DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?
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A violent confrontation between family or
household members involving physical harm,
sexual assault, or fear of physical harm.
Family or household members include spouses /
former spouses, those in (or formerly in) a dating
relationship, adults related by blood or marriage,
and those who have a biological or legal parentchild relationship.
IMPACT OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
Violence is a serious public health problem in the
United States.
 The number of violent deaths tells only part of
the story.
 Many more survive violence and are left with
permanent physical and emotional scars.
 Violence also erodes communities by reducing
productivity, decreasing property values, and
disrupting social services.
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CAUSES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
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An environment where violence is either
taught, by example, or accepted as "normal" will
imprint upon a child's psyche.
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Poor self-esteem
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Drug and/or alcohol abuse
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More frequent where individuals experience loss
of physical health and/or wage-earning power.
SYMPTOMS OF ABUSE
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Abuse in a relationship is any act used to gain
power and control over another person.
Women who are abused physically are often
isolated.
Their partners tend to control their lives to a
great extent as well as verbally degrade them.
Listed next are some of the examples of domestic
abuse.
EXAMPLES OF PHYSICAL AND SEXUAL
VIOLENCE
Hair pulling
 Biting
 Shaking
 Pushing
 Pinching
 Choking
 Kicking
 Confinement
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Slapping
 Hitting
 Punching
 Using weapons
 Forced intercourse
 Unwanted sexual
touching in public or
in private
 Depriving of food or
sleep.

EMOTIONAL ABUSE
Insulting victim in
public or in private
 Putting down victim
friends and family
 Making victim feel
bad about them self
 Calling victim names
 Making victim think
they are crazy
 Playing mind games

Humiliating victim
 Making victim feel
guilty
 Treating victim like a
servant
 Making all the big
decisions
 Being the one to
define men's and
women's roles.

USING ECONOMIC ABUSE
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Preventing victim from
getting or keeping a job
Making victim ask for
money
Giving victim an
allowance
Taking victim money
Not letting victim know
about or have access to
family income
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Not allowing victim a
voice in important
financial decisions
Demanding exclusive
control over household
finances.
WARNING SIGNS SOMEONE COULD ABUSE
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Many of the signs women are taught to Interpret as caring,
attentive, and romantic are actually early warning signs for
future abuse.
Some examples Include:
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INTRUSION: Constantly asks you where you are going, who you
are with, etc.
ISOLATION: Insists that you spend all or most of your time
together, cutting you off from friends and family
POSSESSION AND JEALOUSY: Accuses you of flirting/having
sexual relationships with others; monitors your clothing/make-up.
NEED FOR CONTROL: Displays extreme anger when things
do not go his way; attempts to make all of your decisions.
UNKNOWN PASTS / NO RESPECT FOR WOMEN: Secretive
about past relationships; refers to women with negative remarks,
etc.
WARNING SIGNS SOMEONE IS ABUSED
Injuries and excuses
 Absence from work or school
 Low self-esteem
 Accusations of having affairs
 Personality changes
 Fear of conflict
 Not knowing how to feel or what is wanted
 Self-blame
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TEXAS STATISTICS 2008
Family Violence Incidences – 193,505
 Women killed by their partners – 136
 Adults Sheltered – 11,776
 Hotline Calls answered – 200,258
 It is estimated that 1,130,164 Texas women were
battered in 2008.
 More than 1,303 Texas women were killed by an
intimate partner from 1998–2008.
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MORE STATISTICS
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74% of all Texans have either themselves, a family member
and/or a friend experienced some form of domestic violence.
Texas generates the second highest call volume to the
National Domestic Violence Hotline behind California.
Nationwide, 33 percent of female homicide victims were
killed by their husbands or boyfriends and 2.7% of male
victims were killed by their wives or girlfriends in 2004.
From the Texas Council on Family Violence
WHAT HAPPENS TO THE CHILDREN?
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Children who are the victims or the witnesses of
domestic violence often repeat those same crimes
in their adult households, or go to prison for
committing a crime against the abuser.
These children also contend with psychological
scars that last a lifetime.
WHY DO PEOPLE STAY?
Many victims do leave, but are stalked or
harassed by their ex-spouse and fear for their
lives or the lives of their children.
 It may also be difficult to strike out in a society
where it can be hard to survive on one income.
 Some of these victims do not have specific work
skills and suffer from low self-confidence.
 In many cases, the spouse promises to change
and never do harm again.
 Also, many victims are conditioned to think that
they deserved the abuse and to accept it as
normal.
 Most of them do love their spouses on some level.
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RISKS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
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Domestic violence can lead to immediate injury,
difficult pregnancies, post-traumatic stress
disorder, lifelong disabilities or health problems,
alcohol or drug abuse, depression and death.
Domestic violence also financially affects this
country in terms of rising medical costs, police
support, court fees, shelters, and the social
service system.
THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE IN DOMESTIC
ABUSE
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Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle
of violence:
Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive,
belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play
designed to show you "who is boss."
 Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but
not over what he's done. He’s more worried about the
possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his
abusive behavior.
 Excuses – Your abuser rationalizes what he or she has
done. The person may come up with a string of excuses or
blame you for the abusive behavior—anything to avoid
taking responsibility.
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CONT.
"Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything
he can to regain control and keep the victim in the
relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened,
or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful
honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the
abuser has really changed this time.
 Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to
fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of
time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how
he'll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning
the fantasy of abuse into reality.
 Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan
in motion, creating a situation where he can justify
abusing you.
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EXAMPLE –
A FULL CYCLE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
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A man abuses his partner. After he hits her, he
experiences self-directed guilt. He says, "I'm sorry for
hurting you." What he does not say is, "Because I might
get caught." He then rationalizes his behavior by saying
that his partner is having cheating with someone. He
tells her "If you weren't so worthless I wouldn't have to
hit you." He then acts contrite, reassuring her that he
will not hurt her again. He then fantasizes and reflects
on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. He plans
on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries.
What he withholds from her is that she has a certain
amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up
in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely
justified in assaulting her because "you're having an
affair with the store clerk." He has just set her up.
TIPS FOR THE BATTERED
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Create a safety plan.
Choose an escape route.
Pack and hide a kit that includes spare money, clothes,
keys, birth certificates, checkbook, and any other legal
documents.
If possible, try to start a separate savings account.
Contact a shelter to see if they can house the family, at
least temporarily.
Even those who are not victims of domestic violence can offer
their volunteer support to keep these places running.
 Shelters also need donations of clothing, money, food, toys and
more.
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Ask for information on domestic violence from the police
department, family courts or local hospitals.
Reading about these crimes might make it more real, and
victims may gain the courage to report what is happening.
LISTEN
If someone confides that they are being abused,
listen with a supportive, non-judgmental ear.
 Never be afraid to contact the appropriate
authorities – lives can be saved.
 If you suspect that someone you know is being
abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating—telling
yourself that it’s none of your business, you
might be wrong, or the person might not want to
talk about it—keep in mind that expressing your
concern will let the person know that you care
and may even save his or her life.
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DO’S AND DON’TS
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Do:
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Ask if something is
wrong.
Express concern.
Listen and validate.
Offer help.
Support his or her
decisions.
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Don’t:
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Wait for him or her to
come to you.
Judge or blame.
Pressure him or her.
Give advice.
Place conditions on
your support.
CAN TEENS BE IN VIOLENT
RELATIONSHIPS?
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1 in 5 female high school students reports being physically
and/or sexually abused by a dating partner. Abused girls
are significantly more likely to get involved in other risky
behaviors. They are 4 to 6 times more likely to get pregnant
and 8 to 9 times more likely to have tried to commit
suicide.
1 in 3 teenagers report knowing a friend or peer who has
been hit, punched, kicked, slapped, choked or physically
hurt by their partner. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study conducted
by Teenage Research Unlimited; February 2005.)
More than 1 in 4 teenage girls in a relationship (26%)
report enduring repeated verbal abuse. (Liz Claiborne Inc.
study conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited; February
2005.)
TEEN RELATIONSHP STATISTICS
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If trapped in an abusive relationship, 73% of teens said they would turn
to a friend for help; but only 33% who have been in or known about an
abusive relationship said they have told anyone about it. (Liz Claiborne
Inc. study conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited; February 2005.)
Nearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate
relationships continue to date their abuser.(Liz Claiborne Inc. study
conducted by Teenage Research Unlimited; February 2005.)
Of the women between the ages 15-19 murdered each year, 30% are
killed by their husband or boyfriend. (City of New York, Teen
Relationship Abuse Fact Sheet, March 1998)
Less than 25% of teens say they have discussed dating violence with
their parents. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study of teens 13-17 conducted by
Applied Research and Consulting LLC, Spring 2000)
CONT.
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Teens report dating abuse via technology is a serious problem
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* 71% of teens regard boyfriends/girlfriends spreading rumors about
them on cellphones and social networking sites as a serious problem.
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* 68% of teens say boyfriends/girlfriends sharing private or
embarrassing pictures/videos on cell phones and computers is a
serious problem.
Cell phone calls and texting at unimaginable frequency mean
constant control day and night
* Nearly one in four teens in a relationship (24%) communicated with
their partner via cellphone or texting HOURLY between midnight
and 5:00am.
* One in three teens (30%) say they are text messaged 10, 20, 30
times an hour by a partner inquiring where they are, what they're
doing, or who they're with. (Liz Claiborne Inc. study conducted by
Teenage Research Unlimited; Technology & Teen Dating Abuse
Survey, 2007)
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9Ctwk8R470
&feature=related
Freya's Story
I was 16 when I met my ex. The relationship started out great. I was
completely smitten with him and felt happy but it all went so wrong. The first
time he hit me was when I had got myself into a bad situation were I found
myself locked in a room in a strange place with a guy I didn't know. The guy
then messed with my head for the full night - holding me down and moving
him hands towards certain places and so on ... but he eventually let me go. I
then ran straight to my ex who then dragged me into his room and "taught me
a lesson". This was the start and it just got worse from then ...
It always started with the really nasty name calling and belittleling, then the
threatening and then the beating which could be choking, punching, kicking
and even head butting at times. Once he knocked my head around from side
to side so hard I thought I was going to pass out, I felt dizzy and just for one
moment I had no idea what was happening. The favorite was punching my
legs and arms around the body out of sight, a couple of times he would hit my
face and I'd come up with stories to cover it up to friends and family. One time
I thought he was going to kill me and I took a panic attack. Thankfully I
haven't had another one since then. He did sort of threaten to kill me on
another occasion, he said "you're lucky I don't have a knife or I would slit your
throat". I should have got out then but I didn't ... .
.
I would finish it with him every time and he would cry and apologize and i
would believe him. If I didn't give in he would take an over dose or try and
cut his wrists I spent many nights at A&E actually worried about him!. The
next day the loving period would start again fooling me into believing that
he was sorry and had changed. This went on for about 2 years and when I
finally got it into my head he wasn't going to change, he had driven me apart
from my friends and family, I had no one apart from him. Even though I
hated him I stayed with him because I felt trapped. I couldn't get out
because he would try and kill himself or stalk me until I gave in. I would cry
myself to sleep every night lying next to a man I hated but it was all my own
fault.
I eventually broke free.By the time I found out about it, it was already over
but I still felt it just as bad. I completely cut him off. I changed my phone
number and refused to speak to him. If I saw him I got away as soon as I
could and I was never alone. I would have nightmares that I got back with
him, when I woke up I would thank god it wasn't true.
I do still get flashbacks. Most days I'm fine and don't really think of the past.
Then something will bring back a memory and it will just flow from there, I
find myself breaking down, I start shacking and can't concentrate, I cry then
tell myself to get a grip. Most days I'm fine, I can go months sometimes
without one of these little breakdowns. They are getting better and every
day I get stronger
GETTING HELP
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National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800799-SAFE (7233), 1-800-787-3224 TTY, or
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National Coalition Against Domestic
Violence
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www.ncadv.org
National Sexual Violence Resource Center
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www.ndvh.org
www.nsvrc.org
Family Violence Prevention Fund
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www.endabuse.org