regimen that
2
improved the flow of her creativity. She wanted to find the elements that would help
her to get the most from her creative abilities. She also wanted to achieve the personal
satisfaction that comes with the attainment of goals.
One unanticipated byproduct of this study was the emergence of what the
author named “The “Catfood SandWiChes Series”. The seed of this series was planted
more than 15 years ago and the development of this character has been long awaited.
3
Figure 1. “Catfood SandWiChes” in Progress, Acrylic on Wood, 18”x14”x3/4”.
4
Another immediately recognizable gain was the appearance of a second series
entitled “At the Core”. This series is directly related to the continuing efforts of the
artist to perform self-examination in her search for a better understanding of and
accessibility to her creativity.
Figure 2. “At the Core” in Progress, Acrylic on wood, 24”x22”x3/4”.
Examples such as these are but two of the many rewards the author earned
throughout her Master’s program.
In arts education it is vital to the successful growth of students that their
teachers have an abundance of experience to draw from when dealing with artist
blocks. As children grow, they become more susceptible to the challenges of not being
affected negatively within the public school system. The public school system is
loaded with regimens, students, and teachers who are uncaring and uninformed. With
5
experience and understanding, it is possible to be effective in countering a “bad”
experience with one that is both empathetic and empowering to students. Keeping this
in mind, the author had a secondary purpose: to gain insight into what makes creativity
flow or become blocked and how, through personal experience and research, to
facilitate students in moving past their blocks. It was the desire of the author to aide
students on their creative journey and help them to get into “the zone” the place where
they can be most creative.
Throughout this project the author experimented with acrylic painting and
discovered many new techniques and materials to work with. She intended to focus
entirely on the many different mediums available within the acrylic painting system;
however, mid-way through the project she attended a painting workshop and things
changed as a result of that class.
After attending the “No Rules Painting” workshop held in Gualala, on the
Coast of Northern California, she found a style of painting that was so enjoyable and
consuming that it continued as her focus for the remainder of the project. Ironically,
the artist had been in search of a medium that would capture her imagination and give
her enough flexibility to incorporate her many interests and talents. The author
experienced an exciting new approach to painting in a medium that she had visited
briefly in the past. She experienced an example of what can happen to be when blocks
are removed and creativity is nurtured and allowed to grow.
The exploration and documentation of this project took many different forms
including journal writing, face to face conversations, taped recordings, relevant
6
literature, establishing and working with a small group of other artists in the arts
cohort, making art, and the planning and showing of the art works created during this
project.
Throughout this project the author gained knowledge into her own creative
process, found the peace within to allow for a direction to flow smoothly from within
her imagination, and has attained success towards her goals for a more productive
creative practice. The challenge she now faces is to continue to grow, to create, and to
build community with other artists, as well as to show her art work.
It was the desire of the author to gain access to her creativity and have it
continue long past this project. This goal has been met. The outcome of this study is a
new foundation for a highly productive and creative artistic practice. The natural result
of this artistic practice is an improved and creative teaching practice.
Limitations
The author was limited by the everyday challenges of balancing home life and
a teaching career. In addition, she was informed one week before the beginning of the
2009-2010 school year that she was going to be reassigned from middle school to high
school. This new situation had drastic effects. The author had been teaching in the
same school, in the same room for the past 10 years. When she accepted the position
teaching high school, she had little time to prepare for a whole new job situation. This
brought about its own set of challenges. Not only was she going to teach year long
ceramics and sculpture classes, she had five days to move her entire room to the new
site. That left little time for planning and without a familiar curriculum; it was very
7
hectic in the first semester and continues to be a test of her abilities. Additionally, the
demands of the Master’s program were great. Having enough time always seemed to
be an issue. Art making requires time, space, and a mindset conducive to creation.
Having so many responsibilities and commitments limited the author’s ability to create
without restrictions.
Definition of Terms
Acrylic paint: A plastics based catalyst for the application of pigment.
Acrylic retardant: A substance that when mixed with acrylic paint will slow
the drying process which allows the artist to work longer with the paint to achieve the
desired effect.
Artist’s palette: A grouping of colors often used by a particular artist.
Canvas boards: An inexpensive substitute for high quality canvases.
Gesso: An acrylic preparation for canvas to be applied before painting.
Glazing: A painting technique for the application of translucent pigment, used
to build a sense of depth and to highlight and enrich hues.
Gloss Medium: A transparent substance used as a sealer, and a carrier of
pigments.
Hue: Another name for color
Media: The plural form of medium.
Medium: The material or technique used by an artist to produce a work of art.
Palette: A surface, often a plate that an artist uses to mix colors on and paint
from.
8
Palette knife: A mixing and painting tool.
Pigment: The material that gives paints their color.
The Zone: The mental space within the artist’s mind where the highest level of
creativity is released.
9
Chapter 2
LITERATURE REVIEW
This literature review summarizes and compares literature on the following
subject areas: the theory and practice of arts in education, overcoming artist’s block,
and the versatility of the acrylic painting system. As an educator, the author is
concerned with arts education and how to facilitate the highest quality art experience
for her students. Artist block is a common experience and in confronting her own
blocking issues, the teacher will acquire personal experience in this area. The literature
on these topics creates a context for the author’s project which explores her personal
experience relating to artist’s block while exploring the acrylic painting medium.
The Theory and Practice of the Arts in Education
One objective of education is to produce high functioning, creative,
imaginative, competent thinkers and problem solvers who will become productive
members of society (U.S. Congress, n.d.). The history of school curriculum has
undergone continuous changes in an attempt to meet complex objectives such as this
one. Herbert M. Kliebard’s (1982) journal article “Education at the Turn of the
Century: A Crucible for Curriculum Change,” chronicled the historical development
of America’s curriculum at the turn of the 20th century
Kliebard (1982) discussed the four major groups who vied for control of the
public school curriculum at that time, and whose ideas have remained central in the
development of American schools. Each group had different theories about what
students needed to learn and how they should be taught. The first group, the
10
Humanists, led by Charles W. Eliot, based their curriculum on the systematic
development of reasoning power, sensitivity and elevated moral fiber. Eliot saw
“reasoning” as a process of observing accurately, making correct classification and
categorization, and finally making correct inferences from these mental operations.
The Developmentalists were the second group. They were led by G. Stanley Hall and
they centered their theory on the scientific study of educational curricula, the natural
development of the child.
This method based mainly on careful observation and documentation of
children’s behavior. The third group of educational pioneers was the Social Efficiency
Educators. Joseph Mayer Rice developed this theory fueled by the belief that the
current school system was lacking. He felt curriculum needed to be efficient and
standardized, and could benefit from the use of the techniques of industry. The final
group to put forth a theory of curriculum was the Social Meliorists. Their main
concern was the advancement of the human circumstance or social state thru
education. They felt social change could be achieved through the power of intelligent
action. Through Kliebard’s (1982) research, it was shown that all of the theories had
merit, that each taken alone lacked balance sufficient to meet the educational needs of
all students. In the end, it was a compromise between these theories that became the
American curriculum.
John Dewey (1934), a respected educational philosopher, emerged during the
latter part of this battle for curriculum policy. He created his theory of curriculum
from the raw materials presented by each of the four groups, though did not
11
collaborate with any of them. “Dewey’s position in curriculum matters is best seen not
as directly allied to any of the competing interest groups but as an integration and
especially a reconstruction of certain of the ideas they were advocating” (Kliebard,
1982, p. 24).
One of the central notions in Dewey’s educational theory was experiential
education. In his book Art as Experience (1934), he theorized that having a
meaningful experience is different from a normal everyday occurrence, such as going
to the store, or talking on the phone. According to Dewey, in order to have an
experience, certain conditions must be satisfied. The event must be whole and
complete, and there needs to be a sense from the artist/person that there is nothing left
to do. This will lead to a feeling of completeness and satisfaction. In addition, part of
the process of having an experience is the relationship between what has come before
and what comes after the event and how these materials provide context for the
experience. During a learning experience, elements will meld together to create a new
and unique idea, however the primary material will retain its original meaning.
Throughout the process, information will ebb and flow, and be imbued with strong
emotions, and the combination of content and emotion will help to define and
punctuate the event. There will also be cohesion and direction towards an end. The
event will have a lasting effect that will not lose its impact over time. An esthetic
quality, which is to say something that captures the attention and provides some kind
of enjoyment, is also necessary to a full experience (Dewey). What Dewey was saying
is that for an event to have a long-lasting type of impact, to be memorable, and to have
12
an effect and inspire, it has to be extraordinary. Finally, an experience is not
something that happens all the time in an everyday sense. It is notable and it stands
apart from the norm.
A day spent on the set of a movie in the making is one example of an
experience that would be exceptional and, therefore, memorable. An everyday
experience of watching movies before visiting an actual movie set and watching the
same movies after the movie-making experience would not be the same. The
participant’s perspective on movies would be changed. The new information would
give students a broader base on which to make judgments. Exposure to the complex
world of movie production would make a big impression on those who had the
experience. The impact felt by the participants would lead to inquiry and, for some,
spark an interest. Along with interest comes the inspiration to learn, and this is how
dispositions to learn are developed. A disposition is the behavioral tendency or
inclination to act, in other words, a habit. Building a disposition to learn is
encouraging the habit of learning (Dewey 1934). Dewey said “To be set on fire by a
thought or scene is to be inspired” (p. 68).
The practice of art making is one type of experience Dewey (1934) described.
The artistic process, whether it is the creation or performance of a dance, a play, or
music, or whether it is the practice of the visual arts, provides students with
opportunities for meaningful knowledge acquisition. If the events are well designed
and executed, they will have aesthetic quality. The combination of these things, along
13
with the remaining requirements, will culminate in an experience that would further
enhance motivation for learning.
Donald Arnstine (1967), a serious follower of Dewey, based many of his
theories on Dewey’s past work. But Arnstine expanded Dewey’s ideas by applying
them to curriculum. Before he delved into a discussion about curriculum and what
knowledge is of most worth, he set criteria for the conditions necessary for providing a
learning experience. Arnstine stated that students must have a disposition to learn prior
to learning new material, or it will not be learned in a lasting and meaningful way (p.
340). What Arnstine meant was that a student has to be vested in a situation, event, or
topic to acquire new knowledge. When writing about a medical student and his
dispositional changes, he pointed out that the student will learn anatomy because it
will be meaningful to him in light of his future career. Arnstine also said that
knowledge acquisition in any meaningful sense would not occur if a student has
neither a need nor sufficient interest in the topic presented (p. 340). What Arnstine
said can be seen in classrooms across America. Today’s trend in education is to teach
students based on what is believed to be most important by policymakers, but
dispositions by students and or teachers, and conditions for creating dispositions, are
often neglected or non-existent. The end result is a lack of knowledge acquisition in
addition to a feeling of incompetence and frustration on the part of students and
teachers alike. The kinds of experiences that produce positive results and help to
develop good learning traits and long lasting knowledge are experiences that enable
14
children to get involved and develop their own aims and purposes (Arnstine, p. 345).
This is a worthwhile direction in which to take public school curriculum.
Being literate in the 21st century means more than the ability to read and write.
It means the ability to gain meaning from a number of different forms of
representation which may be visual, auditory, numeric, or scientific. It is the
responsibility of schools to provide students with opportunities to develop their
cognitive skills which help them become literate in many different media (Eisner,
1998, p. 7). When students become adults, their challenge will be to successfully
navigate a society where many different forms of representation are widely used. John
Berger (1972) wrote about the different “ways of seeing” and the ever present gap
between words and seeing. He discussed the inability to adequately express what one
can see with words (1972, p. 7).
Like Eisner (1998), Berger (1972) was aware of the gap between the written
word and things that cannot be represented fully with words. To rely solely upon
literacy in the written form is to leave our children without the knowledge of and
ability to communicate intelligently and decipher meanings in the numerous ways that
communications can occur. Eisner said:
What we ought to be developing in our schools is not simply a narrow array of
literacy skills limited to a restrictive range of meaning systems, but a spectrum
of literacies that will enable students to participate in, enjoy, and find meaning
in the major forms, through which meaning has been constituted. We need a
15
conception of multiple literacies to serve as a vision of what our schools should
seek to achieve. (p. 12)
Students enrolled in public schools are dependent upon the curriculum and upon their
teachers to provide them with the necessary experiences to develop the skills
necessary to be able to think and problem solve. It is the function of schools to prepare
students to enter society with the necessary background to deal with everyday life
situations. However, the current trend in education is to teach all students the same
information using the same methods. This approach does not consider the different
ways students learn or the different ways to communicate. For example, to be fulfilled,
well educated members of a progressive 21st century society, students must not only
know how to read and write, but must also have the ability to imagine what is not real,
for this is how things are invented and progress is made.
Like Dewey (1934) and Arnstine (1967), Eisner (1998) believed in the power
of experiences. He also pointed out the importance of imagination. On this topic,
Eisner said:
The development of the sensibilities not only provides us with access to the
qualities of the world, it is through the content of such experiences that we are
able to perform two very important cognitive operations—remembering and
imagining. The sensibility, a part of our minding, provides recall with its
content. What we have not experienced, we cannot remember. Therefore, the
ability to remember is significantly influenced by the qualities of the world we
16
are able to experience in the first place. The differentiation of the sensibilities
is key to providing the mind with content. (p.24-25)
What Eisner (1998) meant was that people have to develop their capacity to
respond emotionally as well their ability to perceive, in order to experience and
understand the world. Without a well-developed sensibility and without a vast array of
experiences to draw from, the ability to remember will be greatly disadvantaged.
Eisner explained further when he wrote “But imagination, like recall, works with
qualities we have experienced. What was not first in the hand cannot be later in the
head” (p. 25). One cannot just make an idea from nothing. Without the skills to
understand the different representations of forms in our society, students will be
unable to advance themselves, and will quite possibly spend their lives not
understanding much of the world in which they live. It is difficult for a person who
cannot communicate or understand different ways to exchange and represent
information to participate fully in his community.
The importance of art in education is further demonstrated in Susanne Langer’s
(1971) paper The Cultural Importance of the Arts. The main premise of this paper is
the view that “art is the epitome of human life, the truest record of insight and feeling”
(p. 86). Langer is stating that art is the very essence of human cultures. In the art work
of a society, one can learn about what that society valued and how they lived. She
defined art as being the practice of creating perceptible forms expressive of human
feeling which includes pleasure, pain, sensation, sensibility, emotion, directed
emotional attitude, or a general mental or physical condition. She applied this
17
definition to everything that may be felt (p. 87). The question of “expressive form”
was discussed as it involves the very nature of art and therefore cultural importance.
Langer gave an alternate definition of expression as the spontaneous reaction to
expressing an idea. She called it a conceptual expression (p. 89). What Langer wrote
about is in alignment with Elliot Eisner (1998). He stated the need for being able to
encode and decode the different forms of representation, and Langer discussed the
limitations of written language in its ability to accurately express inner feelings and
ideas. In addition to that, Langer addressed the concept that feelings are rational and
communicable and that the different forms of artistic representation are different from
the structures of verbal and written language (p. 91). Langer said:
There is one other function of the arts that benefits not so much the advance of
culture as its stabilization; an influence on individual lives. This function is the
converse and complement of the objectification of feeling, the driving force of
creation in art; it is the education of vision that we receive in seeing, hearing,
reading works of art--the development of the artist’s eye that assimilates
ordinary sights (or sounds, motions, or events) to inward vision and lends
expressiveness and emotional import to the world. Art education is the
education of feeling, and a society that neglects it gives itself up to formless
emotion. (p. 94)
Langer’s paper supports the idea that an artistic education is an integral part of an
advancing society and that the arts educate feelings. In a progressive society, the arts
should not be neglected, but included in curriculum.
18
From the beginning, the power struggle for control of what public education
ought to be, there have been many disagreements and continual changes. Curricula
have been sometimes been designed to support central ideas without much thought to
the aims and interests of the students. Teachers have been given curricula to teach
without being given input as to what they are going to teach, how they are going to
teach it, or whether they have a disposition towards teaching a particular subject
matter. Often methods have been adopted that are appropriate for a limited number of
students, and finally, the arts have been excluded from the curriculum much too often.
The arts help provide students with experiential opportunities and aide in the
development of dispositions to learn. A curriculum richly embedded with the arts will
help students to become caring, feeling human beings who can encode and decode in a
variety of different forms of representation. Finally, inclusion of the arts in children’s
lives develops their cognitive and problem solving skills, their self-worth, and
contributes to the beauty of the world we live in. Inclusion of the arts in the curriculum
is not only important, it is essential to the success and richness of our society.
Overcoming Artist’s Block
One of the biggest challenges artists face is successfully dealing with what is
often referred to as “Artist’s Block”. Artist’s block is a condition that leaves the artist
without inspiration and motivation. Author Gail Sirna (2006), a needle arts artist,
wrote “All creative people experience a time when they just cannot come up with any
ideas for their next project, be it a painting, a movie, a song, or a book” (para. #1).
David Bayles and Ted Orland (1993), artists and co-authors of Art & Fear, called
19
artist’s block “Artists’ Funk” and they described it as, “an unexpected rift that is
commonplace to the point of being cliché” (p. 56). Author Julia Cameron (1992)
agreed that in any creative life there are times when the artist seems to have run out of
ideas. She called these times “droughts”. Cameron said “These droughts appear from
nowhere and stretch to the horizon like a Death Valley vista. Life loses its sweetness;
our work feels mechanical, empty, forced. We feel we have nothing to say, and we are
tempted to say nothing” (p. 169).
According to Bayles and Orland (1993), having an artist’s block is a serious
issue for most artists since their work is an extension of themselves, it could be
devastating (p. 31). Artist’s block is not limited only to visual artists, but is a condition
shared by artists of all disciplines. Eric Maisel, creativity coach, gives advice to
writers, actors, visual artists and musicians in his 2005 book Coaching the Artist
Within. Artist’s block comes in many different forms, but it is the inability to execute
the work that is the heart of the problem.
At the other end of the spectrum from the artist’s block is the state of mind that
allows the artist to create with complete and total focus. This state of mind is
commonly referred to as “being in the zone”, or “being in the groove”, but it is called
by many names. Eric Maisel (1995) referred to it as a “trance” when he said
“Creativity is not a simple matter, not even for the artist lost in the trance of working”
(p. xv). Mihaly Csikszentmihaly (1990) called this creative state of mind flow.
Csikszentmihaly wrote:
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Flow– the state in which people are so involved in an activity that nothing else
seems to matter; the experience itself is so enjoyable that people will do it even
at great cost, for the sheer sake of doing it. (p. 4)
Most artists want to discover how to reach this much sought after state of
mind. Since every artist is an individual and what works well for one will not
necessarily work for another, it is left to each person to discover what technique or
combination of techniques will work for them. Finding an approach or method that
helps to unblock the artist is the key that opens the door to creativity and there are
many techniques to choose from.
Csikszentmihaly (1990) contends that his book is not a “how-to” book but
rather a set of principles along with examples of how people have applied them to
their lives to create the greatest quality of life possible (pp. xi, 5). Csikszentmihaly
said:
How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depends
directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences. Whether
we are happy depends on inner harmony, not on the controls we are able to
exert over the great forces of the universe. (p. 9)
Csikszentmihaly’s theory suggested the idea that when people learn to control the way
they see things, they will be in control of how they feel and will have the ability to
decide what kind of life they will live (p. 6). He also said that reaching one’s goals
produces a sense of satisfaction and being satisfied leads to a more enjoyable life (p. 6).
Therefore, if people are to be in charge of their life, accomplish their goals and be
21
happier, they need to learn how to control what they allow into their conciseness and
choose how they feel about it. Csikszentmihaly said it best when he wrote:
It is the state of happiness that is the key to creating the situation that produces
the optimal experience, and happiness is not something that just happens. It is
not the result of good fortune or random chance. It is not something that money
can buy or power command. It does not depend on outside events, but, rather,
on how we interpret them. Happiness, in fact, is a condition that must be
prepared for, cultivated, and defended privately by each person. People who
learn to control inner experience will be able to determine the quality of their
lives, which is as close as any of us can come to being happy. (1990, p. 2)
Unlike Csikszentmihaly, many writers have purposely written “how-to” books
on the topic of breaking through artist’s block and other ineffective behaviors. The
1992 book The Artist’s Way, written by author Julia Cameron, is one such book.
Cameron’s technique required readers to write three pages of stream-of-consciousness
per day. She called this writing exercise morning pages (pp. 9-10). Cameron’s system
also included a weekly artist date. The artist date was a planned block of time set
aside each week to be spent nurturing the artist’s creative consciousness, their inner
artist (p. 18). The artist date was designed to give the artist quality time by themselves
(p. 18). Cameron believed artists must have a real relationship with their creativity,
and that they would have to make the time and care to cultivate it (p. 20). Cameron
wrote:
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The morning pages acquaint us with what we think and what we think we
need. We identify problem areas and concerns. We complain, enumerate,
identify, isolate, fret. This is step one, analogous to prayer. In the course of the
release engendered by our artist date, step two, we begin to hear solutions.
Perhaps equally important, we begin to fund the creative reserves we will draw
on in fulfilling our artistry. (p. 20)
Eric Maisel, author of multiple self help books for creative people, had a different
approach. In Maisel’s 2005 book Coaching the Artist Within he said of artists:
Creating should come first, absolutely first, before their yoga, before their
mental chatter begins, before they start dressing for work or hauling the kid off
to school. If they could only bring their “new-morning” mind to their creative
work, they would work like angels. (p. xix)
Maisel’s (2005) theory for breaking through artist’s block was for people to
become their own creativity coach. Like Cameron (1992), the success of his technique
depends on the artist’s commitment to getting honest with themselves, learning about
themselves and doing the work. Maisel believed “The ability to effectively coach
yourself hinges on your having enough space to positively influence yourself, to
openly communicate with yourself, to carefully monitor yourself, and to regularly chat
with yourself” (p. 3).
Shaun McNiff (1998), author of Trust the Process said “impediments are an
inevitable part of the creative process”. He told artists to look at blocks as necessary
23
and natural (p. 75). One approach McNiff suggested was using rhythmic music, like
drumming, to help artists deepen the relationship between themselves and their work.
Gloria Arenson (2009), author of Emotional Freedom Techniques for
Procrastination, believed procrastination was the main problem. She said our society
is so busy that many people feel like there isn’t enough time in their lives. She also
said a little procrastination isn’t a problem, but it becomes a problem when it keeps
people from living their life the way it was meant to be (p. 13). In her book, she
discussed the beliefs associated with each block and asked her readers to identify what
was blocking them and then to notice which belief was negatively charged. She then
taught her readers a practice called tapping, a technique designed to release emotional
blocks held in the body. Tapping involves the use of physical tapping on the meridian
points in the body while identifying the negative belief and using prescribed positive
statements to clear the energy. Arenson said “the cause of all negative emotions is a
disruption in the body’s energy system”. Arenson also said:
When our energy is flowing normally, without obstruction, we feel good in
every way. When our energy becomes blocked, stagnant, or otherwise
disrupted along one of more of the body’s energy meridians, negative or
damaging emotions can develop, along with all types of physical symptoms.
This idea has been the centerpiece of Eastern medicine for thousands of years.
(2009)
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Eric Maisel (1992) wrote:
All human beings are regularly blocked. It is one definition of being human
that we regularly fail to actualize our potentialities. Not only do we
procrastinate, avoid challenges, take the easy path, and leap to the television or
to the bottle to avoid our muses, but we generally live more dully than we
might, blocked off from beauty and from our own wisdom. (p. 81)
Artists are people, and people will always have challenges to meet and
overcome, but they do have a choice about how they will live their lives. One choice is
to continue to fail to actualize their potential by living with creative blocks and taking
no action to change. A better choice is to learn what they need to do and change to get
the results they desire. There are an abundance of self-help books available on this
topic and many programs to choose from. If artists want to realize different results,
they have to do things in a different way and self-help books and programs are one
way of achieving this. However, books can only help in as much as they are used. The
artist has to make the decision to get the most out of life, decide what that is, and make
the efforts to change ineffective behaviors for ones that work. That means, they must
follow their decision with action and be persistent in finding solution that works for
them.
The Versatility of the Acrylic Painting System
Acrylic paint, although relatively young when compared to other more
traditional paints, is continually growing in popularity as the painting medium of
choice by novice and professional artists alike. Acrylic paint is a solution of pigment,
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water and acrylic resin. Prior to the development of acrylic paint, oil and watercolor
paints were accepted as the principal painting mediums. There are major differences
between oil, watercolors, and acrylic paints. Acrylate, also referred to as acrylic resin,
was developed in 1901 by German chemist Otto Rohm (Metzger, 1996, p. 77). Rohm
saw the potential of this material and he envisioned acrylic polymers, a petroleum byproduct, as the building blocks of many useful things to come (About Us: Rohm and
Hass, 2007-2009).
Rohm was not the only one who saw the possibilities of acrylic polymers.
Even thought he did not invent acrylic resin for use in artist’s paints, others in the field
of artist materials found a way to do just that. In 1933, Permanent Pigments was
established by Henry Levison. This company started by making artists’ quality oil
paints, and by 1955 they developed the first commercially available acrylic-based
paint. The paint was named Liquitex (“liquid texture”). Artist’s quality acrylics
became commercially available in the 1960s (Liquitex Artist Acrylic, 1999-2009).
Acrylic paint is a modern medium that has only been on the market for about
55 years, so it is still relatively young when compared to more traditional oil and
watercolor paints. In his 1986 book, Acrylics Bold and New, Nicholas Rourkes wrote:
The development of acrylics (and accessory mediums) has been touted as one
of the great achievements in art technology in the past 500 years. Not since the
introduction of oil painting techniques in the fifteenth century by the Van
Eycks has there been an event to equal its importance. (p. 11)
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Phil Metzger, author of the 1996 book titled The North Light Artist’s Guide to
Materials & Techniques, had this to say about watercolors. “Some people, especially
in the U.S., think of watercolor as a relatively new medium, but Albrecht Durer was
painting watercolors at about the time Columbus was sailing off the edge of the earth”
(p. 28). Metzger also wrote “Much of the early watercolor was of the opaque variety,
but since the sixteenth century, transparent watercolor has grown in popularity, thanks
in great measure to the English watercolorists who fully exploited the medium” (p.
28).
With histories such as these, one would think a new painting system like
acrylics wouldn’t catch on until many, many years had passed, but that is not the case.
In 1985 the National Acrylic Painter’s Association was stepped up to support and
champion this medium. Patti Brady (2008), author of Rethinking Acrylic, Radical
Solutions for Exploiting the World’s Most Versatile Medium wrote “compared to more
traditional art mediums such as oil and watercolor, acrylic is still in its infancy. But
what it lacks in years, it makes up for in its range of use” (p. 9). In support of acrylic
paint, Brady also wrote the following:
Incredible advances continue to be made in the research and development of
acrylic polymers and pigments. These advancements are attributable not only
to the efforts of a few dedicated chemists, but also to the work of an entire
community devoted to acrylic. There are a lot of brilliant minds taking these
minute molecules very seriously. (p. 9)
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Acrylic paints, when compared to traditional oil paint have some significant
advantages for artists. For many, the essential difference is the drying time. Oil paints
dry very slowly, and since many of the pigments are made with different amounts of
oil, the drying time for each color can vary (Metzger, 1996, p. 55). Acrylic paints can
dry in as little as a minute or two. Conversely, when thicker paint is applied, the
drying time will be extended, but the difference is insignificant. Also, with the use of
additives from the acrylic painting system, the artist can exert some control over the
paint and extend the drying time, if he/she prefers. Furthermore, due to the fast drying
time of acrylics, layers can be built up to achieve texture, whereas this would take
years with oil due to the length of time it takes to dry (Hardy, 2009). Unlike oil paints,
acrylic polymers are flexible and they do not crack. Not only do oil paints crack with
age, they can actually shatter if struck. Oil paints also yellow and fade with time,
whereas acrylic paints are permanent and will not yellow or fade. Traditionally, oil
paints were made with linseed oil and it is the linseed oil which both increases the
drying time and has a tendency to yellow over time.
Living in an informed, health conscious society makes oil paints less attractive
for many reasons. Some pigments are poisonous and the mediums and varnishes pose
numerous health risks. Oil paints are thinned with turpentine and cleaned up with
mineral spirits, both toxic substances (Metzger, 1996, p. 55). In contrast, there is no
health risks associated with acrylic paints. Acrylic paints are thinned with water and
non-toxic mediums and the clean-up is done with plain soap and water.
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Another disadvantage of using oil paints is the amount of time invested in the
paintings themselves. Oil paints must be worked while wet or the artist has to wait
until the paint has dried enough to add another layer of paint. The waiting can interfere
with the flow of painting and can take days. Complete drying of an oil paint can take
weeks or months, delaying varnishing and framing (Metzger, 1996, p. 55). Some
museum curators do not consider an oil painting dry until it is at least 50 years old.
Artists’ using acrylic paints can reduce the time spent working on paintings to a
minimum, or they can continue working as long as they like. Since acrylic paints dry
quickly, they have the choice. Oil paintings cannot be changed or covered over by
painting until the paint is dry. However, acrylic paint can be air-dried or even dried
with the aid of a hair dryer and painted upon almost immediately. This quality is
especially desirable when applying several layers of glaze. There are many artists that
find the reduced drying time the most important aspect of working with acrylic paints.
Eliminating the extremely long drying time, as with oil paints, allows for the artist to
produce a higher volume of work. The reduction of time makes it possible for the
artist to lower the prices for their art work, and lower prices make art work more
accessible to a wider audience. Another effect of higher production is the
improvement and development of the artist and his/her skills. Essentially, simplifying
the process supports and expands artists’ artistic growth.
Watercolors have their own unique characteristics, transparency being one of
the more important ones. The ability to layer and blend is appealing to some, while
others like having the option to “lift” color, whether for affect or to fix a mistake. As is
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the issue with other painting media, different aspects of watercolor paints are
appreciated by each artist.
When acrylic paints are compared to watercolor, there seems to be only a
couple of drawbacks. Acrylic paints come in highly pigmented liquid form so they can
be thinned as much as the artist likes to achieve the same transparent effects as
watercolors. However, acrylics have a strong staining capacity and that, compounded
with rapid drying, makes it difficult to lift much, if any, of the color from watercolor
paper or other absorbent substrate. These issues separate acrylic paints from
watercolor paints and lessen their attractiveness to some artists.
Acrylic and watercolor paints have many similarities. They are both made in
virtually every color available in other media, and they are compatible with all brands,
as well as having intermixing compatibility for all colors. These qualities are a benefit
for artists because they often purchase different brands of paints to discover their
unique qualities. Also, neither of these mediums is toxic and both have soap and water
clean-up. Another benefit is acrylic and watercolor paints do not yellow, but this is
where the most important similarities stop.
Acrylic paints are extremely tough, flexible, waterproof when dry, non-fading,
resistant to scratching, and resistant or unaffected by other types of damage from
animals, insects, moisture, mold, and sunlight. Watercolor paints cannot make this
claim. Watercolor paintings are usually made on paper and have no real strength.
Watercolor paintings are affected by water, mold, insects, animals, and sunlight.
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Watercolors are also more subject to fading than other media. Acrylic paints can be
painted upon almost any surface, whereas watercolors are mainly painted upon paper.
All of the above mentioned painting media being reviewed here, have different
mediums that can be mixed with basic paints. For example, iridescent powders can be
added to watercolor, oil and acrylic paints. Glycerin can be added to watercolor paints
to prevent the paint from drying too fast and becoming too brittle when dry. There are
“gels” that can be added to watercolor to thicken the paint. Oil paints on the other
hand can have a variety of oils added to make the paint flow well. There are also
mediums available for decreasing the drying time of oil paints, but not by a significant
amount. Another example for oil paints are mediums designed specifically for glazing
(Metzger, 1996).
It is evident that each of the above mentioned paints has its strong and weak
points, but what makes acrylic paints so popular and unique are the number of
different mediums and ways the paint can be used and changed. According to author
Rachel Wolf, flexibility is the key to the popularity of acrylic paints. Wolf wrote: “No
matter (sic) who you ask, the one word to describe acrylics is “flexibility”. There are
so many ways to use this wonderful medium, and they haven’t all been discovered yet.
When talking about acrylic polymers, author Nicholas Rourkes (1986) wrote: “This
special plastic emulsion provides the medium with three very desirable characteristics,
transparency, body, and adhesiveness” (p. 11).
It is clear that all of these painting systems have their own unique qualities and
there will always be artists that prefer one type of paint over another. But for the most
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part, new developments for watercolor and oil paints appear to be minimal and for
some artists, this makes them less attractive. Probably the most vital and stimulating
characteristic of acrylic paints are the continuous discoveries made by creative artists
and dedicated chemists experimenting and pushing the limits of this incredible,
possibly unlimited, painting medium.
Summary
It was the aim of this author to facilitate the optimum arts and educational
experience for her students. The knowledge gained through the careful study of
leading educational arts philosopher’s and advocates provided a rich background and
strong argument in support of that goal. Close self-examination of the causes and
cures of the issues that keep people from moving ahead in any area of their
professional and personal life is essential for success. Identifying and breaking
through blocks that keep people from their personal goals, regardless of what they are,
will help them become more productive, well rounded, and satisfied contributors to
society. It will arm them with tools that could be applied to situations that are often
debilitating for people. In this literature review the exploration of blocks associated
with art-making was the focus and acrylic paint the medium, but it was the insight
gained by taking this journey that is of the most worth. The issue of each block is not
as important as the ability to make a choice and have the tools to make the changes
necessary to move past blocks. Living in a well-balanced manner, setting and
accomplishing goals, and contributing to the growth of a progressive and productive
society is central to a happy healthy being.
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Chapter 3
NARRATIVE INQUIRY INTO AUTHOR’S JOURNEY
This Project is an Alternative Culminating Experience for a Master of Arts in
Education: Curriculum and Instruction with an Elective Emphasis on Arts in
Education. It follows Pathway I: Artist as Educator. This researcher’s project involved
a journey into the heart and mind of the artist while working to uncover the secrets to
unblocking her artistic creativity. Her experimentation with the acrylic system of
paints was conducted using a narrative inquiry approach.
The use of narrative inquiry is the only authentic method that could adequately
relate the depth of this author’s personal journey of self-discovery and insights into the
causes and cures for her artist’s block. This method also accommodates her experience
of the art making process itself. Research of this nature requires a human approach of
the telling of the story as it happened, rather than making it “fit” into a more rigid,
data-based, scientific method. It is through this less restrictive format that the reader
has gained a better insight and understanding into one of the most common
phenomenon experienced by creative people. The exploration of the self through
emotions, thoughts, and experiences, both past and present, are well suited to the
ancient form of storytelling. Narrative, or storytelling, has documented human
existence for centuries, both orally and in written form. Storytelling “… is an ancient
and altogether human method. The human alone among the creatures of the earth is a
storytelling animal: sees the present rising out of the past, heading into a future;
perceives reality in narrative form” (Novak, 1975, p. 175).
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However, narrative has gained popularity in the past few decades as a method
of research specifically adapted to studying experience in education. In education,
narrative inquiry developed out of the portfolio process of assessing teacher and
student knowledge. This approach expanded as a legitimate research mode, according
to researchers LaBoskey and Lyons (2002, p. 2).
As inquiry, narrative involved an intentional reflective process, the actions of a
group of learners interrogating their learning, constructing and telling the story
of its meaning, and predicting how this knowledge might be used in the future.
We came to see that narrative was fundamentally an activity of mind, a way of
gathering up knowledge of practice, simply, a way of knowing, and of
knowing that one knew. (LaBoskey & Lyons, p. 3)
Coles and Knowles (1999) point out that in the narrative inquiry approach,
educators must examine their own experiences before they can work to improve
classroom practice. “These narrative beginnings or own livings, tellings, and
retellings, and relivings help us to deal with questions of who we are in the field and
who we are in the texts that we write on our experiences of the field experience,”
according to Coles and Knowles (p. 70).
Using the narrative inquiry approach described above, this chapter consists
primarily of this researcher’s personal history, her journal writings, findings, and a
documentation of her process with the exploration of acrylic painting. This chapter is
written in the first person, which seems most suitable for a narrative approach.
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In addition to being the researcher’s account of her art, it is the story of
relevant events in her life that influenced, contributed to, and or perpetuated artist’s
block. Essentially, this is the artist’s record of her search to reveal the beliefs that
prevent unconstrained creative expression. As a technical medium, the artist has
chosen to focus on an exploration of acrylic paints throughout this project.
My Story
I was born into a very talented and creative family. My mother’s family was
musically inclined and my father’s family was both musically and visually artistic. All
of my immediate family is musically gifted and most of us have made a living
performing with music groups ranging from folk music, weddings, to top 40 covers,
lounge acts, and original music. My paternal grandmother was a quilting expert who
taught others her art as well as teaching English, and my paternal grandfather was a
Colonel in the U.S. Army. His job as a Chaplain took him around the world and as a
privilege of his rank and position, he was able to amass and transport a very large
collection of art. He collected many fine examples of porcelains from Japan as well as
other artwork from a variety of countries. As a visual artist, he studied ceramics
extensively. His collection of Japanese ceramics was once touted as the single most
extensive porcelain collection north of San Francisco.
I am the youngest of five children, four girls and one boy. My oldest sister
Sharon Marie was born on December 12, 1950, followed by David Attwood
November 23, 1951, Kathleen Anne May 25, 1953, Michelle Louise April 21, 1955
and myself March 7, 1956. Being the youngest member of a relatively large family
35
had its benefits and drawbacks. I always had older siblings to help me, care for me, or
boss me around. Being so close in age had a big influence on me and all of my
siblings. We were very close to each other and it seemed like if one of us developed an
interest in something, the whole gang would join in. This was not only with everyday
things, like playing, clothing choices, or going places, it also carried over to creative
pursuits. One of the things that made it realistic and possible to share in the interests
and creative endeavors of my family members is the fact that we had the abilities and
talent to participate in and have positive results in many of the things we attempted.
As children we were immersed in creative arts. I will always remember the 20
minute drive with my family from our home in Chico, California up the hill to
Paradise to visit my paternal grandparents. Everyone, including my mom and dad,
would sing songs all the way to and from Grandma’s house. We sang “My
Grandfather’s Clock”; “My Bonny Lies over the Ocean”; “My Blue Heaven” and
many others. Everyone had a part to sing. My voice was in the lower register so I
learned the tenor harmonies. With so many singers, (seven), some of us would double
up on parts. I remember that the vocal power and harmonies were incredible. Singing
in my home was as natural as breathing, and it was a lot of fun growing up in such a
talented family until the later years.
As a child, I did not have the patience or desire to learn to play a musical
instrument. My brother and all of my sisters played the guitar. Everyone could
accompany themselves while they sang except me. I loved to get up on stage and
perform, but my mom always had to make Michelle accompany me and that was
36
something she grew tired of. I remember feeling frustrated and left out watching my
older sisters perform. I wanted to do the things they did, but I could not be on stage
unless Michelle played my song. I always sang “Leaving on a Jet Plane.” Maybe
Michelle got tired of playing the same song over and over. I do not remember that
Michelle was selfish, but rather that I was her bratty little sister who wore her clothes
and shoes without permission, left our room messy when she tried to keep it clean, and
any number of other things that little sisters do to anger their older siblings. I was
between the ages of 9 and 13 during this time. I can still recall the feelings of
insecurity and doubt surrounding my singing abilities and my life in general.
I will always remember the feelings I experienced when I was 12, Michelle
was 13, and Sharon was 17. All three of us entered a talent contest at a local fair.
There were two age groups. Sharon and Michelle should have been in the 13 and older
and I was in the 12 and under. My mom knew Michelle could not win first place
singing against Sharon. Our sister Sharon had an incredible voice and she won every
contest she entered. So my mom made me lie and say I was 11, so she could enter
Michelle in the contest as a 12 year old. Consequently, Michelle won first place and I
won second place. I felt cheated and unimportant. That was not a good experience for
me and it only perpetuated my belief that I was not good enough, not important, and
that my feelings did not matter.
My feelings of inadequacy and doubt were reinforced about five years later.
The band I was singing with decided to go On the Road to work the Northwest Club
Circuit. I had been dating the saxophone player, Terry, for over two years. Terry was
37
instrumental in getting me back into high school after I had quit two times. When the
band was getting ready to go out on the road, Terry told me I had a decision to make.
He told me I could stay in school or go out on the road with the band. It was a difficult
decision to make. I had previously had a hard time in school and now I was finally
doing really well. I was taking photography classes, which I loved, going to my other
classes and making decent grades. I had even earned my first “B.” I had to think hard
before I could give him an answer. I really loved being in the band and I hadn’t liked
school since fourth grade, if not earlier, but I was actually doing well in school and I
felt good about myself. After I made my decision, I told him I was going to stay in
school at which point he said “I’m glad you decided to go on the road”. I was
devastated. I had grown up in a home where my mother and her opinion were not
really valued. I am not sure why, but I thought Terry loved me and cared about me and
my future. I was wrong, and unfortunately, I was not strong enough to stand up for
what I wanted: to stay in school. So I did what my role model would do: I quit school
and put a lot of time and energy into preparing for the club circuit.
In the beginning things went well with daily band practice and the production
of a demo tape that would be sent out to prospective clubs. I had accepted my position
and was trying to make the best of it but soon after it fell apart. The band I had been
singing with for over two years, the band I had given up my high school education for,
went on the road without me. As I remember, it had something to do with too many
band members, a lack of experience for the band, and stretching the money too thin. I
think there was something else said about preparing the way, but all I heard was “you
38
are not going.” I was absolutely devastated! Terry, my boyfriend, and another band
member, not only did not stand up for me, he went without me! To make things worse,
a newer member of the band went. Chris was married to the drummer and she told her
husband she would leave him if he left without her, her two kids and their two very
large dogs. Terry did not back me and I had no leverage so I was tossed aside. That
experience was so traumatic for me that I could not remember a single word of any of
the songs I had been singing almost daily for over two years. That was a major
blocking experience for me. I was so blocked and had so little confidence that I was
unable to go on with my singing career as it had been, or do anything creative until
long after I got over the shock and feelings of abandonment. Later, I temporarily
joined another band, mainly as a back-up singer and eye candy, but I did not sing lead
vocals again for more than three years. I was too unsure of my vocal ability and my
self esteem was nearly non-existent. It took a long time to remember the words to my
repertoire of songs.
There have been many times since that experience when I have made myself
get up on stage to perform. There are sometimes when singing goes well, however,
there have been more times that were less than successful or they were never
attempted at all. For example, once while on stage trying to get the nerve up to sing, as
I held the microphone in both hands, my hands shook so uncontrollably that I could
hardly sing. To this day, I avoid singing in public or in situations where I feel like I am
going to be judged. I still love to sing and I sing everyday at home and in my car.
However, it takes a lot of self-talk to get up and sing in front of people now and that is
39
really sad. I was the girl who lived “in the zone” musically. I would just bust out in
song no matter where I was and who was listening. That is no longer the case and that
is a big loss for me. I miss that girl.
I attended most of my primary and secondary school years in Chico public
schools. Many of my experiences surrounding education were unhappy and
distressing. It began when my older sister Michelle went to kindergarten. Michelle and
I were very close in age and we played together every day, but when she went to
school that stopped. I remember the day my mom and I got to visit Michelle’s class to
see what she did in school. My sister and her classmates were playing musical
instruments. I wanted to play, but they would not let me. Then, when I said I wanted to
go to school with Michelle, they wouldn’t let me go because I wasn’t old enough. That
was the first time I visited school and I was left with a bad impression.
One year later, it was my turn to be in Kindergarten. I went to the same school
and had the same teacher and class number as Michelle had attended. Again, my
experience in school and that classroom was not a positive one. My teacher wasn’t
very good about letting students use the bathroom. She seemed to think we really
didn’t need to relieve ourselves. I think I was afraid to raise my hand, or maybe I did
and she would not let me use the bathroom, but I remember feeling frustrated, and
confused.
As a result of not being able to go to the bathroom I wet myself. When all the
other students went out to play at recess, I stayed behind. I was crying and told the
teacher what had happened. I am sure it was an everyday event for the teacher, but it
40
was not for me. I was horrible embarrassed and after that I did not want to return to
school. These early experiences were just the beginning. I did not get a good start in
my early school years and unfortunately, it did not improve much.
A couple of years later, we moved to Seattle, Washington. I was enrolled in
first grade. Since we were not very well off and I was the youngest, I had to be really
assertive at home when it came to getting my share of the food. That being the case,
having lunch at school was very important to me. We would get to have milk during
lunch and I did not get milk at home.
I had not been in the Catholic school very long when I experience the wrath of
the Mother Superior. She was my teacher. On this particular day, we were learning our
ABC’s. Lunchtime came and I got up to get my food and milk when the Mother
Superior stopped me and said “NO! Not until you have memorized your ABC’s.” I
was afraid of her so I tried to do what she wanted, but I was hungry, and I was sure
they would run out of milk before I could say my ABC’s properly. I was embarrassed
and I felt as if I had done something wrong. In addition to feeling badly, I was worried
I would not get any food or milk and I was hungry. I was always hungry. I did not like
the Mother Superior. She was mean and scary. It was difficult to be in her class. She
left me feel inadequate and after that incident, I hated being in her class. I could not
wait for the school day to end so I could get away from the Mother Superior.
Fortunately for me, in a short time we moved back Chico.
Some of my experiences revolving around school were good. I made some
good friends through school. I met Melissa in Kindergarten and our friendship lasted
41
well into third grade when we moved. Melissa’s family was well off and she invited
me over to her house to swim more than once. When I went to her house, she would
let me ride her little turquoise blue bike. We were too poor to have such luxuries and I
loved riding that bike. When Melissa got a new bike for her birthday, she asked her
parents if she could give her old one to me and that is how I got my first bike. I was
ecstatic. I would not let anyone ride my bike. I had grown up in the area and I knew
several people. Having friends other than my sisters and brother made my life better.
Just when things were going well, we moved.
I remember we moved to the “other” side of town. I had to go to a new school
with kids whose parents were well off. They were doctors, lawyers, and other “rich”
people. Even though we moved to the “better” side of town and my dad was making a
“better life” for his family, it was not a good move for me. My dad did not give my
mother money to buy new clothes or much of anything for that matter. We had grown
up buying used clothing from the Salvation Army and nothing changed; we still got
our clothes from thrift stores. It was hard to fit in when it was clear that we were not as
well off as many of my new schoolmates. I was just beginning fourth grade when we
moved from the neighborhood where I grew up and where I felt on level ground with
all of the students. It is not that there were not rich people in my old neighborhood
school, but the students who were better off did not shun or differentiate people for
their circumstances. It was a better place to live.
While attending fourth grade at John C. McManus, I started having problems
with other kids. I did not make a very good impression on my new classmates. I did
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not wear expensive clothes or shoes and I did not have money to spend in the new
mall. I just did not fit in. There was a girl, Ellen, who would make fun of my name and
do and say things to make feel bad. For example, my middle name was Anne. Ellen
used to call me “Annie-shoe” trying to make fun of me and my name. I had no idea
what that meant, but it did not matter; it was said in a mean way and it hurt my
feelings and made me feel insecure. Ellen was a bully and she picked on me daily.
It was during this time period that my mom had gone to work so she could
provide necessities and extras for her children. I remember the white Go-Go Boots my
mom bought for me. I loved my boots and I was proud to be seen in them. I wanted to
be like my older sisters and they all wore boots. The first time I wore my boots to
school, Ellen told me that I dressed “too old”. Once again I doubted myself and felt
beat up. I knew I did not belong in the new school on the “better” side of town. I
remember going home everyday crying and upset. My mom would tell me to be an
individual and not worry about what the other kids said. She was really good about
that.
Things at school did not improve. I missed a lot of school and when I attended
I was almost always late. I remember staying in bed and saying I was sick, or trying to
talk my mom into letting me stay home. I even went as far as to hide in the closet until
my mom left the house for shopping or work. Of course my absences and tardiness did
not go unnoticed at school.
During my first year at John C. McManus I went to the principal’s office often.
One time the principal called me into his office and he talked to me about my
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attendance habits. He asked me why I was missing so much school and also why I was
late so often. I gave him the typical nine year olds answer; “I don’t know” He then
asked me if I had an alarm clock; I replied with a very abrupt “No”. He then asked me
if I would use one if he got one for me and again I said “No”. I had little to no interest
in school. Thinking back, it is clear to me that I was determined to stay away from the
places and people who caused to me so much pain and self-doubt. And school was at
the top of my list.
Fortunately there are always exceptions to most rules and situations. The
exception in my school experience was my fourth grade teacher, Mrs. Bronson. Mrs.
Bronson was a large sturdy woman with dark hair that she kept up on her head, much
like I do now. She wore glasses and dressed like my grandma. It is no surprise that I
did not excel academically. I was unmotivated and I did not have much support from
home. As I remember, I did not participate much while in class.
However, one day in class it was time for art and that was something I could
do. I recall we were given color crayons, paper and a creative assignment. I do not
remember why, but I did not want to do the assignment. Mrs. Bronson being a
wonderful and astutely aware teacher, called me to the side and we went her cupboard
together. There she opened up the doors and took out a large piece of Manila paper.
She gave the paper along with a stick of charcoal. Mrs. Bronson then looked me
directly in the eye and said in a kind and understanding voice, “see what you can do
with these.” I immediately went to work and drew a very detailed clown sitting on a
small stool that filled the page. He was crying.
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When Mrs. Bronson came and saw what I had done, she whisked me up along
with my drawing and took me all over the school. We went to the rooms of the other
teachers and even to the principal’s office. Mrs. Bronson showed my picture to
everyone who would look. She showed them what I had done! She was so proud and
so was I. It was a very profound moment for me. I was being praised for something
that came from me and nobody laughed at me.
After that day, when the mean kids called her “Mrs. Bronasauras”, I would
always stick up for her. I loved her for what she did for me. Mrs. Bronson showered
me with love and support in a way that I will never forget. I credit her for nurturing the
child within and she is responsible, in part, for my becoming a teacher and an artist.
When I was 20, I was a high school dropout working in a gas station for
minimum wage going nowhere. I was offered a chance to go to Junior College. I
would be on probation but I decided to try it anyway. I was able to get financial aid
and so I started my very positive, life-changing, post-secondary education.
I was amazed at how wonderful it was to go to classes where no one gave me a
bad time. They didn’t ask me about being on time or why I had been absent. The truth
is I didn’t want to miss anything. I was on time to all my classes and only missed
school if I was very ill. I was taking photography, drawing, and other low-stress,
creative classes. I fell in love with school. I stayed in school for one year. It was
unfortunate that I felt I had to cut my education short and leave town.
I was living with my boy friend and both of us attended Butte Junior College.
Our relationship had deteriorated to the point of no talking at all. Even though my
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boyfriend drove to school every day, I still had to take the bus. It was time to make
some changes. I decided I had to leave town to make a clean break from him. I didn’t
seem to be able to stop this negative cycle as long as I was around him. I left town and
after a couple of months away from him and a lot of soul searching, I came back home
and joined the US Army.
I signed up for a three year contract with the U.S. Army. I had a written
guarantee to be stationed in Germany. The prospect of travelling in Europe and living
in another country was exciting. I signed up for an adventure. I could never have
known where my adventure would take me. After completing my training as a
“64Charlie 10”, truck driver, I immediately went to Germany.
I was stationed in Mannheim Germany. I met and married my first husband
within a few months of my arrival. I had been asked out by everyone imaginable, but I
would not date anyone. I really did not want to get involved with anyone. I was trying
to start over. Unfortunately that did not last very long.
My future husband did not ask me on a date. I heard someone playing the
guitar and singing in the downstairs halls. I missed singing and he liked to accompany
me. It was not long until we were dating. We used to sit in the halls of our barracks
and sing for hours at a time. When I married him, I didn’t really know him or myself
that well. I had not made any changes in myself and the results of this relationship
were worse than the one I had joined the army to get away from. That relationship was
another mistake in a long line of mistakes. The man I married was abusive. It seemed
like all of my creativity was pushed deep down inside of me while I was with him.
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After being with him for two very scary years, I was able to escape and begin my life
over.
I returned to school and earned my first Associates of Arts degree in Applied
Arts. My degree consisted mostly of art and photography studies. I was succeeding in
school but I was not happy with my life in Chico. My Aunt Phyllis lived in Seattle,
Washington and after seeing her and talking to her about my direction, she invited me
to come to Seattle and live with her. Seattle had many more opportunities than Chico
and it was another exciting place. I boarded a train for a 17 hour trip and moved to
Seattle the day after I finished my associate’s degree.
When I arrived in Seattle, I moved into my aunt’s home. Aunt Phyllis is my
dad’s sister and just like my family, she and her kids are very artistic and talented.
Living with my aunt was completely different from anything I had ever experienced. I
was exposed to a whole new world that was sophisticated and advanced. I was around
people who valued education and development of the mind. I was in a place where
talents were encouraged and love was unconditional. Living with my aunt was
completely differently from any of my former experiences in life. My aunt taught me
about antiques, art and life in general. Living with my aunt was a real adventure and a
time in my life that I will always cherish. I learned so much about life. I had not been
raised with the mindset that was prevalent in this woman’s life. Living with my aunt
made a big impression on me and my life was permanently changed for the better.
Unfortunately, living with my aunt did not stop me from making bad decisions
where men were concerned. So once more, I got involved with a man who was
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abusive and my creativity was halted once again. It took me a long time to break the
cycle of violence and get on with my life. After many frightening and life threatening
experiences, I finally asked myself the right question “Was I going to live like this for
the rest of my life?” I had been exposed to a better way of life and I knew my life
could be much better and I didn’t have to live in constant fear for my life. I left my
second husband and I left the life of being a victim. It was at that point that I made a
commitment to make a good life for myself.
I began my new life in search of a better way to support myself and to do the
things I had always wanted to do. I entered what would amount to 12 years of therapy
and during that time I earned my second Associates of Arts degree. My second degree
was an Associates of Arts in Tourism and Travel. I loved to travel and had always
wanted to go around the world. I saw the tourism degree as a way of pursuing those
dreams.
During the last semester of my tourism program, I took a part time job as a
teacher’s aide in a resource class. I fell in love with it. I could not believe they paid me
to help kids learn. It was a perfect situation for me. I went to several workshops to
learn how to teach remedial English and other subjects. Through these workshops I
was learning many of the things I had missed when I could have been in school.
While I was getting ready to graduate from my program I had been offered a
job at a local travel agency where I had done my internship. They were offering
minimum wage. After a conversation with a young agent who had been at the agency
for a year, I was convinced that I needed to stay in my current job. I had just spent two
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years in college school, at great expense to myself and all they could offer was
minimum wage. The other deciding factor was the reality that the young agent was
about to go on her first trip through the agency. I could not believe that was the best
the agency could do for her. It did not take long to decide I would continue working in
the schools as an Aide.
I spent the following two years as a teacher’s aide in a variety of classes. I
really enjoyed what I was doing, however, I was given more responsibility, and I was
not being compensated for the extra duties. It became very clear that the only way I
was going to be taken seriously and paid for what I was doing was to earn my teaching
credential.
I went back to school with the goal of becoming a Spanish teacher. I chose
Spanish because I had been interested in learning another language. Another reason to
study Spanish was the availability of teaching positions. I was not going to have my
credential until I was in my early 40s and I wanted to feel secure in the job market.
I had worked hard and was near the end of my schooling when I had a
traumatic personal experience. I was in no position to continue with such a rigorous
program. If learning to speak, read, write, and understand Spanish had come easier for
me, I may have been able to continue. In this situation I was not sure what to do until I
went to the counselor’s office.
I told the counselor about my situation and explained that I had dropped out of
high school three times. I also told him that I was afraid if I dropped out of school to
get past this obstacle, I would never make it back to school to finish my degree and
49
reach my educational goals. And if I dropped out of school now, I was afraid I would
never make it back. My counselor was very casual and relaxed when he simply said
“take easy classes.” That solution had never even occurred to me. I was in school to
achieve a goal and being focused, I was not looking at classes that took me away from
my goal. Since art was easy for me, the natural choice for me was to take art classes.
After I had spent some time in art classes and the art department, I had to ask
myself why I had not enrolled as an art major in the beginning. I loved making art and
I felt at home being around the arts and the people involved in the arts. For the first
time in my life I belonged. It was clear to me that I was meant to be an artist and to
teach art.
Originally, I had been interested in teaching home economics, but that was a
dying field and apparently the art teachers from the 1960s and 1970s had settled into
their jobs and they were not leaving. I had allowed myself to be influenced by things
people had said and I let that deter me from what I loved: creativity. Then after
thinking about my reasoning, I remembered that I had never had a problem getting a
job in my life. That was when I made the decision to change my major to art. That was
one of the best decisions I have ever made in my life.
After achieving my educational goals, I secured a position teaching general art
in a middle school in Sacramento, California. In the beginning, I spent most of my
time and energy learning how to be teacher. It was a difficult job and I would often
experience the same feelings I had as a student in public schools. I was struggling with
my old beliefs about school, the teachers, and its staff being the enemy. There were
50
sometimes when it was hard to be in the public school atmosphere. I found many of
my peers were just like some of the teachers I did not like in school. I kept my
involvement in the school focused on my teaching and learned how to be a better
teacher
I spent 10 years teaching middle school. That job was my one and only
teaching job. It seemed I would spend my entire teaching career in one school. I had
talked about getting reassigned to the high school. In my first year of teaching, a
senior teacher at my school told me I was a high school teacher. I thought that was
interesting, but I did not do anything about it.
When a new high school was opening in my district, I decided to work up the
courage, forget the fears and apply to the new school. Unfortunately, another art
teacher in my district had also submitted a request for the art teaching position.
Michelle had several years of experience teaching high school and at least six more
years of seniority. I was not selected. I continued to teach middle school, but I also
continued to talk about being reassigned to high school. I knew I was not really in the
right place and I needed to move on, but I was scared. I was sure the kids would not
like me and the other teachers would find out I really did not know what I was doing. I
thought I would not be able to hide my inadequacies.
My school experiences changed after attending junior college, and since then I
cannot seem to get enough schooling. I enjoy taking workshops, learning from other
teachers or artists, watching arts related TV programs, quilting, cooking, and most
anything that is creative.
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I enjoy teaching, but I have been living with the feeling in the back of my mind
that someday that someone will find out the truth that I don’t really know what I am
doing and I don’t really know enough to teach. It is a feeling that I have to make a
concerted effort to stop.
When I was in my credentialing program, I was fortunate to have David
Tamari as my mentor teacher. He was a good adviser. He not only taught me about
being a teacher, he also arranged a scholarship for a 10-day workshop with the
California Arts Project. I attended the retreat held in Tahoe, California, and prepared,
taught, learned, and enjoyed many standards driven lesson plans. That retreat helped
me get off to a good start on my teaching career.
During the arts project retreat, Professor Crystal Olson spoke about the
Sacramento State Master’s program for arts teachers. I wanted to go then, but I had not
yet begun to teach, so I decided to wait until I had spent some time teaching and
learning my craft.
It took me nine years to enroll in the Master’s program. My purpose was to
improve myself as a teacher, and to reconnect with my artistic soul. It is a huge
commitment to be a good teacher and if I did not replenish myself often I would suffer
from burn-out. I love making art and teaching art and it is through this program that I
gained the courage to pursue a high school position. I only wish I had done it sooner.
My biggest problem now is to get myself into my own studio to make art for
myself. I find that I expend a large part of my energy facilitating student learning and
art making and I love teaching. However, I get stale and my creativity wanes when I
52
am not making art myself. Additionally, it is easy to forget the struggles of being a
new artist, or even being a student in a class where there is no interest. Being proactive
about my own education helps me to be a better educator.
Why This Project
This project is extremely important to me both personally and professionally
for a number of reasons. As an artist, I am always facing my fears and examining my
life when I contemplate expressing myself through art. That being the situation,
creating can open up the door to becoming vulnerable. Creating the work is one thing,
but showing it is another. It can cause great anxiety for me and it is not unusual for me
to avoid those kinds of feelings and situations. But, as an artist, I want to share my art
and my joy at having created something. So therein lays the rub. Although much of
my work is symbolic, whimsical, or fun, the motivations and inspirations for these
works have a deeper meaning than is obviously visible.
Another reason for this project is to find that sweet spot which I refer to as “the
zone”. While learning about my creative habits, and dealing with the issues that keep
me from doing what I love most, I needed to focus on an artistic endeavor. I chose to
focus on acrylic painting because there is so much to learn and the field is wide open
for inventing something else that has not yet been discovered or included in a book or
workshop. Since this painting system is continually growing and improving with the
new acrylic mediums being produced, it is possible to try all sorts of experiments.
Ironically, I have found that even though there are many different kinds of
things one can do with acrylic paints and mediums, I seem to be intrigued with only a
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couple of different approaches. This brings up another consideration. I am interested
in and capable of doing many different types of art and I needed to set clear
boundaries for this project. Devoid of boundaries, it would be very easy to lose my
sense of direction. Keeping this in mind, as I grappled with the many different kinds of
visual arts I was interested in, I felt painting would serve me and my thesis project
best. For this reason, I limited myself to only one type of artwork. Of course, part of
the appeal of acrylic paints is the seemingly limitlessness of the material itself.
Intention is a major part of my artist process. If I want the art work to just
evoke joy and happiness, I will paint or create something as simple as a cat going
through a garbage can looking for its next meal. But it could also be a nonrepresentational piece that is very expressive in its movement and color. However the
deeper meaning can be somewhat symbolic. I have a need to make art that makes me
smile in order balance the years of missed childhood, sadness, disappointment,
depression, and both physical and mental abuse. These feelings are the underlying
motivation and message in my childlike artwork. It can be a moment of triumph to
create happiness after having passed through such dark and lonely places. Happy art
makes me smile and that is enough, but if it makes you smile as well then that is also
good.
One of the greatest difficulties artists face is artist’s block. I am no exception. I
want to create so badly it almost hurts. It is a struggle inside to let the creative
expressions out of my head and into an art form. Unfortunately, as much as I want to
create, I seem to want to avoid working even more. It is as if I need permission from
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myself to get started, to stay with it, to allow myself time and space. I am an expert at
avoidance and procrastination. I can always find something else to do, or that just has
to be done.
I make lists in my head and on paper. A typical list would include the
following: dye hair; call Kathy and send money, check e-mail, grade papers, prep for
classes for the week or month, work in the studio, work on thesis, go to the store for
food, make an appointment for a mammogram, get a manicure and a pedicure (right),
call Elson at work and remind him to come home early, remember to eat, make dinner,
get the house ready for the housecleaner, feed the cats, visit with the cats, and the list
goes on and on. Amazingly, I seem to be able to avoid the more important things, like
eating, working in the studio, and writing my thesis. Most likely I will not do the
things for myself, such as a much needed pedicure or dyeing my hair. It is like a
disease. I have to make an appointment with myself to make sure I get anything
important started.
I am distracted by many things, such as spending time with my husband,
getting things set-up for work, etc., but the problem is I let my art work slide until last
and that may be a day, or weeks later. The part that I find interesting is when I do go
to my studio to get something, or drop something off, or just to go in and sit: I always
want to stay in there. I want to clean or get ready to work, or even work. So why don’t
I just go and do that? Well, there are so many other things to do. I often wonder what
the payoff is for not working. It is really important that I understand. If I can discover
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what I am getting out of the delay or avoidance, then I can decide if it is really worth
it.
Maybe I shun working in my studio to avoid the possibility of failure. I know
that I often do not think I have anything worthy to paint or create. When I let go of
judging myself and my art ideas, I am able to produce art work I like and I find
fulfillment. When I get into that state of mind, I am “in the zone”.
I was able get into “the zone” when I created a painting called “Catfood
SandWiChes.” I was experiencing another block that day so I just decided to work
using the no rules painting method. When I got to the drawing part, I simply drew a
cat, then fish, then fish bones, then a couple of mice and I had it! As I continued, I
remembered a song about cat food sandwiches written and performed by David
Lindly. It is really a great song and it has nothing to do with cats, but I love the title
and it seemed like great text for my painting.
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Figure 3. “Catfood SandWiChes” Daryl Markwick, 2009, 18”x14”x34”Acrylic on
Wood.
I have found that my environment is an important part of my creative process.
My husband had my art studio built in late 2006. This is my space. I can stop my
57
work at any time and when I am ready to return, everything will be just as I left it.
Having this studio is invaluable to my art making process.
Figure 4. Daryl’s Art Studio Built in 2006.
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Figure 5. Art Studio Interior.
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Figure 6. Art Studio Interior.
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Figure 7. Art Studio Interior.
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Figure 8. Art Studio Interior.
The following photographs are some of the paintings that have evolved into the
“At the Core” series.
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Figure 9. Preliminary Paintings for “At the Core” Series, Daryl Markwick, Group
Photo.
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Figure 10. “Blue Bird Yellow.” 2008. Acrylic on Canvas Panel. 8”x6”.
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Figure 11. “Red Heat.” 2008. Acrylic on Canvas Panel. 7”x5”. Acrylic on Canvas
Panel.
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Figure 12. “Agitation Turquoise.” 2008. 7”5”. Acrylic on Canvas Panel.
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Figure 13. ”Green Is My Favorite Color.” 2008. 7”x5”. Acrylic on Canvas Panel.
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The following photograph was taken at the Gualala Arts Center during the
workshop.
Figure 14. “No Rules Painting” Workshop.
The following photographs are a visual documentation of Jan Fogel
demonstrating the “Brushless Painting” process she developed.
(Images #15 and #25 are workshop studio photos).
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Figure 15. Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 1.
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Figure 16. Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 2.
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Figure 17. Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 3.
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Figure 18. Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 4.
Figure 19. Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 5.
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Figure 20. Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 6.
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Figure 21. Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 7.
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Figure 22. Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 8.
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Figure 23. Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 9.
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Figure 24. Jan Fogel’s “Brushless Painting” Process, Image 10.
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Figure 25. View from the Workshop Classroom.
The following four photographs were taken during the workshop. They
document the making of “ZYXW”.
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Figure 26. “ZYXW.” In Progress. 2009. 24”x13½”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 27. “ZYXW.” In Progress. 2009. 24”x13½”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 28. “ZYXW.” In Progress. 2009. 24”x13½”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 29. “ZYXW.” 2009. 24”x13½”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Within two weeks of attending the No Rules Painting workshop, I was ready to
try this method on my own. The following photographs are the visual documentation
of my first attempt using this process.
Figure 30. “Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 31. “Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 32. “Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
Figure 33. “Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 34. “Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
Figure 35. “Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 36. “Pink” in Progress. 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
Figure 37. “Pink.” 2009. 6”x14”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
After I finished “Pink”, I painted “At the Core”. The following photographs
document the painting process.
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Figure 38. “At the Core” in Progress. 2010. 24”x23 ¾”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
Figure 39. “At the Core” in Progress. 2010. 24”x23 ¾”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 40. “At the Core” in Progress. 2010. 24”x23 ¾”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
Figure 41. “At the Core” 2010. 24”x23 ¾”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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The following photographs are the visual documentation of the final painting
that was considered in my thesis, “At the Core II”.
Figure 42. “At the Core II” in Progress. 2010. 24”x22”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 43. “At the Core II” in Progress. 2010. 24”x22”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
Figure 44. “At the Core II” in Progress. 2010. 24”x22”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 45. “At the Core II” in Progress. 2010. 24”x22”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Figure 46. “At the Core II”. 2010. 24”x22”x3/4”. Acrylic on Wood Panel.
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Chapter 4
REFLECTIONS
I began pursuing my Master’s degree, in September of 2008. At that time, I
was scattered and feeling unsuccessful as an artist. I was unhappy and unfulfilled in
my teaching position and I was afraid to make any changes. Essentially I was stuck. I
knew it had to be better than it was, but I did not know how to change it. Additionally,
I was frustrated because I could not understand how so many of my peers from the
credentialing program were so happy in their jobs, when I was not. But throughout the
process of this Master’s program, I began to open up and grow. Being a member of an
arts-based cohort was exactly what I needed. I was seeking growth and support as a
teacher and I found an abundance of both.
In the earlier part of my teaching career, I had attended more than one
California Arts Program events and workshop, but I had been a newer teacher then and
I did not completely understand how rare it was going to be to have that kind of
professional support. I was hired as an art teacher at Leroy F. Greene middle school in
August 1999. This was my first credentialed teaching position. I spent most of my
teaching career isolated and alone. There were other arts teachers at my school site,
but they were not visual arts teachers. And as a rule, their concerns were different
from my own. The same was true of their curriculum. Sometimes it seemed like it was
everyone for themselves. As a group, VAPA, Visual and Performing Arts teachers,
have an understanding of what it means to be a teacher in our chosen field, but
individually, our issues and needs are different. Additionally, there are some teachers
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who are elitist and they have no time or energy for any other programs. It was in this
group of teachers and programs that I found myself. This being the situation, it was
not unusual for me to work alone, be alone, and take care of my program without any
help from the other teachers.
I was not unhappy with this arrangement in the beginning. I was nervous and
as a new teacher with doubts about my abilities, it was good to be alone without
someone watching my every move. But in the long run it stunted my professional
progress. I was solely responsible for program, my curriculum, my budget, and the
development of my program. It did not help that I had succeeded a 30 year veteran
who had retired. I used the standards as a guide, but no one oversaw what I was
teaching, so I made all of my curriculum choices without the support and aide of an
experienced visual arts teacher. I also learned some ineffective habits and made a lot
of extra work for myself. Many teachers follow a set curriculum every semester for
each class. I reinvented the wheel every semester, year after year. I would get bored
with a project and saw many different ways to teach the same information. I found it
stimulating to try new and different projects and approaches to teaching the standards.
But in retrospect, I think it would have been better to develop a curriculum, increase
the support materials, and build good solid lesson plans.
Without the watchful and helpful eye of an art mentor, I stopped making
formal lesson plans and did what came naturally to me. I ad-libbed. I had learned the
art of ad-libbing as a singer and it seemed like that was the way to teach. There were
some holes in my schooling and therefore in my teaching. I believe that you cannot
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give what you do not have, and I didn’t have many of the tricks I needed in my bag. I
would have benefitted greatly from working with another art teacher.
I spent my first year teaching next door to a performing arts teacher who had a
painting and drawing supplement, but she was very limited in what she knew and
taught. She was not a good role model for me because of her lack of subject matter
knowledge and her general dislike of kids. She did help, but her ability to mentor me
fully was not a possibility.
Over the past 10 years, it has been my experience that teachers have to fight
for programs, yet some teachers would rather focus solely upon the betterment of their
program alone. It is the lack of solidarity, funding, and public support that makes
teachers separate themselves.
Just prior to entering the MA program, I realized I needed my work to be more
meaningful and I knew it was time to make that commitment. I had been unable to do
this in 2004 when I had initially thought I would. Due to personal illness; my brother
David’s attempted suicide that ended in his becoming blind; my 23 year old nephew’s
untimely death; and finally, the most difficult, the one and half years helping my
oldest sister Sharon in her battle with ovarian cancer.
During the last nine months of Sharon’s life, I moved my sister from Paradise,
California to a convalescent hospital in Woodland, California. I lived in Woodland
and I could spend more time with her as she needed. The closer she got to succumbing
to the disease, the more important it was for me to be with her. I put my desires on
hold and helped my family. All of these events occurred in less than a three year time
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span. They had a tremendous impact on my mental and physical health. It was an
extremely difficult time in my life that nearly put me in the hospital. This being
considered, it is no wonder that it took me until now to attempt to achieve a Master’s
degree.
Quite by accident, or most fortuitously, I met a young substitute teacher at my
job site. She recognized my name and mentioned substitute teaching in my class. We
began talking and soon she revealed that she was in the final portion of the Master’s
program I had only dreamed about doing. I told her about my desire to attend and she
told me I needed to call right away, because this was going to be the last cohort. I was
shocked. I felt like I had missed my opportunity, but she convinced me to call Crystal
Olson, one of the professors, and later that day I was enrolled.
Thinking back, I could have easily said “no” and not made the phone call, but
it was my time and everything fell into place with no resistance. At that point in time, I
could have not known how much of an impact that decision would have on my life.
The effects of the Master’s program have been reverberating since the moment I spoke
with Crystal on the phone.
I am reminded of the first time I set foot on CSU Chico. I was in the process of
applying to attend college at Chico State and was on my way to an interview. I was
scared to death to even walk onto the university grounds, as if I did not have
permission to be there. I was accepted and enrolled at CSUC. During my first few
days of classes, I was very cautious and quiet, but that did not last. I found I was
exactly where I wanted to be and that I belonged there. This was a momentous event
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in my life. I was attending classes at a university in pursuit of my Bachelor’s degree
and loving every minute. I was so ecstatic I lived on the ceiling for a month.
Through the Masters’ program I gained the knowledge and support that aided
me in my decision to seek out a high school teaching position. In addition to a
teaching position better suited to my personality and teaching style, I had many other
professional goals. I wanted to teach high school, I achieved this goal within the first
year of entering the Master’s program. I wanted to develop a complete and full
curriculum and I am now in the process of collaborating with a 30 year veteran art
teacher. I wanted to learn to ask the questions that made kids curious and push the
envelope and over the past few weeks, I am beginning to see a change in my students
and my teaching style. I wanted to help students learn how to get excited about
learning and to help students become aware of their potential. I believe this is
beginning to take place as well. And finally, I wanted a personal challenge and to be
challenged in my profession.
On a more personal level, I wanted to be able to go into my art studio and
create art. I had been struggling with this issue ever since I graduated CSUC with my
Bachelor’s degree. When I began this program, I had a goal of becoming a more
productive and unobstructed artist. I knew I would be learning how to be a better
teacher and continuing my love of education, but I did not know that I would be
changing the way I approached art making and my life in the process.
In the past, I would sew and cook and paint and draw when the conditions
were perfect. I had to feel really good, my studio had to be clear, I had to have an idea
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or a plan, the sun and the moon had to be in the right phase, and anything else I could
use to keep myself from creating. This is no longer the case.
Currently, the things that keep me from working in my studio are necessary to
reach my other goals. I and writing my thesis, meeting with my art support group, in
collaboration working on a new curriculum, and any other number of tasks that are
essential to the completion of one goal and the beginnings of another. Of course, this
does not mean I do not create, it just means I have to prioritize and work according to
my needs and deadlines.
Even though I have many responsibilities, I continue to make time for art
making. Presently, I have two large paintings in process and I have sketches in my
studio for my next one. I have been in process of creating a cartoon character that
would be the central focus for a series of children’s artwork since 2003. This has come
to pass and I am very excited.
I have become a producing artist and I look forward to the cohort five group
show to be held in July 2010. I have already made a commitment to not only join the
VOX gallery artist’s co-op, but I have plans to submit my art work for other art shows
in other galleries. In addition, I signed up for my second No Rules Painting workshop.
I understand there will always be some sort of time constraints, due to the
nature of how I live my life, but that does not mean I have to stop creating until the
conditions are just right. I have spoken with too many artists who said they waited
until retirement to devote time to their passions, but I am not willing to wait. Life is
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about choices and prioritizing those choices. I choose to work towards balance and
maintaining the flow of my artistic creating.
Now that I better understand myself in relationship to my art making and
blocks, I have a plan to continue my growth. I need to be involved and participate in
art shows and art related events. Another part of my plan is to keep on developing
friendships with like minded artists. Lastly, I will go into my studio at least two times
per week and just sit there. I need to spend time being in my studio and let the images
flow over me. However, I do not think I will be sitting for very long. I not only have
every intention to challenge myself and grow as an artist, but I insist that my
intentions become my actions. I am excited about the many discoveries I will enjoy as
I release my ineffective behaviors and replace them with practices that promote
healthy results. I am an artist and I am finding my voice.
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