Adolescence and the family
John Coleman
University of Oxford
Scope of the presentation
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Social change
Why families of teenagers matter
Conflict and the generation gap
Family environment and adolescent development
The influence of the home environment on
educational achievement
• Divorce and the changing nature of families
• Parenting teenagers – the challenges.
Some parents’ views
“They’re like a train on a track – it only goes in
one direction. Like when they get to 14 or 15
it’s like they’ve gone into a tunnel and the only
thing they see at the end of that very, very
long tunnel is a reflection of themselves. And
you, the parents, are in pitch darkness, you’re
not in their field of vision. They do come out
of it eventually. The daughter of a friend of
mine now says:”All I could see was myself”.
Not all saintly and sweet!
“My daughter and I had quite a hard time of it.
It seemed to me that whenever I said anything
she thought I was picking on her. It was quite
nasty, and I found her insolent and rude. My
husband said I had a special tone of voice
when I was speaking to her. I felt that I was
having to be so careful because anything I said
was snapped at. And sometimes I snapped
back. We weren’t always saintly and sweet!”
Families and social change
• There have been many changes in the nature of the
family in recent decades
• Increase in families headed by a lone parent
• More step-families and other family forms
• Young people remain in the family home for longer
• More of a focus on the different roles of mothers and
fathers
• Recognition of the life changes of the adults
themselves, including changes in working patterns, and
more women (mothers) in the labour market.
Why families of teenagers matter
• Most people think that peers take over as the key
reference group in adolescence
• Research shows that not to be true
• Both peers and parents are important – for
different reasons
• All research shows that good outcomes depend
on involvement of the family
• Parents affect self-esteem, school achievement,
health, and the degree of risk-taking.
Some young people’s views about
parents
I think parents are something that you can come
back to and rely on, because we are supposed
to be out there learning about life, but you
need something to fall back on if it all goes
wrong. I know that me and my Mum scream
like we’re going to kill each other, but she’s
always there. I know she’s never going to
abandon me if I’m in trouble and stuff.
14 year-old girl
A safe environment
My family is so important to me ....Probably
being just a safe environment where you feel
like you can step back from everything else
that goes on around you .... I think nonjudgemental is good, because you get judged
from every angle all the time, and it is good to
have a place where you can talk, and not be,
you know, like judged all the time.
16 year-old girl.
Changing views of separation from
parents
• Early assumptions about separation and
disengagement from parents have been re-examined
• Research shows that most young people get on well
with their parents
• Studies show that it is possible to develop autonomy
without separation from the parents
• Some talk of interdependence, and others of
connectedness
• This has become especially important with adolescence
lasting longer, and young people staying at home till
they are older.
Conflict and the generation gap
• If most young people get on well with parents,
what do they disagree about?
• The answer is that the disagreements are mostly
about everyday issues such as untidy bedrooms,
clothes, time of coming home at night and so on
• Most important, conflict is often about who has
authority, rather than who is right – social
domain theory
• Of course there are some families in which there
is serious disagreement and conflict, but there
are usually other explanations for this.
More views of young people
My parents might give me ideas about what I want
to do, but I am still going to do what I want to do.
14 year-old boy.
If they say something like “you can’t do that” then I
argue back, saying “yes, I can”. And they’d say,
“that’s wrong”, and I’d be like “It’s right”, but
that’s just growing up. We argue and argue, but
in the end we are ok. I think quite a few people
are like that. 16 year-old girl.
Understanding the disagreements
• Social domain theory – Judith Smetana – argues
that much depends on how parents and young
people define the problem. Violations of
domains of authority cause conflict.
• Where disagreements occur, this will not
necessarily lead to breakdown in relationships
• Young people, and parents, can learn how to
manage conflict
• Research shows that good communication
between the generations is one of the keys to a
reduction in conflict.
Family environment and adolescent
development
• Work on parenting styles ( Maccoby and
Martin, 1983) has been very influential
• The four styles are:
Authoritarian
Authoritative
Indulgent
Indifferent
Definitions of the four parenting styles
• Authoritarian parenting places a high value on
obedience and conformity
• Authoritative parents are warm but firm; they
set standards, hold to boundaries, and provide
explanations for their decisions
• Indulgent parenting involves behaviour that is
accepting but essentially passive
• Indifferent parents are also called neglectful,
taking little interest in their children’s
development.
Don’t their parents care?
Having some trust is definitely important. Letting
go a little, as well as being there and caring what
you’re doing. You see a lot of people who do go
off the rails, and you think “Don’t their parents
care that they’re 13 and out till 2 o’clock in the
morning, and they don’t know where they are?
But I think caring, and being interested, but not
having to know everything all the time.
15 year-old girl
“A bit random”
I have a friend whose Mum is, like, really cool!
Like she lets her smoke weed in the house, and
she’s really nice, and you can talk to her, but I
wouldn’t want her as a Mum. Because it’s all
a bit random, like she’s too much of a mate,
and there’s no security, rules and stuff. And I
think my friend feels that too sometimes.
16 year-old girl.
Results from studies of parenting
styles
• Broadly speaking young people who experience
authoritative parenting do best
• Those who experience neglectful parenting are
most at risk
• The three key components of authoritative
parenting are warmth, structure and autonomy
support
• Of course even the most effective parents do not
hold to an authoritative parenting style all the
time, and the behaviour of the teenager will also
influence parental behaviour.
The question of directionality
• The fact that adolescent behaviour has an impact on
parental behaviour, just as much as the other way
around, provides a key insight into parenting
• Studies of monitoring and supervision (Kerr and
Stattin) have underlined the fact that relationships
work both ways (bi-directionality), with parents and
teenagers influencing each other
• Research on information management has also
emphasised this point, reinforcing the notion of active
management by the young person depending on the
circumstances.
Parental behaviour
Young person’s
behaviour
Changes over time in parenting
• Parental expectations of good behaviour appear to
have increased over time
• There is an increase in time parents and young people
like to spend together
• The levels of monitoring have increased, with the
numbers of parents wanting information increasing,
and the numbers of teenagers disclosing information
also increasing
• These findings are counter-intuitive, showing that
family relationships with young people might have
improved rather than deteriorated over time.
Divorce
• There are many different family types today, some of
which come about because of family breakdown
• It is essential to recognise that divorce is a process, not
a single event, and what occurs in the family before
and after divorce will have a greater impact on the
young person’s adjustment than the divorce per se
• Key factors affecting young people include continuing
conflict between parents after divorce, the experience
of being “caught in the middle”, and the impact of
poverty which is a common feature of lone-parent
families.
Recent research on divorce and
conflict
• Recent studies have explored the different types of
conflict experienced by young people post-divorce
• Thus there can be conflict between biological mother,
biological father, step-mother and step-father,
depending on the circumstances
• The evidence points up that some types of conflict are
more damaging than others, with conflict between
biological parents being the most damaging
• It is also worth noting that it is the young person’s
involvement in the conflict, rather than the frequency
of the conflict, that is most damaging.
Separation/Divorce as a protective
factor
• There is some evidence that, in certain cases,
separation/divorce can be a protective factor
against further psychological damage
• Firstly, young people may be relieved of the
burden of having to witness chronic conflict or
domestic violence
• Secondly family reorganisation may allow a young
person to take on new roles in the family
• Thirdly adolescents may benefit from the
opportunity to make new relationships with stepparents or new partners.
Supporting parents of teenagers
• Research shows that parental confidence takes a
significant dip once the young person reaches puberty
• There are many challenges for parents of teenagers,
including keeping the balance between structure and
freedom, managing conflict over every-day issues, and
understanding subjects such as drugs and adolescent
sexuality
• The last decade has seen a significant increase in
support for parents of teenagers in the Western world,
with a variety of intervention programmes having been
developed.
“Their elders don’t really listen”
Listening. Listening is what’s important.
Because if you don’t really have anyone to
listen to you ...... I mean, you get these kids
like, that, hide in their rooms, don’t you? And I
mean that’s because they don’t have anyone,
like their elders don’t really listen to them .....”
15 year-old boy.
Key issues to do with support for
parents of teenagers
• There are some important challenges in providing
the most effective support to parents
• The first challenge has to do with getting the right
information to parents in the way that best suits
them
• The second challenge relates to parents living in
poverty or disadvantage, and finding ways to
meet their particular needs
• Lastly there is the challenge of involving the
young people themselves in parenting
programmes.
References
• Coleman, J (2011) The nature of adolescence: 4th
Edition. Routledge.
• Ghate, D and Hazell, N (2002) Parenting in poor
environments. Jessica Kingsley
• Kerr, M, Stattin, H and Engels, R (2007) What can
parents do? The role of parents in adolescent
problem behaviour. John Wiley
• Roker, D and Coleman, J (2007) Working with
parents of teenagers: research, policy and
practice. Jessica Kingsley.