Literacy and English: Fourth Level: Writing
Experiences and outcomes
Throughout the writing process, I can review and edit my writing to
ensure that it meets its purpose and communicates meaning at first
reading.
Lit 4-23a
I can justify my choice and use of layout and presentation in terms of
the intended impact on my reader.
Lit 4-24a
I can use notes and other types of writing to generate and develop
ideas, retain and recall information, explore problems, make decisions,
or create original text. I can make appropriate and responsible use of
sources and acknowledge these appropriately.
Lit 4-25a
Arranged marriages are wrong – persuasive essay
Is anything okay, as long as you call it "culture"? This is a highly debated topic and the subject of it is 'arranged' marriages. Some people
say that it’s 'arranged' and not 'forced', but is there really that much of a difference. Is it okay to take away a woman's rights and
sentence her to a life of sexism and abuse? Maybe in the past this was acceptable, but not anymore, because the rest of the world is
moving on and leaving this disgrace behind. How are we supposed to stand by and ignore the abuse of thousands of women? [Teacher
annotation: Rhetorical questions to engage the reader.] Well I won't and I'm going to tell you why.
Many people believe that arranged marriages are like blind dates, like setting up two friends. Well it’s not exactly the same, if you look
behind the carefully set facade. Many countries - in fact all the countries that approve of arranged marriages are sexist and strict,
treating women as though they are animals - not good enough, smart enough or strong enough to make it on their own. [Teacher annotation:
Three part list shows they understand the genre conventions.]
Who do you have more respect for? [Teacher annotation: Personal pronouns to engage the reader and are appropriate to purpose.] An
older man who prays on young, scared girls, or the girl who manages to put up with rape, beatings and the fear of simply being in her own
home?
By considering the type of text I am creating, I can independently select
ideas and relevant information for different purposes, and organise
essential information or ideas and any supporting detail in a logical
order. I can use suitable vocabulary to communicate effectively with my
audience.
Lit 4-26a
These girls are not only brave, they are alone. Their families just handed them over to some man. They believe that money and land are
more important than their own children. I truly believe that there is not enough being done about this issue, and if I haven't yet convinced
you then keep reading. [Teacher annotation: Persuasive technique to encourage the reader to read on.]
I can convey information and describe events, explain processes or
concepts, providing substantiating evidence, and synthesise ideas or
opinions in different ways.
Lit 4-28a
that's only the amount that were reported, and that so many more go unnoticed and undetected. I want you to look at this and think, what
if that was me? [Teacher annotation: Repetitive sentence structure to add impact ‘I want you to... I want you to…’.] My sister? My
mother? My daughter? [Teacher annotation: Three part list shows they understand genre conventions.]
Did you know that last year, in the 3 months leading up to August, 400 reports were made to the Foreign Offices forced Marriage Unit?
Would you believe me if I told you that over a 3rd of these were girls under 16? I want you to look at these figures, and think about how
Shocked enough or should I continue? [Teacher annotation: Persuasive technique to encourage the reader to read on and single sentence
paragraph shows their ability to use layout for impact.]
Significant aspects of learning
Create texts of increasing complexity using more sophisticated
language.
Learning statements
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Writes independently in a variety of genres and forms, taking
account of purpose and audience.
Independently uses a range of spelling strategies to ensure
technical accuracy. Independently reviews and edits work
throughout the writing process to ensure clarity of meaning
and purpose.
Uses texts, including own notes, to analyse, evaluate and
synthesise ideas and information, and to create new texts.
Acknowledges and references sources.
Demonstrates a clear understanding of genre conventions by
confidently creating a variety of increasingly complex texts,
effectively manipulating language to fully address purpose and
engage the audience.
There is, however, a bright, shining sun poking through these dark clouds, that would have to be Karma Nirvana, an organisation dedicated
to helping all of these girls, the ones with no one else to call. [Teacher annotation: Clear linking sentences and topic sentences.] It takes
around 600 calls a month! [Teacher annotation: Use of statistics to reinforce argument.] Lots of these calls are from teenagers whose
parents are taking them on 'holiday' home to India for a weekend? The girls who call Karma Nirvana know that it’s more than a holiday.
They get told they’re going for a wedding, but no one tells them it will be their own.
At airports, girls have been putting metal in their underwear - so that they can set off metal detectors and be taken to be searched. Really
this is just what Karma Nirvana has told them to do, so that they have the chance to speak to someone and stop their families.
Well I've saved the best for last - or should I say the most disgusting thing. I believe most of you will have heard? Apparently in places
like India and Pakistan, you can be 'promised' to someone. This is just the sugar-coated way of saying that they sell children off for land,
for money, etc. Before you’re even born, you could be engaged. This is just emphasized by the news that a two year old girl was saved from
an arranged marriage. It works the other way around as well, as the same happened to a 71 year old woman.
I'm not being fair though; they should at least have a chance to defend themselves. [Teacher annotation: Clear linking sentence and topic
sentence.] So, yes, some families would argue it isn't forced, but the pressure - and maybe abuse - from their own families could push
someone to do anything. It isn't rape - marriage doesn't equal consent, but who would want to have an overweight, middle aged, abusive
husband? They need a man to look after them, do they? Because there are no professional independent women in the 21st century. I mean,
what a preposterous idea for a woman to have a job, to do anything but have children and serve men. [Teacher annotation: Use of irony to
show writer’s sense of outrage shows their ability to manipulate language to fully address purpose and engage the audience.]
The point that I have been trying to make, is that in this country we are safe from criminals, we are respected and given a voice, equal
rights. We have evolved along with the rest of the world, but still they try to blame things on 'culture' and hide behind their 'laws' and
Success criteria
To produce work typical of Fourth level, learners understood that they
should be able to:
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research widely, take notes and create a bibliography
•
provide researched evidence for all the statements
•
write all information in their own words, unless explicitly
quoting
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use paragraphs and topic sentences accurately.
'rights'. Well I think it’s about time this was discussed, thought of, helped in some way. [Teacher annotation: Three part list shows they
understand genre conventions.]
It's the 21st century, we can no longer ignore these things - people should be educated about this horrific nightmare. If feminism has
worked so well here and around many parts of the globe, then why is this simply being ignored? If you honestly believe that arranged
marriages are just a part of your 'culture', that everything I have said is lies and that nothing bad is happening to these poor girls, then
good for you. You are fine to be happily ignorant, but that doesn't mean that these disgusting crimes don’t happen.
Those of you, who are as shocked and appalled about this as I am, try to help and raise awareness so that this injustice won't go unpunished
any longer.
Context for learning
This persuasive essay was produced after a unit
where persuasive skills were taught and
modelled. The learners had to carry out research,
evaluate their sources and judge the sources'
reliability - and then create a bibliography.
Learners selected their own topics and were
encouraged to select a topic about which they felt
strongly. Learners planned how best to organise
the content and made decisions where best to
use rhetorical devices and persuasive techniques
for maximum impact.
Teacher voice
This learner has made good use of research and
has used her own words throughout the essay.
She acknowledges and references sources within
the essay and in the bibliography. There is a clear
persuasive stance throughout the essay and her
opinions are evident. She makes good use of
provocative statements and rhetorical devices to
persuade the reader. The use of personal
pronouns ‘you’ and ‘we’ throughout the essay
engage the reader. The essay is well structured, in
paragraphs. On two occasions in paragraphs 3
and 6 very short paragraphs are deliberately used
to shock and engage the reader. All of this
demonstrates an understanding of genre
conventions.
A variety of sentence structures is used for effect
such as topic sentences, linking sentences, three
part lists and rhetorical questions. The tone is
mostly appropriate for purpose and audience and
the learner skilfully uses irony in paragraph 9 to
show outrage. As a result, she confidently
manipulates language to engage and involve the
reader in the arguments.
Learner voice
I liked that I could choose a topic of interest to me
and enjoyed researching arguments for and against
to use in my essay. I hope that the fact I’m really
interested in the topic comes across to the reader.
I think I did a good job of getting my point of view
across by how I’ve used persuasive language and
sentence structure including rhetorical questions as
well as using “you” and “we” to get them thinking.
Bibliography
1 .“Girls escape forced marriage by hiding spoons in
their clothes to set off airport metal detectors”
www.telegraph.co.uk Viewed - 08/10/13
2. “Should arranged marriages be outlawed “
www.debate.org/opinions
Viewed 08/10/13
3. “Forced marriage unit intervened to save 2-year
old victim”
www.Huffingtonpost.co.uk
Viewed 08/10/13
Literacy and English: Fourth Level: Writing
Context for learning
Learners have just moved classes and this period of transition is used to contextualise work on a reflective unit. They have been
thinking about their lives so far, positive and negative and selecting moments that they feel allow them to express themselves in
the reflective genre. They have looked at examples of published writing and worked as a class on ideas for themes, structure and
descriptive imagery.
Success criteria
To produce work typical of Fourth level, learners understood that they should be able to:
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ensure ideas are well structured and linked effectively
•
use descriptive/emotive language
•
develop and maintain a reflective tone
•
ensure technical accuracy.
The use of the word ‘sunk’ in the second
last paragraph is well chosen and placed
to carry the feeling of loss.
The refusal to name the ‘he’ or ‘him’
until the third paragraph highlights the
sense of separation from the father.
The image of the pin holding not only
them but the bouquet together is very
sophisticated and show real skill with
language.
The metaphor ‘painful blinks of the life
he messed up’ hints at the idea of tears
and conveys the betrayal felt by the
writer.
The metaphor used to compare the idea
of memory to ‘lethal claws’ emphasises
the pain the memories cause and also
suggest they are unable to shake it
loose.
‘Oohs and aahs that veiled her wedding
dress’ takes the word choice associated
with bridal gowns and uses it to
examine the sounds of the crowd
showing careful selection of words.
Teacher voice
Learner voice
The piece of work demonstrates a skilful deployment of creative and reflective conventions.
I found writing this story very difficult because of the memories it brought back.
The vocabulary is sophisticated but maintains a sense of the writer’s teenage years. The structure which entwines the memories
with the wedding day is well thought out and planned to capture the inner turmoil of their emotions that day. The pupil was
praised for the honesty of the feelings demonstrated and the skill in their use of descriptive language. At this level, there was not a
lot identified to improve – perhaps some clarification in the structure could help tell the story more clearly.
It gave me a chance to talk about my feelings without worrying about what anyone thought.
I could maybe make the structure a bit clearer.
I wanted to use the happy day as a contrast to my sadness and to use the imagery of the bridal accessories to
help demonstrate my feelings and I think that worked well.
Literacy and English: Fourth Level: Writing
Context for learning
Success criteria
This power point presentation was completed independently by the learner. She had to research
seasonal and local produce before then creating a presentation to convey the information. This was
linked to planned learning where pupils had to create their own recipes and time-plans for creating their
dishes.
Uniformity of design. This
indicates that the student has
carefully considered layout and
design in order to make the text
easy to follow and engaging for
the audience.
She has also used the same
pictures to identify key food
items that cut across different
months of the year in terms of
their availability.
To produce work typical of fourth level, learners understood that they should be able to:
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logically structure information
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choose an effective layout and format for the presentation appropriate to purpose and
audience
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communicate meaning at first reading
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ensure all specialist vocabulary is spelled correctly.
The presentation has a clear title
page explaining what the
presentation is about.
Information on food available is
collated under particular
headings. These heading are
standard across the
presentation.
Learner voice
Teacher voice
This is a very detailed presentation that includes lots of information conveyed in such a way as to make
it easy to understand. It has a clear title page and then each month has its own page after that. It is
quite clear that the student has carefully considered the best way to present this information and opted
to group food into categories in order to engage the audience and organise information in a logical way.
In addition, the student has also included pictures on each slide to provide the audience with an image
of some of the food mentioned on the slide. In each slide the images are laid out the same, effectively
giving the presentation a sense of uniformity. This is a very well thought and thorough presentation,
clearly highlighting a high level of research beforehand.
Each slide is dedicated to
seasonal food available during a
particular month.
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I have learned to find information on the internet and use my own words to explain it.
I know how to pick a good design and ensure that all my slides look the same and have the
same format so that it is easy to follow.
I can use pictures to illustrate what I am writing about and make my work engaging for
the reader
I have learned how to structure information logically and in a sequential structure.
Literacy and English: Fourth Level: Writing
Context for learning
Success criteria
This evidence is in response to a task asking learners to create new dishes for a restaurant menu using local and
seasonal produce, as well as balancing the dishes to meet current dietary advice so that the dishes could be
included in a “healthier options” menu. Learners had to create a recipe and then use their notes on how to do this to
create a time-plan for making the dish. This was completed independently after researching recipes, produce and
current dietary advice.
The learner clearly uses her
knowledge of recipe layouts in
order to structure her ideas. She
uses a t-chart effectively to
differentiate between the
ingredients she requires and the
equipment.
The learner has utilised the 2nd person and
formal present tense to write straightforward
instructions. These instructions are also
logically sequenced together and she has
utilised parenthesis in order to provide
additional guidance regarding the size into
which the ingredients should be chopped.
To produce work typical of fourth level, learners understood that they should be able to:
• logically structure information
• choose an effective layout and format for the writing appropriate to purpose and audience
• use research to create the recipes
• use the recipes to create time plans
• write using and informative style
• communicate meaning at first reading
• ensure all specialist vocabulary is spelled correctly.
The learner uses a list in order to
clearly convey to the reader the
ingredients that should be added
together.
There is clear evidence of the
student using her original text to
create this new text. Again, she has
used charts effectively to order and
collate information from the
original text.
Clear use of specialist vocabulary
related to cooking and specialist
utensils.
Literacy and English: Fourth Level: Writing
…
Learner voice
Teacher voice
The learner shows that she can confidently use specialist and complex vocabulary related to cuisine,
such as ‘finely dice’ and ‘sieve’, and can easily write instructions in an effective way. The learner has
also shown the ability to use notes to create new texts: first of all, she uses her research to write new
recipes; secondly, she uses these recipes to then create time-plans. These time-plans show that the
learner can confidently write instructions in the correct style and sequence ideas together in a logical
and coherent way. This effectively shows awareness of purpose and audience as the instructions are
easy to follow and very detailed in order to support the audience in carrying out the tasks described.
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I have learned how to research information and gather ideas
I can write instructions in a way that makes sense and are easy to follow
I know how to use table to structure and present information in a logical
I can take information and use it to create new texts and use vocabulary specific to a
particular subject.