Developing a better Psychology essay:
Focus and coherence:
Try again. Your response needs to include justification for its
conclusions through logic, examples, and illustrative language. Also
make sure that you have a firm understanding of the theories and
concepts you are referencing.
Focus and Coherence, Score 1
Your essay received a 1 in the area of Focus and Coherence. Your
response provides some justification for your conclusions and
demonstrates only a weak understanding of psychology.
To improve
your essay, consider the following:
• Read and re-read the prompt to make sure you understand what it is
asking.
•
• Ensure that your essay uses referenced theories, concepts and other
source materials to justify conclusions.
•
• VIDEO: Revising the paragraph: Coherence
◦
For example, if the prompt question asks to define "mental set",
a response should contain an accurate definition of mental
set as well as how it influences human learning and decision
making.
• If additional theories and concepts are used, ensure that they
accurately and effectively support main and supporting ideas of
essay.
◦
Use well-chosen explanations, details and examples that
indicate your understanding of how psychological theories
and concepts relate to one another. For example, when
discussing sleep cycles, indicate how disruption of the
cycles can cause physical as well as mental health issues.
• Ensure that essay follows a logical path; does it make sense to the
reader?
Maintain focus in your writing. Remove irrelevant and unclear
details and examples that will be distracting and confusing
to the reader. Refrain from using anecdotal information and
use factual information.
• Does your essay show a strong command and understanding of
psychology?
◦
Make use of the referenced theories, concepts or materials to
expand your answer and go beyond what is predictable to
justify your conclusions. Do not only state a theory or
concept, define it and give details.
◦
Organization:
Good try, but your essay lacks organization which interferes with the
reader’s understanding of your point of view. Check to make sure that
you include transitions connecting concepts to help the reader follow
your essay and that you’ve included both an effective introduction and
conclusion.
Organization, Score 2
Your essay received a score of 2 in the area of Organization. Your
response was not well organized and impeded the readers' ability to
follow your answer. The introduction and conclusion were
inadequate.
To improve your essay, consider the following:
• Read and re-read the prompt question to ensure that you know what
it is asking.
• Construct a clear, main idea as to how you will answer what the
prompt is asking. This is your thesis and will help create a logical
flow to the response.
◦
Enlist the use of an organizational plan to define the direction of
your essay.
Examples of organizational plans: Compare and
Contrast; first state the cause, and then the effect.
Problem and solution order: first describe the problem,
and then the solution.
General to specific or specific to general: Make a
general statement, and then support it with specific
◦
•
◦
◦
◦
•
◦
•
◦
◦
•
◦
details and examples or give specific details and
examples that lead to a general concluding statement.
VIDEO: Indicate that essays can be organized in different ways
Create an introduction that incorporates referenced theories, concepts
and materials to gain the attention of the reader.
VIDEO: Essay introduction
For example, if the prompt question refers to the disruption of
the sleep cycle and its effects on health, the introduction
should contain a statement referring to this theory.
Using the phrase, " In this essay I will be discussing. . .", is a good
place to begin.
Use effective transitions to maintain your organizational plan. Create
sentences that connect one paragraph's ideas to the next.
For example, if discussing the formation of a mental set, a
transition to the next idea may be: "Once mental sets are
formed they may be difficult to change. . ."
End with a closing thought that summarizes your essay.
VIDEO: Writing a conclusion (Part I)
Clearly state this conclusion so your intent is obvious. Don't
hesitate to use the phrase, "in conclusion".
Restate your main idea that identifies referenced theories, concepts
and materials.
For example, a conclusion may look like this: In conclusion,
according to the theory, not only is your physical health at
risk when your sleep is disrupted, your mental health can be
as well."
Development of ideas:
Try again. Your response fails to compare and contrast each of the
concepts. To improve your essay, review each of the concepts and make
sure that you compare and contrast each correctly.
Development of Ideas, Score 1
Consider the following to improve your essay in regard to
Development of Ideas:
• Read and re-read the prompt and ensure that you completely
understand what it is asking.
•
• Construct a clear, main idea as to how you will answer what the
prompt is asking.
◦
For example, if the prompt question asks how a mental set
might have played a role in a student's poor grades, then the
response should center on the concept of mental set.
◦
VIDEO: The Topic Sentence: Writing the topic sentence
• Develop your strongest point using the referenced theory, concept,
book, article or video contained in the prompt to support your
main idea.
◦
For example, if the prompt question asks to describe a typical
night's sleep cycle, a response should contain all 5 stages of
sleep with descriptions of each stage.
◦
VIDEO: Thesis Statement
• Develop secondary points to support your main idea through use of
referenced material. Other theories or materials can be used
which lend credibility to main idea.
◦
For example, if discussing the importance of the sleep cycles
indicate how the disruption of the cycles can lead to
physical as well as mental health issues.
◦
VIDEO: Revising the paragraph: Unity
• Ensure that your details connect to your ideas, both main and
supporting.
◦
To determine if a supporting detail is effective, try explaining
why the detail is important or how it connects to the main
idea or topic sentence. The phrase this is important because
will tell a reader clearly that you are attempting to show
how information connects to your main idea.
• Identify examples and/or criticisms if asked in prompt.
•
• Read your essay, does it correctly answer the prompt in a clear and
concise manner using referenced materials?
◦
VIDEO: Revising checklist
Voice:
Good try, but your writing contains an uneven, or even artificial, tone.
Remember that it’s important to consider your audience in your
response. To improve your essay, vary your word choice and sentence
structure, avoid using jargon and make sure that your essay is lively and
reflects that you are engaged in the topic.
Voice, Score 2
Your essay received a Voice score of 2. Your response had an artificial or
uneven tone. Your word choices overall were appropriate, but lacked
range for a psychological paper.
To improve your score, consider the
following:
• Use a tone that is appropriate for a psychological paper.
◦
Re-read the prompt, and then ask yourself how you will address
the topic.
◦
Write your essay with your audience in mind-who is this paper
for?
◦
Do not use a tone that is too casual or informal.
For example, do not use the same casual tone you would
use with peers when speaking to them.
Use words you know, but do not use slang.
For example: Anxiety can be a pain to live with.
Instead, try this: Anxiety can be difficult to
manage.
Make sure you are not using phrases and words
commonly used in emails and texts.
Make sure to expand your vocabulary in an appropriate
manner.
◦
VIDEO: Prewriting: Planning
• Use a tone that gets the reader's attention.
◦
Read your essay aloud to hear the tone of your writing.
◦
Ensure that you have sufficiently varied your sentence
beginnings, and avoided ineffective repetitive words and
phrases.
For example start sentences with a variety, such as:
◦
•
◦
◦
◦
◦
According to, In regard to, In reference to.
VIDEO: Varying Sentences
Create a voice in your essay.
Show you are interested in and understand the topic.
Make sure you are supporting your ideas with enough details
and examples to demonstrate that you have knowledge
about the topic that you are writing about.
Discuss why the topic is important or meaningful to the reader
or other people.
VIDEO: Examples and Details
Conventions:
Good try, but your response contains a substantial number of errors in
grammar, spelling, punctuation, and/or word choice. These errors
interfere with the reader’s understanding of your response. To improve
your essay, thoroughly proofread your response, add variety in your
sentence structure, and review your basic writing conventions.
Conventions, Score 2
Your response received a Conventions score of 2. It demonstrated some
basic control of conventions, but overall it was inconsistent and did not
use a variety of conventions. There were a substantial number of errors
in grammar, spelling, punctuation and sentence construction that made
it difficult for the reader to understand.
Conventions are the ways we use language, whether spoken or written
and include grammar, punctuation and how sentences are constructed.
To improve your score consider the following:
• Use the spell check tool to correct any mistakes.
• Capitalize your words correctly
• For example:
◦
Capitalize the first word of every sentence.
◦
Capitalize I.
When I arrived to class, I was early.
◦
Capitalize proper names.
• Make sure that your punctuation is correct.
◦
End each sentence with a period.
VIDEO: Period
◦
Use internal punctuations correctly.
For example, to separate three or more words;
He cleaned his car, his boat, and his motorcycle.
VIDEO: Commas
◦
Use apostrophes correctly.
Apostrophes can form contractions.
For example, did not, becomes didn't.
VIDEO: Apostrophes
• Check grammar and usage.
◦
Make your subjects and verbs agree in number.
For example:
Incorrect: One of the cookies are missing.
Correct: One of the cookies is missing.
VIDEO: Subject-Verb agreement
◦
Make sure verb tenses are consistent.
For example:
Incorrect: Yesterday during class, the students talk
too much.
Correct: Yesterday during class, the students
talked too much.
VIDEO: Use the past tense correctly
Use pronouns correctly in your sentences.
For example:
Incorrect: A snob is a person who thinks they
are better than everyone else.
Correct: A snob is a person who thinks he or
she is better than everyone else.
VIDEO: Pronoun-Antecedent Agreement
Use adjectives and adverbs correctly.
Adjectives modify or describe nouns.
For example: The sunset was colorful.
VIDEO: Modifiers
Adverbs modify or describe verbs, adjectives or
other adverbs.
For example: The sunset shone colorfully.
VIDEO: Modifiers
Form plurals correctly.
Review the rules for adding -s, -es, and ies.
One coin-many coins.
One glove-many gloves.
One cry-many cries.
VIDEO: Nouns
Make sure you are not confusing words.
For example:
Their-belongs to them, they're-they are,
there-location
Could of should be could have.
VIDEO: Easily confused words
Ensure that you have created a sentence that is hard to
understand.
For example:
Incorrect: Burning in the oven, John smelled
the cookies.
Correct: John smelled the cookies burning in
the oven.
VIDEO: Misplaced Modifiers
Vague adjectives:
Vague adjectives in your writing are highlighted below. Look at the
highlighted words and consider what stronger words you could use.
Vague adjectives such as good, real, or interesting can weaken your
writing. Use strong, precise words, such as skillful, authentic, or
insightful, to communicate your ideas accurately.
Repeated words:
Repeated words in your writing are highlighted below.
Repeating words and phrases can help to emphasize a key argument or
idea. However, if this is not your intention, use a variety of words and
phrases to make your meaning clear and keep your language
interesting.
Review the highlighted words and decide if you need to revise some
words.
Pronouns and Antecedents:
A pronoun is a word that takes the place of a noun or other pronoun. An
antecedent is the word that a pronoun replaces or refers to. In the
sentences, Sue studied for the test. She wanted to receive a top score,
the pronoun she refers to the antecedent Sue. Notice that the pronoun
agrees in number, person, and gender with its antecedent.
Look below at the highlighted pronouns in your writing and check for
agreement between pronouns and their antecedents.
Spelling:
Spelling errors can change the meaning of a sentence and make it
difficult for readers to understand your writing. Readers will find your
response to literature more authoritative if it is free of spelling errors.
Review the words in red below and correct any misspellings. You should
also review your writing to check for use of the wrong word. Use a
dictionary to look up words you are unsure of.
Grammar:
Grammatical errors can change the meaning of a sentence and make it
difficult for readers to understand your writing. This could make your
analysis less effective.
Review the words in red below and decide if you need to correct errors
in grammar, usage, or mechanics. You should also review your writing
carefully to check for errors that may not have been detected.
Repeated ideas:
Some key phrases should appear more than once in your writing to
demonstrate how your points are related to each other and to your
thesis statement. However, repeating sentences that contain the same
information will not help to develop your thesis.
Read the highlighted areas and decide if you need to delete some
repeated ideas.