Helping Children Learn Self-Control:
 Set clear rules that children understand. Make as few rules as
possible, but make them ahead of time. For example, “You
must always ride your trike on the sidewalk.”
Helping Children Behave
Most parents recognize that it is important to discipline children.
No one likes to be around a child who doesn’t behave.
Parents teach children how to get along in the world
when they set and enforce limits.
But there is a lot of disagreement about how
to teach children this important lesson in life.
Some methods work better with certain
personalities, ages and circumstances.
There is no single way guaranteed to work
with all children.
Good discipline has three factors in common:
1. It is built upon a loving relationship. Children respond to love
and acceptance. It gives them confidence to learn from their
mistakes and motivates them to please us.
2.
It reinforces and models the behavior you want. Desirable
behaviors don’t just happen. They must be taught. What we do
‘talks’ louder than what we say. Children learn from watching
us how to handle conflict, strong emotions, and rules.
3. It sets and enforces limits. Children need to know what they
cannot do and what will happen if they choose to do it. Having
a reasonable consequence or action is more effective than
yelling, nagging, threats, or severe punishment.
Good techniques teach children to control their own behavior.
Discipline techniques that help children learn what they should do,
and how to do it, are usually the most effective.
 Tell children what they CAN do. Be sure to say, “You can ride
on the sidewalk.”
 Children will obey rules better when they understand why. For
example, “You must always ride your trike on the sidewalk
because the cars might hit you if you get in the street.”
 Tell children the consequences of breaking the rule. “If you ride
your trike in the street, you won’t be allowed to ride your trike
the rest of the day.”
 Ask: What can you do next time (tomorrow), to get to ride your
trike?(stay on the sidewalk)
 Make the consequences reasonable, respectful, and related to
the child’s behavior. Grounding the young child for a month is
not reasonable. If a child repeats the behavior, the consequence
of not riding the trike can be lengthened to two or three days.
Be sure to enforce the consequences every time so children learn
they really need to follow the rules. This teaches them to learn to
control their own behavior instead of waiting until you make them
do something.
Stay positive, calm, firm, and loving. It will help both you and
your child handle stressful times.
Revised: Patti Faughn, Family Life Educator, Springfield Center, Fall 2005
For additional information, contact:
Angela Reinhart, Family Life Educator
University of Illinois Extension, Champaign County Unit
801 N Country Fair Drive, Suite D
Champaign, IL 61821 - 2492
Phone: 217-333-7672
Email: areinhrt@uiuc.edu
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