Visionary Voices Interview: Lizzie Richardson
April 26, 2012
Chapter One: Childhood and Family
10:56:41:24 - 10:58:13:12
Q: I just wanted to introduce our interview by saying we’re here with Ms. Lizzie
Richardson at Temple University in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, in April of 2012. Also
present is our videographer, Aggie Ebrahimi Bazaz. And Ms. Richardson, do we have
your permission to start the interview?
A: Yes, you do.
Q: Thank you very much. Ms. Richardson, I wanted to ask you when and where you
were born.
A: Oh, I was born in Smithfield, North Carolina.
Q: And when were you born?
A: Hmm?
Q: And would you share with us the year you were born?
A: April 22, 1937.
Q: Can you tell me some of your earliest memories, Ms. Richardson, of growing up in
North Carolina?
A: Oh, well I grew up in North Carolina. My father died when I was a baby. My mother
had six children, she raised the six of us, and she raised us to be tough - toughness,
survival, determination, and whatever you set out to do, you got to do it, and you just
have to do what you need to do, and roll with the punches, and that’s the way that I
grew up.
And we also -- granted we had to respect our neighbors, our family members, and we
always would help out, you know, like [real] peoples and we would just help each other
at all times, and that’s the way that I grew up.
10:58:13:12 -10:59:01:29
Q: How would you describe your childhood?
A: Our childhood was good, because, you know, the goals our mother set for me, she
was very strict with me, and that created survivors that you could endure, and
1
disappointment you will survive, and you will be all right, and that’s the way that I grew
up. You had to do -- you had to respect everybody. Neighbors -- they could tell you what
to do and everything. You go to the classroom, you had to respect the teacher.
Nobody be going, running back in school for you. You go and do what you need to do,
and that’s -- and we went to church, and we just shared things and we learned to treat
everybody with respect, you know, and all that and respect everybody. And that’s the
way I grew up.
10:59:01:29 - 10:59:49:25
Q: When you were growing up, when you were a young girl, or even a teenager, what
were your hopes and dreams for your own future?
A: Young girl. When I was a teenager? Oh we had to be home before it got dark and all
that stuff. They said don’t let the sun down and we’d be running home, the sun would
be falling our back, and we would get in the door just before the sun to actually fell, and
we was okay, because we know we -- you had to do what you was told.
We worked. We had to work and we had to help out at home and we didn’t mind doing
that. And the mother collect your money. Your parents collect your money, and then
they would give you money. You go to work on Saturday, that was your movie money
and your spending money, and we accepted that, and we didn’t have any problem with
whatever.
10:59:49:25- 11:02:20:15
Q: What kind of work did you do, Ms. Richardson?
A: Oh we worked -- we picked cotton, to be honest because I am from the South. We
worked in tobacco and we did all that. We did real work.
Q: And what did you imagine your future would be? What were your hopes for your
own future as an adult?
A: My own future was like when I finished high school, I went to barber college, and I
have a master’s degree in that.
And I wanted to, and once I got to Raleigh, North Carolina, I was going to school with a
group of boys, young men, and I learned so much from them about life in particular.
You know, we would sit around the table and they would talk to me, and respect what I
thought and what I felt. And I learned a lot from them. And it was just so good, because
they were like brothers. They was all like brothers to me, you know, and they would
teach you, long as you don’t do this, this how the guys be and all that stuff, and that
really helped me grow to be, you know, like -- and even working in the barber shop with
the fellas -- a long time before I could work with women, because I was so used to
working with men, and the women’s talking about each other, I just couldn’t deal with
that, you know. But I learned how to work with ladies. You know, it was just a good
experience for me, you know, and all everything. And I enjoyed my life. I mean, I can
2
look back over the years and all the hardness and stuff we went through. It just made us
a better person, and even when I had Darryl, they would give you therapy to accept the
child. When I looked at my child, he’s not in a wheelchair. He’s not having to tube
feeding, and I look at so much that we have, and I’d be so thankful that he’s good as he
is, but I also sympathize with parents that children’s not as good as he is, and always try
to support the parents. I don’t mind talking to them. In fact, sometimes they call me late
at night, and I know when anytime somebody calls you late at night, the problems
they’re going through is heavy and they don’t have no other way of where to turn to. So
I don’t mind talking to them, you know, just talking in general. Talk to me. I’m going to
give you facts.
I’m not going to sugar coat anything for you, but I’m going to give you facts, and one
thing I’ve always tell a parent, you have to have a mental toughness, and that’s the
shield around you that protects you from ever being hurt.
11:02:20:15 - 11:04:39:26
Q: Ms. Richardson, you mentioned that you have a son, Darryl, and I want to ask you
more about your own family. Can you tell me if you married?
A: Okay, I married, but my husband passed. I’m a widow.
Q: And can you tell me about your children?
A: Well, I had two children. I had Audrey and Darryl. Darryl was the oldest, Audrey was
the youngest, and after the years went on, she was great at school and everything, but
she had a liver disease. And she had to have a liver transplant. It lasts 12 years, and she
passed away in 2001, but in that short time, 34 years old, she finished college, she
worked, she did a lot of good advocate work. She used to -- we just helped put things
together. After she passed away I started working with young peoples. That sort of
helped me get through that. You know, work with young ladies at the – at the um – at
our agent and I work with them and help them with – we would have the FDSS program.
It started up new program, started program I knew from the ground floor, so we had
coordinators and different thing you work with there and I helped them with that
program. I can think back that we had one coordinator.
You know she wasn’t -- she didn’t know the child well enough to do it, and the day we
went to the table they was going to let her go. And so I was the last one that spoke that
day, and I looked up at her and I saw her with small children, and if she’d lose this job,
where would she go? So I was the last one that would finish up, you know, and I said -- I
looked up, I said, well we all make mistakes. I said, first of all, we all make mistakes.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that the program is not messed up. It is, but
Michelle, I will help you get this program together, and by June -- June 30, this program
will be on top of the world. And I did, and she survived it. At this time now she is a
support coordinator... Cause I saved her job. I refused to take it.
Q: You sound like a nurturer.
3
A: Yes.
Chapter Two: Supporting Darryl (Son)
11:04:39:26 - 11:06:54:04
Q: Can you tell me a little bit about your son Darryl? Maybe what was your first memory
of your son, Darryl?
A: Okay, Darryl was -- I look back at Darryl. He did have behavior problems. I was down
South then, went back down South to spend time with my mother, and it was all very
similar there. And after he was checked out and everything, he went to Durham, Chapel
Hill, and they was able to tell me everything about him. They said, he might be numb
forever but he understands what you’re saying. The behavior shaping he need had to be
did before he become a teenager, and Darryl was placed for a year and a half, and they
was very strict with him. My instruction, when you come out, you always have to have
good service, good schools, and everybody had to be firm with him, and we all was
going to be doing the same thing, making him mind. As of today, he’s in good shape -well behaved, he go to respite care no problem, he goes to camp no problem, he goes
out to eat. You can take him to meetings, anywhere you’ve got to take him, but I allow
anyone that work with him to be firm and when they call to tell me something he did, I
get on them. One time I had to go to workshop and get him, and I love to stop and eat,
but I refused to buy me some food, because I was not going to feed him. I didn’t do it,
and that was four years ago, and I didn’t have to do that no more. They have my
permission to make him mind and do what he’s supposed to do, because if he ever had
to place -- if his behavior is good, he’ll stand a better chance of surviving, and that’s how
I feel. So when you call and tell me something, I’m not angry. We want to know, yes we
got a problem, and we going to sit around the table and see what are we going to do
about it? How are we going to correct it? By being a team, and we all working together
and saying the same thing. Because when I have to go to meeting, you going, you going
to sit there, take you out to eat, you going to eat and do what you’re supposed to do,
and that’s it. And he’s six-four.
11:06:54:05 - 11:09:32:06
Q: Okay, and Ms. Richardson, I wanted to ask you, what is your son Darryl’s disability
and when did you first realize the he had a disability?
A: Okay, when Darryl was three years old, he was potty trained, he said would say a
word and everything. He had a convulsion, and we took him to the hospital, and I
noticed after that, he started to regressing back. And when my daughter was one year
old, and he was three years old, and he’s two years old and four days older than her, I
4
knew something was wrong. I didn’t know what it was, but I knew that if he was two
years older than her, he should have been two years advanced over her, not that she
catch up with him and pass him. And I started looking into it. I started here. But I didn’t
get my answers yet, so my mother took Darryl to send him to a daycare, a home. The
director of that daycare had a MRH child, and I learned a lot from her. She got me into
the hospital, Chapel Hill, and Chapel Hill explained it, his condition, and what happened.
The birth record was clear, but he had that convulsion, and that’s what did it, and so I
accepted that. And they said, what would have to happen here is that he could do things,
do like other people. He wouldn’t catch up, but he wouldn’t catch up with his age, but
you had to check with the behavior and everything, and I can think back that when I
really accept my son’s condition is when I really went to Oldbury and the director told
me, said I’m going to take you back here and see some of the other children, and here
your son can walk and carry his own luggage. And I went back there and I saw the
condition with those other patients. I think that weight was lift off me that day. I walked
out of Oldbury feeling free and happy, and never looked back, never looked back. I
always said that no matter what it is, help is for everybody. I wanted the right education
for him, I wanted the right help for him. When he was down South, the school put him
out of school. I know they supposed to go to school, so it has a little mental health place
over there, and here’s where I heard about human resource place in Raleigh, but I didn’t
know enough to tell -- but what I told them, if I don’t get the help here today, I’m going
to the human resource in Raleigh. That’s what got down in Oldbury Center for the
training - and we did it.
11:09:34:28 - 11:11:08:03
Ms. Richardson, how did your family react when you discovered that Darryl had a
disability?
A: Well families don’t -- families react because they want their children to be perfect
and one thing I’ve learned down through the years is not rely on your family to help you.
They don’t know enough about this case to help Darryl.
I never bothered my family by keeping Darryl. I got Darryl into programs. I got Darryl in
UCP respite care if I wanted to take a vacation. He would go there, where the people
know how to work with him, in programs, in schools, camp, special needs camp, like
Eagle Spring, when he got 15, he went to Eagle Spring, and I was lucky to find another
parent, that aren’t they glad, that told me about the Base Service unit and different
programs. And what I will say, if it’s good enough for Frankie, it’s good enough for Darryl,
and that’s what we did. We’re friends today, and we shared information and everything.
And ah that helps, just listen. You know, some parents don’t want you to tell them
anything. They get angry when you discussed your child. My family tells me today, say
Aunt Lizzie, my niece tells me, she said, I love you, but you never wanted nobody keep
Darryl, and you didn’t get angry with us because we didn’t want to keep him -- I said I
wanted somebody to keep Darryl that knows his case, not the family. And I love you -- I
help raise but I love my family just as good, but they don’t know how to take care of
Darryl. Don’t bother me, it doesn’t bother me.
5
11:11:08:03 - 11:14:24:20
Q: Ms. Richardson, were you always determined to keep Darryl at home, or did you ever
consider -A: Darryl would be home. Darryl has been on the UCP waiting list for residential for
years. Now the minute -- if I can’t do this, or I’m no longer here, Darryl would go to UCP
for residential service, where they know him. He been going since he was 11, and they
knows him. So that’s where I want him to go. He’s definitely on the waiting list.
So far, I hope the plans are, I worked out his future and I hope they don’t take away his
fun and take away things, so that he can pull through -- he goes – my thing he’s in the
workshop five days a week. He go to respite care, he goes to camp overnight, and he
have an in-home support person to help him, so you have time to do things that you
want to do. See, the average parent says, nobody can keep my child. Darryl have his fun,
I have mine. You don’t try to keep them all the time, because you’re going to get burned
out. You want to let him go and enjoy himself, so when we come, we be happy going
out to eat or doing a thing that you have to do. And you still can have your life, and do
things you want to do. That’s what you want. You want him to get used to -- if ever had
to go somewhere and live, it would not be hard for him, because he used to doing it.
Q: Ms. Richardson, when Darryl was three, about age three, and you realized he had a
disability, I’m wondering if doctors ever advised you to place Darryl in an institution -A: Well they said the placement they wanted was the center they closed - Byberry was it
By – not Byberry. I forgot what it was but they wanted to place them there, and I didn’t
let him go. Then I heard a lot of bad things about them, but one thing about, when I
went to Chapel Hill, they advised me -- and Darryl did go away. He was placed for a year
and a half, and he was placed for a year and a half, you know. Those young guys -- I
remember the time that he would come home and visit, we would take him back, and
he’d run everybody ragged when he was home. And when he went back, this young guy
told Darryl, he said, I want you to take your clothes off and put on your swimmers, your
trunks, because we going swimming. And I saw him, little fellow, take his clothes off and
fold every piece of his clothes, and then put on his swimming trunks, and they said,
that’s what you had to do. But they did some good outstanding training for him, but he
did it when he was young. You can’t wait till they get teenager, or grown, to try to
reshape them. You got to do it when they’re young. You know, you got to be in… when
they’re young, and when peoples tell you, explain to you what you got to do, no matter
how hard it is, you listen, and you follow through, and you will see, later on in life, that
will pay off for you. That’s why he’s home today, because he did not bother me. Picks
his food, he eat, whatever. He loves to go -- like tomorrow night he’s at a dance. He
don’t want me at a dance, so he’ll go to this dance and come back on paratransit. And
that’s it. So he can enjoy himself.
11:14:24:20 - 11:16:56:18
6
Q: Ms. Richardson, you had described some of Darryl’s support needs as being a little
intense when he was younger, and I’m wondering what impact that had maybe on your
own emotional or physical health.
A: All I did was did what I -- I’ve learned how to do what you have to do, and be a
survivor. You know, you had to -- you had to get through it, and you had to be happy
doing it. See, if I’m doing this job and I’m not happy with it, I can’t do it. I had to be
happy with this. I had to be contented with this. I have to know that he’s going to be
okay and that I’m helping him, and helping everybody else, and that’s what keeps me
going. Even having other parents, and talking with them, helps me too. Because when I
get to my problem, it doesn’t seem so small. It just seems small because I done dealt
with everybody else’s problem. Then when I come to mine, it’s just like, okay, here’s
what I need to do. I need to do this, I need to do that, and then that’s it. Because they
call you all the time. They be, you know, they call and you know I say alright then and I
listen first, but if you don’t want the truth, don’t call me. Don’t call me if you don’t want
the truth and the facts, don’t call me. Because you can be calling and ask me for help,
and I’m going to give you advice, but don’t get upset after I give the advice. You know
and I tell all of them, don’t want the truth, don’t want to listen, please don’t call me.
So they all call me and they listen, and then they come back and tell me, you know, you
was right and it worked out all right. I told one, she wanted -- she was on the CAP waiver
she wanted the consolidated waiver. So I said, I help you. So we called a meeting.
I said, listen, don’t write no long letter. Write a short letter, put everything you got to
say on that first page. Because once a person reads the first page, they don’t want to
read the second page. Make it short and sweet. And we went there, that day I say, she
told me, I said, sit there, and she was talking about [Fran]. I said, no. She’s okay. The
only thing, you come straight on, and ask the question they asked you, and you’ll be
okay. She did that. Goes back and she found that I was in the meeting, and she got
consolidated waiver. And she called me, she said, I got the consolidated waiver now,
and she called me over the phone and said I got it. I said I’m happy for you. So that’s
how you can help your families. You know, at this point, we don’t know -- we can’t help
the family now cause they want to cut off everything. You know, it’s just budget cuts,
budget cuts, and everybody’s trying to hold their service that they got.
11:16:56:18 - 11:17:17:22
Q: Ms. Richardson, I wanted to go back to something you said earlier. You were talking
about family, and you talked about really not depending on family to support Darryl that
you -A: They didn’t know how to support. They didn’t know -- they couldn’t support Darryl,
because they didn’t know enough about his condition to support him.
7
Chapter Three: Sibling Relationship
11:17:17:22 - 11:19:39:10
Q: I wondered if you could tell me a little bit about the relationship between your
daughter Audrey and Darryl.
A: They had a great relationship.
Darrel -- Audrey accept Darryl, and she would tell you anyway, I remember she was
going to the best school in Philadelphia, Bodine, and somebody told her that if you have
a mentally retarded brother, you are -- you’re retarded. Well she tells them, I have one,
and I’m not retarded, and it hurt the little girl’s feeling so bad, she said she felt sorry for
her, because everybody laugh. You know, everybody laugh, and then she was sorry but
she had her own life. She didn’t have to keep Darryl. She had her own friends. She had
her own life. And that was it. They were like two -- what she need, and what Darryl need,
and you gave each one to your children, what they need. And I do have a problem with
the school putting all of them in the same classroom. I don’t agree with that, because
you got these gifted children that’s minds just going so fast, and you got the slow ones
that -- that’s not appropriate for either one of them. That’s not helping either side of it.
Q: What is a better situation here?
A: The gifted ones go to with the gifted children like them, so they can excel.
Other ones be with their own peers, and they can excel as much as they can, and that’s
how I feel -- I mean, a lot of parents look at me like I’m crazy. They want inclusion. I
don’t. I seen the time that Kratz School had a little one room in the basement.
School closed that year, everybody else would go in the grass and Darryl’s in the court
doing the due process hearing. Because… he remain where he is until you find an
appropriate place for him.
And just before school opened up, two weeks before school opened, I was called back in.
What you want for Darryl at your school at 12th and Allegheny, he got it. All right.
When he got to middle school, Darryl was tall. I think back the parents sign a petition to
get him out. I fought ‘em all and took ‘em all down and Darryl stayed there. He
graduated from there. And at his graduation the principal said, Darryl have made history.
Say him and his mother have made history, because what they did was open a door for
other students like him, said he was going to accept them now.
11:19:39:10 - 11:20:47:20
Q: Ms. Richardson, what do you think the other parents objected to about having Darryl
-A: Because Darryl was taller the rest of them, and they wanted Darryl out. I refused to
send Darryl to the school they want, you know, they didn’t want -- so I talk with
superintendent, superintendent Hicks. I said where Darryl going to school? He said back
to middle school, and he stayed there, he stayed there. The teacher was good, the
8
principal was good, and then when we -- the day of the graduation, the principal said,
Darryl, as soon as he turned 21, he is in his workshop. He come back to graduate, with
his class trip, and that was all. And they go over there running -- never had registered
their children in the base service unit. I sit in those meetings and told them to register
them in a base service unit. Put them on a waiting list when they got about 14. They
didn’t do it. Darryl was on the waiting list since he was 14. Darryl was in the program.
Their children was out, and they all run over that graduation day trying to find her.
I said, I told you years ago, when I used to come to those meetings, I knew what I was
talking about. Register them at the base service unit and put them on the waiting list,
and you didn’t do that, okay.
Chapter Four: Connecting with Other Parents
11:20:47:20 - 11:22:57:19
Q: Ms. Richardson, you’re talking now and you’ve talked a little bit earlier about all of
the mentoring that you’ve done for parents, but I’m wondering when it was that you
first started to connect with other parents who had children with disabilities -A: Because I had a parent name by Dorothy Glass that was beside me, and told me
about the base service unit, helped me register, and she helped me so much. Until I
wanted to pass that on to other parents, what she had passed on to me.
Q: What did your friendship with Dorothy or other parents mean to you?
A: We was -- here’s how we met. Our children was going to Carousel House for three
weeks, and she had a little son, a little baby boy, and we -- her son had missed the bus
that morning, and so she come to me. She said, the bus come? I said, yeah. You was
talking about the Carousel House bus? I said, yeah, it’s gone. We started talking that
morning. We never got any work did, the three weeks cause when we put the children
on the bus, we talked on the corner, and we talked and talked, until when we went back
home, it was time to go back to get them, but three weeks. In that three weeks, she told
me how to register Darryl, the different things, and we started going to meetings
together, and advocating together and all, and that’s how I got started. Because she was
so nice to me, and I just wanted to pass that on to other parents, what she had passed
to me, and we still the best of friends today. But when we got in the meetings we got
our own person, know -- it was years and years before anybody know that we was
friends. You could never tell we was friends at the table. We picked up our friendship on
the way back home, because that friendship didn’t influence us with no way.
We were not friends when we got to the table. You say what you had to say, and what
you would do and so would I, and that was it. But on the way back home we become the
best of friends, and we’d go talk, and that’s how we did it. And they come up with
friendship and business never mix, and that’s what we had.
9
11:22:57:19 - 11:24:21:02
Q: Were there other parents or other advocates who were an influence at this time for
you, or a support to you?
A: You know, it was good and bad. I had parents that -- you know, they can treat you
bad, but at that time, the only thing I thought about was what I did was for the children,
not for the parents, and that’s how I had to think. And I didn’t get upset with the
parents, but anything I could do for the child, I would do it. And that didn’t bother me.
You know, I stayed back to the table, saw a handful of parents, they would come in one
morning. They was upstairs because I wanted to help people, and I had a way of just
helping people, working with the staff, and they wanted you to talk to the staff and ask
and all that. I refused to do that, because I wanted to respect the staff, and work with
the staff, and they didn’t. So they come to the table that day. They was supposed to be
removing me, I remember that. First the staff said no, and everybody, all the other
parents, said she help us so much, and they voted down. So I stayed and began to help
them and all that stuff. These are the same parents that I helped get their children into
services and everything. But that, for some ways, all the disappointment that I had with
parents never stopped me from helping the children if I could, because one thing had
nothing to do with the other. The children were not responsible for what their parents
did or said.
Chapter Five: Advocacy
11:24:21:02 - 11:25:17:04
Q: So I wonder, what kind of supports were you looking for, for Darryl, when he was a
young boy? What was available to you?
A: I wanted good special education for him, and I wanted service for him. You know, I
wanted service for him. You know, I just wanted service to fit his needs, and that’s it.
Because they do better with service. Service was very important to me, that we keep
the service going.
Q: Why was that important to you?
A: Because that was uh -- keep him together, it would keep him together, it would keep
him so that he could maintain himself, that he could go out, he could do things for
himself, and he will understand that you have to mind and do things, and that’s what
service is. You can’t keep nobody with the special needs without the service around
them.
11:25:17:04 - 11:28:36:04
Q: I wanted to ask you a little bit about the meetings that Dorothy took you along to.
10
I know that you started out, I think, in -- you’ll have to help me with this -- I want to say
you started out with North Central, and I know North Central -A: Well she -- that was where she -- we ready -- she told me -- we ready -- we was ready
for North Central. That was on Broad Street, Broad and Erie, okay. Then something
happened, it went to -- they just went to comprehension -- you know how they change
the name -- comprehensional service. And at that time the board, invested money, and
the people didn’t pay it back, so that was not right. And then they COMHAR pick us up
for two years. And that’s where I started with the administrative stuff with [name] and
the board work there. And after we left there, we went on to uh -- I think Charles Drew
took us up. They were up on Tabor Road. Like Broad and Olney way.
So I was on their board for many, many years. So after they -- in fact, what they did,
what the board – mistake the board did is they got rid of the executive director.
And any organization will tell you, when you go to the top, and you get rid of that top
person, you’ve got to bring in a person just as good or better, to keep that organization
going. And they couldn’t find nobody, so they, you know, it folded, kinda folded and
then we went into 586c. I can think back to 586c. They wanted to give us to Northwest.
Okay? We for one wanted to keep 586c together, and I can remember Estelle Richman,
kinda. I didn’t have enough parents to back me there so I went alone. I had to, I didn’t
have no choice. Yes, we don’t mind 586c two base service units together, but we do not
want to be in Northwest. We want them to help us, and then that’s it. Fine, so I got a
call from the county office - Estelle Richards. Said we incorporated a new agency, you’re
the board president. Okay, that put me where I need to be. So we helped them
incorporate.
I learned a lot about finance and incorporation. Okay, I stood my grounds. I refused to
do anybody’s dirty work, and I was not going to get my hands dirty, and I never did.
I worked with the business department. Some of them, the director was crooked,
always had somebody beside me to advise me. I think one day that the business director
said put your name on this stamp, and you won’t have to come here and sign the check.
The controller looked at me, said, have you had lunch yet? I said, no I haven’t.
I’m taking you to Jenkintown, and get you some of the chicken salad that you like.
All right, okay. Soon as I got in the car and put the seat back, don’t you put your name
on no stamp, that dirty crooked man, and he told me all about it. The next two or three
days, he said, have you made your mind up yet? I said yes I have. I said I’m old fashioned.
I come here, stay two days and sign off this stuff with you but I’m not putting my name
on the stamp.
11:28:40:05 - 11:29:19:17
Q: One of the things that I think is so interesting about the ‘70s in Philadelphia was that
the way services and supports were provided were changing.
A: The programs, yes.
11
Q: They were coming from institutions and medical facilities and universities, and more
toward community based providers.
A: Yeah, it was community-based.
They wanted to change institutions into community-based. They did.
It would be to replace -- replace in the community, to give them the community life, you
know, meeting with peoples and going out and then different things in the community,
which they felt that was better.
11:29:19:17 - 11:31:46:28
Q: But it was also interesting that parents I think were having more opportunity – A: They had more opportunity, yeah they did.
Q: -- to direct the way services and supports should be provided.
A: Yes.
Q: So I wondered if you could tell me a little bit about how you became involved with
some of these provider agencies, and what -A: Because when we lost our base service unit, and I remember, they wanted some
parents involved. And by me was COHMAR and I was with Harry [last name?].
And he was my way into the county office – with Richard Cera.
And they wanted parents involved, because one thing Richard Cera… had heard from
these parents, said you never would have lost your base service unit.
So after we lost that, that sort of kind of motivated me then, and I lost the service, and I
said this will never happen to me again.
But all the positions I had, I had support from staff, directors, that was -- stayed close by
my side.
And I went back to school myself.
I went back to college myself and started taking college courses, like public speaking
because if you the leader or something, you going to have to make speeches.
But you want to make the speeches right. You want to know how to make the speeches,
and that’s where the class -- and they paid us to go these classes, and I went to the class
with some mental health people, and I learned from them, and this is what they learned
from me: whenever they would come in the class, and they would be upset and broke
down, I said you can do this. Don’t let nothing stop you. You can do this. So I can think
of a guy named Paul. That night he got his certificate. He said I owed it to you. He said
cause every time I felt like, said you come on strong and you talk to me, and you
motivate me, and you can do this, don’t stop. And that’s what I’ll tell -- the whole time I
went to the class, I never got a chance to eat no lunch, I never got a chance to eat no
snack on the break, because every time we had - when I had a lot of people talking to
me, and I’m trying to encourage them to (keep going). Don’t stop. You can do this. Can’t
be that bad, said, ‘Oh yeah. You’re right.’ You know? But I learned a lot about that
mental health side from them.
12
11:31:46:28 - 11:33:19:05
Q: And did that help you become a better advocate also?
A: Yes, it do. Talking with people. You got to get – you got to get with the peoples. I
remember a time we was making public speaking about… and we went to this church. I
had to make a speech that morning, on this church, and it made -- with the homeless
peoples. So I made my speech, and here’s what I said that motivated them: I said,
remember Ladies and Gentlemen, all of us is one step from being homeless. That broke
the ice. And so they was happier, they was talking, they was eating, they was enjoying
theyself, but I had to buy pack of cigarettes, because I asked if anything I could do for
anybody. Guy -- yeah, buy me a pack of cigarettes. Later I said, all right, Daddy, you got
it, because I left myself wide open there, you know? So it was really fun. You try to make
peoples feel, no matter what condition or where they are, you try to make them feel.
Because I believe that everybody was created equal, and everybody the same, and
that’s what I was talking -- that’s what my speech was about. And they was happy,
because nobody was not trying to put them down, you know? And I sit down, eat with
them. They got -- church gave them clothes, and they was happy. They was happy.
Because when I first started, they thought somebody was going to come in here, with all
this fancy speech and don’t care about them. But when I said all of us is one step from
being homeless, that broke the ice.
11:33:19:05 - 11:36:46:10
Q: Ms. Richardson, I’m wondering, with your roles with provider agencies, with family
supports with other parents, did your roles on boards and did your affiliations with
some of these organizations help you to advocate for your son?
A: Yes, it did. It really -- I would think time when I was on the board, and they were
going on, like the community of people, they were discharging all the community people
out of the workshops, so when the MR director brought the budget that night, on one
side it was 56, and when you got to the other side of that budget, it was 26. And I asked,
I said, Davey, who are these 26? He said, said they discharged all the community
peoples, and they going to keep them… peoples in the workshop. So Darryl was going
to the workshop. I couldn’t go to the board and say, I wanted my son to go to workshop,
so what I did, I went on behalf of all these children in the workshop, their parents is
working and what they going to do? Then I said, what you can do is get permission from
the county office to change that money around, the categories that they had in it. Don’t
send the people to camp this year. We’re talking about one week of camp, and a day
program, and next year, give everybody free camp. So the board agreed to it, and they
voted for it, and that’s what we did. Next thing was insurance, transportation. I went to
the transportation department, the guy borrowed a van, he got the right lights and
everything, and we paid him $25 a week to take our children to workshop, and that was
the transportation. And they saved all the community, not only my son, but we saved all
the other community… that was in their workshop, and that was it. When I sit on the
13
board, I taught them about program. They taught me about everything they could think
of, and they would vote it -- you know, they voted for it. I remember one night we was
trying to get a drug and alcohol program. Everybody say, ah, we don’t want that – didn’t
want it. I say how about the children? No, my children ain’t gonna do that. I said, How
about – guys what you voting on? What’s wrong with you? How about your
grandchildren? That’s what did it then. Oh they changed that vote. Said um -- I change
my no vote to yes, and when they was debating yes there, I made another motion, and
it passed, and they got the drug and alcohol program at… Women’s World. So you know,
you had to be just -- one night we was -- we had a crooked lawyer, and he was crooked.
I had the information, I thought I did, I got the information earlier. So I passed the books
around. Everybody was all happy and excited, and oh this is good, this is good. Then I
pass around the information about the crooked lawyer. I walked in the room with all the
folks was on the other side. But when I passed that crooked – saw what we were doing,
they read it. Everybody went to my side, and we voted, and we got rid of him that night.
He was history, you know? So they said, how did you do it? Said you didn’t have the
votes. I said I knew that. I said but I had… a long time ago. She said you had to butter
him up first, then come in, do what you have to do. So that’s what I did, by giving the
right information about the service, and they was all happy how the MR side was going
and then I passed other information around. So that I didn’t go there and tell them what
he did, I had it in writing. And they could read it for themselves.
11:36:46:10 - 11:37:45:05
Q: Ms. Richardson, you’ve been talking about so many issues that you’ve advocated for,
whether it was for drug and alcohol programs, or on behalf of folks who are homeless.
I’m wondering if there is a particular issue that you advocated around that gives you
pride, or -A: I was all about service, no matter what service you was getting. That was my goal,
was you know, you can’t say to MR some of them just do what I know is MH and they’re
MH and MR. And the drugs and alcohol, you know you want your – a lot of people that
is on drugs are trying to recover and that stuff and you know have issues and all that
kind of stuff, you know? And the board, when you’re on board, you have to address all
of that. You can’t get on one topic and stay there, you got to address everything -personnel, all that stuff. You know, personnel, MR committee, MH committee, and I was
on those committees, you know. I just was wanting to advocate more to everybody
have service, no matter what service they need, that they have service to make their life
better.
11:37:45:05 - 11:38:55:22
Q: And I believe you’re on the citywide supports coordination advisory committee.
A: Yes, I’m at Partnership. Yes, I am.
14
Q: And what do you do there?
A: Well, we -- they go over the budget with us, and they go over different things with it,
and we advocate and all. Most of the time, they ask me about the -- they were doing the
SIS thing, you know when the state come interview you, you know. So that night, Mary
called on me, she said, you had that, what did you do? I said, well first of all, take your
support coordinator with you, programs specialist. Everybody know your child. And I
said I think back the morning we did it, and I had the support coordinator, program
specialist, and I, we were saying the same thing. We were singing the song there. We
were saying the same thing. And we got too fast, and the young lady said, said you
don’t have an advocate? I said, no I don’t, my own son don’t have. She said that’s good,
she said because you brought peoples here that know your child. You didn’t give them
no advocate trying to score points, said you brought somebody that knows your child to
help your child, and that was it. They’re going to help the consumers. You know?
Chapter Six: Solving Systemic Problems and Building Relationships
11:38:55:22 - 11:42:24:15
Q: I’m sure it’s obvious to say that no system is perfect, but as a parent and an advocate,
how do you approach problems with the system?
A: Well, first of all, how I approach a problem, I have to do my homework.
And I have to find out what I’m dealing with, what’s at stake here, and I have to have all
that before I go out. I do my homework, and I have to have all that information.
Because if you go with the right information, nine times out of ten you’ll win.
But if you go with the wrong information, don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re
going to lose. Because when they question you, you got to be able to answer the
question, and if you don’t know anything about that, you can’t answer the question.
That’s how I do it. You know, if I’m going after something I have to learn what’s at stake
here, what’s going on here, and once I learned that, then I can go after. And I will take
advice.
I got good people’s advice because I will take it. Good advice I will take, bad advice I
don’t, you know, and that’s it. And that’s what I’ve always did. Listen. I listen first.
You go to -- when you go to meetings, listen first, so when you do have to talk, you
know what you’re talking about. I think back, I went back out to Friends Hospital with a
parent, and I got information. He was in Friends hospital. My advice was to leave him
there, don’t take him home. And that morning we went to the table, and I told the
parents, you’re not going to take him home. I said leave him here… and we had a
support coordinator. It was a friend of his boss, and he wouldn’t - he couldn’t do what
he really had to do. And here’s what I told him: I said, listen, you do what you can to
help this parent, and I’ll deal with your boss, all right? So he went on and did what he
had to do – got him in - and I did deal with his boss. But here’s one thing that Joyce told
15
me. He said -- he was from the MH side, and he come down to be director, case
manager. He said, when I mess up, said you will tell me, then you will go pull your chair
up there, and go behind that there and help me straighten it out. And he said, that’s
why I know both sides, and this is why that I’m where I am today.
So you know, you just work along with peoples, you know, and I think working with
people is a change, and working with all the right peoples is good. To be able to work
on anybody’s level, and that’s what I learned to do, you know. Peoples tell me things,
they share a lot of things with me that they supposed to be sharing with another
executive director, but I worked with executive director [Harrison] and we were – I
would sit beside him in a meeting. He would go over the budget with me. He would go
over everything with me. Because here’s what he said. When I started out, the parents,
they know so much more than I did, and here’s what he told me. He said, I rather take
you. He said sometimes people know everything, you can’t tell them nothing. He said,
but I rather take you and we’ll learn, and said you will be – you will make the best leader.
Okay, and that’s what we did. That’s what we did.
11:42:24:15 - 11:43:45:28
Q: Well, your leadership was also sought after for work on the Community Collaborative.
When the Pennhurst state school closed, and people transitioned to the community, the
transition was not without its problems. I know the city was in danger of being taken to
court by the Pennhurst plaintiffs.
A: Yeah they was. I remember Judge Broderick, remember him?
Q: Mm-hmm.
A: Yeah, went to court, but we was in -- took us down that morning, was in court with
that, too.
Q: I know that some folks at the city level and state level, Nancy Thaler and Estelle
Richman, among them -A: Yeah, yeah I know her too. I worked closely with her.
Q: They initiated the community collaborative in response to that litigation.
A: Yeah, they did.
Q: Can you tell me what the collaborative was trying to do?
A: Well they was trying to involve parents. I remember the time -- they was involved
parents. They wanted parents to be educated. They wanted parents to be advocates,
to help their own children, and learn how to work with everybody. They wanted that to
become a partnership, which we – the community, the families, and they all, the
16
directors in the county, and everybody, they wanted everybody work together as a
collaborative. Because they say with the parents, it would be better (if) the parents
work with everybody, and that’s what collaborative’s all about, is we’re all in this
together.
11:43:45:28 - 11:45:11:19
Q: And who was it that invited you to participate in the collaborative?
A: Well, after we lost the [agency], started with COHMAR again, Harry [name], started
with the county and then everything else was just -- just follow through. And then you - and your name go farther than you go. And by me, what really paid off for me was
being able to get along with everybody, respect everybody, and that’s what they liked.
You know how to talk to peoples, you not hollering and screaming at peoples. Can’t
nobody tell you anything. They could tell me. They could tell me, because I would ask
questions, and we would sit there. I think back the time we was advocating. I was
briefed for 45 minutes before I got in the meeting, and then I was able to go in, do what
I needed to do. And they would always brief you, and I remember one time with the
county office when the board members, I never seen nobody do a history in ten minutes,
but you. Said you did the whole history in ten minutes. I said yeah, because we didn’t
have a whole lot of time. And that’s why we did it that way, you know? But work with
people and haven’t been no one at this point, no directors, no organizations, that I
couldn’t work with.
11:45:11:19 - 11:46:08:29
Q: Who were some of the people that you got to work with on the collaborative?
A: Well we got to Harry [name]… county, Betsy Searle, Steve Eidelman, you know... And
we had some community people – Betty Hill – you know, work with -- you know, work
with them. Then Estelle Richman came aboard, and we worked with her. Just all over
this city, really, all the providers. You know, we would work with them. Everybody -- a
lot of people -- I got involved because a lot of people introduced me to these peoples.
They was, you know, when I first entered they would introduce me to this person. Then
another one would introduce me to somebody else, and then they will introduce you to
another person. And then all -- you know, we got the Vision [Vision for Equality], we got
Delaware Avenue and that’s a lot of people that was involved, and working together,
you know?
11:46:16:25- 11:47:34:04
Q: So I think we were talking about some of the different people that you worked with
in the collaborative, and I’m wondering what serving on the collaborative, and working
with those people, did for you as an advocate.
A: Well, they had to support their need, and the support and the information that they
shared with me, you know. They would just share all the information. They didn’t have
17
to take in or out just because I was a parent. In fact, worked with people and people
said we never know you’re a parent. We know you’re a parent, said but when we start
working with you, said you’re not a parent. You just -- just like everybody else with -you just want to do everything you can to help. And I not only -- I always –even when
we were doing the governor’s… meeting, my speeches have always been my child and
others. And when you say that, it gets away from that personal note, and peoples don’t
want to hear nobody’s personal problems, but if you include a group, then they’ll listen
to you.
11:47:34:04 - 11:49:40:02
Q: What do you think your colleagues and peers on the collaborative might have learned
from you?
A: They learned that a parent could function on all levels.
Q: Do you think that the collaborative did in fact improve the way people lived in
community?
A: Yeah, I think it improved, but I do know it improved, because then they started
formulating parent support groups, and their first one they had, FDSS advisory
committee. You remember FDSS? Had an advisory committee, which I was the chair of
that, and county was all working together. And it helps uh, thinking back to the time
that my son goes to Eagle Spring Camp. And some kind of way, Eagle Spring and the
county had some misunderstanding, so I know my son wanted -- I wanted him to go to
camp that year. So when we got to the county office that morning, I said, well how
about Eagle Spring Camp? So they were saying something and I said, well, I don’t care. I
said, we -- children want to go to camp, and you guys going to have to work together,
and I said, what do Eagle Spring have to do here? What rules and regs do they have to
follow? He was talking about insurance. I said, all right then, so I listened to him and
guide them together. I went back home and called Eagle Spring together and said, I
want my son to go to camp and there are children waiting to go to camp. Any way you
guys can work it out. Whatever you need to do -- compromise, negotiate. So Darryl and
other ones can go to camp. That happened. They got together. Eagle Spring did what
they supposed to do, county office did what they supposed to do, and the children went
on to camp. I said, what did you tell them? I told them I don’t care what they have to
do. I want Darryl to go to camp, and you work it out. So that’s what they did.
11:49:40:02 - 11:50:10:25
Q: Ms. Richardson, you were working on boards. You were certainly working with
people who were setting policy in Philadelphia, but I know that in your work, and in your
advocacy, you always remembered the line staff, the people who were sort of doing -A: Always, always, always.
18
Q: Can you tell me why that’s important?
A: Because I’m the person says, if you’re working with the line staff, and from the top to
the bottom -11:50:10:26 - 11:53:53:19
A: I always felt the line staff played a key role. Because they sort of working with the
consumers, you know, and I remember a time we had lunch and we raised money and
did lunch for 20 years, and a lot of times, peoples go to the top of organizations and give
them awards. They never went middleways into that bottom, and I’m saying, if you go
beyond the call of duty, and I don’t care if you’re cutting grass, but if you’re good at
cutting the grass, and you’re going beyond the call of duty, then you should get award
too, and that’s what I did. From the top to the bottom -- because I believe everybody -it takes the bottom middle line staff to get the top what it need to do. It take everybody
working together.
Q: And what impact do you feel that recognition has for people who are -A: It had motivated them. I hear right now, they can’t give them -- we can’t give gifts
like we used to. They changed that. You know what I mean. So you had to give them
certificates. But they said, I talked one of -- not long, about a couple days ago. She said,
I look at my walls, I look at my trophies, and I think about this come from parents. And
each parent, I mean, we made them a part of that, and we did this for 20 years. We give
out souvenirs, we gave out awards, and that sort of motivated the peoples. It motivate
that somebody cares about them, and appreciates what they do. And that’s all that is.
And like bringing people together, you know, because right now, say that it’s a
consumer, that gets on the Paratransit. She swiped all of them cards. And when I’m at
home, if I see something to take to the workshop, it goes… for Jonetta, cause Darryl
gives it to her, and she takes it, and I thought about one day they brought me home, and
he was calling numbers out, and she would take that swipe, each one of them, those
consumers’ card on Paratransit. And she was a big help to them. So I said nobody had
never gave this consumer anything. So when we have outreach I got her a trophy, just
like I’m giving out everybody else, for her outstanding support and work that she do,
and that’s it. And that’s also Special Smiles. The way they treat, do our dental work
with our children, and so patient. You got to have everything in, before they put
anybody to sleep. That care, that says a lot about them, and they cares about them.
And so at our outreach and stuff, we give out awards. We thank the people, all our
supporters, and we work together. And the volunteer workers, we got them matched
up with staff and consumers. We’re working together. Like two staff will be serving
food to a consumer. One registration person on the registration desk, be one staff, one
consumer. It’s the same thing with the childcare -- two staff, two consumers. Because
the higher functioning one, that will go good on their resume, and improve them, help
them. You know, do this work. And they can do it.
19
11:53:53:19 - 11:55:47:27
Q: Ms. Richardson, what would your philosophy be about advocacy?
A: I think advocacy be – and the right advocates -- not making people doing what you
want them to do, but just working with peoples, and know how to listen.
Everybody have a right to their own opinion, and respect that.
And I feel like anything that -- all the averages pays off, if everybody is working together,
that we all in this together, and that we all working together, trying to make it better for
our consumers.
That’s what’s important.
Q: Do you think there will ever come a time when you can stop being an advocate?
A: I hope it’s now, but it’s -- I know that this group here, I was wondering why the
coordinator of the parent support group wanted me to be a consultant. And I’m saying
we have our leaders, we have our liaison person. Now why do I have to be involved?
And she said, you can help this leader become a better leader. So you don’t have to be
doing this, but you can help her. Some of the things that you gone through can help her
to be a better leader. At that time, I didn’t think it would -- it would pay off. But one
time we had lunch, and I told her. I said, now I’m here to help you, and I don’t mind
helping you. And we got -- oh we talked and she voiced her opinion and I voiced mine.
And we started working together, and we’ve been working together ever since. You
know, she call me and asked me to do something, I’ll do it. Always, whatever I want to
do, I talk it over with her. I don’t go over her head at all. I respect her as a leader, and
then that’s it.
Chapter Seven: Mentoring the Next Generation of Parents
11:55:47:27 - 11:57:55:18
Q: Can you tell me maybe about one person that you’re currently mentoring, and how it
is that you support that person?
A: Cleo Dupree.
When we’re doing awards. Yeah, we are -- work together, and she like, for example, we
was getting the food person that was going to do the catering for us. Okay, I got the
caterer and a DJ, but the day I met with them, I called her, so she could meet with us,
and she could voice her opinion, and that would be -- if anybody asked her about food,
DJ, or any event, she would know, because she would be in the meeting. So I called her
to -- what day’s good for you, Monday or Tuesday? I said she can’t meet us on Monday.
It’s Tuesday. Okay, and she come, and she was able to voice her opinions and different
things, and we worked together on that. When we do an award, we put them in
together, we went back and got them together, and we paid for them. She paid some,
and I paid some, and that’s how we do it. Now she asks me to -- anything that she calls,
20
she asks me, and she said, you know make sure you got the paperwork and the sign-in
sheet and everything. I said, I got that. I said, I was at county. I was at – down the
Vision [Vision for Equality]. They gave it to me. I said, I have all the sign-in sheets. I’ve
got the contract that we supposed to sign, and I got everything. And I said, I’ll bring it,
you sign it and then you can do what you have to do, and that’s how we work together,
like in a partnership. And I always stayed in the background, and if she need me, a lot of
times, we just get things together, over the telephone, but respect her as a leader, and I
don’t need to be in the limelight, because I been there and did that. So I always help
her, and she be telling -- making speeches and telling people what they got to do and all.
She ask me to do anything, okay, you got it. And that’s how you work with people, and
that’s how you create peoples, and mold them and shape them, and they be good
leaders. I learned that from my own experience.
11:57:55:18 - 12:00:40:03
Q: Do you think today’s parents realize how much is at stake for their children?
A: No, they don’t. The younger parents, they don’t. They think -- see, they didn’t have
to do without us. We advocated and got things for ourselves. It’s all been there for
them, and so they never had to worry about services. All they had to do was go get it.
But I found that younger peoples like this, you can’t explain to them. They wants
everything right when they want it. They don’t want to wait for anything, and they just,
you know, just talking so much, and they don’t listen to people. They don’t go in and
learn how to listen, and really learn how to work with people, and that’s what you got to
have. You know, you can’t be all upset. You know, you can be upset, but it’s a way that
you can kind of -- if you are upset and you are disappointed, and I’ve always said this – I
used to tell when I was the leader, if you’re not happy, when you come to this table,
plaster a smile on your face and pretend you’re happy, and that’s what I would tell them.
Because you go to the table all negative, talking like that, you just destroyed your
meeting. You just destroyed everything you want to accomplish that day. You just
don’t get anywhere, you know, and that’s all I say. Listen first. You know, like how you
have a right to your opinions, I have a right to mine, but I have to listen to you and see
what you’re saying. You listen to me, and then we find a way. How we going to work
together, how we going to solve this problem, and just help everybody? And we find –
you by -- you say your opinion, I say mine, and we find a way, like common grounds
here, that we can work. You know we would say it like, know your ground, stand your
ground, but stay on common ground. You know, you really want to keep it together like
that, you know.
You don’t -- and everybody in this world have problems. You’re not the only one that
have a problem. And it’s not -- the problem is, say, it’s like, what do you do about the
problem? What can we do? And you know, I’m saying the problem -- you go to the
table, you’re taking 30 unimportant things in the back of your mind, and you bring the
important things to the front. You know, it’s -- well if it’s a problem at home whatever it
is, close the door on that and leave it there and you go on out there and you do what
21
you need to do, and you be able to separate it. That was my cousin. I worked with the
Bulletin newspaper. I was her first cousin. Nobody never know we was first cousin,
because we got on that job, we act like we didn’t even know each other. She was my
boss, and she told me what to do and I did it. Didn’t nobody never suggest that.
Nobody never know, because we was just two different peoples, you know, and that’s it.
Chapter Eight: The Future for Lizzie’s Son and the System
12:00:42:27 - 12:02:24:03
Q: Given all the work that you had done over the years, and others, you and others,
what do you feel the future holds now for your son, and other children with disabilities?
A: Well, I’m looking at Harrisburg right now. I’m also looking at the cutbacks. Everybody
right now service, we -- no one knows what the future holds for any of these service,
really. You know, we do all the advocating, but ‘body comes in and don’t know the
service, and just cut, cut, cut. You want to know what the future holds now, so that’s
why we’re going to meetings and try to stay on top of it, and try to hold the service we
got. I do have a problem with them not putting anyone on -- no money there for that
waiting list. I have a problem with that, because another problem that I’m dealing –
that I’ve --children coming out of school. Where do they go, and what services going to
be out there for them? So no one knows. I think everybody’s future’s up in the air right
now. I don’t care how good of a service you got, or how long you’ve been getting the
service. But they say, nothing lasts forever, and you trying to find out like what you do
now, what to do next, and we still advocating. That’s why I’m back out there, you know.
So that’s what -- that’s how I feel.
12:02:24:03 - 12:04:59:14
Q: Ms. Richardson, where does your son Darryl live now?
A: He live at home. He live at home. But if he richer, he would go to -- hopefully they
don’t cut everything off. It used to be respite care. You know, that’s where I want him
to be placed at, because the staff knows him, because he been going since he was 11,
and he is on their waiting list and he – and I go every December. I go to meet with them
and update his service, update his residential service. He goes to respite care there, too,
you know, and when I go on vacation, he goes there. He have a vacation, I have a
vacation, and that’s how we do it. And then we glad to see one another when we come.
He did what he wanted to do. I did what I wanted to do, and we happy to see each other.
Like the party Friday night. He did not want me to go to the party. I do not go. I do not
go.
Q: What are some of the best times that you and Darryl share together, Ms. Richardson?
A: We go out to eat. Darryl come home, sometimes we go out to the country. We love
the County Buffet, and I don’t have a granddaughter, but he gave me one, and she
22
thinks I’m her grandmother. So tomorrow I be down at the school picking her up, and
she’s coming to outreach. But she wanna do child care, and she only 11. She can’t do
volunteer work, she’s too young. Her sister is graduating this year, so she’s doing it. So
she’s going to come and tell me the other day, oh Shaieda can’t work Saturday.
She want to replace Shaieda, but she’s too young. She’s good at it, but she’s too young.
I said, no way, we can’t use her. You know, she’s too young.
Q: You said Darryl gave her to you?
A: I mean, no, we didn’t -- I remember her and her mother when she was being babylike, and the way her mother treated her, and now. And the other lady got custody of
her, and she sent her to school. She’s nice to her. Okay, she’s doing the basic things for
her, like send her to school, feeding and clothing her. Now -- but the cosmetic things, I
do, like the cell phone that children have now, okay. Class trip, I do the class trip. And
we’re working together with this and that bring her life completely, that she’s not out of
things. You know, I buy her things and different things, and take her out to eat, too,
because Darryl will go to – now I pick her up Friday. Darryl going to the dance, and I’m
taking her to Burger King. So that’s how we do it.
Chapter Nine: Reflections on Life and Career
12:04:59:14 - 12:07:07:27
Q: What do you think has been the most challenging thing about having a child with a
disability?
A: Well, service…You’re advocating for service all the time. You really want to make
service, and a lot of things, you know, just change your whole lifestyle around. You
know, you’re advocating, and a lot of times you wouldn’t have to be involved. But if you
have a child like that, you have to be involved. You have to be involved with the system.
You have to answer questions, you have to bring up paperwork and that sort of thing.
And it’s routine. You know, it’s just like routine, you know, and but once you get past
that, and I see how much he have improved at this point, and how easy along to get
with, what he doing, it’s all worth it. I see other children, parents. Ms. Lewis, I used to
help her, and her child didn’t -- different programs, services, and her daughter didn’t fit
into it. And here’s what I told Ms. Lewis. I said, Ms. Lewis, you know what your child
can do better than I do. Now yes, I’m going to help you, but what do you want me to do?
And she said, and she told me, and I talked with her about three different things. She
said, you never try to push nothing on me. Said, you always ask me what do I want with
my child, and that’s what you support. Like she -- we were doing fundraising, and she
couldn’t sell things and do fundraising, and I wanted her to come to the luncheon.
And what I did, sit down with her, and she says she will donate. I said, no problem, you
donate the money, and nobody at this table would never give you nothing to sell. It
23
worked, and she was able to participate in the luncheon. You know, you find a way.
Whatever they tell you, you find a way. But whatever they tell me, you find a way.
Nobody knows that but us. I don’t tell nobody else, and I sit to the table, know
everybody’s personal problems. Talk all day and all night long, and never mention
people’s personal problems. They told me. They probably just wanted a signing board.
It was not for me to repeat, and I didn’t.
12:07:07:28 - 12:08:35:20
Q: So that’s what I wanted to ask you, actually, what it is about Darryl that brings you
joy.
A: Yeah, Darryl enjoy going out to eat, Darryl like to go to his room, he likes to be --time
out.
Here’s what we do.
I’ll be downstairs, taking it easy, and he wants to be upstairs taking it easy.
So we both give each other the time alone. We cook. We eat. We go out to eat.
One time I took him to the movie, and he sit two rows behind me, because he don’t
want nobody to find out he was sitting with his mother.
He sit two rows behind me at the movie.
But when we got ready to go to Popeyes, he’s right with me eating, you know.
But I enjoy him, you know, and I learn a lot of how to deal with it and adjust to it, and
helping other people really helps me with Darryl, too.
You know, you want the best for your child, and you’re going to do what you have to do,
and I never -- as I said, I never put the family through anything, and I’ve always took it in
stride, and did what I had to do.
And I never dreaded doing it, you know.
I was contented doing it, and it didn’t bother me, because I knew that if I worked hard,
he would change.
But when he did go to the residential placement, I wanted his behavior to be together,
so that he would have a smooth sail there.
And that’s where we all worked on it.
12:08:35:20 - 12:10:05:12
Q: Ms. Richardson, you had two children who, in some ways, were on the opposite ends
of the spectrum -- one child gifted, one child with a disability.
A: You got it, right, yes I did.
Q: What was that experience like, parenting for you?
A: Well, the one that gifted was -- I’ve seen her order a computer, in a box, and put it
together. Computer said congratulations, good job, and from day one, I kept her in
good schools so that she could motivate herself. And we would talk and like I – like
24
different… she always could talk. We would talk and everything, and I wanted her to
have the best and I wanted him to have the best, but I worked with each child’s needs,
is what I worked with each child on, and that’s what I did. And it didn’t -- it really didn’t
bother me, because everybody that worked with us accepted Darryl, even my block. For
example, my block. They always have treated Darryl nice, and I always treated the small
children nice, and to the day, on my steps the children could sit on because I’m not
going to be hard with children. And I love children, and that’s how we do it. They treat
Darryl nice. They never, ever had disrespected him. They treat him nice because I treat
him nice, and I treat -- also treat them nice. I don’t run in and out of their house and I
don’t tend to their business, and that’s what they like.
12:10:05:12 - 12:12:00:12
Q: Ms. Richardson, how would you describe yourself?
A: Well I hope that -- I know that I can drive some strong bargains when I know I’m right.
I find myself not backing down on nothing if I’m right. No, I’m not going to do that and
I’m going do -- I know that this is right. But when I do that, a peace like come over you,
and that’s when you get the nice, and that’s when your voice get the calmness. You
know, if I’m angry I can cover it up. The next person will never know it. You know,
because that’s when you build a shield around you, a mental shield around you, to
protect you, and you never get hurt in what you’re doing, no matter how hard it is. And
you’re happy doing what you’re doing. You don’t let it set -- you separate it, and I go
home, forget all about it, and I’m going on eating and enjoying myself, and I’m not
thinking about it. I don’t think about it. But you always need help. Peoples come in,
they offer you help, and you accept it. If they got some good advice for you, you also
accept that. And you always treat people with dignity and respect. Like I want to be
respected, you want to be respected. Go ahead, treat you that way if you would treat
me that way, and that’s how it is, you know? And we all -- it’s different ways in the
world, and everybody have a way. And you just get used to learn their personal ways
and work with the person, not try to change them. Because you can’t change anybody.
And that’s another thing. A lot of people try to change other people. You can’t change
peoples, you can’t change them. You got to find a way to work with them, without
changing them.
12:12:00:12 - 12:13:34:13
Q: What are you proudest of in your life?
A: Well, I’m just proud of my life that I have been truthful and honest, and I have helped
a lot of people, motivated a lot of people, and peoples have motivated me. And I look
back at my girlfriend, we went to school together in grade school, and when I go South,
we still the best of friends, and nobody can ever believe that. Said I can’t believe you
grew up together, and you’re still good friends. We are, you know, and that’s how it is.
You know, I’m just happy with my life, because I’m contented. You know, I’m contented
with it. You know, I guess working with different peoples, helping with peoples and
25
doing different things, you’re just not sitting in the house, just not doing nothing and
worrying about everything. You’re out doing what you like to do, and I Iike to be out
talking, and working with peoples, and doing whatever you need to do. And you know,
and I’m happy when I see a parent that I’ve helped, move into that leadership and doing
a good job. I’m very happy with that. You know, so I am. You know, I want all the
parents to do good, and I want everybody to have service. And that’s one thing that I
learned too, I want everybody -- I don’t want nobody to just go without service that they
need.
12:13:34:13 - 12:14:37:16
Q: Ms. Richardson, how would you like to be remembered?
A: Well I don’t know. I would like be remembered as a caring person, that, you know,
like that, you know, and I’m not selfish at all. Not trying to hurt anybody, but I will help
you. You know, if I can help you, I will do whatever I can for you. And when I help you,
like this little girl that I give things to is -- my niece told me, I helped raise her, and she
always says, she says Aunt Lizzie, you helped raise her. She said, well here’s what I’d like
for you to say. I tell her, you don’t owe me anything for help raising you. All I want you
to do is have a good life, and she said -- she said, that means a lot to me. She don’t owe
me nothing, because she didn’t ask me to do for her. I did for her because I wanted to
and I cared about it. She don’t owe me anything. Take her family, her grandchildren,
and enjoy life. But when I need her to drive me somewhere, ask her to do it, she’ll do it,
and that’s it.
12:14:37:16 - 12:17:24:19
Q: One last question. Are there any words of wisdom you’d like to pass on to other
families?
A: I’d like to pass on to families that work with everybody and get educated and learn
this system. And know how to talk to peoples, know when to talk, when not to talk, and
work closer with people, just care about other people, other than yourself. I know -and I think that’s what I would like to give to the parent. And then for the parent, I
would like to say, learn all you can, and you never know it all, and it’s always something
that you can learn.
Q: We pretty much got through it. Is there anything you want to add?
We’ve got a few minutes -A: I guess not, but I just -- you know, if I didn’t enjoy what I was doing, I wouldn’t do it.
You know, I wouldn’t do it. But see, I care about other people, and I know other people.
Like little girl, the granddaughter, I give her things, so that when she goes to that
classroom, and she go on a class trip, it makes her feel good that she can go on that
class trip like her classmate. What that do is to build that self-esteem up, is what it do.
You know? Like… something like that. That helps her grow, to be the young hopeful, to
26
be the young leader that she should be, and it just build up that self-esteem and that
self confidence in herself, and that -- never feel beneath anyone. You’re just as good as
anybody else would, and that’s my teaching. You know? And that’s it.
END
27