Embodied absence
Using daily diaries in research
on post-separation fathering
Dr Jacqui Gabb, The Open University
jacqui.gabb@open.ac.uk
Professor Brid Featherstone, The Open University
brigid.fatherstone@open.ac.uk
Dr Esther Dermott, University of Bristol
esther.dermott@bristol.ac.uk
Sandy Ruxton
SG110454
Post-separation fathering, in context
Headline stats…
• 130,000 +/- couples divorce every year (ONS 2011)
• Most couples who divorce have either one or two children (ONS 2012)
• Increasing number of policy initiatives and green papers on how to tackle
the ‘problem’
• Temporariness of relationship commitments and ‘family breakdown’ have
been linked to increased ‘fatherlessness’
• However… post-separation, many men are sustaining parent-child
relationships and doing ‘intimate fatherhood’ in a variety of ways
Fragile Fathering: negotiating intimacy and risk in
parenting practice
British Academy funded pilot project (SG110454), 2011-2013
The project is exploring:
• how non-resident fathers maintain physical and emotional contact with
children
• paternal anxieties around the potentially significant factors of residence,
legal status and contact
• the ways that paternal experience is shaped by ideas of risk in the context
of social policies, legislation and regulation, and popular media debates
Research methods
• Methodological creativity has proven to be particularly useful in analysing
family lives and everyday practices of intimacy (Gabb 2008)
• Methods deployed allow us to interrogate everyday sequences of fathering
activities and what men ‘count’ as parenting
• Diaries (completed over one week) designed to shed light on the shape
and routines of parent-child interactions
• Semi-structured interviews allowed for the opportunity to critically engage
with ideas of good fathering including tensions and constraints in achieving
their ideal
• Analysis will involve exploring the connections between emotions,
experience and perception
Diaries: distinctive kinds of data
• Located accounts – completed in situ
• Everyday routines – dailyness
• Practices – lived experience
• Reflexivity – feelings and reflections
• Affective currency – private vocabularies
Sample
•
Purposive sample - 11 participants
•
Current contact arrangements: 4 50/50; 4 regular contact; 3 irregular/ very limited contact
•
Length of separation, range 1-15 years: 3 1-2yrs; 2 3-5yrs; 3 6-10yrs; 3 11-15yrs
•
No of children: 5 one child; 3 two children; 3 three children
•
Children aged 3-16
•
Fathers aged 32 – 64
•
3 currently unemployed – long-term and short-term
•
Recruited through contact with a children’s centres, playgroups primary school and snowballing
techniques
•
All reside in the Oxford area
Sample info
Name
Age
Situation
Time separated
5 years
Employment
status
Professional
Number of
children
Daughter (13)
NEIL
60s
Co-parent, 50:50. Lives close. Divorced. Not repartnered.
IAN
40s
Works largely overseas.
When here, children stay 2/3 weekends
consecutively.
On-going court case over residency issues.
4 years
Professional
Daughter (9)
Daughter (7)
DAVE
40s
Separated twice, 1 child with each former partner.
Now with 3rd partner.
Regular contact with younger child.
No contact with older child.
15 years (partner 1),
5 years (partner 2)
Skilled trade
Son (14)
Son (11)
JEFF
40s
Regularly sees children. Children do not currently
stay overnight with him.
New partner.
1 year
Professional
Daughter (17)
Son (14)
Daughter (12)
CHRIS
60s
50:50 contact.
Mother has had another child. Lives close by.
15 years
Professional
Daughter (16)
MARK
50s
Seen child once in last year. Some phone/txt contact. 9 years
Ex-partner and child live at distance. She has repartnered.
Unemployed
Daughter (15)
CHARLIE
30s
Supervised contact.
Patchy contact.
Children live 1hr away, by bus.
2 years
Unemployed
(DLA)
Son (9)
Son (5)
Daughter (4)
DAN
30s
Regular contact.
Phones daily.
New partner.
1 year
Professional
Daughter (3)
Diaries: moments that count
Ian: The sun comes out and we all potter in the garden. I cut back the
ash tree and the kids help pick up the leaves. I relish the time we
have together pottering about like this.
Charlie: [Daughter’s] face lights up when she sees that I am there
although she often says – in a happily satisfied way – that I’m
‘embarrassing’…
Dan: [Daughter] woke in the night as upset about not being with
Mummy – ending up sleeping in my bed. Had ordered a pint of milk
to come with the milkman which seems to have been the most
exciting thing ever and was worth £1.20.
Diaries: rituals, routines, stability
Jeff: Friday is my evening to see the children…. After our usual meal of
pizza & beans [daughter 1 ] got one of my guitars out & the Beatles
song book & started playing some songs. I got my other guitar and
joined in & the whole thing became a sing-along that lasted for quite a
while. [Daughter 2] joined in, looking up the words on her phone…
Neil: Did food shopping during the day – we have a fairly repetitious
menu of things that I know [daughter] likes… When we are together,
we always eat the same food together at the same time, always have
done – even when we have my friends of hers round.
Diaries: growing up and change
Neil: Made the early tea to wake [daughter] up. I still miss her the
morning ritual of taking my tea along too and sitting on her bed reading
to her as she woke up – a ritual from which I was banned about 9
months ago, very suddenly – gently but firmly. All part of her putting
distance between us or rather her asserting her capability and
independence…
[While she’s staying with friend] I know she won’t call or text unless
she needs something – and I shouldn’t call her unless I need to. But I
do think of her often/occasionally during the day, even though I know
that on the whole I really don’t exist for her when she’s not with me.
In the evening I begin slowly/gradually to focus on planning what I
need to do for tomorrow when she will come home again.
Challenges and changes
Challenges and changes encountered:
• Children growing up – infancy, teenagers, young adults
• Housing – moving house, temporary housing, homelessness
• Employment – work-life balance
• Health – sickness, mental health, addiction
• Relationships – re-partnering, step-parenting
Diaries: loss and emptiness
Dave: I can’t help feeling pain for him. I love him so much it hurts. I do
miss him. I see him every day. It’s still hard.
Chris: Now I’m back at home, to an empty house without [daughter]…
that was always the worst thing, coming back to the house after having
[daughter] with me for a weekend…
My evening was spent cleaning the house (well, parts of it), washing
up the watching football on TV. I go into [daughter’s] bedroom, have a
look round and miss her terribly.
Diaries: longing and sadness
Charlie: When I woke up I started thinking about no sound because my
kids are not with me and I didn’t get out of bed for an hour. Later that
day I went round to my sisters and my niece asked me about my little
girl and all I wanted to do was cry then before I go to bed I always rub
my tattoo with the kids names and say goodnight.
Mark: I have seen my daughter once in the last 10 months. Possibly
strange and yes I do miss the contact but I don’t miss the sitting in
McDonalds or false days – times – must do – etc. Believe this is
detrimental…
I must think of my daughter at last 30 times a day.
Embodied absence
Using daily diaries in research
on post-separation fathering
Dr Jacqui Gabb, The Open University
jacqui.gabb@open.ac.uk
Professor Brid Featherstone, The Open University
brigid.fatherstone@open.ac.uk
Dr Esther Dermott, University of Bristol
esther.dermott@bristol.ac.uk
Sandy Ruxton
SG110454