English 101 Revision: 100 pts
Essay #1: Personal Narrative
Length: The finished, revised essay will be 750-1000 words, or approximately 3-4 pages wordprocessed and double-spaced.
Due Dates
Thu 4/12:
“Zero Draft” of Essay #1 due in class for outlining activities. See Trimble, pages 20-21 for a
definition of “zero draft.” If you have more than a zero draft at this point, that’s fine. You
will not need to turn in this draft, though you will work with it in class. It can be messy and
handwritten. Or tidy and word-processed, if that’s how you work.
Tue 4/17:
Essay #1 due in writing groups. Bring 3 copies. You must be on time to be in a group! The
version you bring today should be word-processed, double-spaced, and at least 2 ½ pages. It
will be as finished an essay as you can possibly get it. To make it any better, you need
feedback, which is what you will get today.
Fri 4/20:
Essay #1 due.
Revision format

Word-processed, double-spaced, stapled, with your name in the upper right corner.

Do not use a paper clip.

Do not put your essay in a folder or envelope.

Do not turn in your drafts and notes.

Save your drafts and notes. You’ll need them if there’s a question about your grade, or if you
want to revise this essay.
The Assignment
Topic: Write a narrative essay about an experience you had that changed you. Choose an
experience that led to a significant change in your perspective(s), belief(s), attitudes(s) about
yourself, about others, about the world around you, or about life. Include the ramifications or
effects of this significant change. The change might be intellectual, cultural, spiritual,
psychological, physical, or several of these at once.
Audience: Write to this class, a group of interested and diverse readers who don’t know you
well. Think of this essay as a way to share something important about yourself with this group of
people—who will be taking some risks in sharing their experiences with you. Pick an experience
you don’t mind sharing with all of us.
Style and thesis: This essay uses the structures and elements of storytelling and of academic
essay-writing to present and support a thesis. This essay must state your thesis explicitly. Your
essay goes beyond storytelling to support a larger idea. It’s as if your story is the example that
illustrates your thesis.
The thesis might be something like this:
Once I was ___________________; now I am ________________________.
Going through the experience of ________________ taught me that ______________.
Because of _________________, I now believe that _____________________.
______________________ was the best/worst/funniest thing that ever happened to me
because afterwards ________________________________.
Elements of Storytelling: Your essay will include a lot of detail to make the story clear to us.
You’ll be telling us about events that happened, developing the characters involved, describing
the setting, building tension as you tell about your change in perspective.
Academic Essay Structure: Although this essay will often read like a story, it is a story told in
service of a thesis, and so you will organize carefully to foreground this main idea. Your
opening, while also being engaging and interesting, will introduce the thesis. The paragraphs will
begin with topic sentences (also called point sentences) and key words to remind us how each
piece of the story relates to the thesis. In particular, use the beginnings and endings of paragraphs
to remind us of this larger purpose. Your ending (look ahead at Trimble’s “Closers” chapter!)
will reflect on the thesis and leave the reader with an idea about why this thesis and this story are
important.
Suggestions:
 Don’t pick an experience you are in the middle of. It will be hard to get the perspective
this essay requires.
 Choose a very specific experience, not one that occurred over a long time span.
 Less is more: Use words and images economically, allowing a few words to do a lot of
work for you. Choice and vivid details can convey more clarity and energy than a
catalogue of details. Use vivid verbs, and make every word count.
Grade of the Finished Essay: 100 points
1. Opening and ending: The opening (including the title) is vivid and engaging, and helps
a reader focus on the topic and idea. The ending helps a reader know what to make of the
idea and provides a satisfying sense of closure, a feeling that the significance of the idea
has been explored.
2. Main idea: The essay has a clear, meaningful, and explicitly stated thesis which is
developed as the essay proceeds, and which is clearly connected to all parts of the essay.
3. Example and evidence: The main idea is illustrated with vivid and plentiful example and
evidence. Terms are defined, assumptions questioned and explored.
4. Organization: The thesis is stated, the paragraphs begin with topic sentences that contain
key words connecting to the thesis, the sentences within the paragraphs are organized to
support the paragraph’s main point, the paragraphs within the essay all relate to the
whole, and follow logically from one to another, and all the parts as a whole fit together
and are easy for an attentive reader to follow.
5. Style and voice: The writing is efficient, so that every word counts. Verbs are vivid and
active, clichés are avoided, the thinking is original, and the writing conveys the sense that
there’s a writer behind the work, an actual person with unique and worthwhile
perspectives.
6. Grammar and proofreading: The essay is free of distracting errors in grammar, and it
has been carefully proofread.
OVERVIEW OF GRADING
A 4.0 (A+, 95-100 pts) essay accomplishes all the basics described above, and does so with
mastery and aplomb. From the first sentence it’s apparent the writer is in control, and a reader
feels not only interested and engaged, but secure, sure the writer will not confuse. Every word
has been considered, and the writing uses fresh language and avoids clichés. The writing has
clearly gone through many drafts. The main idea is original, having been discovered through the
long process of drafting and revising and thinking. The organization is not only clear and easy to
follow, but also interesting; this writer feels comfortable enough to take risks, perhaps
introducing tangents whose connection is slowly revealed, or using sentence structure and word
choice, rather than obvious connecting words, to guide readers through transitions. This paper
has no grammatical errors and no typos. On the college level, an “A+,” or “4.0” is reserved for
work that demonstrates excellence beyond the basic expectations of the assignment. This will
usually take the form of originality, special insight, mastery of language, or unusual skill and
diligence.
A 3.5 (A-, 90 pts) essay is still very good, accomplishing all the above, main idea, example and
evidence, organization, clear grammar, and meticulous proofreading. The ideas are original, and
the writer has put the paper through many drafts, making an effort at fresh language and
engaging organization. This paper might contain a few small grammatical errors.
A 3.0 (B, 85 pts) paper accomplishes all the basic tasks outlined above: main idea, example and
evidence, organization, clear grammar, and careful proofreading. Its ideas may be more general