Spring 2013:Watching, Waiting, Praying...A Journey to the Papal Conclave.
By Craig Smith '04.
You know, each time I pray I always begin with the words, “Lead me, Lord.” I hope for
and seek God’s guidance in the big picture of my life but also in the little moments within
the journey of each day. I never in my wildest dreams would have expected that very
prayer to lead me somewhere physically, to an actual place. But lead me it did, to
Vatican City for the papal conclave and the election of a new pope. When asked by many
why I traveled all the way to Rome, by myself, for this historic event I often replied, “To
pray. To hopefully and joyfully pray for the future of our Church.” It just felt like the
place for me to be, in that place at that moment in time.
I spent most of two whole days in St. Peter’s square that week. Watching, waiting,
praying. Each time smoke appeared, it was as if the entire crowd collectively stopped
breathing. Like time just stood still. Is it white? Are there bells ringing? Do we have a
new pope? It was that third, charming time that it actually happened and the crowd
thundered with cheers, laughter and jubilation. There is nothing like it. Those minutes,
while we were waiting to greet our new pontiff, seemed like an eternity. And when
Cardinal Bergoglio’s name was said and his choice to be called Francis announced, there
was chaos, faithful chaos. A new continent? A new name? A new order? Even before he
stepped out onto that balcony, this pope was already a trailblazer.
The most profound and peaceful moment came as our Holy Father asked us, those
present and the faithful throughout the entire world, to pray for him. Me, Craig Smith?
Pray for you, Pope Francis? I recall the truest sense of hope as the theme of my prayer,
asking the Holy Spirit to guide Pope Francis and our church to be filled with compassion,
peace, welcome and love. The entire place of well over 100,000 people was silent in
prayer. And then after, to receive the papal blessing marked by the sign of our faith, our
triune God, I had never had an emotion like that. It was bigger than happiness, brighter
than joy, deeper than peace.
Pope Francis is someone who embodies humility with a holiness that inspires. He is not
“holier than thou” but “holier because of thou.” Whoever “thou” is. But most explicitly
he cares for and is truly WITH the poor.
You know, desire changes everything. In my years, I have (unfortunately, but admittedly)
begrudgingly volunteered at soup kitchens, food pantries and homeless shelters. I never
really enjoyed it. But a couple weeks ago, just after returning from Rome, I worked at the
soup kitchen at my parish in New York City. My entire perspective had been changed by
the words and example of our Holy Father. I could so clearly (and desired to)
acknowledge God's presence within the guests of the kitchen. If I ever doubted it, I just
took a moment, clasped my hands in prayer and bowed to the holiness within the person I
was serving.
My pilgrimage to Rome has helped me experience God in a new way. It was one in
which I witnessed all that is good, all that is God, and I am eternally grateful. Never in
my wildest dreams could I have hoped for such an experience. I think sometimes God
dreams even bigger dreams for us than we could ever dream for ourselves.
To tell you the truth, even after all of these years I think I sometimes doubted God in my
life because I felt unworthy, unholy or undeserving. But everything has changed. I am
certain now, more than ever, of God's presence in my life, the life of others and the life of
our church. Not because I am or we are more holy, more worthy or more deserving.
Everything has changed because I am now more willing to acknowledge and receive the
love of God.
Everything has changed.
I am watching each day to see how Pope Francis will show us a new way to be for and
with Christ in our world.
Amen.