North Seattle Community College
Embracing a Complex Future
A Little About Listening
The average person in the United States spends 50-80% of day listening but:
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only hears ½ of what is said
understands only a quarter
remembers even less
Listening is influenced by culture:
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Buddhists practice mindfulness which cultivates awareness and focus
Asian saying, “By your mouth you shall perish.”
The process of listening goes through four stages:
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hearing
understanding (interpretation of non-verbal and verbal communication)
evaluating – how you are going to respond
responding – how you do respond
There are different reasons for listening:
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comprehension
appreciation
identification
evaluation
build and maintain friendships
helping others
self understanding (becoming aware of yourself as a communicator/listening to yourself)
Specific Principles About Listening:
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Poor listening can be remedied
No single best listening strategy
Good listening depends on finding some personal benefit
When you listen, you must be an active participant in the communication process
Listening is problem solving – what does the other person mean?
You need to learn to monitor the way you listen – not all situations require the same level
of energy
Understand that there is a difference in the way people listening and obtain information
depending on whether that person is right or left brain dominant
If you are left brain dominant – sequential, specific, logical argument, outcomes
If you are right brain dominant – conceptual, interruptions for clarification
Listening is one of the most important communication skills you will practice
interpersonally, in small groups, and among cultures
Levels of Listening:
 Inefficient – tuning in and out. Absorbed in your own thoughts. More interested in what
you have to say. Passive. Little response/feedback. Not paying attention.
 Minimal – you hear words but you don’t grasp meaning beyond surface. Tuning out after
you think you have enough information to grasp meaning. Miss the emotional and feeling
level and therefore miss the full content.
 Active – you listen for main and supporting ideas, acknowledge and respond, give
appropriate feedback and pay attention to speaker’s total communication
Barriers to Effective Listening:
 Overloaded – too tired, too busy, preoccupied
 Poor listening habits – Do I look for things to argue about as an excuse to not listen or
experience intimacy (internal arguing)? Do I like to get attention for myself by
interrupting and creating a self focus (ego speaking)? Do I only listen to those points
which I agree with (selective listening)? Do I avoid points with which I disagree on
(insulated speaking)? Do I fail to listen long enough to get the whole message and
therefore make mistakes or jump in to an incorrect conclusion or assumption? Do I
initiate good listening to look like I’m listening (pseudo listening)?
 Responding to emotionally loaded words (“should” “always”) – judgmental phrase
evokes a strong emotion and interferes with willingness and ability to listen
 Cultural differences
 External distractions
 Internal distractions - biases
Skills to Become an Empathetic Listener:
 Relax, block out distractions
 Give the person verbal and non-verbal cues that you are listening, i.e., paraphrasing,
verbal cues, questioning
 Avoid judgmental statements
 Be sensitive to the meta messages found in the eyes, voice, posture, gestures, movements,
use of time, and verbal and non-verbal cues of the other person
Elements of Effective Listening:
 Stop your internal dialogue
 Look. Nonverbal messages are important
 Listen to the verbal message – mentally summarize what is important
 Respond with empathy
 Ask clarifying questions
 Reflect content and feelings by paraphrasing