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Student Name
ENGL 101
Molly Tenenbaum
28 July 2014
[Header in MLA Style]
Speaking Through Movement
[Title that hints at the topic and thesis, and capitalized according to MLA style]
[This first paragraph starts with an image that introduces the topic and leads to the thesis.
Your essay might start with an image or anecdote or specific scene, or perhaps even an exchange
of dialogue that will introduce your topic and thesis.] Hawaii is known as a tropical oasis, where
there is always warm sunshine beaming down on the sparkling sand along the deep turquoise
beaches. Of the most popular images, there is also the famous bobble head hula girl that wears a
coconut bra and lei with a grass skirt, playing the ukulele. Although hula may be considered an
iconic dance and a must-see to tourists, many outsiders do not realize the historical and cultural
significance that hula holds to Hawaii and its people. [We expect the thesis here at the end of the
first paragraph. Is this the thesis? Read on and see. At any rate, it does introduce an important
idea of the essay, that the hula has a lot of meaning.]
[This second paragraph should gracefully introduce the criteria by which the item under review
will be evaluated]The art of dance has been practiced since the earliest human civilizations.
Through dance, people were able to convey their society’s emotions and ideas at a certain point
in time. Dance was an integral part of ceremonial rituals and various celebrations and was often
accompanied by some type of beat or tune, as well as special, custom-made outfits that the
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dancers wore to add to the visual performance. At the end of the show, the dance somehow
added to the audience and dancer’s knowledge. Hula is the ideal traditional dance because
preserves the ancient Hawaiian culture, educates both natives and non-natives, and makes those
who dance hula proud of their culture. [Here is the thesis of the essay: the writer’s assessment of
what she is reviewing. Is it ok that the thesis doesn’t come until the end of the second paragraph?
I think it works because the sentence at the end of the first paragraph leads up to it well; that
sentence is like a preliminary step that sets the reader up to understand this thesis.]
[This and the next few paragraphs will be in PIE format, starting with a “point,”
or topic sentence, continuing with illustration that supports that point, and providing explanation
of how these illustrations connect to the point, and how they connect to the overall thesis. In this
essay, Illustration and Explanation will probably blend together somewhat.] The tradition of hula
preserves the values of the ancient Hawaiian society by serving as a physical translation of
cultural and spiritual stories. [Point sentence] The actual movements typically correspond to the
meaning of the words in the song or chant, and when several gestures are put together, they
create a line of a story. There are countless hand motions that are used to illustrate a certain
aspect of nature or emotions. For example, flowers and the ocean are depicted through shaping a
hand like a flower or doing a wave motion, and if a hand gesture is near the heart, it could signify
love or fondness. When all of these movements are strung together, one after another, and the
dance is viewed as a whole, a story that originated years ago is unfolded. Additionally, dancing
hula was also part of a religious performance to entertain and communicate with the Hawaiian
gods and goddesses. In ancient Hawaii, people survived only off of the natural resources that
were available on the land and in the sea. Many believed in a higher power in the form of gods
and goddesses, who controlled the elements. In order to prevent any natural disasters or assure
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that crops would not dry out, individual hula dances were created and dedicated to each of the
gods and goddesses. [Illustration and Explanation. I think that here the illustrations are clearly
connected to the point, so not a lot of further explanation is necessary. Illustration and
explanation are somewhat combined.
[Another PIE paragraph introducing the next criterion under discussion. Notice that the
writer is addressing each criterion in the same order as they are mentioned in the second
paragraph.] Hula also serves as a cultural learning experience that teaches both natives and nonnatives about Hawaii through aesthetically pleasing visual and musical performances. The
intricately designed outfits are exclusively made from resources found on the islands, revealing
how certain plants were utilized and transformed. Fresh leaves were gently woven and braided
together to create strands of lei, nuts were carefully strung into bracelets, and the juice of berries
were used to stain cloth with its vibrant colors. These plants also carry symbolic meanings,
representing goddesses and strength.
[This paragraph adds to the discussion in the previous paragraph, showing more ways
that the hula is a cultural experience. It begins with a transition, “Similar,” that shows addition:
something is being added to what’s already been said.] Similar to the role of the outfits, the
words and tunes that accompanied hula dances also added to the performance by literally reciting
the story and establishing particular moods. For instance, if a man recites a chant with a
powerful, stern voice, then it is probably associated with strength or war. On the other hand, if a
woman is singing very calmly with prolonged notes and there is a relaxing tune, then the song
may be trying to portray the beauty of nature. [I think this paragraph could use a little more
explanation of how these elements of hula connect with the specific criteria. I think we are now
on criterion #2, “educates both natives and non-natives,” but I am not sure.
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[Another PIE paragraph, beginning with a transition from the previous paragraphs and
discussing how hula measures up to the third criterion.] Hula was the Hawaiian’s method of
documenting life and civilization, so when people dance it, they are able to feel the pride in this
culture’s rich history. It has helped Hawaiians, both ethnic and those who grew up in the islands,
remember their origins and appreciate all of the many natural wonders found in Hawaii. From
the fish in the sea to the plethora of plants that encompass the land, I have personally formed an
indescribable relationship with nature and the Hawaiian culture. The Hawaiian culture really is
like no other, and by being able to connect with it through hula, I feel extremely humbled and
proud to be apart of such a unique heritage.
[Another PIE paragraph.] Hula is a traditional dance, but in the past century, it has been
advertised as a form of entertainment for economic profit targeted towards those visiting the
islands, skewing its original beauty. I think it is great that many tourists enjoy the performance,
but they cannot enjoy it for what it truly is. This is due mainly to the way hula is exploited – it is
perceived as a show where women in grass skirts and coconut bras shake their hips for men.
Instead of viewing it as a flirtatious display, everyone should look back to the true purpose of
this meaningful dance. If this is done, people will be able to appreciate it as a live history book
that exhibits traditional Hawaiian culture and life. Not many people, including myself, know the
symbolic representations of all the body movements and words that are sung, but by watching
with a purpose to learn about another culture and its customs, the tradition of hula can be
admired for what it really is and not just as a tourist attraction. [You can think of this paragraph
as introducing counterarguments; it shows that other people have different ways of evaluating
the hula, and it argues for this way of evaluating it.]
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[Closing paragraph: Answers the “so what” question and also brings in a personal, more
emotional feeling. Your essay might have more “I” all the way through; this one happens not to,
but does bring it in at the end. Although there is not a lot of “I” in the essay, we nevertheless
have the sense that an actual person is writing this, one who cares about hula and has experience
of it.] Watching hula with the intention of wanting to learn more about where I grew up makes
me feel proud to have been exposed to a culture that is only found on several rocks in the Pacific
Ocean. Hula has shown me parts of Hawaiian society that I would not have seen in a textbook,
from the way that Hawaiians efficiently used the land to their spiritual beliefs. Seeing Hawaii’s
heritage with a different view has introduced me to many new “old” ways of life. Hula is worth
much more than a commercialized attraction; it is a dance that exemplifies and encompasses an
unparalleled culture.