Revising for clarity and conciseness
Quick tip: When revising longer pieces, start with the sections that were difficult to write.
We all tend to write poorly when we struggle with the ideas and how to express them.
Activity One
William’s 5 Principles of Concision
1. Delete words that mean little or nothing.
a. IE: Kind of, practically, really, generally, certain, basically
2. Delete words that repeat the meaning of other words.
a. IE: full and complete, each and every, first and foremost,
3. Delete words implied by other words.
a. IE: Do not try to predict future events that will completely revolutionize
society, because past history shows that it is the final outcome of minor
events that unexpectedly surprises us more.
b. Do not try to predict revolutionary events, because history shoes that the
outcome of minor events surprise us more.
4. Replace a phrase with a word.
a. IE: the reason for = why, despite the fact that = even though,
in the event that = if
5. Change negatives to affirmatives.
a. IE: not different = same, not the same = different, not allow = prevent, not
include = omit
Activity Two
Richard Lanham’s Revising Prose
1. Avoid nominalization
a. Actions expressed in nouns rather than verbs.
i. The cause of our schools’ failure at teaching basic skills is not
understanding the influence of cultural background on learning.
ii. Our schools have failed to teach basic skills because educators do not
understand how cultural backgrounds influence learning.
Action: Circle all be-verbs (was, were, is, being, are, am, etc.) and replace with stronger
verbs.
2. Avoid strings of prepositional phrases
a. A revision of the program will result in increases in our efficiency in the
servicing of our customers.
b. Is we revise the program, we can serve our customers more efficiently.
Action: Box all prepositions and look for strings of prepositional phrases. Eliminate.