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ENGL&101 – English Composition I (Online)
Sample Peer Reviewed Narrative
The purpose of this document is to serve as a model for the kinds of comments (both in-text and at the end) that form the content of your peer review. Pay specific attention to how these comments use terminology from our class and support assertions with examples and explanation. Remember, you have two goals in peer reviewing your classmates’ work, and it is important to keep both goals in mind: 1) help improve the essay and 2) display to me, the instructor, that you have grasped and can apply the course content. This means you should avoid vague, abstract comments that do not reference any specific aspect of writing that we have learned so far. Your major responsibility is to address those seven peer review questions on
Peer Review Notes. The following sample addresses many (but not all!) of these questions and would probably have earned a score of 17 or 18 out of 20 points.
Also, notice how the majority of the in-text comments relate to content rather than grammar or punctuation, and that when these things are commented on, it’s because the error (whatever it is) persists throughout the draft. Simple, surface level compliments are avoided. Certainly point
out to your classmate what he or she has done well, but also make sure to explain why or how it has been done well.
A final note: please avoid commenting along the lines of what you “liked” or “didn’t like.” These comments risk offending the writer and are most times unhelpful. Be polite—honest, but polite.
[Name omitted]
Personal Narrative
English101
[Date omitted]
1,500 Ft. above
On a warm spring morning in May of 2013, in the middle of the desert in the state of
Utah I awoke. My surroundings were a bit different than normal. Instead of the usual lush dense forestry that surrounded me, I was in the middle of a dry arid landscape, more specifically with the only real scenery being a few small creeks, and some tall rock structures.

I was in the middle of a vacation from work that started in Las Vegas, Nevada. We had spent a few nights enjoying the Vegas scene. It was exactly as I expected to be. Far too many drunk early 20’s folks stumbling about the streets, and blowing all the money they had at the
2 casino’s. Still it was a beautiful place, and all the lights, and energy around the city at night made it enjoyable. Still I knew that I only needed a couple of evenings in that environment, and on the third night we departed in our cramped midsize sedan full of camping gear and equipment sitting elbow to elbow with my fellow travelers we set Northeast. When we arrived it was dark. The usual glow of city lights in the night sky had been replaced with the sounds of crickets chirping, and frogs barking and the sound of the creek water slowly trickling by.
Zion National Park was beautiful, not in the sense of what I was used too. I come from an area with tall mountains, and endless lush dense evergreen trees, this place had its own natural beauty. I couldn’t help but wonder how the earth could carve some of the rock structures that surrounded us. They were simply magnificent. I had spent some time researching what fun things there would be to do for four people traveling through the area, but before we even hit the road I knew exactly what I had to do in this park. I had to brave Angels Landing.
We wasted little time preparing in the morning, filling our bellies with some proper nutrients, and water. I threw on my favorite pair of shorts, and laced up my trusty hiking shoes.
These particular Nike’s had all sorts of green stained and brown tattoos along the sides to remind me of places I’d been. I couldn’t wait to add a new piece to it. We set off for the trailhead, and not long after leaving camp in the park had arrived at our destination. My heart was already racing and whirling with excitement, and we hadn’t even stepped one foot onto the trail. The warm clay like ground began as flat and normal as you would expect any trail to

begin, but soon we began to wind up, and hit a few moderate to severe elevation gains. Even
3 after only a few hundred feet the valley around us began to open up, and you could soak in all the breathtaking sights this northern Utah land had to offer. We knew to keep our attention focused, and be aware of our surroundings. We began to spot rattle snakes off on the hills, and spiders with that red mark on their thick back that you knew if you got bit by one wouldn’t go well for you. Being aware is one of the most important keys to remaining safe.
After what seemed like just a few minutes we reached our first checkmark in the trail. The locals called it refrigerator alley. “I could stand here all day, and take in this cool air” my friend
Nick said to me as we walked through. Refrigerator alley was a small neck of the trail where cool air was trapped and seemed to bounce off both sides. It felt like walking into a 65 degree temperature controlled room after being in the burning sun all afternoon. It sure made for a nice detour on this 85 degree day without a cloud in the sky. A few turns and winds later we found ourselves approaching the steep switchbacks that I knew would bring us to a prized view spot. I felt the muscles in my knees began to tense up as we traversed each turn. Sweat was falling from my forehead, fogging up my glasses. My lungs pumping for air as if I just smoked an entire carton of full flavor cigarettes. At last we made it to the top… Or so I thought.
While there was a spectacular viewpoint, that showcased many of the rocky structures in the valley. There was a sign that caught my interest. “Strenuous climb: narrow route with cliff exposures, hazardous during thunderstorms, darkness, and ice/snow conditions. Since 2004 six people have died falling from this route. This was the spot where many people with families or small children stopped to stretch their legs, and congratulate themselves on a job well done.
The group of people I was traveling with wished to be a part of those people. I had other plans.

“You have got to be kidding!” Richella screamed “There is no way I’m continuing on this path,
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NO WAY!” The remaining mile to the top was a little different than the rest of the hike.
Everything before, was flat and stable. The rest of the trek could only be done one step at a time through a narrow canyon corridor where the only support was a metal chain sticking out of the ground. We were at a point now where we had to use our hands and our feet. One wrong step, and there was nothing between you and 1,000 ft. to the ground. It took some convincing, but I got the rest of my party to agree, and onward we went. The metal chain was cool to the touch on this hot day. You could feel the rock shifting below you as you made each and every step forward. One by one. I still don’t know to this day if I was more excited or running on adrenaline from nerves. I consider myself a decent mountain hiker, but in no way am I any kind of a rock climber. We reached a quarter of the way into the corridor when we reached a place where we had to use tricky foot work, and unusual body mechanics to get to our next step up and over a crest. One by one we maneuvered through it each of us waiting for the next to get over it. I made the mistake of looking down and to the left of me. Below me on the ground was a creek that appeared to be the size of my foot, and next to that creek a truck that if I were to pull a penny out of my pocket I could cover it completely. This height was unbelievable. I was grinning from ear to ear with excitement all while still remembering that this could be the last hike I ever trek if I’m not careful.
We continued on. Our metal guide in front of us, the cool warm desert air blowing on our sweat filled foreheads brought some relief. We stopped only ever so often to grab a drink of water, and continue to calm the nerves of a couple of our companions that were beginning to get really frightened. “Just keep going” I would say “We’ve come this far there is no turning

5 back now!” We had reached the final roadblock to our eventual ending point. It wasn’t going to be easy. One foot at a time we climbed pulling up on our chain as a hoist. I hadn’t to date been through anything quite like this. Part of me thought I was crazy for doing this, but the other part couldn’t help it. This was a new journey for me that no one else that I knew had ever been on
By this time my knees felt like they might burst, but the adrenaline running through my body kept me pushing on. Just ten more steps. I could see the summit just ahead of me now. Just five more steps. With a few deep gasps for air I lunged myself forward for each step until finally we had reached our endpoint.
The summit was flat in spots, and rocky in others. Few scattered trees lined its floor. To my north were another group of folks who had completed the trek before us clapping and congratulating us on making it all the way, and not cutting it short back by the sign. It took me a couple of moments to take it all in. The valley seemed to stretch forever. The sky was as blue, and clear as I had ever seen. The rock formations took on all shapes and sizes some tall and pointy. Some short, and flat. Some that looked like steamboats. I felt as if I was on top of the world in that moment, that I was invincible. At that point I knew why they had called this place
Angels Landing. If I were an angel coming down from the skies I hope to rest in that same footing that I found myself that afternoon. It was perfect. Now we just had to get back down.
Dear [Name omitted],
Thank you for sharing your work. Overall, what interested me most about your draft were the moments of clear and strong concrete imagery, which I noted in my comments—write like that through the whole thing! What confused me, however, was the reason for your trip. Why were you there and who were you with? Perhaps a bit more context would help establish a specific time and place for your narrative. I would certainly read more about those views! Best of luck with your revisions.
Sincerely,
[Name omitted]