CENTER FOR DIGITAL
WELLNESS
LIBERTY UNIVERSITY
CENTER FOR YOUTH
MINISTRIES
LIBERTY UNIVERSITY
Engage in real life and relationships!
6 Session Student Study Leaders Guide
1 Introduction
1. Look Up …
2. Look Up …
3. Look Up …
4. Look Up …
5. Look Up …
6. Look Up …
Be yourself
Make a friend
Take control
Be present
Hear God’s voice
Live your calling
The Digital Wellness Challenge
www.Facebook.com/LUDigitalWell
@LUDigitalWell
Instagram - LUDigitalWell
2 Before your study click below and watch this video of our theme song I Will Look Up to prepare your heart. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tEQnoE7SnZw&list=RDtEQnoE7SnZw#t=23 You will see Questions for Group Conversations and One-­‐On-­‐One Conversations where students can turn to the person next to them and discuss in each session – these are to promote small group discussion. At the end of each lesson there is a Keep the Conversation Going for you to use if you need more material. With each session feel free to share a story from your own personal experience. Introduction
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Have nametags for students as they come in. At start of session introduce yourself and your passion for this topic and have each person share their name and few sentences about themselves and why they are here. Continue on to Session #1 Session #1 – Look Up … Be Yourself The heart of the session -­‐ Social Media can make us the performer and our friends the audience. It is easy to find our identity in how many likes we get. This session is about finding your true identity in what God thinks of you and to look up and become your true best self. Supplies needed: • White board markers • Blank journals to handout 3 •
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Index cards Post-­‐it-­‐notes Session #2 – Look Up…Make a Friend The heart of the session -­‐ One of the things we miss out on when we are constantly looking down is the people sitting 3 feet from us. This session is about looking up and learning how to make a friend. Supplies needed: Conversation Box Idea • Have a box with a variety of items in it (seashell, small soccer ball, key, etc.) have each person take an item and then engage in a conversation with someone next to them about the item. • Post-­‐it-­‐Notes Session #3 – Look Up…Take Control The heart of the session -­‐ Technology has a way of giving us control and taking it away at the same time. Just like a city without walls will be destroyed, our technology has to have some boundaries or “walls” around it. This session is about looking up and establishing some digital boundaries Supplies needed: • Index cards to write out digital boundaries • Post-­‐it-­‐Notes Session #4 – Look Up…Be Present The heart of the session -­‐ Today our attention is constantly being divided between those who are with us and those who are not with us. This session is about looking up and being present to your life and relationships. 4 Supplies needed: • Post-­‐it-­‐notes Session #5 – Look Up…Hear God’s Voice The heart of the session -­‐ In our noisy digital world it is becoming difficult to hear God’s voice. This session is about looking up, paying attention and hearing what God wants to say to your heart. Supplies needed: • Post-­‐it-­‐notes • Index cards Session #6 – Look Up…Live Your Calling The heart of the session -­‐ God has a perfect plan and purpose for your life. This session is about looking up and pursuing the call God has on your life. Supplies needed: • Index cards • Post-­‐it-­‐Notes #LookUp 5 Introduction
I look up to the mountains -­‐ does my help come from there? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth…He Himself watches over you! Psalms 121:1-­‐2, 5 (NLT) Do not be conformed to this (digital) world, but be transformed by the renewing of your (unplugged, Christ like) mind. Romans 12:2 (Adapted) I wrote my book The Digital Invasion: How Technology is Shaping You and Your Relationships because I saw that I like what technology is doing FOR us but I don’t like what it is doing TO us. Research shows most of us are spending more time on our devices than we like. I think its because technology has this sneaky way of giving us control and taking it away at the same time. In fact if forced to choose two-­‐thirds of college students would choose an Internet connection instead of a car.1 We truly are an “always-­‐connected generation” in fact, I have to say it didn’t take me long after coming to work at a university campus to notice everywhere I went people with ear buds in their ears and many looking down at their phones. One student shared with me, “People need the people right in front of them. It can feel isolating to be walking around school and not even have people say hello because many are plugged into their phones. From my experience, it is most fulfilling to be plugged-­‐in to the people right in front of me!” So I started to think about all the things that we are missing out on by looking down all the time, which inspired me to launch the Look Up Campaign and this Look Up 6-­‐session study to challenge students to look up and to engage in real life conversations and relationships. As I am building the nation’s first Center for Digital Wellness at Liberty University my prayer is that God would transform us from a culture of distraction to a culture of engagement. You notice I said “us” because this isn’t just a student problem, or a parent problem, our digital overuse is impacting everyone. We are seeing babies addicted to iPads and grandmas addicted to Candy Crush. Everyone on planet earth is being impacted by our digital world, and honestly, we could all use help in establishing some healthy digital boundaries. I really believe that 10 years from now it will be those who can manage their digital life well that will be the most successful in their lives, careers and in their relationships. Let me say right up front I am not anti-­‐tech I do love my technology; I just got the new iPhone 6 1 http://newsroom.cisco.com/release/474852/Air-­‐Food-­‐Water-­‐Internet-­‐Cisco-­‐Study-­‐Reveals-­‐Just-­‐
How-­‐Important-­‐Internet-­‐and-­‐Networks-­‐Have-­‐Become-­‐as-­‐Fundamental-­‐Resources-­‐in-­‐Daily-­‐Life 6 and it’s great! It’s not the technology itself that’s the problem but our overuse of it. If we use our technology responsibly it can make our lives easier, more productive and help us to connect with other people we wouldn’t normally see. But, one of the things that our digital invasion is stealing from us is conversation. We are having lots of connections but lacking in conversation. There are three conversations everyone needs to have everyday. They are Conversations, with God, yourself and others. My prayer is that we would all become better stewards of our screens and more engaged in daily conversations and in our real life relationships. Let’s keep taking steps forward with our technology I’m just proposing that we take a few steps backward with our humanity -­‐ back to real life conversations and connections. Let’s begin a journey and a lifestyle of looking up! Sylvia
Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd Founder and Executive Director Center for Digital Wellness at Liberty University -­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐-­‐ Technology is a wonderful tool many people use to enhance their productivity in their careers, in their social life, and even for their entertainment. People have access to anything they want, whenever they, and pretty much however they want. The world truly is at our fingertips and by the touch of a screen we can see things halfway around the world or communicate with people in different countries. As exciting as these things are, one thing that I have come to realize is how disconnected people are to one another, even though they are connected (digitally). The digital world is fascinating but it also has the potential to dehumanize people and relationships. In all my years of working with students and their families, I have never been more concerned about the disconnect we see between parents and their children or between adults and students. Relationships are being marginalized. One of the foundational principles in the Center for Youth Ministries is that ministry is built on authentic relationships. The only way to build authentic relationships with people is to spend time and do life with them. As we navigate through the advancement of technology, it is important for us to be aware of the daily distractions that may keep us from accomplishing God’s desires. The Center for Youth Ministries is excited to see the attention Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd and the Center for Digital Wellness is bringing to the use of technology and how we manage 7 technology rather than technology managing us. Throughout all of scripture we see how God uses relationships and people to build His kingdom, God could use any other means but He has chosen authentic relationships, most notably His son Jesus Christ (Phil 2). Let’s Look Up to see how God can use us by connecting through authentic relationships to further His kingdom. Jonathan
Dr. Jonathan Geukgeuzian Executive Director Center for Youth Ministries at Liberty University 8 Session #1 - Look Up … Be Yourself
“For we are God’s masterpiece. He created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He has planned for us long ago.” Ephesians 2:10(NLT) Ask students what are some of the things we miss out on when we are looking down? Write their responses on a white board or type into your laptop and project on a screen. What other students have shared about what are some things they miss out on when they are looking down: •
Missed opportunities – to meet a need, make a friend •
Being present to someone •
Connecting on a deeper level •
The sky, artwork, beauty •
Living in the moment Social media is making it harder for us to be ourselves. The very nature of social media itself breeds fear, envy and depression. This comes from all the comparing, contrasting and competing. You know how it goes, we see people’s pics and read their posts and compare our life with theirs and can end up not feeling good about ourselves. I wonder today what do you see when you look in the mirror? Do you see all your flaws; all the things you wish were different? Do you really know yourself? Do you like yourself? It’s hard to be yourself when all our social media encourages us to compare, and compete with each other. Click below to share this video on being Comfortable in Your Own Skin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAx1duItfug Questions for Group Conversation: Share your thoughts about this video. How can you relate what you
saw to your own personal experience?
The only reliable source of our identity is God! He created each one of us, He loves us, He sent His Son, Jesus Christ, to die for us, and transforms our lives through His Holy Spirit! When we establish our identity in how God sees us we can confidently live our lives in the assurance of His perfect plan for our lives. When we allow Him to define our identity, we stand on a sure foundation for a life of peace, contentment, and yes, even some adventure! 9 It’s essential to take the time to get to know yourself because there is a great lack of self-­‐
awareness in people today. Our technology promises us 24/7 connections and that you never have to be alone. But here’s a basic psychological truth and that is if you don’t learn how to be alone you will constantly be lonely. We are seeing an epidemic of loneliness in people today. There is a fear of being alone with our thoughts and feelings. In an article in Science Journal last month they talked about an experiment they did. They put people in a room and told them they could sit alone with their thoughts for 10 minutes or press a button that would administer a shock. Do you know that 68% of the men and 25% of the women chose to shock themselves over sitting alone with their thoughts?2 That’s shocking news! J One of the best things you can do to get to know yourself is to get a journal and daily process your thoughts and emotions it has been proven that students who did this lowered their stress, anxiety and depression. It also helped build their EQ, (their emotional intelligence) which research shows is more important even than IQ. (Give journals to students). So remember there will never be another you. You are God’s creation, a one of a kind masterpiece! Your value is not determined by your likes, or your Facebook friend count, but by God’s amazing love for you. What God thinks of you:
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You are His beloved You are priceless You are loved He wants to give you good things He is fighting for you You are the apple of God’s eye You are forgiven You are God’s friend You are God’s child Questions for Group Conversation:
Which one of these truths speaks to your heart about how God
thinks of you?
Why does that matter to you?
POST IT & Post It! On a post-­‐it-­‐note, have the students record the truth they need to hold on to and put it on their bathroom mirror or take a picture for their screen saver and post it on Social Media. #LookUp 2 http://news.sciencemag.org/brain-­‐behavior/2014/07/people-­‐would-­‐rather-­‐be-­‐electrically-­‐
shocked-­‐left-­‐alone-­‐their-­‐thoughts 10 Knowing what God likes in you takes away the need to fear other’s opinions. But please consider this: people at every age long for and desperately need to connect with others and social media has become a primary measuring device of acceptance and self-­‐esteem. In my view, it’s much easier to develop a superficial relationship…than spending time and investing selfless commitment to develop genuine, lasting relationships.3 Questions for One-On-One Conversation:
Take a few minutes to interview the person next to you (take
turns). Ask them to describe themselves. (Funny, quiet, athletic,
musical, etc.) Write it down on an index card. Share with the
group what you learned about the other person.
To be yourself, it helps to saturate your mind with the truth of God’s Word. It’s filled with reminders of His unconditional love for you. He says you are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). He says that nothing can separate you from His love (Romans 8:35). Don’t let the enemy steal your identity. You are God’s masterpiece. Believe it! Questions for Group Conversation:
Have the students share their experience with Social Media and how
it has made them feel about themselves?
Digital Wellness Challenge
Every time you see the “like” sign online this week be reminded of what God thinks of you. He likes and loves you! Take time to write in your journal each day. Keep the Conversation Going: (additional session material) •
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Do an honest heart-­‐check/assessment. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the best), how much do you like yourself? What contributes to your self-­‐view? Why does it matter? How can a healthy love for self affect your relationships and actions? Can you share some strategies you could implement on a daily basis to learn to be comfortable with being you? Do your current social media habits support a healthy view of self or discourage your healthy view? What do you need to do in order to succeed? How can you encourage a friend to “like” him/herself as God’s masterpiece? 3 Dr. Ken Nichols, Masterpiece, p. 27. 11 Session #2 - Look Up… Make a Friend “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-­‐10(NLT) Ask students what benefits do they gain from a face-­‐to-­‐face conversation that isn’t present in a digital conversation? Write their responses on a white board or type into your laptop to appear on the screen. What other students have shared about what isn’t present in a digital conversation: •
No eye-­‐contact •
Can’t see the persons reactions •
Don’t know what their mood is •
Don’t have the person’s full attention •
Miss out on laughing together •
Being able to hug them In this session we are talking about making friends. You see the sign for adding virtual friends on the top right, but today we are talking about adding some real life friends. God has created us for face-­‐to-­‐face engaging with other people. It’s inherent in our design! Facebook, Twitter, and the like can help us connect with others we may not get to see on a daily basis – but we need to take time to look up and engage in real life conversations with those sitting 3 feet from us. During this session think about how many Facebook friends you have and how many real life friends you have and the difference between how you connect with each one. In a recent article entitled “You Can’t Hug a Facebook friend” the author shared, “Without realizing it, our society no longer provides on the basic functions that keeps it working. The every-­‐day contact, courtesies and kindnesses, which turn into friendship and knit us together, have been allowed to disappear in favor of efficiency. Modern Society doesn’t encourage us to speak to each other face-­‐to-­‐ face and as a result, loneliness levels are soaring to crisis point and set to get even worse.” 4 Questions for Group Conversation:
Why are real life friends important to have?
4 Richard Hartley-­‐Parkinson, “You Can’t Hug a Facebook Friend: Young People Spend So Much Time Online ‘They Feel as Lonely as the Elderly.’” August 15, 2011, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-­‐2026086/Facebook-­‐Young-­‐people-­‐spend-­‐time-­‐
online-­‐theyre-­‐lonely-­‐elderly-­‐.html 12 Let’s look at what qualities make a good friend. Qualities of a good friend
Makes wise choices Takes time for me Does fun things with me Gives me space Shares with me what God is teaching them Is there for me in the hard times Accepts me for who I am (Remember Be Yourself Session) Listens well Prays for me Click below to share this video: Take a seat -­‐Make a friend. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HfHV4-­‐N2LxQ One person posted – “This video was amazing! Sometimes we all need to just get off of our phones and make a friend, go make someone smile, serve others or just do something that will benefit others whether you know them or not because you don't know who they are or might be. You could maybe change their life just by being their friend! I challenge all of you to go out sometime this week and make a friend!” •
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Questions for One-on-One Conversation:
Do you find it difficult to make friends or does it come naturally
to you?
Here are some ways to engage to make a friend: 1.
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Compliment her on her scarf (or other article of clothing) Comment on liking his shoes. Ask where they are headed. Ask what is there favorite class and why. Ask what they like to do for fun. Conversation Box Idea Have a box with a variety of items in it (seashell, small soccer ball, key, etc.) have each person take an item and then engage in a conversation with someone next to them about the item. You could also write conversation topics on index card and hand them out to the students. 13 An effective way to remember how to start a conversation is to remember the formula – Notice + Ask = Engage. When you notice something about a person, such as their 5K t-­‐
shirt or enormous biology textbook, you have a topic to talk about. Ask about it. You may be surprised to find it is easier to engage people in conversation than you imagined. People like to feel important, so getting them to talk about their experiences shows them honor and may be the start to a great friendship. Share Student Story
One morning while walking to my internship in Washington D.C I
saw a man who had on a really nice outfit. I wanted to
compliment this man on his outfit, but I began to get scared
thinking that he would think that I was weird, but as I pondered
on this thought I was quickly reminded that God did not give the
spirit of fear. So I talked with the man and complimented him on
his outfit and he complimented me on my outfit as well. As we
were both walking we began to talk about ourselves and what we
were doing in D.C. Before we departed, he gave me his name and
email address and told me that he works for World Bank and
offered to give me and up to three friends a tour whenever I so
desired. Wow look at God! Just thinking that 15 minutes before I
found out he worked for World Bank I was debating whether I
should complement him on his outfit.
This goes to show that you may never know how far a simple
conversation starter may take you! Make a friend.
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-­‐discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT) Questions for Group Conversation:
Can you share an experience where you were hesitant to begin a
conversation with a stranger? What was the outcome?
A recent article shared that despite having an average of 243 Facebook friends, teenagers are spending so much time on the Internet that they have little time to go out with friends.5 Using texting, Facebook and the like are a great way to enhance our friendships but we can’t really build close, intimate friendships without face-­‐to-­‐face conversations. Many students have shared that they prefer texting to talking because they said talking is scary, it’s messy, when they text they can edit, control and tweak what they are going to say. It’s 5 http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-­‐2026086/Facebook-­‐Young-­‐people-­‐spend-­‐time-­‐
online-­‐theyre-­‐lonely-­‐elderly.html#ixzz3RRVJgeM9 14 called the Goldilocks effect. Getting it just right. But the conversation is the relationship so without conversations we don’t have much of a relationship. “We are tempted to think that our little “sips” of online connections add up to a big gulp of real conversations, but they don’t. Email, Twitter, Facebook, all have their places – in politics, commerce, romance and friendship. But no matter how valuable they do nor substitute for conversation.”6 Dr. Sherry Turkle – MIT Professor Questions for Group Conversation:
How could you make more time and be more intentional to meet
with your friends face-to-face?
Post it & Post it! Have the students write – Notice + Ask = Engage on their post it note to see it – they can also take a picture and post it on Social Media. #LookUp Digital Wellness Challenge
Look up and smile at the people you pass by and work to make a new friend this week. Keep the Conversation Going: (additional session material) •
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Why does it matter we make friends? How will your life change by making new friends? How will another person’s life change by your friendship? What is the difference from being friendly and being a friend? Can we be friends with everyone? How do we decide who to invest our time in? Explain how a smile or friendly hello can begin a friendship? Reflect: How do friendships honor God’s plan for people and our call to make disciples of all men? How can you rely on God as your friend? What’s next for you? 6Quoting Dr. Sherry Turkle, The New York Times, The Flight From Conversation, http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/opinion/sunday/the-­‐flight-­‐from-­‐
conversation.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0 15 Session #3 – Look Up …Take Control
“So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace…you have no obligation to do what your sinful nature urges you to do.” (Romans 8:6,12, NLT). Ask students what has technology given you? What has technology taken away from you? Write their responses on a white board or type into your laptop to show on a screen. What other students have shared about what technology has given and taken away from them: Given them: •
Opportunity to stay in touch with friends and family •
Information •
Creativity •
A voice •
Ease of online education Taken from them: •
Lack of creativity •
Time from family and friends •
Focus •
Self-­‐confidence •
Critical thinking •
Patience/Self-­‐control Click below to share this video about self-­‐control called The Marshmallow Test. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yq7PTzeE7VY&feature=youtu.be I think if we were doing this experiment today we would place our phones on the table and the test would be to sit for 20 minutes without checking your phone. Do you think you could do it? I found in the App store the other day the Self-­‐Control App that you can download to your phone to help you have better digital management. As I looked at the App I found myself thinking, “All Christians have this App in them. He’s called the Holy Spirit and we can access Him whenever we need.” In the Bible, having self-­‐control was compared to the walls of a city. A person without self-­‐
control was like a city without walls, which would certainly be defeated. We need some walls, and some boundaries, to protect us from self-­‐destruction. 16 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-­‐control…since we are living by the Spirit, we follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives. Galatians 5:22-­‐23,25, NLT Questions for Group Conversation:
How do you think your life would be different if you had better
digital boundaries?
We talked in Session #1 about how our digital overuse is impacting our emotional intelligence EQ. (Emotional Intelligence EQ is a person’s ability to be in tune to their own and other people’s emotions). Practicing good EQ is about taking control over your emotions. Emotions can feel powerful but they are not always accurate. Many young people today feel out of control with their emotions. Yet, here’s something to ponder. Remember our emotions are a gift from God to help us navigate through life. Many times we make our emotions our enemy; but if we work with them they can be our friends. (BTW that’s why in session #2 you were encouraged to journal your thoughts and emotions each day.) Some tools for making emotions your asset not your enemy.
3 Questions to Manage Your Emotions Let me give you three questions to ask about your emotions when you’re trying to figure out how to deal with how you feel. When you’re angry or upset or frustrated, or joyful and excited — whatever you’re feeling — ask these three questions: 1. “What’s the real reason I’m feeling this?” Many times we react in anger to a situation. Try to go deeper to what could be the real emotion you are feeling. (Fear, sadness, shame, isolation, frustration). 2. “Is it true?” Is what you’re feeling at that moment true? There’s a point in the Bible where Elijah gets so discouraged that he went to God and complained, “God, I’m the only one in the entire nation of Israel left serving you.” And God challenged him, saying, “Are you kidding me? I’ve got all these people who are still serving me! You’re acting like you’re the only one trying to do the right thing in the whole world! No. That’s not true.” 3. “Is what I’m feeling helping me or hurting me?” Will you get what you want by continuing to feel this way? A lot of feelings we have feel natural, but they’re actually self-­‐
defeating. Questions for One-On-One Conversation:
How do you feel you are doing at managing your emotions?
17 Not only do we need to take control over our emotions we need to take control over the damaging applications of our digital invasion. The Digital Invasion Statistics •
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Cyberbullying – 43% of teens have been victims of cyberbullying in the last year. Sexting – 20% of teens have sent or posted nude or semi-­‐nude pictures of themselves – 48% have received sexts and these numbers are growing. Serious consequences you can be tried as a sex offender. 93% of boys and 62% of girls have been exposed to Internet pornography before the age of 18. Highest risk for Internet Pornography Addiction – Teenage boys 12-­‐17 years old. Average age of first view of Internet Pornography is 8 – mainly because of easy accessibility through Phones, iPods and gaming systems.7 One of the most damaging of these applications is Internet Pornography. Studies are showing that pornography can be just as addictive as other drugs and extremely harmful. Basically, pornography is a counterfeit—a lie. What it teaches about sex and attraction is not
only false but in many cases it’s also destructive. It won’t bring a sense of connection,
acceptance, or love. It won’t vitalize or strengthen a relationship. It will slowly change the
viewer’s perceptions of women and men and distort their ideas of what a healthy sexual
relationship should look like. “So what is it going to take for you or anyone who struggles with pornography addiction to become truly free? You may not be surprised to hear this – you’re going to have to fight. Freedom in any form never comes easy, not without a price.”8 Fight the New Drug.com Technology has given us such easy access to pornography and no one is immune from getting pulled into its negative effects. If Internet Pornography has become a problem please talk to someone, your parent, group leader, or pastor. If you want additional support sign up for the Fortify Program on www.fightthenewdrug.com. Questions for Group Conversation:
What boundaries could someone set up to take control and fight
Internet Pornography?
7 http://fightthenewdrug.org/#sthash.KjHpKzZU.dpbs 8 “Fortify – Fight the New Drug”, O.W.L Publishing, 2013, p.34. 18 Whether its managing your emotions or taking a stand against technology, it is time we take control. Taking control begins with building your wall. These are some boundaries that students have shared. Some digital boundaries students have shared I use Covenant Eyes as my browser on my phone – I have an accountability partner and they receive an email if I access any sites that seem questionable. They will call me and have an accountability conversation with me. It has been very helpful. I encourage my friends to set our phones in the middle of the table at the start of a meal. The first person to reach for his or her phone has to pay for everyone else. I shut my phone off when I attend Church on Sunday – I use a real Bible and take notes by hand – so there is no distraction. I set my phone face down during a conversation so that I can’t see any of the notifications and it keeps me from constantly looking at it. I turn my phone off when I practice guitar so that I can stay focused. I don’t text about really important issues I try to do that face-­‐to-­‐face. I keep my phone in the back seat when I am driving so I am not tempted to check it. Questions for Group Conversation:
What are some digital boundaries you would like to establish?
Digital Wellness Challenge
Write out some digital boundaries for yourself on an index card and read them everyday. Have the students share some of their boundaries. Keep the Conversation Going: (additional session material) •
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Why does it matter that you learn to take control of your emotions and tech time? How would you counsel a friend to set useful boundaries? What will you put into action? How will your life look after you take control? What are some ways you can rely on the Lord when you are feeling out of control? Is it okay to experience emotional frustration? Has social media become a place people process their emotions instead of turning to God or a trusted friend? Is this healthy? What are some ways, offline, which a person can deal with emotions? 19 •
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How will you access the Holy Spirit App inside you as a believer? What do you need to do to succeed with your emotions? 20 Session #4 – Look Up … Be Present
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
Matthew 6:34 (NIV)
Ask students what do you notice when you look up and you are present? Write their responses on a white board or type into your laptop to show on a screen. What other students have shared about what they notice when they look up and are present: • See people’s facial expressions • Enjoy laughter with people around me • Opportunities to help someone • See the beauty around me • Learn better in class You’ve seen the situation played out over and over again. You are sitting in a restaurant, you look around and everyone has their heads down engrossed in their technology, seemingly unaware of the person sitting 3 feet from them. We text while we’re walking across the street, catch up on email while waiting in line, and check our phones while having lunch with friends, to see what our other friends are doing. But research is showing that our brains are not wired for all this multitasking, and we perform much better when we just do one thing at a time. Trying to do one thing at a time will require great effort as technology is rewiring our brain for distraction. But without being present to ourselves and others it's difficult to develop self-­‐awareness and strong relationships. So, how do we stay present? The first thing to recognize is that, try as we might, we really can only do one thing at a time, so we ought to do that thing wholeheartedly. There's a time and place for tech, but there's also a time and place to be present in the real world. If we can't recapture the ability to be present, we may find that digital distractions cause life to pass us by. I fear that we may slowly lose the ability to be fully present in a moment or situation. What does it mean to be present? Mentally focused, in the zone, and in-­‐tune. It is marked by living in the “now” instead of in the future or the past. Being present can be marked by thankfulness and awareness. Being present is giving the gift of your presence. So are you being present? Technology helps us to connect with those not present but one of the down sides is that it can keep us from being present with those sitting 3 feet from us. This is a picture of the “Be Present Box” that I created. It’s a reminder to me that there are times when my phone is a distraction and I need to put it away and just be present and in the moment with the people right in front of me. I have coined a phrase “Be Where Your Butt Is!” I try to practice 21 it – if I’m having dinner with my family or friends I try to not let every ping and ding distract me! I think real life people should trump virtual people don’t you? Questions for Group Conversation:
Are you tempted to check your phone when you are having
conversations with others? What message does it send?
How do you think it makes the others feel and how do you feel
when you’re trying to say something but the listener is not present? Click below and share this video called “Can We Auto-­‐Correct Humanity? http://youtu.be/HAQXlHMdMyU Share Student Story
One of the things that God is challenging me with is to enjoy the now, right where I am. I need to look-­‐up, look around me, and be present. What do I notice about the world that surrounds me? See the people happily conversing at the coffee shop I am doing homework at. While sitting on a bench waiting for the bus I recognize an old friend walking towards me with a big smile on his face. I’m trying to look around me. Sometimes I will meet someone new. Sometimes I will notice a hurting person who needs my smile. Sometimes I will simply enjoy the scenery of a sun setting. Social media has its time and place, but I must be careful not to miss the blessings of what surrounds me. I must give my whole attention to the friend sitting across from me at the table, those Facebook friends aren’t going anywhere; they can wait. Instead of enjoying someone else’s sunset photo on Insta-­‐gram I need to take a moment to savor the beautiful sunset right in front of me. Being present means living in the current moment, not wishing for something else or worrying about what someone else has. You can be encouraged that the gift of presence is an attribute of God that you can have access to 24/7. He is always with you. He is always ready to talk with you. He always wants to be the center of your focus. When you center your awareness on His presence you will experience peace. It’s nice to know what others are doing by keeping up with them online, but it’s even better to be attuned to what God is doing and how He might be getting ready to use you. I found it interesting that even Randy Zuckerberg sister and co-­‐creator of Facebook said this, “Smartphones and social media have done much for our lives in recent years, but they’ve also seemingly taken away our ability to be truly present in any single moment.” It seems like we are constantly being divided between those who are with us and those who are not with us. And we are so busy hoarding the moment we are missing out on the experience. Maybe it’s time for us to step away from the phone and start being present and savoring the experience. 22 4 Steps to Being Present
1.
Determine the internal distractions. We all get those nagging thoughts. What about my future? Is he angry with me? Does she like me? How will I pay for college? Thoughts can be a large part of why it is hard to be present in the current situation you are in. For example, if a person was constantly thinking about the outcome of a job interview, it may affect there ability to be present in studying for a test, or decrease the full attention they can give to a friend in a conversation. Ask yourself 1. What can I control in this situation, 2. What can’t I control? Do what you can to fix the situation and give what you can’t to God. Being present will be much easier when you determine your internal distraction and meet them head on. 2.
Determine your external distractions. For many people, technology is a master external distractor. It can keep us so involved with our digital life (i.e. social media, emails, music, etc.) that we miss wonderful opportunities all around us. Questions for Group Conversation:
How does technology distract your ability to be present to the
opportunities (people, beauty, nature, etc.) that are right in front
of you?
3.
Be present to the needs of others. Begin to notice the people right in front of you. One way to be present to others is by saying hello or smiling when you pass them by. A person’s greatest need of the day may just be your friendly smile! Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is a factor in being present to the needs of others. Be observant, like a detective. Notice the little things about people. What might his facial expression be saying? Perhaps he is tired. Why does she sound discouraged? Maybe she is having a hard day and needs encouragement. Questions for One-On-One Conversation:
What are some of the ways that you could be present to your friends
(and even people you do not know) this week?
4.
Be present to how God is at work. When you have minimized your internal and external distractions, you move closer to being present (all there wherever you are). The people right in front of you become your ministry. Finally, being present gives you an opportunity to tune in to what God is doing in your midst. It makes sense, without distractions, you are more likely to hear His voice and recognize what He is doing. Being thankful for what you have right now helps you be present to God. How is God at work in your life? Consider keeping a daily gratitude list on your phone. When Jesus finally arrived on earth to share the greatest Message anyone had ever known, Jesus choose to invest and spend His time with just 12 everyday, ordinary people. 23 Jesus didn’t spread His message in the synagogues and temples. Jesus focused on experiencing life with everyday people who didn’t have any access to large venues or power structures. Jesus chose to be present in His everyday life. In that real, messy life, Jesus was real. At times, He felt angry, sad, troubled — as well as joyful, compassionate, and reflective. He choose to share those moments with His Father, a few intimate friends like John, Peter and James in a garden and casually at rest with friends who became family like Lazarus, Mary and Martha. Jesus practiced being present. Start a gratitude journal and focus on all the things in your life to be thankful for – this helps us to be present to what God is doing presently. Post it & post it! Write on your post-­‐it-­‐note BE PRESENT for you to be reminded this week and post it on Social Media. #LookUp Digital Wellness Challenge
Try to be present with everyone you interact with this week – be aware of how many times you are tempted to check your phone in the presence of others. Keep the Conversation Going: (additional session material) •
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Do your current phone habits support “being present”? What do you need to do in order to succeed? Are you willing to make the “Be Present” commitment to others? How will your life change? What will you not miss? How does being present strengthen relationships? What does God’s Word say about our treatment of others? How does being present reflect God’s character? 24 Session #5 – Look Up … Hear God’s Voice
“My voice You shall hear in the morning, O LORD; In the morning I will direct it to You, and I will look up.” Psalm 5:3 (NKJV) Ask students how they think that God speaks to people? What other students have shared about how they think God speaks to people: • Through other people • Messages in church and on the radio • Through signs of confirmation • Animals and nature • Still small voice • Scripture When God called me to start the Center for Digital Wellness He spoke into my heart very clearly, He said, “Help My people to hear My voice and to feel My Presence.” In our lives today God’s voice is competing with so many other voices. In our noisy digital world it’s becoming easy to lose our ability to experience God, to hear God’s voice, to sense His Presence and to feel His peace. Psalm 46:10 says, “Be still and know that He is God.” When we read Scripture, we are hearing God’s voice, because it is His message to us. We can’t engage and converse with God when our screens are constantly distracting us. In this digital age we are in danger of losing our “Godspace” that place in our brain where we experience God. Scientists are already telling us that they are seeing a diminished ability for people to reflect, meditate and contemplate in those who over-­‐engage in their digital devices. The overuse of technology is rewiring our brains for distraction but to hear God’s voice and to feel His Presence will require that we look up, be aware and tune into His voice. In John 10:10 Jesus said, “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” We certainly have a life full of information, but our daily lives, our relationships, and our time to think and be all seem to be depleted. 25 Questions for Group Conversation:
What in your life easily distracts you from spending time with
God?
What are you missing by not regularly taking time to hear His
voice?
One way to clear out space to hear God’s voice is to establish some digital boundaries. One of my digital boundaries is to give God the first “view” of my day, before checking social media. Research shows that most people have checked their Facebook before they’ve even gotten out of bed. And many confess to checking Twitter when they get up to go to the bathroom at night. So I use my iPhone as an alarm but when it goes off at 6:30 I turn it off. I fight the urge to check my Facebook, my Twitter, and my email because it will all be there for me when I go to work at 8:00. I just start my conversation with God, “Good morning Lord, what do you want to say to my heart today?” I also don’t post or tweet until I have spent time in God’s Word, in prayer and journaling. I have found if I want to be “salt and like”, I have to receive something of substance from the Lord to share with others. There are 2 spiritual practices that have proven to help heal the digital damage done to our distracted brain. They are silence and solitude. Aren’t these lacking in our noisy digital world today? We need to learn that silence is golden in our digital age and we will have to guard it. Each day try to get some time alone and be still before God. Get out in nature and beauty and experience God. Click below to share this video on Silence and Solitude: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oW0cBfiYUdA Group Activity:
Take 3 minutes to sit in silence as a group and then take a few minutes to write on an index card what God says to your heart. Share what the experience was like for you with your group. We need to look up and see that Jesus promises to always be with us and that we are never alone. Instead of automatically reaching for your phone remind yourself that Jesus is always with you, hear His voice, feel His Presence. Questions for One-On-One Group Conversation:
What are some ways you could guard the time you spend with the
Lord so you can hear from Him?
Post it & post it! Write on a post-­‐it-­‐note the words SILENCE and SOLITUDE! Post it in a place you can see it and on Social Media. #LookUp 26 Digital Wellness Challenge
Take a few minutes each day to listen to God’s voice and journal what He says to your heart, and then be aware of His Presence and listen to His voice throughout your day. Keep the Conversation Going: (additional session material) •
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What does a person have to do to hear God’s voice? Why do you think God speaks in a still, small voice? What aspects of being a good listener will you need to apply? How will being intentional about hearing from God impact your relationships? Describe what your life will be like once you make time hearing from God a priority? How does God speak to your heart? How can technology distract you while reading your Bible or praying? Why does it matter that you take time to hear from God? What in your life distracts you from spending time with God? Have you had an experience of hearing God’s voice? Share with your group. 27 Session #6 – Look Up … Live Your Calling
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the LORD. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NLT) Ask students what they are doing to guard their digital footprint. What other students have shared about how they guard their digital footprint: • Careful about what I post. • Make sure I don’t complain about my job or my boss. • Don’t get involved in controversial issues. Try to keep my opinions to myself. • Don’t post when we go on vacation. • Try to avoid posting too many selfies. • Ask do I want my future employer to see this. One of the most important things you can do to live your calling is to clean up your digital footprint because people will evaluate you by your digital footprints. As a Mom whenever my kids would say, “Mom I just met this amazing guy, or amazing girl their name is _________.” What do you think would be the first thing I would do? Yes! I would Google them, Facebook stalk them – listen your Mother would do the same thing. If I saw any pics or posts I didn’t like I would say to my child, “Honey I don’t think __________ is right for you.” I know, I don’t think its fair either they may be a really nice guy or gal but that’s the way it is in our digital world today. Take the time to Google yourself and see what kind of information about you is out there. Creating a more positive digital footprint will help you to live out the calling God has for your life. Questions for Group Conversation:
Discuss some ways you could clean up and create a more positive
digital footprint.
Let me share with you a story that illustrates my passion for you to look up and practice digital wellness and to live your calling. I was talking with a student “Charlie” the other day and asked him what he was studying. He told me he wanted to become a doctor and dreams of helping people and making a difference in their lives. I said, “That’s great Charlie how are you doing in school?” He told me he was getting mostly C’s and some B’s. Now you and I both know that Charlie won’t make it into medical school with grades like that. I asked him how he felt about his grades and he said he wasn’t happy with them but he loved playing his video games and there was always one more show to watch on Netflix. He went 28 on to explain that he had tried many times to cut back but wasn’t successful. I went away from that conversation thinking how many other “Charlies” or “Suzies” are out there that will never reach their goals and fulfill their dreams because they couldn’t manage their digital life well. Questions for Group Conversation:
How do you think technology could keep you from reaching your
goals and being the person God has for you to be?
All the sessions in Look Up this far – such as Be Yourself, Make a Friend, Take Control, Be Present, and Hear God’s Voice have prepared you for this session – Live Your Calling. To know God’s will and calling on your life you have to know God Himself. God has a calling on your life and wants to reveal it personally to you. Without times of meaningful engaging and conversations we will fail to reach our full potential. Finding purpose is a lifelong journey. God doesn’t give all the details at once, nor does He promise it will be a smooth ride. Instead, He often provides just enough information to help us move another mile down the road. It helps us to trust Him as our Navigator. As you progress along the road of your life’s purpose, pay attention to the road signs He provides along the way and listen to Him speak to you. Establishing healthy digital use boundaries can significantly influence your direction in life – your ability to love yourself, build real life relationships, communicate, have self-­‐control, serve others, and follow God’s leading. I really do believe that 10 years from now it will be those who can manage their digital life well that will be the most successful in living out their calling. A lifestyle of Looking Up sets you up for success. Besides life is more meaningful when you look up. Part of living your calling is about making many decisions along the way of your life journey. When you have to make an important life decision, such as which degree to pursue, what summer camp to volunteer at, what person to spend time with, etc., consider the following questions. Insert your situation into the place where it says degree. When deciding on a degree (or life) choice. 1. Identify your core values, explore what you love to do, know the kind of people you are energized working with/or serving, and recognize what you are passionate about. 2. Ask yourself – is this a degree (or opportunity) one I can only learn about in college (or now) or are there other places I can receive training in the topic? What do I need training (experience) in right now (that I cannot get anywhere else)? What is God saying to my heart? What counsel have my friends and family offered? How does it align with what I am passionate about? 3. One of my favorite life questions is to ask God – What is mine to do? 29 If you want to follow the calling of God, it starts by focusing on His will, not yours. It means having a “God-­‐centered” view of life. Now is the best time to acquire that view. Perhaps you already have a sense of what God wants you to do, maybe not specifically, but enough to know what your next step should be. Whatever calling God places on your life HIs Word is very clear that we are to make disciples of all people. Questions for One-On-One Conversation: Is there something you are passionate about that God may want
to use for His purposes?
What steps will you need to take to live out this calling?
Our calling is to exhibit God and His character, by His grace, in this generation. Francis Schaeffer Play the Video Look Up at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMvVQcGzgkM&feature=youtu.be Group Activity:
Print out The Digital Wellness Challenge and have the students sign and date it. 30 The Digital Wellness Challenge
JOIN US IN STARTING THE DIGITAL WELLNESS CHALLENGE. LET’S SPREAD A
COMMITMENT TO LOOK UP AND USE OUR TECHNOLOGY RESPONSIBLY
AND TO ENGAGE AND RECLAIM CONVERSATION WITH EACH OTHER.
DIGITAL WELLNESS: practicing a healthy use and theology of technology,
and being a good steward of my digital life.
1.
I commit to using technology as a tool that makes my life simpler,
more productive, and embrace its many benefits.
2.
I commit to finding my true identity in God and not in my likes or
friend count.
3.
I commit to being salt and light by engaging our culture in a
positive way through Social Media. (Be Salt and Like)
4.
I commit to seeking face-to-face conversations and connections as
much as possible during my day.
5.
I commit to practicing being present and savoring the moment and
not try to hoard every experience through technology.
6.
I commit to taking digital breaks throughout my day – where I
breathe in fresh air, get sunshine on my face and do some exercise.
7.
I commit to not using technology as an escape from my feelings and
emotions and will instead use a journal for processing my feelings.
8.
I commit to finding moments each day for SILENCE AND SOLITUDE,
to make space to hear the voice of God, and resist a culture of noise
and distraction.
9.
I commit to not access inappropriate content through the Internet,
and to enlist accountability when needed.
10.
I commit to practicing digital wellness for a lifetime to live God’s
purpose and calling for my life.
Sign ____________________________
Date ____________
Feel free to post and distribute ©Dr. Sylvia Hart Frejd
31 Keep the Conversation Going: (additional session material) •
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What activity do you enjoy so well that you cannot imagine life without it? What group of people (age, gender, life stage, etc.) do you enjoy serving? What abilities do you have that others often compliment you for? Where do you see God at work in your life right now? What is your dream? When did you begin to realize it was there? How do you envision meeting the needs of others? What blocks you from living out your dream? What will you commit to do to move forward? 32