Revision activities: Choose a minimum of TWO of these areas (A-F) for revision, or choose G.
CIRCLE your choices on this page, and “BOLD” THEM ON YOUR FINAL DRAFT.
A. Showing methods: The main objective of the assignment is for you to show your flaw
through the scenario. What methods did you use? Which could you enhance (actions,
appearance, inner thoughts, others' reactions, setting)?
B. Change the organization of your story. Ideas: begin at the end; begin at the middle; change
the opening lines to lead into the story in a compelling way; change the last lines to
emphasize the consequence of your flaw.
C. Dialogue revamp: Go through your dialogue to make it more realistic, to vary and
strengthen speech tags (he accused instead of he said), to eliminate bland exchanges. Add
dialogue to areas where conversation could emphasize your flaw.
D. Metaphor work: Further extend your metaphor by sprinkling it in additional places in your
story. OR you could change your metaphor if the one you tried was cliché or didn’t fit your
flaw or didn’t work out well.
E. Diction: Revise bland, repeated, or incorrect words to vivid, precise, interesting choices.
Action verbs NOT “to be”. Interesting adjectives—or any at all if your paper is lacking.
Concrete, specific nouns- sedan instead of car, Ticonderoga instead of pencil, rocker instead
of chair.
F. Fill in the blanks: a strong story has a clear setting and richly described characters. Go back
into your story and add details that make the setting more concrete and make the other
characters better developed.
G. Start over.
Style requirements: 2 points each . To earn the point, underline these on your final draft.

Sentence with five or fewer words (not dialogue) (your first, last, or climax, perhaps)

One sentence beginning with a prepositional phrase (to, from, on, in, by, with, around…)

One sentence beginning with a participial phrase
(-ING, NOUN…. Examples-- Greeting each new student, the teacher warmly smiled and shook hands. Bursting with enthusiasm, the
crowd roared as the team took the field. NOT Plopping the thick potatoes with a thwack, the Styrofoam tray almost collapsed. NOT
Panting heavily, the coach made us run another lap despite our exhaustion. )

One sentence beginning with an adverb (-ly word) or adjective
(Hurriedly, I scribbled my homework before the bell rang. Silently, we packed our things and waited for the bell. Dejectedly, I walked away.
Panicked, I scribbled my homework before the bell rang. Purple and fuzzy, her sweater made her look like Grimace. Orange with grease, the
pizza was the furthest thing from a healthy meal.)

Correctly used ; or :
; separates two full RELATED sentences
Example-- The night air was refreshing; we slept with the window cracked.
Example-- I forgot to “spring ahead” my alarm clock; however, my phone automatically adjusted its time, so I was not late for work.
: introduces a definition or a list and follows an independent clause
Example-- I hate three things: liverwurst, holey socks, and liars.
NOT—I hate: liverwurst, holey socks, and liars.
Example-- Tim is a leader: someone who knows and does what’s right regardless of the difficulty or the consequences.
NOT—A leader: someone who does what is right.
Writer:_________________________
Character Flaw Narrative
Peer reviewer: ______________________
I. Flaw and its definition:______________________________________________________________
*Is the ONE flaw clearly and consistently emphasized? Could you guess it if it was not
mentioned in title? Is it stated anywhere (it shouldn’t be)?
*Is there a negative consequence or a NEAR negative consequence as a result of the flaw? YES NO
Explain what that consequence is:
Which showing methods of the FLAW did you see used? Circle
 Appearance
 Dialogue (must be used)
 Actions
 Others’ reactions
 Inner thoughts
 Setting
Any ideas for where these could be included more?
II. Narrative (story) quality:
Circle one: What I read was a (specific story of an incident/generic description of behavior).
What is the best section/paragraph/part of the story?
What section/paragraph/part of the story could be revised or expanded to better show
the flaw?
III. Extended metaphor
The metaphor or simile is _______________________________________________ or I don’t really know
Does it reflect the flaw, make sense, and enhance the story? YES NO
Where could it be extended or revises? (give paragraph or section)_________________________________
What words/ideas can the writer use to extend it—try to make a few suggestions:
IV. Looking at the revision options on the other side of the page, which two would you suggest
the writer try. Circle: A B C D E F G