Crimson and Purple
Vol. XVIII, No. 7
6th Grade Schmoe
Rescued by Joe
Frank N. Stein, a Milne sixth
grade student, was locked in the
locker-room last Thursday night at
3:21 p.m. after a conference with his
gym teacher.
The locker-room now closes at
3:21 p.m. instead of 4:00 p.m. in an
effort to urge Milne students to
patronize Eddie’s so they may spend
the major portion of the afternoon
there.
Frank spent most of the night in
a vain attempt trying to find a wav
of escaping. He couldn’t get through
the bars on the windows, so he
finally went to sleep on one of the
numerous soft benches. When he
awoke in the morning, Frank
searched for some food for his
breakfast and claims he couldn’t find
anything around but a few stray
sneakers.
Finally, at 8:00 a.m. Friday morn­
ing Joe, the janitor, came to his
rescue and released him. His first
coherent words upon being found
were: “It has been a most educa­
tional experience.”
Now that the experience is over,
Frank N. Stein finds himself in a
rugged mental state—Colorado that
is!
slow boat to cross
milne moat; grab
a coat and float
Extra! Extra! Slowboat to arrive
in China Hall Gym at 8:30 a.m. for
a stay of three and one-half hours,
Friday, April 8.
It has been announced that any­
body, upon payment of the entrance
fee of $.60, may have a guided tour
of the S. S. Crimson and White
Slowboat (on all of one floor).
Tours will be conducted while the
boat is in midstream, but the crew
must not be held responsible for
injuries caused by purple kangaroos.
A dragon dance will be enacted
by Cat Postello, Royce Juso, Hoyce
Jallett with Narge Morton accom­
panying.
Can Arlough and Han
Jicks are in charge of all other flute
solos and far-east entertainment.
Oriental music is to be supplied
by Len Mende’s Band and coke-suey
may be purchased in the gallery.
Coke-sticks, however, will not be
furnished.
The Captain advises that all vis­
itors wear informal dress.
Apologia
All our journalistic apoligies
for this atrocious monstrosity
are derived from our observa­
tions and are centered in our
coronary passages. JTo be brief—
APRIL FOOL!
THE MILNE SCHOOL, ALBANY, N. Y.
Douse That Light
Out of Sight!
Milne students heard on March 23
a lecture by Professeur U. Must
Knotsmoke on the evils of smoking.
As the pupils filed into the Page
Hall Auditorium Sancy Nhaw
whispered “I hope he doesn’t talk
so loud I can’t finish my algebra,”
and Pileene lomerantz remarked,
“Here, take my cigarettes until this
is over.”
Professeur Knotsmoke put forth
some profound arguments concern­
ing why today’s s+uden+s shou1^ n^'
smoke. “A very important reason,”
said Professeur Knotsmoke, “is that
smoking stunts the growth. Take
for example that young man in the
last row—Kelly, I think the name
is.” Since this remark was greeted
by a burst of sudden laughter, the
professeur hastened to change his
tactics and continued with a more
factual account of the damage in­
flicted upon human tissue by nico­
tine.
The assembly had to be ended
before the scheduled time because
of a minor panic which occurred
over a small fire in the rear of the
auditorium. The fire was nothing
to be alarmed about, however.
Someone merely dropped a lighted
cigarette!
Junior Mob
Plan to Rob
Milne’s junior class has solved
the problem of financing the 19491950 Bricks and Ivy.
To secure the necessary funds the
juniors have made careful plans for
the robbing of the First National
Bank. This event is to take place
the first week in May.
The financial problem has also
been lessened by a large sum of
money donated by a group of Al­
bany High School students to sub­
sidize the class in its senior activi­
ties.
Another important topic of dis­
cussion by the juniors is the Junior
Prom. Where to hold it presented
a serious problem but the Senior
Room was finally decided to be an,
ideal location. The question arose,
however, whether a large enough
crowd could be attracted to fill this
ballroom.
The music committee
headed by Barbara Beete has made
arrangements to secure Harry
James’ band for the occasion.
The final problem confronting the
juniors is the selection of the junior
class gift to the school. A lively
debate was carried on to choose
between an amoeba or a paramecium. When the question was put
to a vote, the amoeba won (pseudo­
podia) down. The Science Depart­
ment is to be consulted in the selec­
tion of this gift.
E-E-E-E!!!
Butt-r Fing-rs! (or) What Giv-s?
Th- print-r of th- Miln- pap-r had
som- v-ry bad luck th- oth-r day
wh-n h- dropp-d a whol- cas- of
typ- and brok- all th- —’s.
APRIL 1, 1949
Department to Top Knoll
And Gaze at North Pole
-------------------------------------------------------The History Department of The
Milne School has just announced
that it will take a field trip to the
North Pole.
Those interested are asked to sign
up immediately on the bulletin
board outside of the History office.
The group is to leave Milne on July
1 and is scheduled to return to Al­
bany on August 1. All expenses
will be paid.
Accommodations have been made
for 57 Milnites. Buses from one of
the Capital District transportation
companies have been chartered to
take the group as far as Winnipeg,
Canada. A plane will then fly the
Milnites into Goose Bay, Labrador.
The remainder of the trip will be
by kayak and dog sled. Milnites
will be asked to provide their own
electric parkas.
Reservations have already been
made at the “Santa Claus Hotel.”
Because of the unusually early.and
heavy demand for rooms by tour­
Dr. Rolyat, Head of Milne History ists, Milnites are cautioned not to
Department, models his new electric miss any of their travel connections
parka, which he says he will wear as is their custom.
in North Pole Expedition.
“Many events of educational value
have been tentatively mapped out
for the Milne pupils during their
two weeks’ stay at the North Pole,
said Dr. W. Rolyat Head of the
Milne History Department, m a
Students, rushing to get to class press review today.
knocked down the walls of the Claus To Be Guide
Mathematics Department Room. The
Dr. B. Knif, also of the History
walls were ten inches thick but fell Department, says, “Some of the
readily under the onrush of young activities we have planned for the
people.
Milne boys and girls are most in­
Fire engines, police cars and am­ teresting.' Mr. S. Claus, himself,
bulances surrounded the school two has agreed to take our group on
and one-half minutes after the a guided tour of his Tropical Gar­
thunderous roar shook the city. dens. The fish in the garden ponds
Iniured students were i-emoved in are said to be remarkable, haying
spite of cries to be taken back to been bred for biting characteristics.”
Miss M. Seniah, the third and re­
class.
maining History Department chaper­
During repairs the remaining un­ one, when she was asked what she
injured students will have class in thought of the proposed field trip,
another section of the building.
answered, “This will be my first
Echoing sentiments of many, one trip to the North Pole. I have heard
student stated, “I’m so glad that we a lot about Mr. Claus’ Tourist Re­
will still have a Math class, even sort, but I have never seen it. We
if it isn’t in the usual place.” Other shall have to plan for more such
students have denied themselves the trips in the future. In case the
pleasure of occupying the new class­ student body wishes additional per­
room and are wandering aimlessly tinent data, the History Department
around in the Spring air, mourning will gladly answer any and all ques­
tions to the best of its ability.”
their severely injured classmates.
eager beavers
ram in wall
Lads and Lasses Wear Down Grasses
Students have been warned to
stay off the campus, but only now
is the seriousness of the warning
realized. The Milne lawn has no
grass. (Bald Pete).
Barren, brown earth stares stu­
dents in the face when they stoop
to pick up stray coins. Not even
the tulips and other flowers Dr.
Naturalist and his students planted,
survived the tramping feet. Every­
thing seems to hqve been destroyed.
There is no incentive to pick up
papers or lunch sacks, and the field
is fast becoming Albany’s chief
waste paper dump.
State College for Teachers has
threatened to disown the Milne
School and they have hired the
Lookoutbelow Wrecking Company
to tear down Page Hall and will
erect a wall to separate the two
campuses. Dean I. M. Head stated:
“Milne has become a barren waste­
land. Something has to be done.”
CRIMSON AND PURPLE
PAGE 2
APRIL 1, 1949
Perspiring
NO FOOLING
A ll’s well that ends well and this is the final
1 \ edition of the 1948-49 staff of the Crim­
son and White.
r)utdng out a newspaper has proved to be a
1
very profitable experience for each mem­
ber of the paper.
0 eally, it’s been a swell year for the staff
Fv and we’ve certainly enjoyed working
together for the school.
In saying farewell, we thought you might like
1
something different and so we ve con­
cocted this foolish edition. We hope you
I ike it but just remember that all the papers
1—j weren’t like this one.
We wish the best of luck to the
F
uture staff and we know that they re full
of good
Ideas so they can put out a bigger and better
1.
Crimson and White. So when we turn
over the
T~^ eins next Friday night on the S.S. C. &W.
I\ Showboat, it won’t actually be
Oo-long!
T
It will just be
hanks everybody and here’s to the Crimson
and White.
CRIMSON AND PURPLE
Vol. XVIII
APRIL 1, 1949
No. 7
Published tri-weekly for the Student
Association of the Milne School, Albany,
New York, by the members of the
CRIMSON AND WHITE Board. Address
exchanges to the Exchange Editor and
other correspondence to the Editor.
For Advertising Rates and Policy, tele­
phone Albany 5-3521 extension 19, or
write the Editor.
MEMBER
Columbia Scholast c Press Association
Empire State School Press Association
Capital District Scholastic Press Association
THE EDITORIAL BOARD
LAURA LEA PAXTON, ’49........................................... Editor-in-Chief
DORIS KAPLAN, ’49............................................................. News Editor
JANET KILBY, ’49 .............................
...................Assoc ate Editor
MARJORIE NORTON, '49..............................................Associate Editor
EDWARD SEGEL, ’49....................................................... Associate Editor
PAT COSTELLO, ’49 ....................................................
Feature Editor
NANCY BETHAM, ’49 ........................................... Girls’ Sports Editor
RAYMOND MALTHOUSE, ’49..............................Staff Photographer
NANCY SCHONBRUN, ’49........................................... Exchange Editor
MR. JAMES COCHRANE
........................................ Faculty Adviser
THE STAFF
Lorraine Walker, Carol Boynton, Carolyn Miller, Anne Coniglio,
Joyce Ruso, Margaret Leonard, Nancy Gotier, Judy Horton, Bob
Douty, and Bettie Carothe-s.
TAPING STAFF
Anne Carlougb, Chief Typist; Marilyn
Carol Dobbs, and Carol ne Gade.
Van
Olst,
Janet
Hicks,
THE NEWS BOARD
Marylyn Aker, Dick Bauer, Alice Cohen, Lee Dennis, Audrey
Hop'ensperger, Joan Payne, Art Walker, Ed Wilson, Barbara
Whi‘e, Bob Yaguda, Nan Bi-d, Dick Briggs, Marlene Cooper,
Diane Grant, Malcolm Haggerty, Eleanor Jacobs, Jay Lochner,
Marge Potter, Bill Rockenf»!ler, Schuyler Sackman, Charles
Suter, Patty Ashworth, Terry Hilleboe, Joel Levine, Doris M-lzn-^r,
Geo-ge Pittman, Barbara Sandberg, Marion Siesel, Terry Stokes,
Dick Taylor, Barbara Tomlinson, Colin Kennedy, and Anne Requa.
Reporter
By “CB” and “JEFF”
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J^LUMNfiWS—
Beryl Tracy, ’94, is now a freshman at Colgate
University . . . Dabara Bewey, ’60, has bought a
green hair rinse and thinks it will really look stunning
. . . Won Dilson, ’0001, carried his dog home from
school . . . Pargie Motter, ’25, is a mechanic at the
5th Reserve Garage . . . Bick Driggs, ’44, had on his
cowboy outfit to star in his favorite program, The
Lone Ranger . . . Bhirley Sennet, ’59, is going to
make her first concert performance at Carnegie Hall
next week . . . Kob Belly, ’15, went swimming to
find some fish on Saturday . . . Seggy Pchultz, ’32,
has gone to Africa to hunt bear . . . Tenny Phompson, ’5000, was seen in Timbuktoo visiting her cat.
WHY WERE YOU RUNNING IN
THE HALLS?
Sonia Melius: “I wanted to get
someplace before I x-an out of
breath.”
Ileene Pomerantz: “Because I
have no roller skates.”
Lois Levine: “I was trying to
catch someone who was flying.”
Peter Neville: “Because it feels
so good when I quit.”
Bei-t Sackman: “I wanted to get
to the locker room befoi’e my feet
did.”
Marlene Cooper: “Because the
water wouldn’t.”
Dave Bates: “My mother scared
me when I was a little boy!”
Rosalind Fink: “Exercises, exer­
cises, we must do our running—
maybe the librarian wants the
dues.”
Judy Deitrich: “In order to com­
plete our biology experiment. We
have to run up and down the
stairs.”
“Felix” Feinburg: “I was running
down some hot Mexicans.”
Edith Cross: “I’m going out for
the track team, and I want to get
in practice.”
Paul Huprich: “I was chasing a
good looking girl!”
Eric Buck: “I wanted to get to
math class five minutes early so I
could do my homework.”
Bobbie Stewman: “I was manning
away from Spring Fever.”
WHY DID YOU GET UP THIS
MORNING?
Betty Froehlich: “The alarm clock
went off.”
Joyce Ruso: “It’s beyond me!
That’s a puzzlin’ question.”
Larry Coffin': “So I’d get tired and
be able to go to bed again.”
Ed Segel: “So I could help get
out our last C. and W.”
Ed Lux: “My mommy called me!”
Joan Horton: “To deliver the
papers ”
Dan Westbrook: “Because it was
the maid’s day off and I had to get
up for breakfast.”
Lea Paxton: “On account ob be­
cause, I had to blow my dose.”
Miss Murray: “Duty called.”
Jim Panton: “Well, I had to start
off the day some way and that
seemed as good as any way I know.”
Ed Bigley: “Because I wanted to ,
eat my breakfast.”
Mrs. Barsam: “I was eager to get
to work.”
Pat Costello: “I didn’t!”
Herb Goldstein: “So’s I could
brush my tooth.”
Dick Walter: “It was the dog’s
turn to use the bed.”
Nancy Betham: “I was going to
have hardboile'd eggs for breakfast.”
Cqrol Boynton: “So I could write
the I.R.”
'ttyviwM fo (2amc
“I don’t see why they won’t let us walk over the lawn!,?
Sat., Apr. 9, 1949-7:00-11:30—
Sophomore Toboggan Party.
Mon., Apr. 11, 1951—Holiday.
Fri., Apr. 15, 1949—3:00 a.m.—
Parachute jump by seniors from
Page Hall auditorium balcony.
Fri., June 17, 1954—Graduation of
seventh graders.
APRIL 1, 1949
CRIMSON AND PURPLE
Faculty Cops 7 Events;
Rally Decides Hoop Tilt
By CHARLES SUTER
Milne’s first Student - Faculty
Sports Night was a huge success
with Milnites and their parents fill­
ing both sides of Page Hall to over­
flowing capacity on March 18.
The first event of the evening
pitted a team of eight faculty mem­
bers against a like number of stu­
dents in a peppy volleyball duel.
The older and more experienced
faculty squad won easily in two
straight games, 11-1, and 11-6.
Two Points Decisive
The next event, a ping-pong
doubles match, was won by Nancy
Betham and Larry Coffin over Mrs.
Barsam and Dr. Fossieck. Dr. Fossieck came back for the faculty'
nosing out Larry Coffin, 21-19, ;n
an exciting singles game.
The gym took on the atmosphere
of a three-ring circus. In the center
ring, there was a well played bad­
minton tilt between Miss Woolschlager and Miss Murray of the
faculty, and Pat Costello and Helen
Bigley. In the two side rings golf
was featured. The faculty swept
all events, winning the badminton
in two straight sets, and downing
the students without much diffi­
culty in the golf matches.
Coach Grogan and Mr. Roberts
extended the faculty’s win streak
by trouncing Larry Propp . and
Frank Parker in a fast moving bad­
minton match. Honors were even
in the foul shooting contest with
Wally Craig beating Dr. Gardner;
and Miss Murray edging Helen
Cupp.
The Milne girls’ varsity
basketball team took on a team
composed of “Ye Okie Alumni” and
proceeded to trip the graduates
without any trouble.
Models Wanted
The final contest of the evening
was a spirited hoop tilt between the
senior boys and a group of athleticminded supervisors.
The faculty
charged onto the floor, garbed in
a variety of unorthodox ,warm-up
uniforms.
Following the warm-up period
the faculty took off their red annels,
bathrobes, galoshes, and other extra
equipment, and lined up with the
students for the tipoff. After the
“Funeral March” was played, the
game began. The faculty used a
pressing defense and the two pla­
toon system of substitution to roll
up a 18 to 7 lead at the half.
Change Pays Off
The students switched their style
of play to a pressing defense, com­
bined with faster offense in the last
half. They finally caught up with
the faculty with Larry Propp and
Pete Ball carrying the brunt of the
scoring attack.
The final buzzer
found the students on the long end,
27-24.
Coach Grogan was the faculty’s
leading scorer with 13, while Ball
had 12 markers and Propp tallied 11
for the students.
Post Season Notes
Lew Carr won the coveted gold
letter award in a recent poll of the
basketball team.
Art Walker was chosen by the
scholastic coaches in the city to a
second string All-Albany berth.
Larry Propp (24), student center,
outjumps and unidentified faculty
foe. Referee is Nick Bruno.
Raiders End Season
With 43-40 Loss
Milne rounded out a successful
campaign as they bowed to Bethle­
hem Central High School, 43-40, ip
a closely contested battle on the
Delmar court.
The Milne quintet started off well,
and held a slim 9-8 margin at the
quarter. B.C.H.S. fought back to
hold the upper hand at the half,
18-16.
Carr Sparks Attack
In the third quarter Lew Carr
scored 10 of Milne’s 12 points as
Milne caught B.C.H.S. to tie the
game up 28-28 late in the third
quarter. They were on the short
end of a 31-28 score as the fourth
quarter opened.
Ed Lux scored six points in the
last two minutes of the game, and
Art Walker poured in a long onehander as the buzzer sounded, but
the Red Raiders were on the short
end, 43-40.
Carr took scoring honors for the
night with 19 points.
Six Holdovers
Combine Nucleus
Of Milne Nine
Answering the first call, Milne
baseball veterans turned out for the
initial practice on March 22. This
first session was held in the Page
Hall Gym under the direction of
Coach Grogan. The first week of
practice was confined mostly to
conditioning exercises and practic­
ing the fundamentals of baseball.
The squad will begin outdoor
training as soon as weather and
ground conditions permit. As in
the past, the team will use Ridge­
field Park for their practice field.
Six Lettermen Return
Taking a rundown of returning
lettermen there are:' Ed Lux, first
baseman; Ed Segel, second baseman;
Art Walker, shortstop; Dan West­
brook, outfielder; Ed Wilson, out­
fielder; and Dick Bauer, catcher.
Other members of last year’s team
who turned out are: Ed Scott, Ted
McNeil, Stan Beeman, Pete Ball,
and Schuyler Sackman.
Another prospective candidate for
the team is Bert Tallamy, a post
graduate. He came to Milne from
Buffalo. Bert is one of the many
pitching prospects trying to win a
regular mound berth.
12 Gaines Booked
A 12-game schedule has been
arranged while two more games are
tentative.
When approached on the forth­
coming campaign Coach Grogan
commented: “The team will be
strengthened by the return of a
veteran infield and outfield; how­
ever, the pitching will be green and
this may determine the outcome of
the season.”
Theta Nu Trounces
Foe; Rickies Stars
Theta Nu Literary Society de­
feated Phi Sigma Literary Society,
2-0, in a recent bowling match at
Schade’s Academy.
The Theta Nu boys won the first
game by the scant margin of nine
pins, 627-618.
They copped the
second tilt more handily, 658-625.
Warren Rickels rolled the highest
single game with a 195 scoi’e. His
319 double was outstanding for
Theta Nu.
Milne Varsity Basketball
The score:
1st 2nd Tot
Theta Nu
Team Record, 1948-49
Rickels, W............. .... 124 195 319
Won 9, Lost 9
Douty, R................ .... 102 120 222
Opp. Briggs, R................ .... 109 118 227
Milne
51 New Lebanon ........ ........ 31
99 265
Propp, L................. .... 166
25 Watervliet .............. ........ 36 Segel, E.................. .... 126 124 250
25 Cathedral ................ ........ 28
27 Rensselaer .............. ........ 40
Totals ................ .... 627 656 1283
49 New Lebanon .................. 30 Phi Sigma
1st 2nd Tot
31 C. B. A...................... ........ 56 Panton, J................ .... 133 138 271
39 Schuyler .................. .......... 48 Reynolds, R.......... .... 116
98 214
58 Academy ................ .......... 39 Henkes, J.............. .... 115 131 246
..........
40
48 Plattsburg ..............
Krahmer, H.......... .... 115 109 224
35 B.C.H.S........................ .......... 33 Yaguda, R............. .... 139 149 288
39 Rensselaer .............. ........ 41
36 Hudson .................. .......... 31
Totals ............... .... 618 625 1243
37 Schuyler ................ ........... 47
32 C. B. A....................... .......... 48
Lew Carr and Ed Lux wound up
52 Cathedral .............. .......... 42
47 Watei’vliet .............. .......... 34 the season with 168 and 159 points,
52 Academy ................ .......... 48 respectively. Walker finished the
40 B.C.H.S.................................. 43 campaign with 148 markers. All
three players placed among the top
715 12 scoring leaders of the city.
723
PAGE 3
THE
EAA.ls’CORNER
By “NANCY”
On Friday, March 11, two basket­
ball teams were excused at 2:00 p.m.
to attend a playday at Girls’ Acad­
emy.
The first team easily overpowered
the Academy girls by a final score
of 33-15. Jan Hicks, ’50, and Barb
Sandburg, ’51, were high scorers of
the game with 10 points each.
Cadettes Victory Hard-Earned
The second game wasn’t as easy
for the Milne team and it was de­
feated by Academy, 25-22, in one of
the most exciting games of the sea­
son. Jan Kilby and Joan Mosher,
guards, were removed from the
game early and Nan Simmons, for­
ward, had to play guard for the
remainder of the game.
Lea Paxton, ’49, and Marlene
Cooper, ’51, were Milne’s high scor­
ers. Leo scored 9 and Marlene 8.
The Sports Night with the faculty
was very successful. The faculty
outshone the girls in most cases.
The girls basketball team overcame
a team of Alumnae very easily.
Most of the graduates were rusty
from inactivity in the way of bas­
ketball. Nancy Betham, ’49, beat
Mrs. Barsam in table tennis mixed
doubles.
Committee Chosen For Banquet
For many weeks the M.G.A.A.
Council has been discussing the
Mother and Daughter Banquet to
be held on May 26 at St. Andrew’s
Church. This will be the third
banquet the Council has sponsored.
Joan Horton, ’49, President of the
Council, has announced the follow­
ing committees for the banquet:
decorations—J. Deitrich; B. Tomlin­
son and C. Tainter; nut cups—L.
Walker, B. Dewey; programs—Joan
Horton, L. Tewell; post cards—B.
Leete; napkins—Judy Horton; cor­
sages— J. Kilby; name tags — R.
Dyer; candy—N. Betham.
Ball Run A.W.O.L.
The senioi’s had some excitement
while bowling a few weeks ago.
Bettie Carothei’s was attempting to
recaptui'e a x’un-away ball and came
in contact with another ball coming
the other way. Lea Paxton shouted
to her, and Bettie started to get out
of the way, but two or three of
her fingei’s were caught between the
two balls. Bettie was so startled
that she gracefully fell in a- dead
faint on the floor.
Marge Leonard, thinking Bettie
had been struck on the head by the
ball, promptly began to cry. Gen­
eral confusion followed until Miss
Murray restored order. Bettie had
a badly bruised hand, but no broken
bones.
Girls Play Hoop
Basketball intramurals are well
under way for the Senior High girls.
Wednesday and Friday afternoons,
the girls set up teams by classes
and play some snappy games. The
junior girls usually end the after­
noon with a talcum powder fight in
the locker-room.
As this is the last issue I shall
write, I would like to say how much
I have enjoyed telling you all the
news of sports interest to the girls
in Milne. I wish loads of luck to
my worthy successor and I hope
that she will have as much fun as
I’ve had writing this column.
CRIMSON AND PURPLE
PAGE 4
Drugs Cease
Death Increases
Students are reported to be dying
from loss of drugs. This must stop!
On and after April 15, and stu­
dent found dead from want of drugs
will be dropped from the enroll­
ment at once. If it can be proved
that the student is being supported
by a desk or other property marked
“Milne School,” he will be allowed
90 days to redeem himself.
After several hours, if it is noted
that a student has not moved or
changed his position, the supervisor
will investigate.
Because of the
highly sensitive nature of Milne
students, and the close resemblance
between death and their natural
working attitude, the investigation
is to be made quietly so as not to
disturb the student if he is asleep.
If in doubt as to the true condi­
tion of the student, extend a hand­
ful. of pills. If the corpse doesn’t
grab for them immediately, it may
be reasonably assumed that he is
dead.
Sometimes the instinct to
reach for pills is so strongly de­
veloped, that a spasmodic clutch or
reflex action may be encountered.
Be sure not to let this fool you.
In all cases, a sworn statement
by the dead student must be filled
out about his crave for pills. Three
copies will be made. One to be
sent to the President, one to the
morgue and one to his parents.
An application for permanent
leave from Milne must also be filled
out by the dead student. If he
can’t write, his signature must be
witnessed by two students.
FLASH PHOTO
Creepers Bicker
Reefers, Likker
By jackson milland
forty-niners have signified their
eagerness to be accepted into the
alcoholics anonymous in a recent
poll, they are to be freed from the
clutches of liquor, next summer.
president ran eastcreek said, low­
ering his jug: “this soshiety’ll (hie!)
make ush into reshpectable (hie!)
people, and get that funny (hie!)
shmell out of the shenior room
(hie!).
other sheniors, excuse me, seniors
are eagerly awaiting receipt of full
tuition new york state scholarships
to sing-sing college at ossining and
dannemora university at auburn.
the commercial aspect has also
entered into the class’ future plans,
a corporation will be established to
manufacture spitballs and other
paper wads for sale in wholesale
quantities.
wallen light, class
genius, is already at work on an
invisible paint and deodorant for
cigarettes.
“this,” he says, “will remove a
certain notorious element of risk
now present in classroom smoking.”
anderson esquire, junior, will
present a de soto car to the school
to carry erring students, who would
otherwise cross the lawn, to the bus
stop.
this space,
THE SECOND COLUMN
of the
FOURTH PAGE
in our last issue
of the
CRIMSON AND WHITE
which is published
on the
DAY OF ALL FOOLS
1949
UTOPIA: This is the first photo­
graph of Utopia Boulevard since its
bombing in 1912.
IS DEDICATED
from the top of
our hearts
03 03
TJ 13
a a
o o
N Em
d 13
to all
THOSE NASTY LITTLE
PARTYWOOPERS
£
o S
d
WHO DIDN’T
>i 03
XI O
o hJ
HAND THEIR
13 +-
<2
*
P-l HH
ASSIGNMENTS
IN
APRIL 1, 1949
whoope! egad, jolly, hey!
a schnookledozer holiday
By “CASEY”
What’s a schnookledozer? Well,
it’s a “gadget sorta.” It might even
be called a monstrosity, but that’s
not very fair, seeing all the won­
derful things it can do when hand­
led right.
Today is an anniversary for the
schnookledozer, though nobody
could really say which one or what
for. The inventor is still among
the missing persons, and as soon
as the Bureau discovers who he is,
they will proceed to look for him.
Description of Schnookledozer
It would be best to describe a
schnookledozer by drawing one, but
there isn’t a competent artist in the
field yet to be able to perform this
feat. From first observation, you
might catch glimpses of various
types of machinery, flamingo feath­
ers, bed springs, church keys, desk
blotters, camera lenses, violin
strings and locomotive wheels; also
a few samples of sandpaper, garden
hose, ladies’ hose, petrified wood,
radio antenna, and there’s a little
seven and a half horsepower engine
riding in the rear. Upon closer
observation, you’re liable to see any­
thing from granite to butter. In
operation, the schnookledozer
doesn’t make a single noise. When
you stand close to it, you sometimes
catch the rosy aroma of scorched
coffee or burnt beans.
Uses of Schnookledozer
Well, what is this blasted schnookdozer supposed to do? Hmm . .
Almost anything! Sometimes it does
nothing. It just sits there. In order
to put it into working condition,
you cautiously extend one fore­
finger, making sure the thumb is
not in just a position to the nose,
and then you blow on it. Not your
hand, the schnookledozer.
From
here on, you have to use an old
fashioned system; pressing buttons.
There’s also a typewriter keyboard
inside of every schnookledozer, with
careful instructions written on every
key where the letter tabs have been
removed.
So step right in and press the
key of your choice, step quickly
out before being bodily bisected,
and try to guess what will happen
next.
Marmaduke’s Maladjustment
Marmaduke K. Quinkfump, presi­
dent of the sixth grade in Milne,
recently had a narrow escape from
the schnookledozer. He had one in
his pocket one day when he took
a bus home. His mother wouldn’t
let him keep the bus however, and
the schnookledozer got lonesome.
Marmaduke was trying to under­
stand the maladjustment and acci­
dently let his head go in the repair
opening of the schnookledozer.
Marmaduke is now suffering from
a slit throat.
LOST: Lealee Paston lost all re­
mains of sanity while charting the
course of her last trip as captain
of the S S. Crimson, and White.
FOUND: One paid of uppers in the
middle of a square dance set were
found when the Loudonville Can­
teen was last in session. Owner
should be prepared to engage in
a suit brought against the plate of
false teeth, as they have been
charged with biting off Flenny
Dint’s big toe.
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