“So Do You Mean?”
An Exercise to Promote Understanding
Purpose:
This exercise helps participants to realize that words are symbols which carry cultural and
individual meaning for people. It stresses how important it is to really listen and ask for
clarification of meaning. This exercise also stresses the communication skills of presence
(being fully present) and resonance (hearing with your heart).
Exercise:
Ask the class to divide up into small groups of four. Ask one person to make what they
believe is a true statement. (You can ask the class to make a true statement about a particular
subject or let them determine their own.) The group is to respond to the speaker with
statements that begin with, “So do you mean?” For example:
True statement: “I think it’s hot in here.”
Group member: “So do you mean you are uncomfortable?”
“Yes.”
Group member: “So do you mean that I should be hot too?”
“No.”
The group is to get five yeses. If the group cannot, then the speaker will have to explain
what was meant. Once the first person in the group has received the five yeses, the group
can select another person to be the speaker. Continue with this exercise until everyone has
had a turn.
Post Exercise:
Ask the group to talk about this experience. What did they learn? What surprised them about
the experience?
This exercise is an excellent way to help small groups connect interpersonally and for
individual group members to feel understood and welcomed.
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This exercise is adapted from Virginia Satir’s The New Peoplemaking, page 71.