Do You Hear
What I Hear?
How to be a good listener
“Take a tip from natureyour ears aren’t made to be shut, but your
mouth is.”
Unknown
“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so
we could hear twice as much as we speak”
Epictetus
We listen at 125-250 words
per minute
We think at 1000-3000 words
per minute
Payoffs of good listening
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•
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•
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Gain knowledge
Receive better work and cooperation from others
Can help win and keep friends
Solve problems and resolve conflict
Reduce tension
Increase enjoyment in life
Strengthen family relationships
Some interesting statistics
• 85% of what we know, we learned by listening
• 75% of the time we are distracted, preoccupied or
forgetful
• We recall about 50% immediately after we listen
to someone talk
• We spend about 45% of time listening
• We remember about 20% of what we hear
Do you speak like a dolphin or a
killer whale?
Poor Listening Styles
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Spacing out
Pretend listening
Selective listening
Word listening
Self-centered listening
– Judging
– Advising
– Probing
Genuine Listening
1. Listen with your eyes, heart and
ears
2. Stand in their shoes
3. Practice mirroring
Genuine Listening
60
50
40
30
20
10
0
Body
Language
Tone/Feeling
Words
History repeats itself because no
one listened the first time.
anonymous
What do you mean?
• I didn’t say you had an attitude problem
• I didn’t say you had an attitude problem
• I didn’t say you had an attitude problem
Genuine Listening
1. Listen with your eyes, heart and
ears
2. Stand in their shoes
3. Practice mirroring
Genuine Listening
1. Listen with your eyes, heart and
ears
2. Stand in their shoes
3. Practice mirroring
Mirroring vs. Mimicking
Mimicking is . . .
• repeating words
• using the same words
• cold and indifferent
Mirroring is . . .
• repeating meaning
• using your own words
• warm and caring
Mirroring Phrases
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•
•
•
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As I get it, you felt
So, as I see it
I can see that you’re feeling
You feel that
So, what you are saying is
Reactive
vs. Reflective
• Allow own thoughts,
feelings or opinions to
take over conversation
• More concerned with what
they want to say that what
the other person is telling
them.
• Focus on their own
reactions rather than the
feeling and needs of
speaker.
• Concentrate on the
feelings, opinions and
concerns that are being
expressed by the other
person.
• Avoid interrupting the
other person to comment
on what he or she is
saying
• Focus on what the speaker
is saying in order to
understand it.
See First to Understand, and then
be Understood
• Practicing listening is only the first half.
• Share your feelings.
• If you take the time to listen,
chances of being listened to are very good.
A good listener is a good talker
with a sore throat!
Katharine Whitehorn
Resources
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Sean
Covey, Fireside, 1998.
• Teaching Resources for Youth Educators
Communications Source Book:. 4-H Youth
Development Building Bridges Curriculum,
University of Wisconsin Extension, 877-947-7827
• Life Lists for Teens, Pamela Espeland, Free Spirit
Publishing, 2003.
• The Communications Toolkit, Michigan State
University Extension, 310 Ag. Hall, East Lansing,
MI, 48824, 517-432-1555, $25.00