This student has given permission for his paper to be used as a sample.
Strengths of the paper: It’s an in-depth analysis. It is organized by the ideas and sub-points raised by the
thesis, and not so much by a chronological beginning-to-end look at the book. In this case it makes sense
to bring in examples from all over the book to make the point. There are good transitions. The use of key
words keeps readers on track. The outside sources are brought in with reasonable subtlety.
Weaknesses of the paper: The page numbers of some of the references to the book are missing. The
Works Cited page is missing. There is some redundancy in the sentences. The paper needs more
proofreading—there are some words missing, some extra words, some funky punctuation. The
paragraphs could be organized with more focus. The analysis could go into more depth about each
“illustration,” or example.
Samuel Parson
You Are How You Eat More Just As Much As You Are What You Eat:
How Food May Understand You More Than You Understand Yourself
With so much variation in human population, environment, and also cultural customs, there are
many possibilities for how a person can comport themselves. [This is an OK first sentence: It leads to the
thesis, or main idea by introducing a general direction and focus. However, I think it would be better to
begin with something more vivid: This could be an image, an anecdote, a brief scene; it could be a
general idea like the existing sentence, but in short, strongly-worded, more striking phrasing. For
example, could this sentence be revised to get the “there are” out?] In The Language of Baklava, the
author Diana Abu-Jaber writes about classifying personal identity and the many ways individuals are
characterized by the way they experience food. Abu-Jaber solidifies [Really nice verb choice, “solidifies”]
the old saying, “You are what you eat,” by narrating the way her book’s characters experience food in
their lives. Consequently, this book repeatedly reveals examples of how this is case, such as how meals
can open opportunities for all to speak their minds, how one prepares food can reveal personal values,
and how character strengths and even personal titles are best described by those characters’ chosen
foods; which are only some few of the many examples which support that subject. [I (Molly) have
highlighted the key words and concepts here: You can look for these words and concepts throughout
the paper to see how they help guide a reader through the ideas.]
Cooking is one way that Abu-Jaber describes her characters’ experience in food, where by the
chef’s ambition and imagination, basic ingredients are transformed into a complex dish.. When
describing possible reasons as to why her grandmother and father had such a conflicting relationship,
Abu-Jaber writes, “The problem seems obvious to me: Gram is a baker, Bud’s a cook. Cooks are dashing,
improvisational, wayward, intuitive; bakers are measured, careful, rational, precise” (90). Bakers and
cooks are on opposite sides of one spectrum, especially in this case, where the dishes they prepare are
from other halves of the world. By this insight, the personality of the culinarian can be perceived by the
dish that they prepare. All of a sudden, the reason behind her family history’s many conflicts between
her father and her grandmother is seen clearly when examining the types of culinarians that her father
and grandmother are. So perhaps in this context, you are not only what you eat, but you are also how
you eat, thoroughly explained by Boghossian in Vicki Santillano’s food blog, Eating Habits and
Personality: A Surprising Connection: “’Our food habits are one of the most instinctual habits we have,’
Juliet Boghossian explains, ‘It’s a universal need with no boundaries, regardless of economic or social
status.’ Because of this, she believes our food habits can reveal a great deal about ourselves. ‘You can
fake a food habit … but eventually, the instincts will kick in,’ she says, thus uncovering the ‘real’ you,”
(Santillano 3). It is for this reason that the way people choose to experience food has the ability to
broadcast someone’s personal identity quicker than most other methods.
More so than just when Phineas adopted a food’s title as his own named title, many times over
we can see how food can highlight aspects of an individual’s personality, making obvious out of what
was once a mystery. It’s not even surprising that a vegetarian would not only be in accordance with the
nickname, “Fattoush,” or “bread salad,” but would also be empowered by such a title. When thoroughly
examined, how people experience food can describe much more than just by someone’s literal title.
When examining someone’s preference in food, as well as eating style, the essence of one’s personality
can be clearly. [Page numbers are missing from these examples.]
It’s obvious that Bachelor-Uncle Omar shouldn’t be serving three-week old roast to his guests
while expecting positive appraise, though why he does so while expecting positive appraise is of a
different matter. For that reason, it’s no surprise that Abu-Jaber nicknamed her Uncle Omar “The Cheap
Uncle.” Though there was no problem with his cooking, there was a problem with the ingredients which
he used in his cooking. While he did have a high list of accomplishments, formidable wealth, and
positive character qualities, the emphasis in good cooking in Jordan was so high that if he would
sacrifice quality in his cooking ingredients in order to save a dollar, his nicknamed “cheapness” is what
had a direct correlation to his title as “bachelor,” because no Jordanian wanted to marry a food
cheapskate in a culture that so verily invested itself in good food and good cooking. As simply as a
negative attitude to food limits Bachelor-Uncle Omar’s relationships, an attitude of positive appreciation
for food facilitates a smooth initiation of friendship between Jay Franklin and Diana’s father, Bud.
[Page numbers are missing from these examples.]
In this case, you see how a personal interest in food literally opened the door for one person
into the house of another. When Bud is met with the surprising situation of having American boys on his
property, his normal instinct might have been to chase the boys off of his property. In this case however,
Bud’s hardened heart was immediately softened to Jay Franklin, when he asked Bud about the
Jordanian dish, hummus: “I think this is the first time he’s ever really looked at a young American male.
Or at least the first time that he’s ever looked at one without thinking molester or rapist,” (Abu-Jaber
208). Instead of seeing the reaction Abu-Jaber was convinced she would see, Bud responded to Jay’s
curiosity to food in a manner parallel to the reality Abu-Jaber thought possible. As an act of humble
kinship rather than egocentric dominance, Bud invited young Jay into the house to share a friendly
experience over the common joy for good food. This is just one of Abu-Jaber’s examples on how an
opportunity was opened, because of one’s personal interest in food.
This case where food magnifies one’s personal identity is arguably the most repeated theme in
the book, which showed itself in many ways, shapes, and forms. Abu-Jaber goes on to tell the story of a
beautiful baby lamb she once knew named Lambie. Well, Diana never knew exactly what happened to
Lambie until she grew older and learned the bloody truth to the mystery involving the ill-fortune that
fell upon Lambie. Even though her father and Uncles may have killed many lambs in their past, it was
clear that their Jordanian ancestry grew rustic while they were in the USA, because they were not able
to successfully kill Lambie in the skillful way that their ancestors could have smoothly done. Instead,
Lambie’s virgin spirit misfortunately fell victim to the sad reality that desecrated Lambie’s flesh and
disgraced Diana’s father and Uncles in their learning of no longer being firmly Jordanian. Though this is
the bloodiest example of how, in an act of experiencing food, characters’ consciences were opened to
the light of truth; however it is not the only example.
In one chapter of The Language of Baklava, titled “Poetic Baklava” Auntie Aya is trying to get a
point across to Bud. Whether out of tactic, love or perhaps both, Auntie Aya carefully prepared some
sweet baklava for Bud, before even attempting to persuade Bud to change his mind. In this case, this
chapter may have been better titled, “Persuasive Baklava,” because by sharing her delicately made
baklava, Bud’s explosive rage was transformed from the point of how he “[Bud] seizes one of the fluted
dining room chairs, and flings it across the room so hard that it shatters against the wall” (182), to the
point where Bud “is smiling, pink with pleasure” (192). After Bud began eating the baklava, in one swift
moment Auntie Aya was able to completely and easily change Bud’s mind on a subject that was once
very controversial.
Because there are so many are the ways that we can share with each other, Auntie Aya’s
method for broadcasting her personal opinion on that controversial subject was super effective, in how
she used food as the catalyst for an ascension of perfect resolve, because the method was facilitated by
Bud’s necessity to chew and in turn listen; rather than speak out in uproar. All of a sudden, one solution
to many of the world’s controversial problems becomes clear, with Abu-Jaber’s family as an example, in
how they were able to understand each other so well, by sharing a single plate of baklava.
As Auntie Aya used food to clearly broadcast her personal opinion, sharing food with others can
easily epitomize the character of an individual, as well as the character of a whole culture. In my eight
months of living in the West-African country, Senegal, I learned that the culture of that whole country
could clearly be defined simply by how the Senegalese eat: Parents, cousins, friends, strangers and
others eat together around one large bowl as one family. Each person eats by rolling the bowl’s meal
into a ball, and licking the food off of their bare hands, which is said to “add personal flavor to the
bowl.” [The citation is missing.] In this case the personality added to the bowl’s flavor is from that
individual’s saliva; though at the same time, captivating stories of one’s own life adventures are also
recounted around the bowl’s listening, and chewing, audience. It may sound strange, even frightening to
those who don’t realize its fullest depths, but it’s those strange and maybe frightening qualities that
make eating in Senegal so rewarding. It’s rewarding of course because the food is only served in
abundant feasts, where stories of epic proportions can be heard, over sharing food that’s explosive in
delicious flavor, though how the food is shared behind the bowl is what magnifies the common
personality of Senegalese people, and their generous devotion to fortifying the connection between
individuals into one family; and learning that wisdom behind a culture of a remarkable people, truly is a
reward.
Even better, I learned this of Senegalese culture and hospitality, long before learned to speak
the Senegalese language, because that manner of friendship is translatable through every culture. As
there is so much controversy in the world today in terms of an individual’s personal identity, valuable
insight is offered by Juliet Boghossian’s claim in Vicki Santillano’s report, “… we can add eating styles to
the list of characteristics that give away [reveal] our personalities unbeknownst to us” (Santillano 14).
With this heightened awareness focused on how we all experience food together, we can all learn more
as to whom we are as individuals, and how we can relate to each other as friends. And in a world of
friends, none will go hungry, and even better, all will be understood.
[Note: The Works Cited page is missing! This is dreadful! I think when the student sent me the essay,
along with his permission to use it as a sample, he did not include his Works Cited page, which perhaps
was in a different file.]