Rich Gallagher
Point of Contact Group
www.pointofcontactgroup.com
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Teach you to be “nice”
Convince you to have “a
good attitude”
Discuss basic courtesy
skills your mother should
have taught you when
you were six years old
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Teach you how to
communicate with
confidence and
leadership particularly in your
very worst customer
situations with
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Students
Parents
Faculty members
Or anyone else
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How to banish criticism - by
"leaning into" it with gusto!
How to deliver bad news
How to keep arrogant, entitled
people from intimidating you
Trigger phrases to never say
Grounding angry outbursts with
the skill of a bomb squad
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A new student just saw her dorm
room for the first time… and she
absolutely hates it. What do you
say first?
A) “I’m sorry”
B) “We did the best we could”
C) “Sounds like this didn’t work
at all for you! Please tell me more
about what you didn’t like.”
D) “Let me talk to my department
head”
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Reflective listening: Hand
their complaint back to them
Use “Wow” words
Steal all their good lines
Never defend yourself first
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Paraphrase the other person
◦ “So you were hoping to avoid
getting an early morning class”
◦ “You wanted someone to fix the
A/C a lot sooner”
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Lets them know you heard and
processed what they said
The more you use you own
words, the better
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Don’t minimize the other person’s concerns –
be right there with them emotionally
◦ Bad: “So it sounds like you had a little problem”
◦ Good: “Wow, this sounded horrible! This must have
been really inconvenient.”
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Not the same as admitting fault or giving in
to demands
People who feel heard calm down and stop
fighting
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Worried about what a customer might say?
Get there first!
◦ “You are probably worried about how this situation
will affect your daughter’s education”
◦ “You obviously want to be made whole from this
situation”
◦ “You were hoping this would turn out differently”
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Pre-emptive responses defuse anger and
frustration
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Use the “look up, look down”
rule: you want the customer’s
head nodding up and down
first before you explain or
defend yourself
It’s OK to give your side of the
story. Just don’t do it first!
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A faculty member wants you
to do the impossible – and
drop everyone else’s work to
do it! How do you respond?
A) “I can’t possibly get this
done that soon”
B) “Sounds like you’ve got a
big deadline. Let’s look at
some options”
C) “Here is the best I can do”
D) “You should have told me
about this a lot sooner”
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Acknowledgement
Reframing
Delivering bad news
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Observation: Observe the other person’s
feelings and reactions
◦ “I can see how upset you are”
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Validation: Acknowledge the other person’s
feelings are valid. This always involves
describing other people
◦ “No one likes missing a deadline”
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Identification: Identify with the other person’s
feelings
◦ “Situations like these would bother me too”
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Using language to make things palatable or
open dialogue
Examples:
◦ Costs: “expensive” versus “a typical fee”
◦ Schedule: “this will happen within 72 hours” versus
“you will have to wait three days”
◦ Policies: “30 day limit” versus “one month grace
period”
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Never “reframe” a customer’s feelings
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Deliver bad news in three stages:
◦ A introduction that prepares the
listener to hear something important
◦ A summary that gives the customer
plenty of details
◦ An empathetic response to anything
the customer throws back at you.
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The what? The Low Probability Face-Saving
Alternative
OK to propose this as long as you explain
that it is low probability
Examples:
◦ “We don’t usually do this, but let me check with my
manager first”
◦ “Before we completely give up on this situation,
there is one last thing we might try”
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The father of one of your
students is always rude,
demanding, and picky –
and calls frequently! How
do you deal with him?
A) Set boundaries
B) Ignore his temper
C) Put him on hold a lot
D) Learn to speak his
language
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Accept a customer's selfimportance
Use "fogging" to deflect
their criticism
Under-react to their threats
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Giving orders
◦ "You'll have to …“; “You should have …”;
“Did you …”; “I need this form signed.”
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Catch phrases
◦ “I understand”; “Calm down”; “Who knows”
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Setup phrases
◦ “I hate to say this”; “Let me be honest”; “I don’t
know what to tell you”; “What can I say?”
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Acknowledge: use the highest
“octane level” possible
Ask: Use good questions to
calm the other person down
Alternatives: Frame options in
terms of what you can do
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Some situations go beyond
the bounds of good
communications skills
◦ Extreme anger, abuse, mental
illness, etc.
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Have a safety plan
Train everyone and get
them on board