Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1, pp. 3-55
 2001 Heart-Centered Therapies Association
Existential Issues in Heart-Centered Therapies:
A Developmental Approach
Diane Zimberoff, M.A. and David Hartman, MSW*
Abstract: Avoidance of existential confrontation is a central function of neurosis,
while existential openness is the most frequent predictor of wisdom. In existential
transpersonal psychotherapy, (1) all forces are seen to be acting now, in this immediate
moment, and (2) effective therapy or healing involves seeing clearly how the past is alive in
the present in the form of unfinished business and resolving it through attentiveness to the
experience of the present moment. One’s karmic and existential issues provide the ground,
context and meaning for the momentary experiential figures of interactions and reactions in
daily life. The ideal is for one to actively seek to understand one’s experience and
responsibly choose meaningful and healthy options in the immediate moment. It might be
viewed as the process of “waking up” and “growing up,” of establishing a self-referenced
definition of self, one’s existential identity. Existential issues include such topics as death,
aloneness, meaninglessness, freedom and responsibility, and awareness of uncertainty,
viewing each topic as both related to everyday life and as related to one’s experience of
oneself, i.e. the ego. One’s shadow sides are the repressed energy fixated at a given
incomplete developmental stage, desperately avoiding the pain of the mistaken belief or
personal “conclusion” (angst) and blindly repeating the personal “decision” of a behavioral
strategy (repetition compulsion).
Transformational psychotherapy succeeds through resolving
progressively deeper levels of personal obstacles to optimal functioning.
The deepest levels that we can address are the existential and karmic
issues. All the other issues that we as humans deal with, such as mother
and father issues, authority issues, spiritual issues, or gender issues flow
from these primal prototypical existential issues. The existential issues are
most nakedly obvious in the experience of the fetus in the mother’s womb
and in early childhood, but continue throughout life.
One conceptualization is that of the forces that “pull” us forward into
our future and those that “push” us from the past into the present (Huxley,
1944). The pull is from health, our highest self, the Divine. The push is that
of the consequences of what has come before, e.g., the effects of the genes,
or one’s karma. We come into the world, into the moment of conception
itself, carrying some things. They may be traits, or inherited tendencies, or
unfinished business (karma). Another way to describe the “pull - push” is
Maslow’s (1962) “being-motivation” and “deficiency-motivation.” Once
we confront and heal the deficiency influences from the past, we are freed
__________
*The Wellness Institute, 3716 - 274th Avenue SE, Issaquah, WA 98029 USA
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
to follow the higher calling that beckons us forward toward fulfillment,
toward actualization.
. . . a development of personality which frees the person from the deficiency problems
of youth, and from the neurotic (or infantile, or fantasy, or unnecessary, or “unreal”)
problems of life, so that he is able to face, endure and grapple with the “real” problems of
life (the intrinsically and ultimately human problems, the unavoidable, the “existential”
problems to which there is no perfect solution) (Maslow, 1962, p. 109).
From the perspective of Buddhist psychology, what allows us to wake up to the very nature
of reality and live freshly in the moment is the spacious quality of our being, which is
intrinsically free from past conditioning (Welwood, 2000, p. 77).
What are existential issues? They are unresolved circumstances,
consequences of being human, which challenge personal effectiveness.
They include such topics as death (one’s mortality and limitations),
aloneness, meaninglessness, freedom and responsibility (actively exerting
one’s will; taking more active responsibility for one’s choices between
growth or stagnation, between the challenge of the unknown or safety of
the familiar; being clear about and true to one’s own needs), awareness of
uncertainty (inevitability of change and the sense of freedom that flows
from a recognition that one is unable to control the outcome of events),
surrender (of the ego to the greater Self, to the Divine).
A Gestalt explanation of existential issues
Gestalt psychology addresses the interrelationship of content and field
in life, of figure and ground. Clouds floating through the sky are an
example of figure and ground, or content and context. I will use the
terminology of content and context (see Figure 1). First, let us understand
content/context dynamics. One’s conscious experience makes up the
contents, or figure, of awareness. I become aware of the red flowers beside
the sidewalk on my way to the grocery store: the flowers are the content of
that momentary experience. Someone passes me on the sidewalk and
greets me by saying, “Hello:” the interaction is the content of that
momentary experience. Both experiences, or contents, exist within the
context of the sum of all my previous experience (with flowers, with
walking on the sidewalk, with social interactions, with the person who said
“Hello”): the walk to the grocery store, and all of who I am, is the context.
The content assumes and has meaning only in relation to the context; i.e.,
the flowers are either inspiring or disappointing or frightening depending
on my previous experience. The content exists as an implicit element
within a larger background context. A knowable set of factors always
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
5
exists as the context that underlies, encompasses, and makes possible
present experiencing. The content is a single frame photograph within the
context of an entire motion picture.
Figure 1
One’s existential issues provide the context and meaning for the
momentary experiential contents of interactions and reactions in daily life.
Awareness of those issues provides a context within which to accelerate
the healing of one’s mother issues, father issues, claustrophobia, anxieties,
authority issues, fear of rejection, abundance issues, et cetera. Healing
those wounds is the healing of the existential issues, because they provide
the access points to the context itself. One’s immediate experience offers
fertile opportunities for understanding and healing the totality of past,
present and future existence.
While any life problem may have many different angles or many irritating facets, there is
usually one central tangle, one central crux (or sometimes two or three). Bringing this
central concern – usually some confused or unresolved way of relating to ourselves, to other
people, or to life – into awareness helps the tangled situation to unravel and release
(Welwood, 2000, p. 93).
One’s “mother issues” of fear of intimacy resulting from the
unresolved childhood experience of feeling smothered and engulfed by
mother provide the context to the content of an immediate experience of
claustrophobia in a small space. And that current, discrete claustrophobic
experience provides access to the “mother issues;” healing the momentary
experience heals the underlying issues. Just so, one’s existential issues
provide the context to the content of one’s “mother issues.” It remains for
future discussion how one’s karmic issues provide the context to the
content of one’s existential issues.
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
Existential issues are the ones so deeply embedded and so
fundamentally threatening that they motivate avoidance at any cost
through neurotic defenses. What can be so fundamentally threatening? “All
threat . . . ultimately is the threat of non-being, is the existential threat”
(Bugental, 1965, p. 93). The individual perceives his/her very existence to
be at stake. How I define myself determines what I interpret as threatening,
of course. If I define myself by my job, then losing the job is a threat to my
being. If I define myself as “not the kind of person who would do that,”
then when I do it I feel threatened with non-being. I protect myself from
the threat of annihilation with all manner of defenses.
The beginning stage of therapy for any problem or symptom is helping the person to
disidentify from the presenting issue. We need to have the new and different experience of
discovering that we are more than or larger than the source of distress with which we are so
typically identified. . . Real transformation occurs when we move from being the content, or
story, of our lives to being the context – or the space in which the life occurs (Wolinsky,
1991, pp. 57-58).
Stepping outside the problem immediately creates a larger context for
it, and that is one of the great benefits of trance-based experiential therapy.
In the trance state, or any altered state of consciousness, one becomes
aware of the split nature of consciousness; that is, that experience of self
which is engaged in the story, or content, and that part which is observing,
or witnessing. The witnessing part of consciousness is a unified experience
of perception, a wide angle lens of awareness of the self behind the
ongoing activity, of the context for the content. Stephen Wolinsky (1991)
discusses four specific areas of expanded context that lead to therapeutic
resolution.
The first is expanding one’s context to include the body. When we
reconnect with our somatic experience, getting grounded in the body, we
open up to more information and a more unified experience. Becoming
capable of correlating fear with a gnawing emptiness in the pit of the
stomach, for example, assists one to identify one’s emotions sooner and
provides an additional point of access to them. “Body memories,” or
memories that come to us first somatically and only later cognitively, are a
prime example of the importance of expanding the context of experience to
include the body. Symptoms may be state-specific, and physical symptoms
may contain dissociated memories. For example, the child physically
shutting down to become totally still as a means of defense against the
terror of abuse creates a “somatic ego state” of pervasive immobilization.
Following the somatic bridge (body memory) of immobilization back in
regression leads to conscious access to the memory of the source trauma
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
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which created that ego state - the incident of terrifying abuse. The
dissociated memories are “physically contained” within the somatic
symptoms (Gainer, 1993).
That wounded ego state can be dramatically healed by retrieving it for
re-experience in age regression, abreacting the experience, and allowing a
means of reintegration and transformation of the trauma experience into a
physically corrected experience of empowerment (van der Kolk &
Greenberg, 1987). A corrective experience activates psychophysiological
resources in his/her body (somatic as well as emotional resources) that had
been previously immobilized by fear and helplessness (Levine, 1991;
Phillips, 1993, 1995). In Heart-Centered Therapies, the regressed person is
allowed to actually experience the originally immobilized voice yelling for
help, and the originally immobilized muscles kicking and hitting for
protection. These somatic and emotional corrective experiences
reassociate the individual’s originally dissociated body and emotion in
positive ways to positive outcomes. Physical sensations in the body are
used to strengthen anchors to resource states, and to help gauge the
increase or decrease of an unwanted behavior or attitude in the
extinguishing process.
A second area is expanding one’s context to include the self, or ‘I’. We
connect the symptoms and the experience of body with the ego self, the
sense of ‘I’. Just as people may have dissociated the symptom from their
bodies, they may also have dissociated it from their sense of self. Healing
requires agency, that is the individual must accept himself or herself as
larger than the symptom, but incorporating the symptom. It is not only my
sensation of a gnawing emptiness in the pit of the stomach, but also my
fear. This expanded context prepares the individual for the activity of
witnessing. In Heart-Centered Therapies, we facilitate the expansion into
self through empowering the individual to reclaim repressed or inhibited
expression, through widening the perspective on issues to include lifelong
patterns, and through Kundalini meditation.
A further area of expanded context is to include the social network. We
know that clients live within a system of support (both positive and
negative), a larger interpersonal context, and that effective treatment must
address that systemic reality. The client needs to be able to integrate the
therapeutic experience with his/her daily life, to find resources within to
effect changes without. What are the implications of the expanded
understanding of oneself to real life relationships, obligations, career
choices, parenting style, choice of spiritual path, et cetera? One’s inner
awareness continues to expand, and the healing capacity grows. We
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
facilitate the application of inner resources in Heart-Centered Therapies
through rehearsal techniques and strengthening relationships.
The fourth area of expanded context is to include the inner witness.
Stepping outside of a symptom, reaction, problem or attitude to observe it
helps one to establish a larger perspective, to create the maneuvering room
necessary for real change to occur. This observer is the inner knower, the
witness, that part within which holds or contains all of one’s experience,
the broad spectrum of context for one’s life. Hora (1960) and Welwood
(2000) use the analogy of awareness as a mirror. In the most constricted
form of awareness, absorbed totally by the contents of consciousness, one
is captivated by and lost in the reflections in the mirror. Gradually
expanding the awareness of context, one steps back from the appearances
in the mirror, witnessing them, studying them, and developing a more
objective relationship with them. Finally one expands the awareness into
becoming the mirror itself, seeing clearly and experiencing fully. The
mirror simply abides in its own nature, without separating from its
reflections (selectively repressing) or confusing itself with them
(selectively identifying). Negative reflections do not stain the mirror,
although they may be unpleasant and chosen for further healing. Positive
reflections do not improve on the mirror, although they may be pleasant
and enjoyed. All reflections are the mirror’s self-illuminating display, and
thus by definition acceptable and attainable.
This expanded context relies on dialectic reasoning, also called
cognitive flexibility, and on the capacity for diffuse attention. Dialectic
reasoning permits expanded awareness through simultaneous consideration
of opposite poles of bipolar meaning structures (e.g., life – death, intimacy
– isolation, purpose – meaninglessness, abdication – responsibility) (Slife
& Barnard, 1988). In other words, cognitive flexibility permits one to
accommodate multiple solutions, even mutually exclusive ones. It carries
the ability to shift cognitive strategies and states of awareness, shifting
from details (attending to selected content and disattending to other content
and to the context) to holistic view (attending to both content and context)
and back again. Complex, novel or unpredictable events are appraised as
opportunities for growth rather than as personal threats requiring reflexive
response. Contrast this with demonstrative reasoning, which is constrained
by a mechanical logic. John Welwood (2000) refers to these two types of
reasoning as focal attention and diffuse attention.
Focal attention screens out wholes in favor of differentiated parts,
becoming preoccupied with the foreground content, e.g., with the waitress’
inattention or the performance anxiety preceding a lecture or the
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
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discomfort of being in a crowded elevator. Focal attention is a telephoto
lens through which to concentrate on selective details. It is very useful, but
over-reliance on it leads to obsessive mentation, narrow-mindedness, and
disconnection from purpose and meaning in life. Diffuse attention is
receptive, alive, a wide angle lens through which to experience the whole
context all at once. The two forms of attention represent thought (focal, the
contents of consciousness) and awareness (diffuse, consciousness itself).
This concept provides a clear understanding of the shadow. Focal
attention selectively emphasizes certain aspects of one’s experience while
ignoring others, casting into the shadow (repressing) the unattended parts.
Those unselected aspects of experience may have been rejected as
unacceptable (negative) or as unattainable (positive), but in either case
they are a mirror reversal of the aspect that was emphasized. In other
words, the human psyche compensates for an imbalance by creating an
equal but opposite, although unconscious, counterbalance. This is the
compensatory function of the unconscious. A child being abused concludes
that he is unworthy of love and decides to deal with the abuse by becoming
as invisible, adaptive and quiet as possible, rejecting (repressing) intense
anger toward the abusive parent. The anger is now a shadow. A child being
told not to be so arrogant when she says, “I want to be a doctor when I
grow up,” concludes that she is incapable of high aspirations and decides
to settle for mediocre goals in life, repressing her buoyant self-confidence.
Her confidence is now a shadow.
The rejected aspects of oneself, whether unacceptable or unattainable,
are nevertheless repressed into unconsciousness, the lower unconscious or
the higher unconscious (Assagioli, 1971). The individual’s lower
unconscious consists of all the psychologically damaging experiences of
every developmental age, called primal wounds by Firman and Gila
(1997). The lower unconscious also includes the collective lower
unconscious, the transpersonal shadow (Vaughan, 1986). The higher
unconscious consists of the transpersonal qualities, or peak experiences
(Maslow, 1962, 1971). A repression barrier operates to keep these
identities out of awareness, protecting the self-interests of the threatened
ego. Serving to repress the lower unconscious are shame, fear, loneliness,
unworthiness, pain, abandonment, and spiritual isolation. Serving to
repress the higher unconscious are transpersonal defenses (Firman & Gila,
1997), mainly the fear of letting go and trusting (surrender). The undoing
of the ego’s grip requires undoing the primal repression and embracing that
which has been repressed into both the lower and higher unconscious.
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
Hypnosis and meditation are two methods of cultivating diffuse
attention (Welwood, 2000; Wolinsky, 1991) utilized in Heart-Centered
Therapies.
Awakening from dissociation is one way to describe the experience of
loosening the limited nature of normal consciousness, fixated on
momentary figures (content) rather than the underlying ground (context).
Diffuse attention, an aspect of cognitive flexibility, allows one to focus on
the whole situation underneath one’s thoughts and emotions, and to
tolerate ambiguity regarding the meaning of the experience. John Welwood
(2000) refers to awareness in a contracted state as ego, and awareness in a
relaxed state as egolessness. For a detailed discussion of egolessness,
readers are referred to “The Ego in Heart-Centered Therapies: Ego
Strengthening and Ego Surrender” in the Journal of Heart-Centered
Therapies, 3(2). Suffice it to say here that cognitive flexibility and diffuse
attention are intricately related to the experience of humility and nondefensiveness, i.e., ego surrender.
We might view the process of awakening, or expanding one’s
perspective, as stepping from defensiveness into vulnerability. The ego is
generally on alert to maintain the persona of acceptable qualities and to
keep repressed the shadow of unacceptable or unattainable qualities.
Continually having to maintain this hyper-vigilance, to be always on guard,
leaves us fragile, indeed brittle, and weary. Fear of discovery is the driving
motivation; shame and control are the primary vehicles. Contrast this state
of affairs with the freedom of vulnerability. Opening oneself to raw
experience, unprotected by pretense, denial and guardedness, is liberating.
Letting go of the futile attempt to control life allows the tension to give
way to relaxation. Screening out the “unacceptable” and “unattainable” is
no longer important, and one’s attention opens to a more diffuse viewpoint.
One begins living without defense, spontaneously, transparently (i.e., no
hidden agendas: “What you see is what you get”), in a state of ego
surrender.
Recent research indicates that, perhaps paradoxically, an experience of
ego surrender tends to increase the individual’s internal locus of control
(Reinert, 1997), and “control is simultaneously enhanced through the
process of letting go” (Cole & Pargament, 1999, p. 179). Derived from
social learning theory, the concept of locus of control defines an
individual’s belief about who or what is responsible for outcomes in their
life. People with an internal locus of control believe that what happens to
them is a consequence of their own actions and is within their control.
Those with an external locus of control believe that what happens to them
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
11
is related to external events, powerful others and chance, and thus beyond
their control (Lefcourt, 1983).
The therapeutic corrective experience and the psychospiritual
experience of ego surrender change at a deep level the individual’s locus of
control from external to internal. Humanistic psychology points to the
ultimate expression of self-actualization as embracing this healthy internal
locus of control: “I am 100% responsible for my experience of my life.”
This is highly empowering to the individual.
Note here the similarity with a psychosynthesis perspective, where the
growth process is seen as a series of awakenings (Crampton, 1974). New
awarenesses require a reordering of personality-elements to accommodate
a broader self-concept, an expanded identity. The goal of personal
psychosynthesis is to promote growth and to integrate the personality: to
coordinate one’s various personality aspects, to resolve inner conflicts, and
to create a sense of ease and harmony. Psychosynthesis recognizes that at
each level of integration, the personality has the potential to transcend
itself once again, temporarily dis-integrating on the way toward a more
inclusive and comprehensive sense of wholeness.
Avoidance of existential confrontation: a developmental model
A common theory holds that avoidance of existential confrontation is a
central function of neurosis (Bugental, 1965). Neurosis, Bugental asserts,
consists in the denial or distortion of authenticity, trying to create certainty
where it does not exist, trying to invoke probability where there is only
possibility, trying to disavow responsibility while we carry it always with
us. Attempting the impossible creates neurotic anxiety. We then employ
the myriad of neurotic defenses to armor ourselves against the threat.
Research has tended to support that point of view (Thauberger &
Sydiaha, 1975; Thauberger & Sydiaha-Symor, 1977; Thauberger et al,
1982). One conceptualization of this process is the worldview of Sören
Kierkegaard (1970), founder of existential philosophy, who viewed
existence as a conversation between life and death. He observed that the
most frequent human reaction to the inevitability of death is dread, or
angst. And that reaction is often to flee the dreaded reality by creating an
inauthentic life with self-sabotaging neurotic anxiety, defenses, resistance,
repression, addictions, distractions and dissociation. Existential anxiety
arises not just in relation to physical mortality, but also, and perhaps more
so, to the threat of ego dissolution, the realization that the ‘I’ is not solid
and permanent but rather flimsy and fleeting, the threat of non-being. “Ego
contains at its very core a panic about egolessness, an anxious reaction to
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
the unconditional openness that underlies each moment of consciousness”
(Welwood, 2000, p. 46). As Thomas Hora said, “what we oppose, we
confirm. What we avoid, we oppose. What we grasp, we violate. What we
cling to, clings to us. What we destroy, destroys us” (1960, p. 502).
The neurotic defenses can be viewed as the tendency to reject what is
painful (denial and avoidance); the tendency to grasp onto something that
appears to be solid, offering comfort and security (fixation, obsession and
compulsion); and the tendency to desensitize ourselves so that we aren’t
faced with feeling the chaos (numbing and dissociation). In other words, to
selectively focus, or become absorbed in, some partial aspect of the whole
to avoid dealing with the whole. Grasping, rejecting, and desensitizing
strategies are actually determined by developmental deficiencies; the
selected area of absorption is the relevant unresolved developmental
stage(s). The neurotic defenses can be viewed as attempts to control the
eight worldly concerns that, by Buddhist teachings, keep us chained to the
wheel of suffering: praise and blame, loss and gain, pleasure and pain,
success and failure.
Any of these ways of dealing with trauma, untenable choices and the
resulting anxiety, begin as brilliantly creative survival strategies,
constructed out of the individual’s inner resources. But due to incomplete
maturation the resource is disfigured into a contorted replica of itself, and
becomes both compulsive and covert. Ultimately, the defense becomes an
obstacle to access to the original unperverted resource, and therefore an
obstacle to further growth. For example, one may become judgmental
toward others as a protection against the fear of vulnerability, based on
experiencing the pain and anxiety of a harshly critical parent. The
judgmentalism keeps the individual from opportunities to develop intimacy
with others and experience the satisfaction of loving vulnerability.
“Growing up” through those unresolved developmental stages is to
release the fixation, or absorption. Growing up might be viewed as the
process of resolving the tendency to react reflexively, automatically, to a
momentary stimulus as “the straw that broke the camel’s back” (i.e., a drop
in a reservoir of unresolved energies), and allowing instead the capacity to
respond directly to it as simply a drop. We aim to interrupt the
unconscious, automatic reflex reaction to a conditioned stimulus.
In Pascual-Leone’s (1990) model, active exertion of will assumes a central role in
promoting the ability to counter and change automatic processes. Through the active,
effortful process of reflecting on one’s experience and attempting to change one’s ways of
thinking, feeling, and behaving, one develops greater self-realization and concern for core
human experience that transcends societal norms (Kramer, 2000, p. 86).
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
13
One’s shadow sides are the repressed energy fixated at a given
incomplete developmental stage, desperately avoiding the pain of the
mistaken belief or personal “conclusion” (angst) and blindly repeating the
personal “decision” of a behavioral strategy (repetition compulsion). That
“conclusion” is the negative pole of the existential issue (i.e., the angst of
Unworthiness, Identity confusion, lack of Personal Power, or Resistance to
Life). A complete discussion on these four primary existential positions is
found beginning on page 39 of this article.
The enacted behavioral “decision” is the shadow (e.g., the addict, the
judge, the buffoon, the rage-a-holic, the wallflower, et cetera). Recognizing
and returning to the incomplete developmental stage, through age
regression, provides access to the deep-seated erroneous conclusion that is
unbearably painful. Returning to the “scene of the crime,” the traumatic
experience that the child generalized into a “law” about what to expect in
life, presents the opportunity to experientially and kinesthetically correct
the mistaken belief to reflect the positive pole (strength) of that existential
issue (e.g., “I am always free to choose” replaces “I am powerless,” et
cetera). Of course, mere affirmations are inadequate to counter the deeply
imprinted beliefs of which we speak. The individual in most cases needs to
experience the correction in the original ego state in which the faulty belief
was created. Utilizing a hypnotic state to effect the regression is
profoundly important for successfully releasing the old belief and fully
embracing the new one.
Returning to and resolving the fixated developmental stage also allows
for retrieving inner resources. These may be of two types. One is to
reconnect with healthy parts that were abandoned (repressed into the
shadows) as “unattainable” in the process of implementing the behavioral
decision on how to cope with the existential anxiety (e.g., spontaneity,
trust, innocence, wonder). The other is to reframe resources that were
originally misinterpreted through unhealthy modeling from caregivers
(e.g., reframing “vulnerability is weakness” into “vulnerability is aliveness
and freedom”). Ultimately to be retrieved in the process is one’s existential
purpose in life. See Figure 2 (next page). Also see Table 1 for a partial
cataloguing of those developmental unresolved issues, inner resources to
be reclaimed, existential issues in need of healing and the counterpart
existential strengths available upon completion of that healing.
The child’s developmental stages are organized around the need to
individuate – psychologically separating from the parents, cultivating trust
in oneself as the source of guidance in life. The developmental process is
in reality lifelong, involving contraction into fixed identity boundaries, i.e.,
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
Figure 2
separation or individuation, and then eventual expansion into a newly open
defenseless recognition of interdependence, i.e., ego surrender. Ideally, the
individuation process leads one to listen to and trust one’s own experience,
to develop an authentic personal vision and sense of direction, and to heal
the uncompleted developmental tasks that prevent one from living
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
15
authentically (defenseless, vulnerable, self-defined, spontaneous, peaceful).
Ego surrender is the natural outcome of a completed individuation.
Let us look at this “growing up” and “growing into” process from a
psychosynthesis perspective and from a Jungian point of view.
In psychosynthesis, the part of oneself fixated at an incomplete
developmental stage is a subpersonality, functioning mechanically,
unconsciously. If an individual becomes totally identified with a
subpersonality, he/she places its needs and perspectives above all else,
“repetition compulsion” in psychoanalytic terms. By recognizing and
naming subpersonalities, disidentifying from them and dialoguing with
them, their underlying (unresolved) needs and as yet unclaimed higher
qualities become apparent. Their distorted behaviors can be transformed
and energies released for the benefit of the total person.
Fundamental to psychosynthesis is a deep exploration into experience of the Self. “Who am
I?” is a central question here as it is in some spiritual traditions. Psychosynthesists have
developed ideas about the Self and techniques for exploring the many layers and dimensions
of identity that one discovers in the course of pursuing growth into realms of higher
consciousness.
The growth process can be described as a series of identifications with ever-more
inclusive wholes. The personality moves through cycles of integration, dis-integration, and
re-integration wherein the individual disidentifies from the person he used to be and
identifies with the person he has become. At the center of each new whole is an integrating
factor, a center of awareness and will, a point of identity: a Self (Russell, 1982).
In Jungian terms, the part of oneself fixated at an incomplete
developmental stage is an autonomous complex, and the aim of Jungian
analysis is to transform autonomous complexes into consciousness (Nitis,
1989). One of the complexes is the ego-complex, the center of the field of
consciousness, the adaptive, conscious executive of the personality, the
observing aspect. The personal unconscious is related specifically to this
ego-complex. Other complexes are collections of ideas and images
organized around one or more archetypes at the core of the complex and
having a certain feeling tone and energy charge. Examples might include a
father complex, mother complex, hero complex, child complex, the anima,
the animus, etc. All the complexes together Jung called the collective
unconscious, or objective psyche. In the altered state, the normally
unconscious complexes begin to come into conscious awareness.
Competing identities can often be incompatible. One may be
determined to “be good” and stay away from sweets, while another pops
up and devours all the candy in the jar. Each is successively in control, and
the secondary gain of the latter defeats the intentions of the former. Carl
Jung saw most people as identified almost entirely with certain acceptable
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
aspects of themselves (the persona), having denied and repressed the
unacceptable aspects (the shadow).
The way back to authenticity and real free will is through recognition
of the unconscious nature of most of our choices and experiences. When
we “snap out of” the state of absorption, we expand our consciousness of
who we are to include a wider spectrum, allowing for new possibilities.
Liberation from unconsciousness, waking up from the trance, arousing
from the dissociation comes with disidentification from the limited ‘I’.
First we must become aware of, incorporate and even embrace our dark
side, our shadow, those parts of us that we shudder to conceive could be
within us or the parts we are afraid to grow into. Part of us may be “the
compulsive smoker”, and another part is the great mystic, and both parts
are intimidating to own up to. Experiencing our shadow is the “doorway to
the real,” ripping apart the ego’s imaginary identifications (Humbert, 1988,
p. 50) and seeing clearly into the blind spots.
Openness to existential confrontation
Faced with existential anxiety, avoidance through neurotic defense is
not the only option, of course. A second existential choice is self-rejection,
to judge, attack or punish oneself for being the person he/she has become.
One of the most heart-rending experiences as therapist can be to observe an
adult in an age regression experience confronting the child they once were
with blame, revulsion, rejection and hatred. A third existential choice is to
remain open and non-defensive in the face of our deepest anxieties.
Bugental (1965, p. 286) refers to these choices as between dread or
courage. “The crossroads of life, existentially speaking, lie at the point of
the confrontation of existential anxiety.” “How man responds to that
anxiety – whether with dread or with courage – tells the story of his nonbeing or his being.”
In the mirror analogy used previously, the mirror becomes captivated
by and lost in the reflections in the mirror. The choice of avoidance
through neurotic defense is the mirror separating from its reflections, i.e.,
selectively repressing. The choice of punishing oneself is the mirror
confusing itself with its reflections, i.e., selectively identifying. Remaining
open and non-defensive is to expand the awareness of context, stepping
back from the appearances in the mirror, and developing a more objective
relationship with them: “choiceless awareness of what is” (Krishnamurti,
1956).
Openness to experience may be operationalized as non-defensiveness,
willingness to share experiences, openness to the unknown and
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
17
unknowable, to emotions, ideas and spirituality, and to seeming
incompatibilities. Operating in such a space, one finds understanding.
“Understanding is not an act of the will. It is an event. Understanding
happens to man in the openness of the existential encounter” (Hora, 1960,
p. 498). Recent research documents the correlation between openness and
that deep level of understanding, or wisdom. Indeed, “openness to
experience is the most frequent predictor of wisdom” (Kramer, 2000, p.
83). See Figure 3.
Figure 3
Let us look carefully at the concept of wisdom for clues about the
nature of existential openness and the consequences of developing it as a
character trait.
Research (Kramer, 2000) documents that people who are generally
considered wise share the following attributes:
• openness to experience;
• promotion of their own personal development and enjoyment of
learning;
• enrichment of relationships;
• critical awareness and tolerance of ambiguity and complexity;
• self-clarity including a critical stance toward oneself;
• capability of finding purpose and meaning in life’s turbulence and
using their negative emotional experiences as catalysts for emotional
growth, enriched understanding, and exploration of deeper meanings
of human experience;
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
• ability to see patterns in their experience and life choices, and to use
the insights gained to help themselves and others;
• concern for others’ welfare and a lack of self-absorption;
• acceptance of, indeed embracing of their own negative and positive
characteristics for greater wholeness in the self.
Wise people have learned to view the positive and negative and synthesize them to create a
more human, more integrated sense of self, in all its frailty and vulnerability. This allows for
openness, nondefensiveness and less judgmentalism, as well as a catalyzing influence of
negative emotions. As Joan Erickson (1988) points out, for the virtue of wisdom to develop
in later life, one must balance ego integrity with its opposite, despair (Kramer, 2000, p. 94).
Erik Erikson (1979) suggests that wisdom is the ego strength of the
final developmental stage. He defined wisdom as “the detached and yet
active concern with life itself in the face of death itself, and that it
maintains and conveys the integrity of experience in spite of the disdain
over human failing and the dread of ultimate nonbeing” (p. 60). He
believed that an individual fulfilled his/her life cycle “finding terminal
clarity,” and that a final “existential identity” emerges from the
culmination of one’s psychosocial development (Hall, 1983).
The description of a wise person bears a marked resemblance to the
concept of existential identity, to be explored later in this article. The
resolution for inauthentic life patterns is to openly face the basic life issues,
awakening in each experienced moment to the spontaneous, the magical,
the real. Indeed, “awareness of existential issues is a prerequisite for
personal adjustment and authentic existence” (Stevens, 1992, p. 32).
Another conceptualization of these qualities is that of Tibetan
Buddhism, which speaks of five basic wisdom energies: equanimity,
mirrorlike clarity, capacity for effective action, spaciousness, and
discrimination. These are egoless qualities, manifested through a
surrendering ego.
One aspect of wisdom, therefore, and of existential openness is
humility. Research (Tangney, 2000) identifies the key elements of humility
to include:
• accurate assessment of one’s abilities and achievements (not unduly
favorable or unfavorable).
• ability to acknowledge one’s mistakes, imperfections, gaps in
knowledge, and limitations.
• openness to new ideas, contradictory information, and advice.
• keeping of one’s abilities and accomplishments – one’s place in the
world – in perspective.
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
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• relatively low self-focus, a “forgetting of the self”.
• appreciation of the value of all things, as well as the many different
ways that people and things can contribute to our world.
“Clinicians have long noted the links between excessive self-focus and a
broad range of psychological symptoms, including anxiety, depression,
social phobias, and so forth. . . . Even in the area of physical health, some
research suggests that excessive self-focus is a risk factor for coronary
heart disease (Scherwitz & Canick, 1988)” (Tangney, 2000, p. 79).
Brant Cortright (1997) discerns five primary areas of focus in
existential transpersonal therapy (and in most approaches to spiritual
practice, coincidentally):
1. Present-centeredness
2. Awareness
3. Full sensory and bodily involvement
4. I and Thou
5. Morality
Most existential approaches view the present as the only reality; that is,
all forces are seen to be acting now, in this immediate moment. The past
exists here and now as memories, regrets, sources of shame or pride. The
future exists here and now as anticipation, hope, rehearsing, dread.
Effective therapy or healing involves seeing clearly how the past is alive in
the present in the form of unfinished business and bleeding wounds. As the
wounds heal and the business is finished, the person opens to the
immediacy of the present moment. One of the reasons hypnotherapy is so
powerful in helping people to change neurotic patterns is that the process
involves experiencing the past (for example, age regression to a childhood
trauma) or the future (for example, rehearsing an upcoming anxietyprovoking confrontation) as an experience in the present.
Awareness is viewed as the key to actual experiencing. Awareness
liberates the person from inauthentic dissociated fantasy into his or her real
and actual experience. Experience becomes more vivid and more real by
attending to it, paying attention to it. It might be viewed as the process of
waking up.
Attending to the moment requires fully inhabiting the physical and
sensory realm of bodily existence. Grounded in sensitivity to the nuances
of one’s body’s messages leads to greater immediacy of experience. As
Fritz Perls said, “Lose your mind and come to your senses.”
Reciprocal, mutual person to person relating with others follows from
presence in the moment and grounding in one’s own body. The I-Thou
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
relationship suggested by Martin Buber contrasts with an I-It relationship,
the everyday secular relating in which the other is seen as an object, a thing
to be used or manipulated, a means to an end. Ultimately, the transpersonal
existential perspective embraces the sacredness of human relationship.
Finally, the existential view of morality is that there exists a deep,
intrinsic morality of the organism which, when liberated from the
constrictions of conventional morality, is infallibly oriented to the highest
good of all.
Existential openness and psychosocial factors
Cognitive flexibility, already discussed, is closely associated with
existential openness (Stevens, 1992).
Resourceful coping is another factor positively linked to existential
openness (Stevens, 1992). Specifically, the coping strategy of interpreting
existential issues as promising rather than threatening leads obviously to
greater openness to them.
Transformation through developmental completion
Conceptualizing personal growth and healing as completion of
unresolved psychosocial developmental stages is well known. Erik Erikson
stated the case eminently:
Many of us who have worked not only clinically but also in child guidance and in the
developmental study of children have recognized that it is our generation’s task to
demonstrate the complimentarity between the so-called genetic point of view in
psychoanalysis and a developmental one. The genetic approach reconstructs the way
emotional disturbances are rooted in early traumatic events which tend to exert a regressive
pull on the present. It also opens the “prehistoric” part of the human life cycle, and the
unconscious dynamics of human conflict, to systematic inspection. The developmental
approach, in turn, is based on the direct observation of children: following the genetic leads,
we realize the developmental potentials of all stages of life. In childhood we see the actual
trauma; in maturity we see the behavioral consequences of such disturbances (1979, pp. 5758).
Of course, the very same traumatic moments of existential choice in
each stage offer potential invaluable inner resources (e.g., trust, autonomy,
or intimacy) as well as disturbances (e.g., mistrust, shame, or isolation). As
Erikson said, “if we let our observations indicate what could go wrong in
each stage, we can also note what can go right” (1979, p. 58). One’s
overall level of psychosocial maturity, i.e., successful completion of
developmental stages, has been found to correlate with one’s level of selfactualization (Olczak & Goldman, 1975). It has been found that an
individual’s level of psychosocial maturity correlates with happiness in
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
21
college (Constantinople, 1969, 1970) and higher expectations about college
(Waterman, 1972). Greater psychosocial maturity is associated with greater
hopefulness (Brackney & Westman, 1992). Psychosocial maturity is
significantly and inversely related to death anxiety (Lonetto & Templer,
1986; Rasmussen & Brems, 1996; Vargo & Black, 1984). Wilson and
Prabucki (1983) showed a significant relationship between negative
psychosocial maturity and the development of pathological factors of
narcissism (sense of entitlement, interpersonal exploitativeness, and
narcissistic indifference), as well as a significant relationship between
positive psychosocial maturity and two positive dimensions of narcissistic
personality syndrome (healthy narcissistic ideology and positive ego
identity). Research has determined that learning disabled adolescents show
less resolution of Erikson’s 4th stage of industry vs. inferiority than nondisabled adolescents (Pickar & Tori, 1986).
In a study of women with breast cancer, women with more complete
psychosocial development fared better than women with less, experiencing
less psychological distress in terms of less anxiety and depression, fewer
disruptions in social relationships, and fewer consequences of physical side
effects (Perlman, 1998). Westenberg et al (1999) studied the
developmental underpinnings in the prevalence of separation anxiety
disorder (SAD) and overanxious disorder (OAD) in children and
adolescents aged 8-18 years. Results showed that level of ego development
was the strongest predictor of either SAD or OAD. SAD was related
primarily to the Impulsive ego level, whereas OAD was related mostly to
the Conformist ego level. Psychosocial maturity also affects adolescent
sexual behavior and attitudes (Howe, 1981).
Similarities between the Maslow notion of self-actualization (1962)
and the Erikson notion of psychosocial maturity (1959) have inspired
research. Simmons (1970) has shown a significant relationship between
identity achievement status and the degree of self-actualization as
measured by the Personal Orientation Inventory (POI). Indeed, one’s
overall level of psychosocial maturity is positively related to one's level of
self-actualization (Olczak & Goldman, 1975).
Useful inventories for measuring successful psychosocial maturity
include: the Constantinople Inventory of Psychosocial Development
(CIPD) (Constantinople, 1969, 1973), consisting of 60 seven-point scale
items, ten each reflecting successful and unsuccessful resolutions of each
of the first six Erikson life stages; the Rasmussen Ego Identity Scale (EIS)
(Rasmussen, 1964), consisting of 72 statements reflecting the criteria of
health and ill health for the first six psychological stages as described by
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
Erikson; the Content Analysis Scales of Psychosocial Maturity (CASPM)
(Viney, 1981, 1983), consisting of content analysis of individual constructs
in verbal communication, measuring both psychosocial maturation and
regression, resources and needs; the Psychosocial Stage Inventory
(Rosenthal et al, 1981); and the Psychosocial Maturity Inventory (PMI)
(Greenberger et al, 1974), a self-report instrument, comprising 9 subscales
and suited for the assessment of 11-18 year old young people.
In transformational work, we regress the client to the developmental
stages where the trauma originated, where the developmental tasks were
derailed, where the choice was made between what was acceptable and
attainable (the persona) and what was unacceptable and unattainable (the
shadow). Our purpose is twofold: to clarify what was the child’s
conclusion regarding his/her life (the angst-producing faulty belief), laying
bare the core existential issue in need of healing; and to clarify the child’s
behavioral decision regarding how to deal with the terrifying conclusion,
emphasizing some aspects of self into persona and repressing others into
shadow. Then the uncompleted developmental tasks can be resolved. The
awareness of self can be expanded to incorporate the previously repressed
aspects. The over-emphasized aspects can be relaxed into a natural
balance. And the inner resources that were abandoned at that time in the
process of implementing the decision can be reclaimed. As these stages are
healed, the individual moves from rigid and reactive expression of
underdeveloped ego states to expression of a wise, whole and ultimately
surrendering ego.
Joshua
An example of this process is the healing experience of Joshua. He is
an intelligent and charismatic man of fifty who had endured many years of
heroin addiction. He had lived outside the law, selling drugs to support his
habit, and was highly reactive to authority. Although clean and sober for
twelve years, he has not resolved the underlying source traumas for his
dysfunctional life choices, and currently continues to experience life in
social isolation, financial and career failure, and to a marginal degree of
fulfillment. He identifies himself as a “scammer,” a loser and a screw-up.
Joshua has worked therapeutically in the Heart-Centered Therapies milieu
incorporating hypnotherapy, psychodrama, breathwork and meditation.
Joshua has discovered through trance-state age regression that the
shadow aspect who has been largely running his life originated at about
age five. In a series of precipitating events, he was traumatized by his
rageful, critical father. The conclusion that he drew about himself in this
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
23
life was that he would never be worthy of safety. The resulting existential
issues, then, were identity confusion; social exclusion (“I don’t belong
here”); abandonment; feeling stuck; despair. The behavioral decision he
developed as a means of coping with such a devastating reality was to
isolate and withdraw. However, he also vowed to get revenge and to
subject his father to the same pain and humiliation that he had suffered.
That revengeful part of himself was potentially dangerous, since any overt
rebellion against his father would have been punished severely. Therefore,
it was totally unacceptable, and was repressed into shadow. Of course, out
of sight does not mean inactive. That part of him had been extracting
revenge ever since age five, furiously railing against the injustice of life
and sabotaging any choices that might please authority and, coincidentally,
make for a fulfilling life.
Returning in a psychodrama to the uncompleted fourth developmental
stage of belonging and acceptance (three to seven years old), Joshua was
able to correctively protect the five year old from abuse, removing him
from the reach of his fearful father. He provided the comfort and nurturing
that the child needed, embracing the child (a group member playing the
role of his five year old) lovingly and sobbing in grief for all the losses
issuing from that point in his life. Joshua began reframing the experience
of abusive power, conditional love, and unworthiness into a gentle
acceptance of the five year old and his understandable rage and vow of
revenge, thus resolving the unfinished tasks of that developmental stage.
He was now reclaiming the inner resources that had been abandoned by the
five year old: trust, compassion, forgiveness, and a clearer sense of selfidentity. His existential strength unfolded as disidentifying with the
unworthy ego state (“the loser”) and expanding his self-identity to
incorporate a larger perspective.
Joshua’s Unresolved Developmental Stage, Existential Issue and Shadow
Developmental Unresolved
Inner
level, chakra dev. tasks (Early Resources to
conclusions)
reclaim
Existential
issues
(Negative pole)
4.
Belonging
(3-7 years)
Heart
chakra
Despair; identity Disidentifying
confusion; socia with being
exclusion (“I
unworthy,
don’t belong”);
abandonment;
feeling stuck
He would
never be
worthy of
safety
Trust,
compassion,
forgiveness,
and a clearer
sense of selfidentity
Existential
strengths
(Positive
pole)
Shadow
parts
(Repressed
behavioral
decisions)
To isolate,
withdraw,
and to get
revenge
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
This summary of the lasting legacy of Joshua’s experience of the
fourth developmental stage is only a partial picture of the intricate
complexity of his personality development. Of course, other age
regressions in his personal healing work will take him to other
developmental stages, to reveal those formative anxieties and behavioral
decisions.
It is very common that an individual is traumatized during a very
important developmental stage and becomes fixated at that stage.
Development became arrested at the point it was unresolved, and healing
requires completing those developmental tasks in the age-appropriate
regressed ego state. Let us now review the developmental stages and the
tasks, inner resources, existential issues and strengths, and behavioral
decisions associated with each.
First developmental stage - Root Chakra
The first level, that of our connection to the earth, to community and
with our life force (developmental stage conception through birth to six
months of age), is focused on bonding, basic trust vs. mistrust, and healthy
dependence. Developmental tasks are to express needs, to accept nurturing,
to bond emotionally, to learn to trust adults, to choose to live. One faces
the ego issue of fear: fear of needs not being met, abandonment or
annihilation. As these issues are worked through, the individual is able to
access and contain the full vitality of their life force energy, free of the
entangling, ever-demanding and competing ego identities. If proper
bonding does not take place between mother and child, first chakra issues
will be apparent. Feelings of lack or “not enough” are a first chakra issue,
as is the pattern of experiencing abandonment or rejection in relationships.
For example, a person who often feels that he/she doesn’t have enough
time, enough love or enough money in his/her life would have work to do
in this chakra.
The Birth Process (Grof, 1988)
Birth Stage 1a: Nurturance and unity. This is the first stage of birth and
includes pregnancy until labor begins. In an ideal, normal pregnancy this is
a blissful stage for the developing fetus. However, the womb can be either
a toxic or safe environment, depending on issues connected with the
conception. Was the baby wanted by both parents, or was it an unplanned
or unwanted pregnancy? Is the mother considering abortion? Is the father
angry about the pregnancy and thus abusive to mother and baby? Are the
parents in fear about not having enough financial resources to raise this
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
25
baby? All these issues and more can affect the feelings of safety during this
early time.
Birth stage 1a issues relate to the existential theme of Resistance to
Life: separation anxiety, and longing for the spirit world. Birth stage 1a,
the initiation of the birth process, parallels the preconception journey of
leaving the spirit world. Emerson (1994) identifies several major themes in
birth stage 1a. Two are reflected in the preconception journey: one is
“Divine home-sickness” which is a real longing to go back and return to the
wonderful, beautiful, non-complicated world of the spirit. It is a very
blissful existence. The other theme is “spiritual exile”, where one feels
oneself to have been thrown out, leading to unworthiness and authority
issues.
Another major theme at the stage of birth is not wanting to move
forward, not wanting to be born, because the world is so horrible or the
womb is so good, or both. The trauma becomes overwhelming if they also
get stuck and can’t descend into the birth canal, leading to impotence and
inability issues.
There is often a correlation to the prenatal/birth theme of the dilemma
between feeling unwanted or suffocated in the womb, and not wanting
what lies ahead after birth, “between a rock and a hard place.”
Birth Stage 1b: Change. The transition between stage 1 and stage 2
may feel strange with the beginning of the hormonal change preceding the
birth process. Prior to the onset of labor the fetus may have a premonition
that all is about to change, a feeling of paranoia, panic, anxiety, and a lack
of safety. If the mother is very connected to the fetus, she can comfort the
baby by singing, soothing and sending love and reassurance energetically.
Otherwise, the fetus feels the anxiety alone.
Birth Stage 2: Victimization/No exit. The second stage of birth begins
with the onset of labor. The release of hormones creates sudden changes in
the prenatal environment. Strong muscular contractions begin to push the
fetus down and out, compressing the fetus with 50 - 100 pounds of force.
Each contraction constricts the flow through the placenta. The environment
that was safe and familiar rapidly disappears. The fetus does not know
what happened to its world and what might happen next. It may feel like a
helpless victim. The cervix has not dilated, there is crushing pressure and
no way out. There is a feeling of being engulfed, trapped or being
swallowed. There may be a sense of betrayal, as the once life-giving
mother now becomes a source of pain and suffocation. This is the stage
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
related to important life transitions or life process where the change feels
overwhelming or we feel attached to the way it was before the change
started happening. This feeling can come up repeatedly in life and may
arise in experiences that appear to have nothing to do with birth such as
going through tunnels or changing jobs.
Birth issues deriving from birth stage 2 have to do with presence,
related to the Personal Power existential theme. Stage 2 is a transition
between stage 1 and 3, and is like being in “no man’s land.” You’ve gone
too far to go back, but you’ve got a long way to go and there is no light at
the end of the tunnel. Because there is full dilation by this stage, the issue
of personal choice comes up. The psychology of stage 2 also has to do with
directionality, one’s either knowing or being lost regarding “where one is
in life” (“Am I going the right way?”). If the cord is wrapped around the
baby’s neck, this stage can signify the beginning of the end, bringing
anticipatory terror about losing the breath, losing power and thus
annihilation.
Birth Stage 3: Struggle/Death/Rebirth. The third stage of birth comes
when the cervix dilates enough to allow the fetus to begin its journey down
and through the birth canal. Now there is, literally, light at the end of the
tunnel. In this stage the fetus assists in its own birth process by struggling
and moving through the birth canal. Moving past helpless and hopeless, the
fetus no longer resists the change. Sensing the possibilities, the fetus now
contributes to and participates in the process. This is the stage of agony and
ecstasy! In moving down the birth canal, the fetus encounters struggle,
suffocation, fear of death, anxiety and exhaustion, but also determination,
hope and progress. Each movement brings the fetus closer to freedom.
Birth issues related to the existential theme of Identity derive from
birth stage 3, having to do with the life/death struggle, because if the fetus
comes close to dying it is in stage 3. It has anxiety associated with it.
Depression or anxious morbidity probably result from stage 3 trauma.
Also, this is where the baby is going through the vagina of the mother. This
stage can impact one’s sexuality as well: premature ejaculation, impotence
or aorgasmia, loss of self.
Birth Stage 4: Completion/Death/Rebirth. The fourth stage of birth
begins when the fetus finally emerges from the birth canal and the struggle
is over. At this time the umbilical cord is cut, the baby breathes air for the
first time and reconnects to the mother. During this phase of birth the baby
experiences relief, completion, independence and success while nursing
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
27
and being held safely in mother’s arms. In a natural process, the baby
learns that reconnection and reward follow effort and pain. There is a sense
of termination and resolution, survival and accomplishment. In this process
of departing, we begin the pattern of completion that is carried throughout
life. If there is guilt (for wanting to get out) or anxiety (fear of loss)
connected to this first experience of leaving, then this will govern the
perception of all future completions. If there is a great deal of pain for the
mother, the infant may take responsibility for the pain and conclude, “I
hurt the one I love” or “I am bad.” The infant may also develop the pattern
of holding back in life in order to prevent future pain to him/herself and
others.
Birth issues deriving from birth stage 4, having to do with separation
and abandonment issues, and with bonding, are primarily related to the
existential theme of Worthiness.
Behavioral decisions (shadows) include not recognizing physical
needs or doing anything to get them met; addictive and compulsive
behaviors, especially ingestive addictions such as food, sugar, alcohol,
pills, tobacco, or eating disorders; inability to ask directly for anything;
terror of abandonment; needing external affirmation of one’s worth; a
deep, basic lack of trust of others, and of having one’s needs met; frozen
feelings, numbness; not enough money, food, time, etc; inability to bond
physically/emotionally.
Inner Resources to reclaim include the ability to express needs, to
accept nurturing, to bond emotionally, to trust others (including God), and
to choose to access the full vitality of the life force energy.
Existential issues include fear of needs not being met; terror of
abandonment; a deep, basic mistrust or insecurity; numbness and
dissociation; feeling of “I don’t want to be here.”
Second developmental stage - Sacral Chakra
The second level, that of free exploration (developmental stage of 6 to
18 months of age), is focused on oppositional bonding, i.e., I need to trust
you to discover me as separate from you, autonomy vs. shame and doubt,
and healthy counter-dependence. Developmental tasks are to explore and
experience the environment, to develop sensory awareness, to express
needs and trust that others will respond, to begin to learn that there are
options to problem solving, and to develop initiative. One must face the
ego issues of shame, fear and the need to control people and situations. As
people work through these issues, they openly and fully experience their
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
passion for life, sensuality and sexuality. One lives transparently, without
pretense or defense.
The Sacral chakra is our connection to passion. It is the relationship
chakra and has to do with trust and control, and governs the sexual area.
Sexual energy is so powerful that many cultures go to extremes in their
attempt to control it. Usually those controls come in the form of shame,
guilt and fear, which become associated with sexual energy and serve to
repress it. This repression then blocks the second chakra. Blocked energy
in any chakra blocks one’s experience of the spiritual flow.
Behavioral decisions (shadows) include not knowing what one wants;
boredom; fear of trying new things or experiences; deferring to others; fear
of abandonment and/or engulfment; fear of making mistakes; not being
aware of one’s body, frequent accidents or injuries; overly adaptive;
obsessive/compulsive behavior; lack of vitality and motivational problems;
reluctant to initiate, non assertive; being hyper-active or under-active.
Inner Resources to reclaim include the ability to explore and
experience the environment, to develop sensory awareness, to express
needs and trust that others will respond, to know that there are many
options in problem solving, to develop initiative, to openly and fully
experience passion for life, and to live without pretense or defense.
Existential issues include fear of abandonment and/or engulfment;
self-destructive, self-sabotaging, or self-hatred; deep sense of shame; lust
and greed.
Third developmental stage - Solar Plexus Chakra
The third level, that of power and emotion (developmental stage of 18
to 36 months), is focused on creating a separate identity, thinking and
problem-solving, and healthy independence. Developmental tasks are to
establish the ability to think for oneself, to test reality by pushing against
boundaries and people, to learn to solve problems with cause and effect
thinking, to express anger and other feelings, to separate from parents and
be welcomed back with love (rapproachement), and to begin to give up
thoughts of being the center of the universe. One must face the ego issues
of powerlessness in the victim struggle, the fear of rejection, the need for
approval, and manipulative power. Working through these issues brings
security, integrity, self-confidence, response-ability and the empowerment
of accountability.
The Solar Plexus chakra governs the area of personal power, strongly
influencing the adrenal glands, which are associated with stress. When
we’re overly stressed, the adrenals break down and cannot function. People
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
29
often experience the most stress when they feel the most powerless in their
lives. So reclaiming personal power in the third chakra can heal adrenal
autoimmune functioning.
Behavioral decisions (shadows) include difficulty with boundaries,
distinguishing one’s own needs, wants, and feelings from those of other
people; not feeling separate or independent; codependent relationships;
avoiding conflict at any expense; unable to say no directly, but using
manipulative means instead; inappropriately rebellious; using anger to
mask other feelings; negative, oppositional, controlling, rigid, critical, or
withholding relationship styles; intestinal and colon disease; demanding,
often feeling cheated; Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder;
Attachment Disorder.
Inner Resources to reclaim include the ability to think for oneself, to
test reality by pushing against boundaries and people, to learn to solve
problems with cause and effect thinking, to express anger and other
feelings, to balance separateness and autonomy in intimate relationships, to
give up thoughts of being the center of the universe, to create security,
integrity, self-confidence, response-ability and the empowerment of
accountability.
Existential issues include powerlessness; Victim / Rescuer /
Persecutor patterns; authority issues; “Life isn’t fair.”
Fourth developmental stage - Heart Center
The fourth level, that of belonging and acceptance (developmental
stage of 3 to 7 years), is focused on socialization, identity and power,
initiative vs. guilt, and belonging. Developmental tasks are to assert an
identity separate from others while creating social inclusion; to acquire
knowledge about the world, oneself, one’s body, one’s gender role; to learn
that behaviors have consequences; to learn to exert power to affect
relationships; to practice socially appropriate behavior; to separate fantasy
from reality; to learn what one has power over and what one does not have
power over. One faces the ego issues of unworthiness, disconnection and
conditional love. Working through these issues brings compassion,
forgiveness, and disidentification from the ego states based in limitation
and unworthiness.
The Heart Center, the fourth chakra, is located in the center of the
chest and is the guiding Light of the entire energy system within us. It is
the Heart chakra that shows the Solar Plexis how to burn its raw energy in
loving ways, that shows the second chakra how to manifest its sexual
energy through the transmutation of love, and that shows the first chakra
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
how to merge the physical with the Divine. The Heart chakra is equidistant
between the first and the seventh chakras, between earth and heaven. It is
the center point of the primary emotional energy of the universe, which we
call love. It balances the chakras above with the chakras below, all of equal
importance. The fourth chakra strongly influences the functioning of the
thymus gland, located in the center of the chest just behind the upper
breastbone. Because this gland directly influences the functioning of our
immune system, fourth chakra balancing and energization can also have a
profound effect on our overall health and resistance to disease.
The Heart Center is the key to personal transformation. The
unconditional love of the Heart Center transforms effective psychotherapy
into transformational healing. The work in the Heart Center is to release
unworthiness. This unworthiness begins in the lower chakras where the
individual experiences being emotionally/physically abandoned by parents
and then transfers this up into the higher chakras as unworthy to receive
God’s love.
Behavioral decisions (shadows) include relying on guesses and
unchecked assumptions; having incorrect or missing labels for feelings,
with anger often labeled as sadness or fear experienced as anger; belief that
incongruity between one’s thoughts, feelings and actions is normal; power
struggles to control one’s own and others’ thoughts and feelings; a
grandiose sense of one’s own magical powers, e.g., if I act a certain way,
my father won’t drink or my parents won’t get divorced; clinging to the
magical hope of being rescued from challenges; manipulating others to
take responsibility for them; sexual identity problems; use of seductiveness
to get needs met; metabolic and circulation disease; taking care of others’
feelings (emotional rescuing) to avoid abandonment; needing to always be
in a position of power, or afraid of power.
Inner Resources to reclaim include the ability to assert an identity
separate from others while creating social inclusion; to be confidant in
one’s knowledge about the world and oneself; to learn that behaviors have
consequences; to learn to attract healthy relationships; to practice socially
appropriate behavior; to separate fantasy from reality; to learn what one
has power over and what one does not have power over; to create
compassion, forgiveness, and disidentification from the ego states based in
limitation and unworthiness.
Existential issues include identity confusion; social exclusion (“I don’t
belong here”); abandonment; feeling stuck; despair.
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
31
Fifth developmental stage - Throat Chakra
The fifth level, that of discovering and expressing one’s true self
(latency stage of 7 to 12 years), is focused on industry vs. inferiority,
concrete knowing and learning, healthy interdependence and co-operation.
Developmental tasks are to learn skills and learn from mistakes; to accept
one’s adequacy; to learn to listen and collect information; to practice
thinking and doing; to learn the appropriateness of having wants and
needs; to learn the structure of the family and the culture; to learn the
consequences of breaking rules; to have one’s own opinions, to disagree,
and still be accepted and loved; to develop internal controls; to learn about
taking responsibility and who is responsible for what; to develop the
capacity to co-operate; to identify with same sex role models and peers; to
compete and test abilities against others. One must face the ego issues of
adapting and repressing the true self. As these issues are worked through,
the person speaks the truth, expresses feelings, discovers the creativity
within, and lives transparently.
The throat chakra is the place of expression and creativity. Children are
often shamed about expressing who they really are and what talents they
possess. They are taught to be “seen and not heard” and to repress their
feelings. Personal transformation is about learning to fully express who
you are and thus allowing your creativity to flow. This is the center of
communication and of expressing the inner depths of our feelings in words,
through art, in dance and ideas. This is where we begin to listen to
ourselves and to have full permission to express it. The thyroid gland is
associated with this chakra.
Behavioral decisions (shadows) include a belief that one should know
how to do things perfectly, without instruction; lack of information on how
to organize time for complicated tasks; procrastination; inability to
negotiate, either giving in completely or insisting on having one’s own
way; perfectionism; inflexible values; acting without thinking; discounting
one’s own feelings; ulcers, headaches, high blood pressure; living in the
past or future, not in the present; having to be part of a gang, or being a
loner; difficulty with rules and authority, rebelliousness; reluctance or
inability to be productive and successful.
Inner Resources to reclaim include the ability to be skillful and learn
from mistakes; to accept one’s adequacy; to think clearly and act
effectively; to learn the appropriateness of having wants and needs; to
accept the structure of the family and the culture; to accept the
consequences of breaking rules; to have one’s own opinions, to disagree,
and still be accepted and loved; to develop internal controls; to learn about
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
taking responsibility and who is responsible for what; to develop the
capacity to co-operate; to compete and test abilities against role models
and peers; to speak the truth, express feelings, discover the creativity
within, and live transparently.
Existential issues include perfectionism; living in the past or future,
not in the present.
Sixth developmental stage - Third Eye Chakra
The sixth level, that of identity vs. roles (adolescent years from age 12
to 18), is focused on identity vs. role confusion, sexuality, healthy
independence from the family. Developmental tasks are to achieve
independence, a clear separation from the group and the family; to
gradually emerge as a separate person with one’s own goals and values; to
be responsible for one’s own needs, feelings and behaviors; to integrate
sexuality into one’s identity. One must face the ego issues of judgment and
the projection of our own illusion onto others. When the individual is able
to work through these issues at a deep transformational level, the person
begins to see clearly on the interpersonal and on the spiritual level, i.e.,
with empathy and compassion.
It is helpful to recognize three distinct stages within the adolescent
period: ages 12-13 when the central concern is belonging, driven by the
need for acceptance; ages 14-16 when the central concern is uniqueness,
driven by the need to separate or individuate; and 17-18 when the central
concern is worthiness, driven by rigorous demands to live up to internal
standards and expectations (Barrett, 1996).
The sixth chakra is located in the forehead and is often referred to as
the intuitive or psychic center. This is the seat of true wisdom, where the
thinking mind comes into contact with the intuitive mind. This is where, if
one is listening during meditation, God speaks directly. One learns clarity
of vision, or one learns to project one’s own experience of fear, anxiety,
and confusion onto other people and the world. The sixth chakra influences
the pituitary gland in the brain, and thus determines the entire functioning
of the body and mind at high levels.
Behavioral decisions (shadows) include desperately seeking
companionship to fill the emptiness one perceives in oneself; refusal to
accept traditional standards of behavior; flaunting of differences through
extremes of dress or style, thumbing one’s nose at society; either extremely
dependent or isolated; without needs and wants; forming codependent
symbiotic relationships in which one loses a sense of separate identity;
extremely rebellious; conflicts with authority figures such as police,
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
33
bosses, teachers, the government, etc.; sexual games, addictions or
dysfunction, confusing sex with nurturing; use of psychological games to
avoid real intimacy; self-absorbed; needing to be one-up on others;
vengeful; difficulty with completion, beginning or ending jobs or
relationships; abandons others to avoid separation or completion; confused
sexual identity.
Inner Resources to reclaim include the ability to achieve
independence; to emerge as a separate person with one’s own goals and
values; to be responsible for one’s own needs, feelings and behaviors; to
integrate sexuality into one’s identity; and to see clearly on the
interpersonal and on the spiritual level, i.e., with empathy and compassion.
Existential issues include lack of clarity regarding one’s purpose in
life; fear of intimacy; Narcissism.
Seventh developmental stage - Crown Chakra
The seventh level, that of clear and wise decision-making and selftranscendence (developmental stage of adulthood), is focused on
generativity vs. stagnation, creating meaning in one’s life through
relationships, contribution to the community, self-actualization, and
spirituality. We must develop spiritually and emotionally in balance to
experience true transformation. If we develop spiritually but not
emotionally, we become psychics blinded by personal projection, or
ministers filled with rage rather than compassion, or meditators who take
refuge in the safety of meditation at the expense of social obligations. If we
develop emotionally but not spiritually, we become therapists who avoid
our clients’ spiritual experience, or become stuck in “meeting our needs”
and isolated from the peace that surpasses all understanding. One must face
the ego issues of lack of self-aware confidence: grandiosity or
unworthiness. If the individual hasn’t successfully completed all the
developmental stages, he/she may become fixated at one of the stages and
not be able to truly become an adult. Thus the individual will remain “an
adult/child,” and his/her lack of self-confidence has by now turned into
grandiosity, ego inflation (resembling the over-zealous self-importance of
the three-year-old) or alternatively into inferiority, unworthiness and ego
deflation.
The Crown chakra is located at the top of the head and is light years
beyond the lower chakras. It is associated with the final developmental
stages: adulthood and maturity, with a base need for self-actualization.
When ego, fear, and doubt rise to the ultimate expression of selfhood, it is
grandiosity or it is unworthiness. When each of the chakras contributes its
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
pure and uncontaminated energy upward through the next to the ultimate
expression of selfhood, it is gracious acceptance of God’s grace. It is
surrender of the ego. This chakra is truly the gateway from ordinary human
experience to the higher transpersonal realms of consciousness.
Behavioral decisions (shadows) include all dysfunctional or selflimiting behaviors, which are substitutes for the missing meaning,
satisfaction, and sense of fulfillment in life.
Inner Resources to reclaim include the ability to overcome stagnation
and be creative, to create meaning in one’s life through relationships,
contribution to the community, self-actualization, and spirituality.
Existential issues include spiritual struggles; God/authority issues.
Psychosocial developmental stage 8: Wise elder
Ultimately, we must all face death. Those who have lived fully,
fulfilling their dreams and accepting themselves in totality have achieved
wisdom, ego integrity, and self-actualization. They are prepared to meet
death with dignity and readiness. Those who have lived afraid to dream,
afraid to excel, afraid to accept themselves in totality, live in fear of death.
In the words of Erik Erikson, “it seems possible to further paraphrase the
relation of adult integrity and infantile trust by saying that healthy children
will not fear life if their elders have integrity enough not to fear death”
(1950, p. 269).
This stage of growth involves working through grief and reaching
completion. Grief has to do with loss. Loss has to do with change. Some
common losses relate to drugs, relationships, lifestyle, job, spouse,
child(ren) leaving home, self-respect, trust, memory (blackouts), health,
promotion, financial well-being, freedom, values, childhood, ideals,
dreams.
Behavioral decisions (shadows) include self-destructive tendencies;
deep sorrow and “pain of loss”; preoccupation with and idealization of
what is past; guilt and self-reproach; feelings of “unrealness”; lack of
energy and fatigue.
Inner Resources to reclaim include the ability to face death with
dignity and readiness, having lived and accepted life fully.
Existential issues include death anxiety; death urge or preoccupation;
resistance to change, fear of the unknown, denial of death.
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
35
Developmental Stages, Existential Issues and Shadows
Develop- Unresolved dev.
mental
tasks (Early
level,
conclusions)
chakra
Inner
Resources to
reclaim
Existential
issues
(Negative
pole)
Existential
strengths
(Positive pole)
Shadow parts
(Repressed
behavioral
decisions)
Resistance to
Life,
Separation
anxiety,
Longing for
peace or stability
Anxiety
Acceptance
and embracing
life
Feeling
unwanted
Safety,
Trusting
oneself
(intuition)
Not
recognizing
physical needs
or acting to
get them met,
terror of
abandonment,
basic lack of
trust in others
Addictive and
compulsive
behaviors
1. Root,
Birth
1.A
Pregnancy
until labor
begins
1.
1.B.
(Transition
with
hormonal
changes)
Nurturance
and unity vs.
anxiety about
needs being
met
Feeling
wanted,
accepted and
welcome
Premonition of
upheaval
Trust in one’s
intuition
1.
Victimization,
“no exit,” stuck
in “no man’s
land,”
(un)manageable
responsibility
Struggle,
death, and
rebirth,
relief: “light at
the end of the
tunnel”
Readiness to
move forward,
trusting in life
Engulfment,
overwhelm,
mistrust
(withdrawing),
personal power
Clear
direction, trust
(reaching out)
Spontaneous
experience of
feelings with
optimism
Identity
confusion,
struggle
(regimentation)
Ease
(spontaneity)
Frozen
feelings,
numbness,
needing
external
affirmation of
one’s worth
End of the
struggle,
Separation,
bonding
Feeling
welcome in
life
Unworthiness,
separation
Worthiness,
inclusion,
needs being
met
Inability to
bond
physically or
emotionally,
inability to ask
directly for
needs
2.
(Onset
of labor)
1.
3.
(Cervix
opens
allowing
descent
into
canal)
1.
4.
(Birth)
2.
Oppositional
Sacral,
bonding
6-18 mo. (separation and
unity),
exploration,
control
Ability to
explore,
sensory
awareness, to
express needs
and trust that
others will
respond, to
develop
initiative, to
openly and
Fear of
abandonment
or engulfment,
self-sabotage
(fear of
potency),
shame,
need to control
constrictiveness)
fulfilling
connection,
living
passionately
Not knowing
what one
wants, fear of
trying new
things or
experiences,
deferring to
others,
frequent
accidents or
injuries,
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
3. Solar
Separation
Plexus,
(autonomy),
18-36 mo. rapprochement,
boundaries,
attachment and
bonding,
separating
fantasy from
reality
4. Heart
3-7 years
Socialization,
belonging and
acceptance,
unconditional
love
fully
experience
passion for
life, to live
without
pretense or
defense
To think for
oneself, to
creatively
solve
problems, to
express
feelings, to
balance
separateness
and autonomy
in intimate
relationships,
to create
security,
integrity, selfconfidence,
responseability and the
empowerment
of
accountability
Trust,
compassion,
forgiveness, a
clearer sense
of selfidentity,
creating social
inclusion,
confidence in
one’s
knowledge,
to attract
healthy
relationships,
to accept what
one does and
doesn’t have
power over,
to stop
identifying
oneself as
limited and
unworthy
overly
adaptive,
obsessive or
compulsive
behavior, non
assertive
Fear of
rejection
(insignificance
), need for
approval,
powerlessness,
authority
issues
Selfassurance,
integrity,
intuition,
personal
power
Unclear
boundaries,
avoiding
conflict at any
cost, unable to
say no,
inappropriately
rebellious,
using anger to
mask other
feelings, often
feeling cheated,
these
relationship
styles: negative,
oppositional,
controlling,
rigid, critical,
or withholding
Power struggles
(fear of
weakness)
identity
confusion,; social
exclusion
(“I don’t
belong”),
abandonment,
feeling stuck,
despair
Social
inclusion,
disidentifying
with being
unworthy,
clear sense of
identity and
agency in life
Incongruity
between one’s
thoughts,
feelings and
actions;
grandiosity;
clinging to the
hope of being
rescued;
sexual identity
confusion; use
of
manipulation
or seduction to
get needs met;
rescuing to
avoid
abandonment;
controlling
with power, or
afraid of
power
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
5. Throat
7-12 yrs.
Esteem and
adequacy,
discover &
express one’s
true self,
acceptance of
appropriate
rules and
authority
Adolescence,
6. Third
identity vs.
eye
12-18 yrs. roles,
achieve
independence,
accept
authority
37
The ability to
learn from
mistakes; to
accept one’s
adequacy; to
think clearly
and act
effectively; to
accept the
appropriateness
of having wants
and needs; to
develop internal
controls; taking
and delegating
responsibility;
the capacity to
co-operate; to
speak the truth,
express
feelings,
discover the
creativity
within, and live
transparently
Repression,
identity
confusion,
not being fully
present,
needing approval
Expression
of one’s true
self
transparently
, being fully
and
passionately
present in
life
Unrealistic
expectations
(perfectionism);
procrastination;
inability to
compromise,
either giving in
completely or
demanding
one’s own way;
inflexible
values;
discounting
one’s feelings;
living in the
past or future,
not in the
present; being
dependent or
being a loner;
rebelliousness;
reluctance or
inability to be
successful
Ability to
achieve
independence;
to emerge as a
separate
person with
one’s own
strengths and
values; to be
accountable
for one’s own
needs, feelings
and behaviors;
to integrate
sexuality into
one’s identity;
and to see
clearly on the
interpersonal
and on the
spiritual level,
i.e., with
empathy and
compassion
Projection,
confusion vs.
clarity,
judgmental
(fear of
vulnerability),
fear of
intimacy,
narcissism
(inadequacy),
no clear purpose
or meaning in
life
Clear vision
of purpose in
one’s life,
integrity,
accountability,
compassion,
Desperately
seeking to fill
an internal
emptiness;
either extremely
dependent or
isolated (losing
one’s identity in
relationships);
deny needs and
wants;
extremely
rebellious and
conflicts with
authorities;
confusing sex
with nurturing;
avoiding real
intimacy; selfabsorbed; oneupmanship;
vengeful; avoid
separation or
completion
(fear of
abandonment)
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
7. Crown Decisionadulthood making,
create
meaning in
life
8. Etheric
body
death
Death
preparation,
completion,
working
through grief,
authenticity
Ability to
overcome
stagnation and
be creative, to
create meaning
in one’s life
through
relationships,
contribution to
the community,
selfactualization
and spirituality
Spiritual
struggles,
unworthiness
vs. “state of
grace,”
alienation vs.
connection,
“loss of soul”
Meaningful
and fulfilling
relationships,
spiritual
connection
(state of
grace), “right
livelihood”
Dysfunctional
or selflimiting
behaviors
which are
substitutes for
the missing
meaning,
satisfaction,
and sense of
fulfillment in
life
The ability to
face death
with dignity
and readiness,
having lived
and accepted
life fully
Unfinished
business,
death anxiety,
resistance to
change,
fear of the
unknown
Equanimity,
wisdom,
actualization,
inner peace,
conscious
death
Selfdestructive
tendencies;
deep
preoccupation
with and
idealization of
what is past or
what might
have been;
guilt and
self-reproach;
feelings of
“unrealness”;
lack of energy
and fatigue
Table 1
Our work is clearly based on the premise that the process of therapy
reinstitutes an arrested or distorted developmental process. The underlying
developmental psychology must, of course, include the full developmental
spectrum, i.e., transpersonal experience from before conception through
death. One way to observe these expanded developmental processes is to
divide them into ego, existential and transpersonal (karmic).
The ego level is organized around the self-image of “I” as separate and
unique from all that is “not I.” Work at the ego level builds boundaries,
integrates polarizations, replaces nonfunctional concepts of self and others,
and modifies character structure for more fulfillment.
The existential level is organized around life on earth itself and the
social, cultural and spiritual ramifications of it, that is, the “human
condition.” People’s existential issues are related to their mortality and
impermanence, their experience of freedom of choice (or lack of it), and/or
their sense of separation / connection with others. Work at this level is to
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
39
loosen the rigidity of the self-image, to expand the relationship to God and
to life before and after death.
The transpersonal (karmic) level is organized around (1) the rejected
and repressed parts and (2) the unrealized potentials (the reclaimed inner
resources and existential strengths). The work at this level includes
identifying repressed shadow parts, often easily accessed through one’s
projections, and identifying and reclaiming the transcendent parts hitherto
beyond reach (such as pastlife, preconception, prenatal, perinatal, death
experiences, and ultimately the Divine).
Existential Issues
In order to “achieve” personal transformation or self-actualization, it is
necessary to look at the reasons why you are here on earth at this time, to
understand what the lessons are that you are supposed to be learning. The
higher your awareness of these issues, the sooner in life you can live in
fulfillment of your purpose. The discovery of who you really are is
probably the most exciting aspect of being alive. Without this insight, life
seems meaningless and often boring.
Based on considerable experience, we propose four primary existential
positions with which people go through life. Most people are engaged in
all four categories, of course, but find that one of them seems to be
predominant and overriding consistently through their life span. Bugental
(1965) referred to this concept as the “dominant emotional theme” that
runs through an individual’s experience, and around which the therapist’s
interventions need to be organized. He referred to the theme as more
immediate, an expression of the individual’s “being-in-the-world” at the
moment he is talking. His experience was that interventions offered apart
from the individual’s dominant emotional theme would usually be rejected,
dealt with superficially, or accepted only rationally. “Interventions
designed to make the dominant emotional theme both conscious and
explicit are in most instances essential to other therapist activity” (p. 112).
Following is a discussion of our proposed four primary existential
positions, thematic expressions in the moment that are in fact expressions
of a lifelong legacy.
(1) The first one is Resistance to Life (“I don’t want to be here” or “I
don’t want to do this anymore”). It can be characterized by feelings of not
wanting to be here, an attitude that gets projected onto almost every
situation in one’s life. One may have grown up with the feeling of not
wanting to be in one’s birth family, of one’s race or gender, or in one’s
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
marriage. If the existential belief is that you shouldn’t be or don’t want to
be here on earth, then you would continue to attract unpleasant people and
situations which would reinforce that belief and be easy to resist. The term
resistance connotes protest and defiance against an opposing pressure or
force. The resistant individual experiences one “opposing pressure” after
another in a never-ending struggle. Resistance exists on a continuum,
ranging from (1) active or passive resistance to (2) avoidance (active or
passive non-confrontation) to (3) grudging compliance (meager and
unenthusiastic). Resistance creates overt obstacles to acceptance (the
individual usually, of course, denies any personal responsibility for those
obstacles in his/her life, hence “passive resistance” as in “passive
aggression”). Avoidance can also be accomplished through active or
passive means. Compliance is a strategic acceptance in order to gain
specific rewards and/or avoid punishments, but falls far short of
internalized acceptance of something as congruent with one’s values
and beliefs (O'Reilly & Chatman, 1986).
One form of resistance through avoidance is longing for something
other than what actually is. Longing is a dynamic state of consciousness
punctuated by fluctuations in focus on awareness of phenomena
experienced as existing in the world and of experiences regarded as
products of fantasy or imagination. It shifts among the themes of “reaching
for a desired object,” “barriers to having it” and the “bittersweet feelings”
of tension between the two (Ravicz, 1999). Experiencing longing in life to
the degree that it is distracting one from engaging with what is real in
his/her life is a form of avoidance.
This existential position may result in an unconscious death urge, or in
death anxiety and the microsuicidal behaviors (Firestone, 1985, 1987) that
many people use to defend against that anxiety (e.g., smoking tobacco,
reckless recreation). People’s experience of near-death situations, most
likely at or around birth, left a profound impression on the organism, a
vague feeling that one’s life is in danger, an imprint that we could call
“death anxiety.” In Primal Therapy terminology, these are called “first line
traumas.” Many individuals, in therapies that allow access to very early
traumas, have relived near-death situations like suffocating at birth
(anoxia) or being strangled by the umbilical cord in the form of “body
memories.” Existential despair results from the trauma of leaving the
uroboric world of the uterus, which parallels the preconception journey of
leaving the spiritual world at the time of conception (Emerson, 1994).
Erich Fromm (1959) concluded that there exist four basic needs that
must be met for man to be fully human: rootedness, identity,
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
41
transcendence, and relation. The Resistance to Life existential position is
related to Fromm’s concept of rootedness. The underlying question in
either is, “Do I belong here?” Fromm suggested that the “antidote” for the
unmet need for rootedness, or belonging, is faith. That is precisely the
transition step from resistance to acceptance.
Variants of this existential position are fear of annihilation or suicidal
tendencies (“Don’t be”); despair and separation anxiety; longing for
connection; struggle with hardships; feeling stuck or claustrophobic; fear
of needs not being met; isolation or terror of abandonment; a deep, basic
lack of trust; numbness, avoidance, disconnection and dissociation; or the
nagging question of “Why am I here?”
(2) The next primary existential position is Personal Power (the
extent to which I have agency and meaningful choice in my life: “I am at
the mercy of forces beyond my control” or “I am accountable for my
experience in my life”). One might view the negative manifestation of this
basic existential issue as autonomous complexes. A particularly strong
complex, and perhaps the easiest one to observe, is the victim, which fights
back when attempts are made to release it (“I am here only to be victimized
by [rescue] [persecute] others”). An example is a woman who did some
personal work on taking back her power only to find herself hours later flat
on her back and helpless. It looked as if “the victim” complex was literally
threatened by her healing attempts and proceeded to let her know who was
in charge. She definitely appeared to be possessed by the victim. Such a
soul often was ‘pulled’ into this life because of a past-life agreement to
“always take care of someone else” or “be taken care of” or “get revenge”
or a promise that “I will never leave you. We will always be together.”
Often a soul makes last minute agreements or promises with other souls
just before death, or bargains with God. Of course, these are not
consciously remembered. Past life work is very helpful in determining
what agreements we may have previously made and may wish to change.
The existential issue here is, in fact, “I am here to complete something
unresolved, or to fulfill a contract.”
Relevant to personal power is the concept of ego activity and ego
passivity. Rapaport (1961) proposed an important psychoanalytic theory
that differentiated between active (autonomous) or passive behavior on one
hand and ego activity (autonomy) or passivity on the other. The ego is
active, or autonomous, when the individual can make a choice from “free
will;” the ego is passive, or lacks autonomy, when a person is
overwhelmed either by unconscious instinctual demands or by
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environmental demands (Fromm, 1972). The ego lacks (instinctual)
autonomy, for example, when the individual’s behavioral choice is
compulsive, as in excessive hand-washing or drug-use, or when it is
impulsive, as in an immediate rageful or guilty response. The ego has
(environmental) autonomy to the extent that the individual copes
effectively with the demands of the outside world, such as fight / flight /
freeze reactions. Rapaport (1951, 1958, 1960) suggested that these two
types of autonomy are reciprocal: moderate degrees of each help to
guarantee the other, and excessive autonomy from either one means
enslavement to the other. The Jungian goal is unification of the opposites,
decreasing tension between the extremes. The result of integrating the
opposites of activity / passivity is not an average between them, but rather
the ability to spontaneously and freely use either pole or any combination
in the service of the entire personality (Hall, 1986).
Incidentally, the ego can be active (autonomous) when making a
passive behavioral choice (e.g., Ghandi chose passive resistance, or one
may choose to respond to the incessant demands of another by quietly
ignoring them). Here the ego remains active in the sense of refraining from
being reactive. The question to answer in analyzing the activity or passivity
of the ego in a given situation is, to what extent is the behavior experienced
as a conscious, deliberate, non-habitual choice, i.e., to what extent is the
locus of control internal rather than external? Important to note here is that
for the ego to actively make a passive behavioral choice requires a strong
ego. Passively making a passive behavioral choice would be, for example,
succumbing to performance anxiety by “freezing up,” or becoming
immobilized in the face of another’s abuse, or the ego’s decompensation
into psychosis. Actively making a passive behavioral choice would be, for
example, following Hora’s (1960, p. 496) admonition that “a therapeutic
process cannot be conducted, intended, managed; it must be allowed to
occur.”
Confronted by the conclusion that “I am helpless and powerless,” the
individual develops deep existential anxiety. A passive response is to
withdraw from participation in life; an active response is to become
overwhelmingly active in the belief that being busy is the cure for
powerlessness. Bugental (1965, p. 299) called it “valuing of action for its
own sake. This amounts to an effort to hide from the dread of
powerlessness by making so much ‘noise’ about doing that one can not
hear the hollow echo” of the fear, “and the point of the doing is utterly
lost.”
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
43
Personal power lies at the opposite end of the spectrum from abusive
or manipulative power. It is defined as power with or to rather than power
over. It is an expression of self and not domination over another or others.
To develop personal power, children must have their thoughts and words
validated, and be free to participate in intellectual curiosity and
questioning. Too often, children are disempowered and silenced through
educational systems, family, and mass culture that ignore the authenticity
and creativity of children (Tucker, 1997). Personal power serves as an
important activator of leadership (Lesmeister, 1996).
This existential position is based on the premise of limited or
nonexistent choice (“They’re doing it to me”). It is related to Fromm’s
basic need for transcendence, for rising above the status of an object with
no choice to reign as subject in his experience, capable of creating
meaningful choice in life. The antidote for this need unmet is creativity.
“Powerlessness reflects a perceived loss of personal power. Although
powerlessness is the same as having no control, it is not the opposite of
having control. Humans do not need to feel they are in control so much as
they need to feel that they are integral parts of what is occurring around
them; that they have an effect on their environment” (Stensrud & Stensrud,
1981).
Variants of this existential position are authority issues (intimidated by
authority, rebellious against authority, competitive to gain authority);
compulsive or addictive patterns; self-destructiveness, self-sabotage, or
self-hatred; deep sense of shame or feeling judged; powerlessness;
injustice (“Life isn’t fair”).
(3) The third primary existential focus is Identity (the extent to which
identity is externally or internally defined: “You tell me who I am” or “I
know who I am”). Fromm believed that “this need for a sense of identity is
so vital and imperative that man could not remain sane if he did not find
some way of satisfying it” (1959, p. 157). Of course, the identity created to
satisfy the need may be authentic or inauthentic, depending on the
individual’s developmental maturity. If the identity formation is
unresolved, the Soul feels incomplete, disconnected, and self-conscious.
This existential position is related to the third and fourth developmental
stages (from 18 months to 7 years), focused on identity and power,
initiative vs. guilt, separating fantasy from reality, and belonging. The task
at hand is to separate from others (including God) and be welcomed back
with love (rapprochement), and to give up narcissistic beliefs in being the
center of the universe.
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Being born into human life carries an indwelling anlage, a biological
developmental striving toward adult existence as a separate, self-sustaining
individual (von Broembsen, 1989b). Other related strivings are toward
fulfilling one’s potential, and the need for agency, i.e., the individual’s
experience that he freely chooses his actions according to the dictates of
his own intrinsic needs and strivings (von Broembsen, 1989a). A vital
aspect of that developmental striving is identity formation.
A key issue in the formation of identity is the location of its referent,
that is the degree to which the definition of self is established for the sake
of the self or for the benefit of another. If the infant develops normally,
his/her sense of identity first manifests in the discovery of the body self. As
natural exploration of the body and environment progresses from random
to purposeful, self identity begins to include the concept of inside (I) and
outside (not-I), as well as the experience of purpose. This progression of
identity formation occurs within the first three developmental stages
(conception to age three): the highly complex neonatal phase of accepting
that needs will (or won’t) be met; the exploratory stage of differentiating
between I and not-I in which a primitive sense of group identity is formed
(the child gestalt) and the referent is internal but not individual; and the
separation or individuation stage of shifting the referent for definition of
self from gestalt identity to individual identity.
The shift to individual identity is largely a function of the primary
caregivers’ capacity or willingness to allow it. Since the ability to reflect
on our own experience does not fully develop until the early teenage years
during the stage that Piaget termed “formal operations,” the young child’s
self-identity forms through identification. Thus, unable to reflect on itself,
the child internalizes the caregivers’ reflections and regards itself in terms
of how it appears to others. For example if the caretaking adult’s needs
become the referent for the definition of the child, the result is formation of
an other-centered identity before self identity has consolidated. Personality
develops in such an individual on the ego and superego levels without
access to the self, and thus the referent for definition of self is external. The
power to validate the self lies in the hands of others, leading to
(co)dependence and ultimately to a sense of futility, meaninglessness, and
existential despair.
One aspect of the reflected identity that is rampant in most modern
cultures is that of identifying oneself with doing, having and achieving at
the expense of simply being. Many of us learned very early to suppress
tendencies to unstructured and unproductive thought or activity,
considering them to be unacceptable and wasteful deficiencies, the
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
45
inability to be good enough, the failure to measure up. We repressed that
part of ourselves into the shadow. Pediatrician and psychoanalyst D. W.
Winnicott stressed the importance for young children of having time in
unstructured states of being (Greenberg & Mitchell, 1983). The experience
of formlessness and comfortable solitude is necessary in the development
of a healthy self-identity. If the child is repeatedly interrupted in these
experiences by a demanding caregiver, he/she becomes prematurely and
compulsively attuned to the demands of others. This child loses awareness
of its own spontaneous needs and develops a false sense of self based on
compliance and performance. Therefore, Winnicott defined two essential
elements of parenting in early childhood: sustained emotional bonding, and
space to be and rest in unstructured being, which he called “going-onbeing.”
The final progression toward identity consolidation brings a selfreferenced (internal and individual referent) self-definition. Let us call it
existential identity. Existential identity is the ultimate expression of
agency, of experiencing everything as choice, expressed as “I choose my
experience” or “I am 100% accountable for my experience.” It is a sense of
sovereignty of the self. Such an individual avoids the narcissistic beliefs in
being the center of the universe, however, through a clear need for
relatedness with nature, with others, and with its own conception of God.
Existential identity is, then, the ultimate achievement of balance between
the seemingly incompatible needs of autonomous separation from others
and intimate affiliation with others, without feeling threatened and without
narcissism.
Three factors are crucial in developing existential identity (von
Broembsen, 1989b). One is the understanding that I am not defined by the
roles I enact, whether self-oriented or other-centered, nor by the response I
get from others, whether supportive or critical. Two is the recognition that
every experience chosen serves some intrinsic need or striving of my own,
whether it be healthy or pathological. And three is the acknowledgement of
an indwelling lucidity for making conscious choices that are congruent
with supporting and expanding the healthy aspects of the self and
extinguishing any maladaptive conditioning.
Variants of this existential position are fear of abandonment and/or
engulfment; identity confusion; social exclusion (“I don’t belong”); and
inhibition (“Don’t be me”).
(4) The final primary existential focus is Worthiness (the degree to
which “I accept myself and embrace life fully” or “I am not worthy to
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exist”). This soul is struggling with God for justification of its existence.
Am I significant? Am I worthy to express my true feelings? to enjoy
abundance in life? to move through life with ease rather than struggle? to
have an intimate relationship with God? Ultimately, am I worthy to exist?
Unworthiness is ego-centric, manifested either as inferiority or as
grandiosity. They are one-in-the-same.
This existential position relates to Fromm’s basic need for relatedness,
demanded in response to one’s existential separateness and isolation. We
need to be connected with others, and may concentrate that connection
around comparison, competition, avoidance, emotional detachment, or
various alternatives to intimacy. We also need connection with a spiritual
source, and may structure that relationship around struggle, longing,
blame, abandonment, or confusion. We need to believe that our life is
significant, that we have some purpose for living, and may experience that
as a burden or a boon, as clear or inscrutable.
Variants of this existential position are perfectionism (“I’m never good
enough”); living in the past or future, not in the present; lack of clarity
regarding one’s purpose in life; fear of intimacy; Narcissism; spiritual
struggles; authority issues with God.
The Four Primary Existential Positions with which People Go through Life
(1) Resistance to Life (“I don’t want to be here” or “I don’t want to do this
anymore”).
! an unconscious death urge, or death anxiety
! fear of annihilation (“Don’t be”)
! despair and separation anxiety
! longing for connection (fear of intimacy or engulfment, “Divine
home-sickness”)
! struggle with hardships
! feeling stuck or claustrophobic
! fear of needs not being met (money, time, safety, material things)
! isolation or terror of abandonment (perceived abandonment or
abandoning others)
! a deep, basic lack of trust
! numbness, avoidance, disconnection and dissociation
! the nagging question of “Why am I here?” or “Why am I in this
[relationship, predicament, family, job, et cetera]?”
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
47
(2) Personal Power (“I am at the mercy of forces beyond my control”)
! authority issues (intimidated by authority, rebellious against
authority, competitive to gain authority)
! compulsive or addictive patterns
! self-destructiveness, self-sabotage, or self-hatred
! deep sense of shame or feeling judged
! powerlessness (blaming others for problems or failures)
! injustice (“Life isn’t fair”) leading to vengefulness or self-pity
! entitlement (“The world owes me”)
(3) Identity (identity is externally defined: “You tell me who I am”)
! fear of abandonment and/or engulfment
! identity confusion
! social exclusion (“I don’t belong”)
! inhibition (“Don’t be me”)
(4) Worthiness (“I am not worthy to be here”), manifested either as
inferiority or as grandiosity.
! perfectionism (“I’m never good enough”)
! unmanageable responsibility (“It is too much for me”)
! living in the past or future, not in the present
! lack of clarity regarding one’s purpose in life
! fear of intimacy
! Narcissism
! spiritual struggles (not worthy of God’s love or acceptance)
! authority issues with God (blaming God)
! abandonment by God (“spiritual exile”)
The capacity to enter into and use the following traits determines one’s
success in converting the original traumatized conclusion into positive
strengths, and converting the originally repressed behavioral aspects into
reclaimed inner resources (see Table 2):
1. Openness to experience
2. Internal Locus of Control
3. Diffuse attention
4. Cognitive flexibility
5. Non-defensiveness
6. Low self-focus
7. Expression
Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
48
8. Completion (leaving no unfinished business)
Therefore, effective psychotherapy and personal growth methods will
support and enhance these traits.
Positive and Negative Aspects of Existential Conclusions and Decisions
Angst Existential
Conclusion
Resistance to 1. Avoidance
Life
2. External LOC
3. Focal attention
4. Cognitive
rigidity
5. Defended
6. High self-focus
7. Repression
8.Uncompleted
Personal
Power
1. Avoidance
2. External LOC
3. Focal attention
4. Cognitive
rigidity
5. Defended
6. High self-focus
7. Repression
8. Uncompleted
Identity
1. Avoidance
2. External LOC
3. Focal attention
4. Cognitive
rigidity
5. Defended
6. High self-focus
7. Repression
8. Uncompleted
Worthiness
1. Avoidance
2. External LOC
3. Focal attention
4. Cognitive
rigidity
5. Defended
6. High self-focus
7. Repression
8. Uncompleted
Existential
Strength
1. Openness
2. Internal LOC
3. Diffuse
attention
4. Cognitive
flexibility
5. Non-defensive
6. Low self-focus
7. Expression
8. Complete
1. Openness
2. Internal LOC
3. Diffuse
attention
4. Cognitive
flexibility
5. Non-defensive
6. Low self-focus
7. Expression
8. Complete
1. Openness
2. Internal LOC
3. Diffuse
attention
4. Cognitive
flexibility
5. Non-defensive
6. Low self-focus
7. Expression
8. Complete
1. Openness
2. Internal LOC
3. Diffuse
attention
4. Cognitive
flexibility
5. Non-defensive
6. Low self-focus
7. Expression
8. Complete
Table 2
Shadow - repressed
behavioral decisions
Inner Resources
to reclaim
1. Avoidance
2. External LOC
3. Focal attention
4. Cognitive
rigidity
5. Defended
6. High self-focus
7. Repression
8. Uncompleted
1. Openness
2. Internal LOC
3. Diffuse
attention
4. Cognitive
flexibility
5. Non-defensive
6. Low self-focus
7. Expression
8. Complete
1. Openness
2. Internal LOC
3. Diffuse
attention
4. Cognitive
flexibility
5. Non-defensive
6. Low self-focus
7. Expression
8. Complete
1. Openness
2. Internal LOC
3. Diffuse
attention
4. Cognitive
flexibility
5. Non-defensive
6. Low self-focus
7. Expression
8. Complete
1. Openness
2. Internal LOC
3. Diffuse
attention
4. Cognitive
flexibility
5. Non-defensive
6. Low self-focus
7. Expression
8. Complete
1. Avoidance
2. External LOC
3. Focal attention
4. Cognitive
rigidity
5. Defended
6. High self-focus
7. Repression
8. Uncompleted
1. Avoidance
2. External LOC
3. Focal attention
4. Cognitive
rigidity
5. Defended
6. High self-focus
7. Repression
8. Uncompleted
1. Avoidance
2. External LOC
3. Focal attention
4. Cognitive
rigidity
5. Defended
6. High self-focus
7. Repression
8. Uncompleted
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
49
A Way to Discover your Early Conclusions and Behavioral Decisions
Clearly, one of the easiest ways to discover our shadows is to nondefensively observe our projections onto others. People to whom we have
an emotional reaction, either repulsion or admiration, are reflecting for us
those qualities within us that we have repressed as unacceptable or
unattainable. Whenever we find ourselves reacting to the behavior or way
of being of another, using this brief method of self-reflection is extremely
useful (see Table 3). First, identify the behavior or qualities of the other
that you have reacted to (“When you . . .”). Then become aware of the
somatic and emotional nature of the reaction (“I feel . . .”). Follow the
bridge back to a time in early life when you felt the same way or had the
same experience. Note your age at that time (to correlate with the
developmental stages) and re-entering the situation, feel the feelings again.
Then identify what conclusion you drew about yourself in that traumatic
moment. That conclusion was so overwhelmingly painful (angst) that you
devised a strategy for dealing with it unconsciously. You repressed into
shadow some immediate urge that seemed too unacceptable or
unattainable, and you selected some behaviors to emphasize that seemed
both acceptable and attainable. In the process, a normal and natural
developmental task was interrupted, and inner resources abandoned.
The Clearing Process
1. “When you ____________________, I feel ___________________________.”
(behavior)
(sad, mad, hurt, shame, scared, jealous)
2. “What that takes me back to is ______________________________________.”
(childhood incident)
3. “A conclusion I made about myself at that time was _____________________.”
4. “The decision I made of how to behave to deal with it was ________________.”
5. “I change the old conclusion to _________________________________.”
(new, healthy conclusion)
Table 3
For example, two women who worked closely together in a holistic
health environment were experiencing paralyzing tension between them.
They agreed to use the “clearing process” to resolve their high reactivity to
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Journal of Heart-Centered Therapies, 2001, Vol. 4, No. 1
each other. Florence began, citing the other woman’s tendency to elaborate
at length about the reasons behind every request. She was very willing to
say yes to the requests, but reacted with great irritation to the long
explanations. Florence also cited Sarah’s habit of escalating her requests
from something innocuous, adding more and more until meeting
resistance. Florence was aware of her emotional reaction being mostly
angry, although she also felt some hurt and fear that she would be
overwhelmed. Then Florence closed her eyes and allowed herself to go
back to the source incident. She was in the kitchen at age seven with her
family after supper. Her father and brother left the table, and her mother
asked her to clear the dishes off the table, elaborating about what a
headache she had, how difficult had been her day at work, and how much
she needed some quiet rest. Florence had no more than begun to clear the
table when her mother said, “Well, as long as you’re clearing the table, you
might as well wash the dishes too.” Seven-year-old Florence felt burdened
by all her mother’s problems and tricked by the “one, two” approach of
getting agreement to do one thing and then adding more to it. She was
furious at her mother, and also at her brother who was never expected to
help in the kitchen. She felt overwhelmed and powerless with too much
responsibility, and also felt a deep sadness. That seven-year-old girl
concluded that “Life is unfair, and I am bound to be taken advantage of.”
The decision she made was to keep her guard up with people, becoming
hyper-vigilant for anyone who might potentially take advantage of her.
This experience, like no doubt many other related ones over the years,
documents the formation of Florence’s authority issues, unwillingness to
risk intimacy, and her extreme reaction to Sarah’s style of asking for
something. Her developmental tasks in the fifth stage of 7-12 years, related
to rules and authority, were interrupted and not completed. The inner
resources to be reclaimed include acceptance of having wants and needs,
taking only reasonable responsibility, and speaking the truth. Through
utilizing this process, with trained facilitation, Florence gained a clear
understanding of the unconscious reasons for her reaction, and a map of
how to heal it.
Self-care without self-absorption
One of the hallmarks of the evolved individual, one who has achieved
wisdom, is the lack of self-absorption and concern for the welfare of
others. Let us discuss this element, lest the important process of
discovering and healing one’s own developmental deficiencies becomes a
purposeless exercise in narcissism.
Zimberoff and Hartman: Existential Issues: A Developmental Approach
51
Manifesting higher and healthier qualities of being, here and now,
while serving a meaningful role in this world is a noble goal. The eastern
concept of karma yoga is particularly in tune with this idea: any action can
be performed with a high quality of consciousness, in harmony with the
larger whole (Satprem, 1968). Even the most simple or mundane chores
are an opportunity to live with expanded awareness, or with a high quality
of being. Related to karma yoga is the commitment among many
westerners to taking action in the world based on the insights gained
through therapeutic work and meditation. In Psychosynthesis, for example,
this is referred to as “grounding.”
The experience of feeling “grace” while in selfless service to others
has a long history in the Christian tradition as well as the Hindu and
Buddhist. Research has documented seven themes associated with the
experience of grace: feeling present in the moment, often with heightened
awareness; feeling oneness or connection, often without fear; feeling
blessed and/or loved; feeling energized; feeling guided; feeling peace;
feeling joy (Gowack, 1998). The experience of “feeling grace” while in
selfless service to others is characterized as a transpersonal, transcendent,
and mystical experience that dissolves the boundaries of one’s ego-self,
expanding the context of life to incorporate the ever-presence of grace.
Maslow spoke to this point:
Self-actualizing people are, without one single exception, involved in a cause outside
their own skin, in something outside of themselves. They are devoted, working at
something, something which is very precious to them – some calling or vocation in the old
sense, the priestly sense. They are working at something which fate has called them to
somehow and which they work at and which they love, so that the work-joy dichotomy in
them disappears (1967, p. 280-281).
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