“The program director and I used to talk about
what was wrong with the world and we used to
say that if somebody could just hold these kids
hands sometimes…
…not drag them along, but just walk with
them…
…maybe a lot of them would find their way.”
– Mentor, Washington D.C., in Stand By Me
MENTOR
What does it mean to us?
Stand/Support =
Mentoring Relationship
The Picture =
Showcasing the Youth
Why?
“Humans seem happiest and able to
deploy their talents to the best
advantage when they are confident that,
standing behind them there are one or
more trusted persons who will come to
their aid should difficulties arise.”
– Bowlby, in Herrerra, et al., 2000
African Proverb
A person becomes a person
through other people.
MENTORING:
What you should know
1. The Foundation of Mentoring: The Relationship
2. Understanding The Youth
3. Understanding Your Role As A Mentor
4. Using The Program
THE RELATIONSHIP
Any impact a mentor
might have on the youth
will happen through the
relationship.
– Rhodes, J.E., 2002
THE RELATIONSHIP
THE RELATIONSHIP
The key that will open the
door to a relationship
between the mentor and
the youth is TRUST.
THE RELATIONSHIP
“Remember the Titans” clip:
(titans1)
THE RELATIONSHIP
Who do you trust?
Why do you trust them?
THE RELATIONSHIP
To build an effective relationship,
the youth and the mentor need:
• Mutual trust
• Respect
• To feel liked
• A connection
• Humor
• Commitment
• Understanding
THE RELATIONSHIP
Effective mentor relationships are:
• Nonjudgmental
• Nonthreatening
THE RELATIONSHIP
A mentor IS a:
• Friend
• Cheerleader
• Listener
• Self esteem booster
• Wise and trusted teacher
• Coach
• Link to other cultures, attitudes, and behaviors
• Tutor
• Role Model
– National Mentoring Partnership
THE RELATIONSHIP
A mentor is NOT a:
•
•
•
•
•
Savior
Parent
Therapist
Parole Officer
Cool Peer
THE RELATIONSHIP
"Big" clip here:
(big)
THE RELATIONSHIP
Relationships are
strengthened by EMPATHY
What is empathy?
Balance between thought and emotion:
Not becoming lost in the relationship, but also
not being too distant
THE RELATIONSHIP
Empathy does not mean
telling deep dark secrets or
solving the youth’s problems.
THE RELATIONSHIP
This relationship is not
about the youth
understanding you. The
youth should be the focus.
However, there should be
respect and caring on both
sides.
THE RELATIONSHIP
“Freak the Mighty” clip here:
(max caine2)
THE RELATIONSHIP
END OF RELATIONSHIP
SECTION
UNDERSTANDING
THE YOUTH
Before you can teach me,
you have to reach me.
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
Characteristics Of Youth
• Social
• Emotional
• Physical
• Mental
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
Choose “Sandlot”
(sandlot)
or “Simon Birch”
(simon birch) clip
here:
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
“Home Alone” clip here:
(home alone)
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
Social Issues Facing
Youth
• Family: Economics, Lifestyle, Single Parent
• Teen Pregnancy
• Gangs
• Drugs
• Pressure: To Fit In, To Succeed
• Eating Disorders
• Bullies
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
“Christmas Story” clip here:
(xmas 2)
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
Personal Issues
Facing Youth
• Depression
• Physical Appearance
• Suicide
• Losses
• Identity
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
FORTY ASSETS YOUTH NEED
TO SUCCEED
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
How can a mentor be an asset?
A mentor can help them connect
with other adults, especially their
parents.
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
How
Good mentors help the youth feel
worthy of love.
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
“Shrek” clip here:
(shrek2)
“The Looking
Glass Self”
Imagine looking
into a mirror that
only showed your
faults (real or
perceived). What
would you start to
believe about
yourself?
If a mentor views a
youth positively,
they can start to
change the youth’s
view of herself.
What type of mirror will you be for the
youth you mentor?
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
“Shrek” clip here:
(shrek3)
UNDERSTANDING THE YOUTH
END OF UNDERSTANDING
THE YOUTH SECTION
UNDERSTANDING YOUR
ROLE AS A MENTOR
“We may never achieve what
we want to accomplish if we
don’t have someone in our
life who has already found
what we are striving for.”
– Orel Hershiser
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
1000 students were asked to name their hero:
21% said no one!
4.7% = an actor
16% = a parent
3.2% = a teacher
15% = an athlete
0.7% = a business
leader
6.8% = a religious leader
6.4% = a musician
5.5% = a friend
0.3% = a politician
0.2% = an activist
The Mood of American Youth ( National Association of Secondary Schools 1996)
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
Who Was Your Role Model?
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
As a role model for your youth, there
is a factor that is very important to
be successful:
Not disappointing the youth.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
“Bagger Vance” clip here:
(bagger4)
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
Role Model
Mentors can be a role model of:
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
Qualities of a good mentor
1. Advocate
2. Communication
3. Provides new experiences
4. Consistency
5. Humor
6. Empathy
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
1. ADVOCATE
Advocate: intermediary,
speaker, motivator, adviser,
patron, vindicator.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
Advocate
"He tells my parents how I took every class
he taught. He tells them, "You have a special
boy here." Embarrassed, I look at my feet.
Before we leave, I hand my professor a
present, a tan briefcase with his initials on the
front. I bought this the day before at a
shopping mall. I didn't want to forget him.
Maybe I didn't want him to forget me."
Tuesday’s With Morrie - Mitch Albom
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
2. COMMUNICATION
Good communication is based
on listening.
We have two ears and one
mouth so we should listen
twice as much as we talk.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
How well do you listen?
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
Good Listening Skills
Empathy
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
Good Listening Skills
Requesting
Concreteness
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
Good Listening Skills
Owning Thoughts and
Feelings
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
3. PROVIDING NEW EXPERIENCES
Providing New Experiences
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
The Zone of Proximal Development
A psychological stretch:
It’s beyond what a young
person can do on his or
her own, but within range
of what he or she can do
with the help or guidance
of an adult.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
“Bagger Vance” clip here:
(bagger 3)
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
What new experiences
could you provide for your
youth:
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
4. HUMOR
You can turn painful situations
around through laughter. If you can
find humor in anything, you can
survive it.
– Bill Cosby
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
“Christmas Story” clip here:
(xmas story)
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
5. EMPATHY
•Not sympathy
•Balance
•Understand
•Restate
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
6. CONSISTENCY
Consistency
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
Specific qualities that youth want
in role models change. However,
what they always list as the most
important characteristic is
consistency.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
Make a habit of two things:
to help, or at least to do no
harm.
– Hippocrates
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
END OF UNDERSTANDING
YOUR ROLE AS A MENTOR
SECTION
USING THE PROGRAM
USING THE PROGRAM
YFP Goals
1. Improve academic performance
2. Increase interpersonal skills
3. Strengthen family relationships
USING THE PROGRAM
PROGRAM
COMPONENTS
1.Mentoring
2.4-H
3.Family Night Out
USING THE PROGRAM
Expectations/Commitments
1. Meet once a week
2. Family Night Out - once a month
3. 4-H - once a month
4. Monthly reporting
5. Monthly training sessions
USING THE PROGRAM
YFP Tools
1. Mentor Handbook
2. Youth Manual/Mentor Companion
3. Connect Curriculum
4. Bi-monthly activities planned by
YFP staff
5. 4-H materials for projects
USING THE PROGRAM
Your Protection
1. Insurance during, to and from all YFP
activities (secondary liability)
2. Reimbursement for mileage when
necessary
3. Reimbursement for out of pocket
expenses (check with Site Coordinator)
4. Additional training
5. Continual staff support
USING THE PROGRAM
Legal & Liability Issues
1.
2.
3.
4.
Confidentiality
Don’t take the youth to your home
Respect your family’s values and privacy
Notify parents and seek their permission for each
activity or interaction
5. Be wise in planning activities
6. Exercise caution
7. Report the suspicion of the following:
-abuse
-threat of suicide
-threat of homicide or threat to another
USING THE PROGRAM
Reports
1. Internet or hardcopy monthly
report of time spent with youth
2. Yearly progress evaluation
USING THE PROGRAM
Mentor Goals
1. Meet on a regular basis once a week for
approximately one year.
2. Provide asset specific activities for each visit.
3. Help youth complete at least one 4-H project
that has county fair involvement.
4. Bring youth to the quarterly service projects.
5. Have youth and family attend monthly FNO.
6. Become fully trained by attending monthly
training sessions.
USING THE PROGRAM
Who are your staff?
1. County agent:
2. Site coordinator:
3. Assistant site coordinator:
USING THE PROGRAM
END OF USING THE PROGRAM
SECTION