RECOVERING POTENTIAL
A Thesis
Presented to the faculty of the Department of Art
California State University, Sacramento
Submitted in partial satisfaction of
the requirements for the degree of
MASTER OF ARTS
in
Art Studio
by
Laura Lani DeAngelis
SPRING
2012
RECOVERING POTENTIAL
A Thesis
by
Laura Lani DeAngelis
Approved by:
__________________________________, Committee Chair
Rachel Clarke, M.F.A.
__________________________________, Second Reader
Andrew Connelly, M.F.A
____________________________
Date
ii
Student: Laura Lani DeAngelis
I certify that this student has met the requirements for format contained in the University
format manual, and that this thesis is suitable for shelving in the Library and credit is to
be awarded for the thesis.
__________________________, Graduate Coordinator ___________________
Andrew Connelly, M.F.A.
Date
Department of Art
iii
Abstract
of
RECOVERING POTENTIAL
by
Laura Lani DeAngelis
Statement of Problem
Art has been the catalyst to an existential investigation into how I exist in the world while
seeking truth and meaning. My main concern regarding higher education was how the
work would change, would I become a better artist and would my intentions shift
significantly? Did the future hold some kind of resolve, offering myself and the work
greater meaning?
Sources of Data
Two years of practicing studio art and being in the academic art world; unveiled psychic
unrest; tests of mental strength and capacity; existing in a world of utter confusion and
freedom.
Conclusions Reached
I’ve returned to where I started, yet with a conversion of consciousness. I don’t know
what a “better” artist is, however, my work holds greater meaning. It seems that the strife
somehow elicits fulfillment, while the successes and failures bring forth a dialogue that
assist further development and add value to both the work and my person; offering
potential for meaning. Higher education is humanizing, changing the work through a
steady process of reduction, getting it closer to the essence of my intent. But concepts
surrounding irresolution create the work, suggesting resolve to be unattainable.
_______________________, Committee Chair
Rachel Clarke, M.F.A.
_______________________
Date
iv
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Page
List of Figures…………………………………………………………………...........vii
Chapter
INTRODUCTION.....………………………………………………...…………….….1
IGNORAMUS…….. ....…………………………………………………………….…2
PSYCHIC UNREST ..............................................................................................……5
SHAME..........................................................................................................................7
BEING………………………………………………………………………………..10
CONCLUSION……………………………………………………………………….13
Bibliography…………………………………………………………………………..23
vi
LIST OF FIGURES
Figure
Page
1.
Untitled, 2010, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph……….…...…..………….14
2.
Untitled, 2010, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph……...................................14
3.
Untitled, 2010, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph …………………………..15
4.
Untitled, 2010, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph ……………………..……15
5.
The Cold War, 1999, Sandy Skoglund, color photograph,
www.sandyskoglund.com (accessed on 5/1/12)..................................................16
6.
Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph..………………………….16
7.
Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph …………………….…….17
8.
Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph …….………………….…17
9.
Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph .………………………….18
10.
Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph ………………..................18
11.
Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph .…………….....................19
12.
Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph ……….……………...…..19
13.
Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph ….………….....................20
14.
Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph …......................................20
15.
Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph...........................................21
16.
One, 2012, Laura DeAngelis, video still..……………………………….……..21
17.
Two, 2012, Laura DeAngelis, video still..………………………………….…..22
18.
Three, 2012, Laura DeAngelis, video still..……………………….....................22
vii
1
INTRODUCTION
The empty frame elicits a moment of potential. As scattered thoughts struggle to
gather themselves in an early attempt at composure, ambient sounds merge into a sea of
abstraction. Perception between body and surrounding elements diminish to intangibility
as if trapped in a void of uncertainty. A composition is somehow made, though only as
one susceptible to disruption.
This inward reflection is subjective and selfish. Embodiment is blinding, fighting
the undercurrent of paradox while striving to justify truth. Mere existence is abandoned
and sought again, masked by the façade of artificial realities. Reduced to a breath,
balance contends with desire and discipline.
Finally immersed in a state of presence, the body relinquishes control to nature’s
transience. The strife itself sheds a residue of self-worth, though one must give something
of oneself to attain it. Now bearing the weight of experience, potential is once again
restored.
This is where I begin. This is where I will end.
2
IGNORAMUS
In regards to the photographer, a world is born from a set of hands and eyes. My
investigations began in a small empty studio with a slanted ceiling, limiting full use of the
space. A decent amount of wall and floor lent themselves to possibility, begging for a
seed to be planted. In response, the conundrum with intent started: How do I speak to
something I know nothing about? All I knew of this existence was that of my own body,
of self, which I used as a vehicle to communicate something of subjective experience. I
was interested in how the figure interacted in space.
After absorbing the space, it was ego that took over, merely aiming to make a
strong impression on the audience. It seemed my interest was in eliciting an immediate
response from the viewer, in their reaction to viewing something strange, dream-like or
absurd. With expectations high, I decided to make self-portraits that reflected the
complexities of existence through colorful and startling tableaus (Figures 1-4). In
retrospect, I wonder if I was simply trying to prove something to myself and confirm my
person as artist.
Surges of ambition lead me to a complete transformation of the studio,
photographing my body configured differently in space while analyzing my reaction to
the shifting props and environment. Painting everything in sight, I began to think more
about color choices as glimpses of Sandy Skoglund photographs came to mind. Her
fantastical interiors communicated ideas of chaotic realities, something I too was very
interested in. With incredible attention to detail and humorous use of artificial materials
(Figure 5), Skoglund’s work urged me to think more about the possibilities of the
3
controlled studio environment. Perhaps it was the knowledge of her work that influenced
me to paint everything, and I was simply channeling an artist whose work I adored.
Considering the potential for weak reproductions, I had to avoid the risk of being too
derivative of another artist.
Questions regarding intent piled on as layers of paint accumulated on the floor,
walls and various props. The work had made progress as the dialogue trailed behind. The
surface quality of the photographs was unintentionally being reduced as the
monochromatic space threatened to flatten out, while the literal read of painted surface
created a barrier in need of destruction. As the complexity of understanding my own
work increased, I struggled towards resolve.
I began deconstructing process and formal choices of image composition while
making short rants in my sketchbook attributing dreams as the inspiration with
intervention taking over image production; the result a visual response to my psyche.
Through seemingly weak attempts to creating a dialogue, I realized I was trying to defend
something I knew nothing about. It appeared I was interested in maintaining the notion
that the work speaks for itself.
I found it valuable to research the writings and interviews of other artists, as there
was a common vocabulary, a conversation in progress. For years, I had maintained a salty
impression of how artists spoke about their work. It seemed strong work was blatantly
obvious and never required pretentious analysis of what it really meant. I deemed that
artists made up bullshit about the work after the fact. Yet there I was, fighting to establish
that very thing. What a hypocrite.
4
As research progressed, re-evaluation of my choices within the work led to
important discoveries. Becoming more self-conscious of my image making process, I
attempted to look objectively at the performative aspect of the work. These actions
seemed absurd, such as running back and forth under a slanted ceiling while adorned in a
paint-covered prom dress, only to proceed in smashing coffee mugs with a hammer and
stuffing yarn into my mouth. Ignorant of the process itself, I had been blind to a key
ingredient of myself as artist.
Attempting a more objective approach to viewing the work, the completely
painted interiors began to speak to façade, alluding to a psychological element. Mental
space is constantly changing, unable to sustain itself longer than a fraction of time; the
painted interiors began to convey this space as they made shifts in color. There were other
studies developing such as that of various relationships between order vs. chaos and
control vs. chance, revealing the significance of every choice made and only requiring I
acknowledge it. After finally gaining some momentum, it was already time to move the
work forward.
5
PSYCHIC UNREST
How does one paint a picture of the chaos known as subjective experience?
Perhaps we can ask the woman said to be the last person on earth from Wittgenstein’s
Mistress, a novel by David Markson that haunted me as I started work towards my
second series of self-portraits (Figures 6-10). The chapters ran into each other as the lone
voice of the woman rambled through endless pages of colliding statements. Doubtless,
her chaotic internal dialogue painted a disturbing image of this aforementioned
experience, making a strange but lasting impression on me.
My work was undergoing transition and I felt lost between two worlds. Realizing
I was nothing but a speck of dust, I sought balance within a cloud of uncertainty. Anxiety
soon announced itself as an integral part to my being, with doubt as a leading voice of
thought. My previous work had started to move into the realm of the obscured figure,
lacking identity while suggesting absurd allegories of self-mocking. Anxiety encouraged
the need to obscure the figure even more as my self-search plunged towards heightened
absurdity.
Fighting urges to work outside of my increasingly claustrophobic studio, I
contemplated ways to reduce the elements comprising composition. It was important to
cover the wall and floor space, a desire to confuse space I had maintained from the
painted tableaus of my previous work. Thinking about image surface and pictoral space, I
found excitement in camouflaged moments of tension or when the perceived surface of
the image was reduced or flattened. This was the tension I wanted in the new work, as it
was a direct reflection of the ambivalence I felt.
6
Maintaining a psychological interest, my attention swayed ever closer to that of
the absurd. It was then that I discovered the photographs of Roger Ballen, whose
flattened images suggested a confrontation that managed to get inside the existential
disturbia most try to avoid. The black and white photographs were unsettling and
obscure, as I gained interest in the formal aspects of work from his book Boarding House.
His approach to making photographs was unlike any other photographer I had seen as
they allowed me to understand the image as made up by objects, or forms. There was a
psychological charge to Ballen’s work that I sought in my own, which in turn influenced
me to think more about object and figure configuration.
As I began the work, I took into account the significance of formal relationships
to varying states of mind, as if they could be arranged by form. A strong interest in
patterning also emerged as I juxtaposed layers to suggest doubt and create tension,
attempting to dissolve the figure in space. The work was shifting from the narrative
image closer to that of abstraction, demanding a different kind of attention. As I
attempted to displace my body through the uncanny, psychic unrest rose to the surface.
However, moments of success are accompanied by those of failure.
At first, it was hard for me to see my work as an evolution of thought. The
commonalities were muted and awaiting reflection, as I was far too distracted with
experimentation. Attempting towards cohesion, I somehow tangled fashion and abjection,
suggesting an aesthetic and ideology I did not intend. However, there was continuity
within the formal and figurative aspects as I strove to understand self. All work seeks
resolve. I was slowly discovering resolve, which came in the form of new work.
7
SHAME
The claustrophobia of the studio was overwhelming at this point and I had to get
out. Ironically, the first image I made resulted in what seemed to be the inverse of my
studio work (Figure 11). Completely concealed and immersed in an open landscape, my
body had transformed into a red cocoon, recalling the ghost of Ana Mendieta. Thinking
back to previous work, there was a clear evolution towards the absence of my physical
body. In regards to wrapping my body in crepe paper, this was not a feat I could achieve
alone. The work required assistance from other people, demanding consideration towards
collaborators. My husband was an easy choice on the first attempt; however, knowledge
of that intimate and somewhat terrifying experience confirmed it needed more thought.
After narrowing my options, I ended up at the roots of where it all began, where the
shaping took place, with my family. It was at this point that I began to ponder the notion
of shame as a hypothesis.
Collaborating with family was difficult, especially considering the geographic
differences. The process developed as each family member was instructed to wrap me at
different times and locations over the span of several months, in sites specific to our
histories together. After the wrapping process, which varied in style from person to
person, they would then take on the role of capturing the image (Figures 12-15).
Through stepping away from controlling every detail behind the camera, I became more
conscious of the narratives involved in the process of composing a shared experience.
In thinking about this notion of shame, I again referred back to my previous work
and the repeating elements that spoke to the psychological element. One thing that stuck
8
out was the repeated act of concealing my face, along with other objects and walls within
my environment. In reference to shame, I associated concealment with hiding and
embarrassment, thinking about what could reveal itself in concealing my body entirely.
The sense of urgency in being contained heightened, for if I moved, the paper would
move and destroy the form. After the first image was made and revealed to me, I was
astounded at how obscure and abstract the figure was. It became something else entirely,
acknowledging an influence from abstraction while at the same time hinting at a grander
narrative that involved the interactive process of working with another person.
Many things were realized as the images were made. I knew because my selfimage was obscured, I had to maintain a consistency within them that spoke to the idea of
identifying the figure as the same thing within the varying environments. The color red
became important in pronouncing that identification; not only acknowledging that it is the
same figure throughout, but also to isolate itself within or against an environment. The
color red also embodies the many emotions associated with it, while containing and
isolating the figure to reveal something of itself. The reference to façade appeared again
with the wrapped figure, while the scale of the images varied from small and intimate to
large and prominent. It was important to identify the work in a varying manner, as each
familial relationship played a different and important role.
As the work evolved, it maintained a subjective approach to its development and
attempted to compose a shared experience with loved ones while adhering to a personal
concept. It was through the act of constructing a shared experience that the importance of
the greater narrative was pronounced, as it highlighted details encompassed throughout
9
human interaction and personal relationships. This greater narrative came to embody
what was missing from the images alone. Including text captions with the images enabled
the work to communicate at a more personal level to an audience. While the work
stemmed from a subjective place, human relationships are universal and it was important
to give the viewer a new experience in response to the work. Through my insistence on
including those closest to me in the art making process, it seemed the work could have
been intended for them.
Sometimes I question my motives, wondering if I felt the need to include family
for some kind of acceptance of my decision to pursue art, or if it was intended to build on
my personal relationships, giving me closure. Doubts remain as to whether these
investigations were able to resolve my intent. Regardless, it was something I needed to
pursue for myself.
10
BEING
Heightened sensitivity to my surroundings was pivotal to the wrapped series, yet
was absent in the images themselves. The work had to progress as I felt obliged to
continue investigating the wrapped form. I made various attempts to communicate more
of the actual experience through the photographs, supplying instructions to participants
and involving another human figure to interact with the wrapped one. There was a
psychological tension establishing, but the work was not progressing as I thought it
should. How could I communicate what was happening in the present moment through a
photograph if the image was merely a momentary reflection of the past? I had been urged
previously to think about time-based media but put it off to the side, having felt insecure
working with a new medium. However, my current predicament was begging me try
something new.
Fighting the desire to make another still image, I set out with the lone purpose of
making a video. My husband wrapped me once again as I realized maintaining my
posture would present a new challenge with a time-based medium. The still images had
required less time, with the process ending after a few clicks of the shutter. However,
endurance came to the forefront with video as it demanded longer stretches of time and
heightened the importance of balance and composure. The paper surrounding me
threatened to break with each breath as I struggled to hold the pose. It was an extremely
meditative process, trying to maintain oneself in an incredibly vulnerable state.
When I reviewed the video, the stillness of the wrapped form against the naturally
moving landscape struck me. I had become the audience to an experience I missed
11
completely, reliving a present moment I had been literally blinded to. Unthinking my
decisions yet again, I questioned the need to be wrapped. My intent with the wrapped
form was to derive the essence of self through absence, but it lacked a true reflection of
my person as human. Perhaps it was time to stop hiding. It was then I realized the
stillness of the figure alone was enough to communicate the sense of absence I sought.
The work has evolved as a reversal of thought, constantly removing elements and
attempting to get closer to an underlying truth. The philosophy of Martin Heidegger has
been extremely influential in regards to my understanding of existence. Early in my
academic career I claimed his notion of Dasein, which I defined simply to be, as essential
towards how I exist in the world. It was a notion that seemed to blur the complexity of
existence with a simple, sobering concept: to merely exist.
Returning to the work, I was urged yet again to reduce it even more. I didn’t need
props, paint or crepe paper to communicate something of how I am. Was it not enough to
simply be there, dwelling in time and space? It seemed risky to do something so simple,
especially considering the previous expectations of my art. For too long I considered the
importance of aesthetics as highly significant, overlooking the seemingly banal and the
potential it held. With expectations reduced to simply that of faith in my own being, I was
relieved of the mental anguish I had prioritized as the intent to my art for so long. I had to
let go in order to receive.
My work has always concerned the relationship of my body to space. As I set out
to work with nothing but the camera and myself, I thought again about the stillness of the
wrapped figure against the moving landscape. It seemed simply locking my body into an
12
action or non-action as a self-imposed assignment could function in a similar way
(Figures 16-18). Though I was no longer trying to obscure or conceal my body, I was still
interested in my role as part of the audience and turned my back to the camera as a video
was made. This helped achieve the absence I spoke to earlier, especially when the figure
stood still. Space and time overwhelm the subject, weaving around it. The meditative
state of mind is still present, offering the viewer to become part of a shared subjectivity.
As the work commenced in making itself, a dialogue of various relationships
flowered which explored restraint and freedom; presence and absence; desire and
discipline; control and chance; subjective and objective experience. A five-minute length
for each work provided an ample window of opportunity for chance happenings, as the
distance between the viewer and subject presented itself as a space susceptible to
interruptions. Having given up complete control to everything other than my own body, I
was blind to nature’s voice in the process; receiving it later as a gift when first viewing a
piece.
The work finally came closer to the experience I sought, communicating
transience through movement and sound, moving in waves of natural tension. Nature was
guiding the work as my body imposed on its space. It seemed the complexity I strove for
previously in art making could be embodied through simplicity. From this simplicity, I
am back to a beginning, only this time supplied with the meaningful residue of
experience.
13
CONCLUSION
Understanding my work as an artist is analogous to understanding my existence as
human. There are no simple answers or conclusions to be drawn. There are only the
questions that drive experience through the dense fog of uncertainty. Resolve seems to
come in the form of irresolution, yet important questions hold potential for resonance and
meaning.
What I once knew of art making has been transformed through unthinking.
Reconsideration has allowed me to confirm my voice and return to the essence of my
intent; an essence of being that had been there all along. All it required of me was to
acknowledge its presence. Through an evolution of thought, the work has progressed and
strengthened, allowing me to better understand what it is to be human. In that regard, I
have acquired a better knowledge of who I am as an artist.
It is critical to remain conscious of our own identities in relationship to this
constantly changing world, while staying in touch with our thoughts and uncovering our
true potential. Dwelling in a state of transience, we are constantly in flux. So, the
question remains: What next? Having come full circle, there are no finite conclusions to
be drawn. The work is unfinished, so long as I exist.
14
FIGURES
Figure 1. Untitled, 2010, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
Figure 2. Untitled, 2010, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
15
Figure 3. Untitled, 2010, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
Figure 4. Untitled, 2010, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
16
Figure 5. The Cold War, 1999, Sandy Skoglund, color photograph,
www.sandyskoglund.com (accessed on 5/1/12).
Figure 6. Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
17
Figure 7. Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
Figure 8. Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
18
Figure 9. Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
Figure 10. Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
19
Figure 11. Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
Figure 12. Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
20
Figure 13. Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
Figure 14. Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
21
Figure 15. Untitled, 2011, Laura DeAngelis, color photograph
Figure 16. One, 2012, Laura DeAngelis, video still
22
Figure 17. Two, 2012, Laura DeAngelis, video still
Figure 18. Three, 2012, Laura DeAngelis, video still
23
BIBLIOGRAPHY
Markson, David. Wittgenstein’s Mistress. London: Dalkey Archive Press, 1988.
Heidegger, Martin. Poetry, Language, Thought. New York: HarperCollins, 2001.
Ballen, Roger. Boarding House. London: Phaidon Press, 2009.