HOW TO RESUBMIT YOUR ESSAY
2011-2012
1.
Read O’Brien’s comments. Talk to him if you don’t understand something.
2.
Consider the rubric. If you did not get a 4 in a given domain, think about
why. READ THE CRITERIA for a 4. Think about what you can do to improve
your writing so it is a 4 in that domain. (Or what you need to do to improve from
a 2 to a 3.)
3.
Revise your paper, following the steps under “How to Revise Your Essay,”
which is page 2 of this document.
A. First, make the changes by hand on your graded copy. Mark up the copy
as much as necessary. This is now your sloppy copy. Marking up the
rough copy before you start typing will help you see your mistakes, and it
will help me see your revision process.
B. Make the changes on your computer. On the new, good copy, highlight
the spot where the change was made. (If you removed words, highlight the
new, shorter sentence. If you removed an entire sentence, highlight the space
where it was.)
C. In the margin near where you highlighted, explain the reason for the
change you made. You can revise each area that is not currently a 4 on
the rubric, but you must explain each change by following the “How to
Revise” instructions (page two of this document).
4.
Resubmit your paper with the new copy on top of the previous copy. The most
recent draft always goes on top.
5.
You can revise any paper at any time as often as you like. You may continue
to revise until you get 100% on rubric portion of the assessment. In other
words, if the rubric was worth 20 points, you can keep re-submitting until you
get 20 out of 20; if the rubric was multiplied by 5, you can keep resubmitting
until you get 100 out of 100.
HOW TO REVISE YOUR ESSAY
(2011-2012)
After you have read “How to Resubmit an Essay,” you are now ready to edit your paper. For
each highlighted change you make, in the margin near where you’ve highlighted, write the
name of the Domain that you have improved (in other words, write Focus, Content,
Organization, Style, or Conventions). Then write one of the comments listed below. Your
written comment MUST be one of the bulleted items below. A sample of a revised essay is on
the next page.
Remember, you are highlighting and writing comments on your GOOD copy. Also remember to
staple the previous copy on the bottom of this copy.
FOCUS Be more Specific.
 Made the hook closer to thesis.
 The hook now uses _____________ technique
 (Cut/Added/Replaced) words in thesis.
 Cut unnecessary words from this sentence.
CONTENT Add ideas. New content must be added to body paragraphs, not the intro.
 Added a new idea.
ORGANIZATION Use transitions; connect to thesis; organize logically.
 Added transitions between paragraphs.
 Added transitions within paragraphs.
 Connected topic sentence to thesis.
 Moved for chronological order.
 Moved for logical order.
 Moved for_____________
STYLE Make it sound better.
 Cut words.
 Combined sentences.


CONVENTIONS Follow the rules.
Corrected R.O.
Corrected S.F.
Corrected PN-ANT
Corrected Tense
Corrected _________
Comma
Comma
Comma
Comma
Comma
Replaced a boring word.
Improved hook.
Rule
Rule
Rule
Rule
Rule
1
2
3
4
5-7
SAMPLE of a REVISED ESSAY
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Become a Success
FOCUS: Hook now uses
QUESTION and METAPHOR
techniques
Have you ever found yourself feeling like no matter what you do,
that you cannot find the road to success in school? Often times, we get so
caught up in the amount of work we have that we get lost and confused,
and our chances for success crash into a ditch. To be a successful student,
three characteristics are essential. You need to be a goal setter, a hard
worker, and a have positive attitude if you want to go far on your pathway
of education.
Many people do not set goals for themselves. However, it is
crucial that you do so. By setting a goal, whether it be on paper or just in
your mind, you give yourself something to strive toward. Then, once you
have met your goal, it will give you an opportunity to look back and see
ORG: Added TRANS within
¶
how far you have come. For example, last year in math class, we were
asked to set a goal at the beginning of the year of what we wanted our
final grade to be. Then, towards the end of the first marking period, when
I saw that I had a “B,” I remembered back to my goal of an “A,” and it
made me work harder. When I got my report card and saw that I had met
CONVENTIONS:
Comma Rule 3
my goal, it felt very rewarding. By being a goal setter, success as a
student will come easily.
ORG: Added TRANS
between
¶
Once you set a goal, you have to make a plan on how you will
achieve it. The main ingredient in doing this is to be a hard worker. This
includes paying attention in class, doing all your homework, and studying.
I consider myself a successful student, and I primarily owe it to my hard
and good work ethic. Hard work will always pay off, and it will take you
far.
ORG Added TRANS between ¶ and
Even
connected topic sentence to thesis
if you set goals and work hard, a negative attitude can still
cast a dark shadow over your glow of success. However, if your attitude
is a positive one, it will help you to be more successful. Also, if you keep
FOCUS: Cut and replaced
words in thesis